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Kevin Carlson

Kevin Carlson

Friday, March 9th - 10am - 4pm
Atlanta, GA
@ The Leadership Conference (LLC)
 
The NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting is for representatives of the Coalition Partners and the NCSF Board and Staff members to come together to discuss the year-end reports on NCSF projects and programs, and to set goals for the coming year. The NCSF Board members are elected at the annual meeting, and the budget and financials are approved.
 
The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is open to all members of NCSF and its member organizations. The Annual Meeting will also be available via video conferencing. Please RSVP to: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to receive the details.
 
NCSF's Coalition Partner Meeting will take place the Friday before LLC, the Leadership Conference at the Crowne Plaza Atlanta Airport, 1325 Virginia Avenue, Atlanta, GA.
 
NCSF is proud to be receiving the "Leadership in Action" Award at LLC which is designed to recognize the people who have contributed their skills, time and effort into sharing with and being supportive of our community. NCSF Board Members and Staff will be attending and participating in the Leadership Conference. For those who want to attend LLC, go here to register and get a discounted hotel room rate: www.leatherleadership.org

For those who are interested in running for the Board of NCSF or volunteering, please contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Tuesday, 07 November 2017 21:20

NCSF Newsletter: 3rd Quarter 2017

NCSF Newsletter
3rd Quarter, 2017
Edited by Julian Wolf


In this Issue

Disaster Relief Funds
French Connection Events
Stay Connected!
In Memory: David Stein
Narritive Project
The Woodshed
Lawyers Are Coming
Coalition Corner Spotlight
Consent Month Photo Winners
NCSF Thanks!
Incident Reporting & Response
Celebrating 20 Years of Successful Advocacy with NCSF!
Media Updates
Join us on Fetlife



Disaster Relief Funds
NCSF News

To help the many people who have been hit hard by natural disasters, NCSF has compiled the following list of charities that you can donate to:

Puerto Rico

ConPRmetidos promotes innovation by connecting Puerto Ricans abroad to those on the island. This local nonprofit also has a fund to help victims of Hurricanes Maria and Irma.

Unidos, by the Hispanic Federation is coalition of elected officials in New York and Puerto Rico who joined the Hispanic Federation, a Latino nonprofit, to launch this relief fund for Puerto Ricans affected by Maria.

AmeriCares is the relief and development organization is working with officials in Puerto Rico to provide emergency medical supplies, and has stocked emergency shelters with $1.8 million worth of medicine and supplies to the U.S. Virgin Islands.

The Caribbean Islands

Fund for the Virgin Islands is the Community Foundation of the Virgin Islands collecting donations through this fund, which will be used both to support short-term relief efforts and to enhance the well-being of future generations.

Dominica Hurricane Relief Fund is how the Dominica's government is collecting donations, through crowdfunding website JustGiving. Donations will pay for temporary roofing, blankets and non-perishable foods.

Mexico

Mexican Red Cross has been accepting direct donations online and has set up an Amazon Wish List for necessary items.

GlobalGiving, a crowdfunding organization, has pledged that all money donated to its earthquake fund will go to recovery and relief efforts.

Fondo Unido Mexico is part of the United Way network, and they have an emergency fund to help the areas affected by the earthquakes as well as the recent series of hurricanes.

Florida

GlobalGiving's Irma Relief Fund is accepting donations here.

Organizations accepting donations for the welfare of animals include the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, the Best Friends Animal Society and the South Florida Wildlife Center.

Texas

The Hurricane Harvey Relief Fund of Houston's mayor, Sylvester Turner, is administered by the Greater Houston Community Foundation.

Houston Food Bank and the Food Bank of Corpus Christi are asking for donations.

To help animals, visit the Houston Humane Society or the San Antonio Humane Society .

The United Way of Greater Houston flood relief fund helps with immediate needs as well as long-term services like minor home repair. Visit its website to donate or text UWFLOOD to 41444.

The L.G.B.T.Q. Disaster Relief Fund will be used to help people rebuild their lives through counseling, case management, direct assistance with shelf stable food, furniture, housing and more.

If you have additional charities that you have vetted and believe are worth supporting to help those who are in need, please forward the information to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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NCSF Table at Couples Cruise

Susan at the NCSF table at the Couples Cruise, presented by our Coalition partner, French Connection Events

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Stay connected!

Join NCSF's email list to stay in the know. You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or go to our website and fill in the "Get the NCSF Newsletter" box with your email.

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In Memory: David Stein
By Susan Wright

I met David Stein in 1991 when I started volunteering for Leather Pride Night in New York City, a cross-orientational project that brought the city's BDSM/leather/fetish groups together every year to raise money for the Pride Parade and the LGBT Center. I admired David who was part of a solid group of leather activists with Gay Male S/M Activists who were working to educate kinksters and fighting for tolerance for our people in a time when very few leatherfolk used their real names or spoke out for the BDSM/leather/fetish communities.

David will always be known best for coining "safe sane consensual" for the kink community-yet that wasn't enough for him. He wanted people to think more about consent than just mouthing a slogan like "SSC." He wanted us to explore the nuances within power dynamics and delve into what consent truly means. As a writer and editor, David was always ready to talk about the tough issues, and that made him a foundational thinker and important voice in our subculture.

One of the last things David did was participate in the Consent Summit in NYC in September, co-sponsored by NCSF and TES. He wasn't feeling well, but he thought it was important to continue this dialogue about consent that we've been having for decades, and he didn't want to miss any part of that discussion.

We are all very lucky that David was in our lives. I hope David will be long remembered and respected for his significant contributions. I will miss him very much.
~
If you want to know more about David, please read his "Safe Sane Consensual" The Making of a Shibboleth - http://www.boybear.us/ssc.pdf

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Narrative Project: Tell your NCSF Story

NCSF has heard a lot of stories over the past 20 years. Now we want to let others hear what you have to say.

Have you been discriminated against because you are kinky or non-monogamous? We want to hear from you.

We also want to hear your story if you've been outed or if you've outed yourself as a fetishist, cross-dresser, Leatherman/woman, or because you're in a polyamorous or Lifestyle relationship.

We also want to hear if you've been involved in a consent incident in a BDSM or non-monogamous encounter.

Please fill out a short survey for each story you'd like to tell us about:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NCSFNarrativeProject

Tell us your story and we will share it anonymously on www.ncsfreedom.org!

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NCSF Table FIRE

The NCSF table at Fire, presented by our Coalition Partner, The Woodshed

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The Lawyers Are Coming and It's a Good Thing
By Dick Cunningham

In its major project on revising the criminal laws on sexual assault, the prestigious American Law Institute is taking a hard look at consent as a defense in BDSM-related prosecutions. And NCSF is providing important input to that project.

As many of you are painfully aware, courts throughout the United States have consistently refused to recognize consent as a defense in criminal assault cases that arise from BDSM incidents. Even though the ALI's Model Penal Code-which has been adopted by most states-says consent is a defense to assault unless "serious bodily injury" has occurred, courts regularly ignore that rule. They regard BDSM as violent assault and issue rulings that use of nipple clamps for dripping hot wax constitutes "serious bodily injury".

NCSF brought this issue to the attention of the Sexual Assault Project, which has taken the issue very seriously. This is important, because the ALI is one of the most prestigious legal organizations, and their Model Penal Code-of which the new sexual assault rules will be a part-is adopted by most states. If they reclassify BDSM prosecutions as sexual contact instead of violent assault and if they clarify the importance of consent in the practice of BDSM, the criminal treatment of our communities will change dramatically for the better.

NCSF has been active in the Project's deliberations, communicating with the Project Chair, submitting quite detailed legal analyses, providing education to dispel misconceptions about BDSM, and-beginning with the ALI's annual meeting-attending and participating in the discussions of sexual assault issues. We have been making the following principal points:

* BDSM is intimate and erotic behavior and thus should not be prosecuted as a violent assault by one person against another.
* Specifically, BDSM belongs in the category of "sexual contact" crimes, where prosecution depends on the determination that consent was not given for the erotic contact. BDSM does not belong in the same category as rape, because penetration-if it occurs at all is not truly part of the BDSM activity.
* The project needs to be aware of the importance placed upon consent in the BDSM communities to understand that BDSM scenes may involve (as part of the fantasy) understandings that the usual expressions of unwillingness "no", "stop", etc. can be disregarded and instead prearranged "safe words" ("red", "yellow", etc.) may be used.
* The project also needs to understand that consent needs to be "informed consent", not only in BDSM, but also in all sexual assault contexts. By "informed consent", we mean the participants need to agree (a) who will be involved, (b) what is agreed to be done and not done, (c) the potential risks, (d) where and how the bottom will be touched, (e) the location or venue where the acts will be conducted and (f) the procedure for stopping or moderating the acts.

Our issues will be front and center at the mid-October meeting of the ALI Sexual Assault Project and NCSF has, at the ALI's request, submitted detailed comments. And I, as NCSFs Consent Counts counsel have joined the ALI and will be an active participant in the October session.

Keep your fingers crossed. This could produce something very important.

For more information about this important project, please consider attending the NCSF and TES Consent Summit in New York City on September 16 - https://www.ncsfreedom.org/press/blog/item/consent-summit-in-new-york-city

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BDSM Is Not Abuse Resources, Now Available in Spanish!
Coalition Corner Spotlight
by Julian Wolf

We'd like to congratulate CPI and The Mark, a NCSF Coalition Partner in Tennessee, for creating groundbreaking content in both English and Spanish! "BDSM NO ES ABUSO" is easily located on their website, which also features information about the organization, local and national resources, and everything you need to know about participating in their organization.

themarklogo slide

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Consent Month Photo Winners
NCSF News

NCSF is very proud to partner with Arizona Power Exchange (APEX) in sponsoring Consent Month every September! APEX provides the consent bracelets and maintains the ConsentMonth.com website, updating the calendar and helping to spread the word about consent.

This year, 21 consent-themed events took place in September, with almost 1,600 people visiting the ConsentMonth.com website. Over 800 of our distinctive "Got Consent? / ConsentMonth.com" bracelets were distributed at these events.

We had a great showing this year with 9 photographs submitted for the Consent Month Photo contest. NCSF and APEX are thrilled to announce the winner is slave pattie's photo entitled "Consent Brainstorm".

slave pattie describes her winning photo: "Three main words/statements that come to mind when I think of consent are: peace of mind, commitment from both parties to follow through on negotiations and clarity of what each other wants or allows."

Consent Braunstorm

The runner up photograph is "Together" by Archer who photographed APEX members wearing Got Consent? Bracelets.

Archer s APEX members

See all of the photos that were submitted at http://consentmonth.com/consent-event-photo-contest/

NCSF and APEX thank all of the photography entrants, and will be using some of the photos that were submitted on promotional material for Consent Month and NCSF Consent Summits.

Participate in Consent Month next year, September 2018, by holding a consent event or submitting a consent-themed photograph for our contest.

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NCSF Thanks Our Donors! 3rd Quarter 2017

NCSF thanks Kinky Kollege Homecoming 2017 and our Coalition Partner, Leather SINS, for donating $5,000 to the NCSF Foundation during their conference that took place on Oct 5-7 in the Chicago area.

Thank you to Dick Cunningham and Judy Guerin for donating $3,000 in August to help
underwrite the Consent Summit in NYC at the LGBT Center on Sept 16th, co-sponsored by our Coalition Partner, TES.

NCSF thanks Marc Depaul for donating $1,000 to help fund our Consent Summit which took place in NYC on September 16th.

NCSF thanks The Red Chair in Birmingham, Alabama, our Coalition Partner, for raising $653 at their annual CarnEvil, a Halloween fundraiser event for the NCSF held in October.

Thank you to the attendees on the Couples Cruise for donating $300 to NCSF from their 50/50 raffle, assisted by the fabulous non-bikini girls! French Connection Events, NCSF's Coalition Partner that produced the Couples Cruise, matched the funds for a total of $600.

Thank you to our Coalition Partner, Baja Arizona Leather, for passing the hat and raising $556 for NCSF at the keynote speech at Behind Closed Doors in Tucson, AZ, from Oct 6-8.

NCSF thanks the participants at the Betty Dodson BodySex™ Retreat 2017 held in upstate New York in July for donating $520 to support our advocacy work.

Thank you to our Coalition Partner, Club X San Diego, for donating $464.38 that was raised at Roller Skating For Rights on June 25th, an 80's-Themed fundraiser for the NCSF with jamming to some late-era Disco and New Wave hits.

NCSF thanks the Center for Positive Sexuality for donating $377 to the NCSF Foundation in July. CPS held an Anniversary Party to celebrate their 10-year anniversary along with NCSF's 20th anniversary, and donated 40% of the proceeds. NCSF is proud to co-sponsor the Journal of Positive Sexuality with the Center for Positive Sexuality.

Thank you to our Coalition Partner, The Woodshed in Orlando, Florida for matching the funds raised by Jackie at her NCSF Consent Discussion at the Shed on September 30th for a total of $320.

NCSF thanks FetLife, the Social Network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky Community, for donating $300 to the NCSF Foundation again this quarter!

Thank you to the attendees who donated $263 at TES Fest, June 30th to July 3rd in Piscataway, NJ, sponsored by our Coalition Partner, The Eulenspiegel Society (TES).

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Incident Reporting & Response - 3rd Quarter 2017 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 41 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in July, August and September. The 1st quarter of 2017 we had 38 requests and the 2nd quarter of 2017 we had 46 requests.

NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However, we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 3rd Quarter of 2017:

Criminal

There were 21 requests for resources and information involving criminal law - similar to the 17 requests we received in the 1st quarter. 13 of those requests came from people who reported an assault, sexual assault or harassment involving BDSM or non-monogamy. 6 people requested resources and referrals to attorneys or mediators to assist in defending themselves against a restraining order or accusations of assault, sexual assault or harassment. 2 people needed assistance with sex worker-related issues.

Child Custody

There were 11 requests for resources and information regarding child custody, twice the number as we received in the 2nd quarter of 2017. 6 involved BDSM, 3 involved sex workers, 2 involved non-monogamy.

Groups

4 groups asked for assistance, compared to 11 groups in the 2nd quarter of 2017. 3 involved groups/leaders who needed help dealing with consent incidents. 1 group was harassed and the authorities called against their event.

Civil

4 requests: 2 people needed advice for setting up an alt sex business. Someone needed a referral to a medical clinic for medication. Someone was threatened with outing involving FetLife.

Professional

Only 1 professional requested education on BDSM and the DSM for a presentation they were giving.

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Celebrating 20 Years of Successful Advocacy with NCSF!

20yearOver the next year, NCSF will be celebrating our 20th Anniversary around the country.

Join us! Please ask your group or event to hold a Birthday Party for NCSF to help support our programs and projects that are challenging discrimination against consenting adults.

These are a just a few of NCSF's accomplishments to celebrate:

Provided Incident Response assistance to thousands of people regarding child custody, job discrimination, criminal prosecutions, consent violations, venue licensing and enforcement issues

Gave over 1,000 media interviews to change media representations of BDSM and other non-traditional sex practices, and trained over 100 people and groups on how to talk to the media
Developed educational programs and resources for law enforcement, attorneys, therapists, medical personnel, anti-domestic violence advocates, universities, authors and our communities

Worked with the American Psychiatric Association to help change the DSM-5 criteria so that consensual BDSM is no longer categorized as a mental illness

Developed the Consent Counts Campaign to decriminalize consensual BDSM and is working with the American Law Institute on the Model Penal Code on Sexual Assault.

Filed Amicus Briefs in important legal cases so that consent is a defense

Maintained a Kink Aware Professional's resource database

Please help support NCSF! Contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. for help in producing and promoting your event.

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Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of some of our recent featured stories:

Inside the Koreatown Dojo Dedicated to the Art of Japanese Rope Bondage from LA Weekly
Bisexual and Polyamorous: How My Pendulum Swings from Advocate
'The Ethical Slut': Inside America's Growing Acceptance of Polyamory from Rolling Stone

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here.

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Representing on FetLife

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!

NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Counts

and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!



Interested in a specific story or in writing an article?
email Julian: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Monday, 06 November 2017 20:05

NCSF Newsletter: 2nd Quarter 2017

NCSF Newsletter
2nd Quarter, 2017
Edited by Julian Wolf


In this Issue

Naughty in N'awlins
Poly Dallas Millennium
Stay Connected!
Saying Goodbye to Chuck Renslow
Narritive Project
The Red Chair, NCSF Coalition Partner
Kink Knowledgeable Program
Incident Reporting & Response
Celebrating 20 Years of Successful Advocacy with NCSF!
Nauttiboy
September is Consent Month
Guest Blog by Nicole Guappone
NCSF Thanks!
Media Updates
Representing on FetLife



Naughty in N'awlins - Sexual Freedom Parade!

Naughty in N'awlins names Grand Marshals for Sexual Freedom Parade 2017

Taking place at 6pm, on July 5, 2017 down Bourbon St. in New Orleans, the Sexual Freedom Parade brings awareness to the current fight for sexual freedom issues: from discrimination and custody issues to archaic laws outlawing sex toys and non-monogamy. The Sexual Freedom Parade is sponsored by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), which is committed to creating a political, legal and social environment in the U.S. that advances equal rights for consenting adults.

This year's Sexual Freedom Parade will be the largest in the U.S. with more than 1,000 participants, a Brass Band, floats and dance troupes. The route starts on Iberville behind the Astor Crowne Plaza Hotel, and goes 4 blocks on Bourbon St. before returning to the hotel for a Sexual Freedom Party.

Everyone is encouraged to wear all white!

Bob Hannaford, organizer of the annual Naughty in N'awlins convention, is pleased to announce the following list of Grand Marshals that will ride on different floats in the Sexual Freedom Parade. "It is an honor to have such a diverse and inspiring list of leaders in the sex positive community come together to support this historic parade," said Hannaford.

Sexual Freedom Parade Marshals

Keira Harris: Volunteer Director, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. "In an ideal world, I would not be afraid to show affection to both of my partners in public, and my husband's girlfriend would be able to get the same insurance benefits that I get," says Harris.

John & Jackie Melfi: Bloggers from OpenLove101.com, authors of The Swinging Lifestyle: Questions You Are Afraid to Ask, and owners of Colette, the largest chain of swinger's clubs in the US.

Dr. Zhana Vrangalova: A NYC-based sex researcher, writer, and educator with a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Cornell University.

Kenneth Play: An international sex hacking expert/educator, former top fitness professional, and private celebrity fitness and sex-ed coach.
Holli & Michael: Starred on Playboy's hit show "Swing," with a daily radio show on Playboy Radio, and they own a club in Las Vegas called Sensual.

Naughty in N'awlins is the largest alternative lifestyle convention for couples in the world. With over 1,000 couples, this event is a full takeover of one of the French Quarter's biggest hotels. There are workshops, seminars, private Bourbon St Parties, industry entertainment and nightly erotic theme balls.

https://www.naughtynawlins.com

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Poly Dallas Millennium

pdmBoard Members Keira and Kevin manning the table for the NCSF at a wonderful weekend in Dallas TX. Lots of good classes and contacts were made. Poly Dallas Millennium


Stay connected!

Join NCSF's email list to stay in the know. You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.or go to our website and fill in the "Get the NCSF Newsletter" box with your email.

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Legendary Activist Chuck Renslow Dies

On June 29, 2017, the BDSM/Leather/Fetish and LGBTQ communities lost one of its most iconic leaders and activists. Renslow was one of the earliest activists who courageously fought discrimination his entire adult life. He founded the Leather Archives and Museum in 1991, now the largest LGBTQ and Leather/BDSM museum in the world. In 1979, he founded the International Mr. Leather competition, the largest Leather competition in the U.S.

Renslow was openly gay and openly identified as a Leatherman since the 1950s, a dangerous time for activists for these communities. He was heavily involved with the Democratic Party and the early LGBTQ movement. His other accomplishments include founding of the Gold Coast Bar (one of the first Leather bars in the world), the magazines Triumph, Mars, and Rawhide, the Men's Country Baths and Chicago's August White Party. He was a founding member of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and served on their board. He also served on other boards of activist non-profits, including the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

One of his most important and lesser known accomplishments was to successfully fight legal charges of obscenity for images of nude men found at Kris Studio. At the time, most publishers didn't fight obscenity charges, however Renslow fought back and eventually won. This important case was one of the earliest decisions that paved the way for others to more boldly use erotic images and nudity in magazines. This decision still benefits sexual freedom activists, those who practice BDSM or other forms of alternative sexuality and erotic artists. It was one of the earliest legal decisions related to obscenity and pornography, which helped advance the rights of adult businesses and artists to use erotic images.

We will all miss this sexual freedom hero. His courage is an inspiration to all of us.

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Narrative Project: Tell your NCSF Story

NCSF has heard a lot of stories over the past 20 years. Now we want to let others hear what you have to say.

Have you been discriminated against because you are kinky or non-monogamous? We want to hear from you.

We also want to hear your story if you've been outed or if you've outed yourself as a fetishist, cross-dresser, Leatherman/woman, or because you're in a polyamorous or Lifestyle relationship.

We also want to hear if you've been involved in a consent incident in a BDSM or non-monogamous encounter.

Please fill out a short survey for each story you'd like to tell us about:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NCSFNarrativeProject

Tell us your story and we will share it anonymously on www.ncsfreedom.org!

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The Red Chair at Birmingham Pride Parade

RedChairThis year's Birmingham Pride parade was the biggest in history for our fair little city. Thousands attended and we handed out all the literature and glow sticks well before the end of the parade (We're going to have to pace ourselves). Our theme this year was Consent Is Not A Myth. And in true support fashion, when the classic car two floats stalled, all the fairies, wizards, and dragons hurried to help get the car off the road. Four years going strong and 19 in attendance. Thanks for all you do, you make us proud and honored to walk under the NCSF banner!

The Red Chair, NCSF Coalition Partner

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Announcing the launch of the Kink Knowledgeable Program!

NCSF is proud to announce its affiliation with KinkKnowledgeable.com, the first comprehensive online academy for kink curious professional counselors, social workers and psychologists.

The Kink Knowledgeable Program came out of the publication of Becoming a Kink Aware Therapist. Recognizing a vacuum in the therapeutic training community for clinical professionals working with atypical sexualities the co-authors, Caroline Shahbaz and Peter Chirinos, developed the Kink Knowledgeable Program to address this gap and misinformation.

The Kink Knowledgeable program provides a comprehensive integrated combination of online education, coaching and clinical supervision to meet the demands of psychotherapists and other professionals who are looking for informative sex positive training about BDSM.

From kink aware to kink knowledgeable, this program teaches beginning, intermediate and advanced competencies so behavioral health professionals can confidently function as subject matter expert witnesses and treatment providers to sexual minorities. It teaches best clinical practices by subject matter experts using a state of the art eLearning platform to provide exceptional ongoing continuing education for psychotherapists in the USA and internationally.

Kink Knowledgeable is offering a substantial discount to the first 25 members of NCSF. Contact us now for more information by sending an e mail to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Incident Reporting & Response - 2nd Quarter 2017 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 46 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in April, May and June. This is more than twice as many as NCSF received during the 2nd quarter of 2016. The 1st quarter of 2017 we had 38 requests.

NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However, we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 2nd Quarter of 2017:

Criminal
There were 26 requests for resources and information involving criminal law - a sharp increase from 17 requests in the 1st quarter. 21 of those requests came from people who reported an assault, sexual assault or harassment involving BDSM or non-monogamy. 4 people requested resources and referrals to assist in defending themselves or the person they accused of assault, sexual assault or harassment.

Groups
11 groups asked for assistance. 4 involved groups who needed help with members who were involved in consent incidents or were harassing the group. 3 involved hotels breaking contracts for events (1 kink and 2 non-monogamy). 2 involved conservative attacks against a group. 1 involved a zoning issue. 1 group requested NCSF to sign onto their letter of protest against Netflix.

Child Custody
There were 5 requests for resources and information regarding child custody: 2 involving gender identity; 2 involving BDSM; 1 involving non-monogamy.

Civil
The 4 requests for assistance in civil cases. 2 involved a defamation lawsuit. 1 involved a security clearance. 1 involved a member dealing with a group ban.

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Celebrating 20 Years of Successful Advocacy with NCSF!

20yearOver the next year, NCSF will be celebrating our 20th Anniversary around the country.

Join us! Please ask your group or event to hold a Birthday Party for NCSF to help support our programs and projects that are challenging discrimination against consenting adults.

These are a just a few of NCSF's accomplishments to celebrate:


Provided Incident Response assistance to thousands of people regarding child custody, job discrimination, criminal prosecutions, consent violations, venue licensing and enforcement issues

Gave over 1,000 media interviews to change media representations of BDSM and other non-traditional sex practices, and trained over 100 people and groups on how to talk to the media

Developed educational programs and resources for law enforcement, attorneys, therapists, medical personnel, anti-domestic violence advocates, universities, authors and our communities

Worked with the American Psychiatric Association to help change the DSM-5 criteria so that consensual BDSM is no longer categorized as a mental illness

Developed the Consent Counts Campaign to decriminalize consensual BDSM and is working with the American Law Institute on the Model Penal Code on Sexual Assault.

Filed Amicus Briefs in important legal cases so that consent is a defense

Maintained a Kink Aware Professional's resource database

Please help support NCSF! Contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. for help in producing and promoting your event.

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Nauttiboy

NauttiboyTESFESTBattleforNCSFA Birthday Party Reception was held for NCSF at TES Fest on Friday July 7th and raised $553 with the "I fucked with Nauttiboy" fundraiser. NCSF Advocate Sarah Smiles produced the birthday party and fundraiser, and with every $50 that was pledged, Sarah raised the level of the prank on Nauttiboy. Everyone celebrated NCSF's 20th Anniversary with a rainbow birthday cake in the lounge and said a big "Thank You!" to NCSF.

 Tub

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Consent Month September 2017

CMConsent Month is September! Please schedule a workshop on
consent, a party with a consent theme, or a fundraiser for NCSF
raise awareness about Consent Month. Participate by scheduling a workshop on consent, a consent-themed party, and/or a fundraiser for the NCSF to raise awareness and celebrate consent!

www.ConsentMonth.com

We can send you Got Consent! bracelets for your event along with materials on consent, including our awesome new fliers.

Let us know the date and we'll put it on our calendar on ConsentMonth.com

Take photos and enter our Consent Photo Contest! Here's our winner from 2015, get creative, we'll feature all our finalists.

National Consent Month is proudly brought to you by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the Arizona Power Exchange.

Thank you for supporting Consent Month!

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Guest Blog: When You Have a Kinky Therapist
by Nicole Guappone

I first started seeing my therapist nearly three years ago. I wanted someone LGBTQIA+ friendly, sex-positive, and poly-aware. Kink was not a big part of my life yet. Still, the intake coordinator matched me with someone based on my requests and I've been with her ever since. A few months after I started seeing her, a friend invited me to an open house at a local dungeon. The next time I saw my therapist, I told her I went, and she listened just like she always does, until there was a pause in the conversation. "OK," she said, "it's time for The Conversation." (That's how it sounded, like The Conversation was capitalized.)
In the interest of honesty and disclosure, my therapist revealed that she is a member of that dungeon and that this is one of the challenges of working with kinky clients and also wanting to remain in the local scene herself. Some therapists choose to stop playing in public, others will travel out of state to go to events. But some don't want to give up the community they've already fostered in their area, and that's understandable.
So what's it like having a therapist who is kink-identified? I, personally, really like it. It can be hard enough being kinky and dealing with all of the complex emotions that play can bring up, so it feels good having a therapist who "gets" it. As someone who likes to push her own boundaries and play with emotional edges, having a therapist like this is especially helpful. Is having a therapist like this also tricky sometimes? Absolutely. If you're looking for a therapist and want one who is kink-identified or end up with one who is, here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Maintain Boundaries
One of the magical parts of therapy is that you get to spend an hour talking about yourself. Therapists interject, they help you process, they do their job. But the sharing is one-sided-that's part of the deal.
This professional therapist/client relationship can feel a little tainted if you suddenly know this personal thing about them-they're kinky!-and it kinda feels like when you were a kid and you ran into a teacher at the grocery store. Teachers look so strange outside of the classroom...
And now that you know one personal thing about your therapist, you might want to know more. Dominant or submissive? Relationship status? Biggest fetish? Guess what? It's none of your business! Sure, at some point probably everyone who's had a therapist has wondered about their therapist's life. Every once in awhile you might even feel like you're obligated to know more because you reveal to them your deepest, darkest secrets and vulnerabilities. It's only fair, right?
If you like your therapist and have been working with them a long time, it's totally natural to be curious about what they're like outside of the office. But trust them-their lack of sharing is for your own good. In training, therapists learn how to keep their personal biases from affecting their work with clients. You and I (most likely) haven't had those lessons. So even if you know your therapist is kinky, understand that you know because it's relevant to your professional relationship. It is not an invitation for more questions or prodding into their personal lives.

2. Negotiate and Plan Ahead
It's a word we in the kink world all know. Negotiation! It's important to hot, healthy scenes and/or non-monogamous relationships. But you just found out you might run into your therapist at the dungeon. Now what? Chances are, they are used to having these conversations, so they will probably tell you how they prefer to handle it. Maybe they like checking in before they go to events to make sure you don't run into each other. Maybe they'd rather not check in and just bail if you happen to walk in while they're there. But...what if one of you is already engaged in a scene? Have you broken the "rules"?
There are no simple answers and there are always ethical guidelines. Some things are personal preference. Others, well...probably you don't want to let the accidentally-seeing-your-therapist-in-a-scene-thing happen. Therapists have their own thoughts about all of this and they talk about it amongst themselves frequently-not even just kinky therapists, but any who may worry about seeing clients outside of the office.
But I'll tell you how my therapist and I handle it: It's an ongoing process. If I know I'm going to an event this weekend, I'll usually bring it up in session or at the end of the session. This in no way obligates her to tell me her plans, but now she knows mine. If she makes plans another weekend, sometimes she checks in with me before we end our session. We don't even have to do this too often, usually only if specific events are coming up that the other is likely to go to.
Despite the nature of your relationship with your therapist, it can still feel awkward talking about this stuff with them, especially when you're being extremely cautious of those boundaries I mentioned earlier. But remember, it's a sacrifice your therapist has chosen to make if they wish to stay active in the local community and it's something you need to be OK with if you like seeing a therapist who can better understand this part of you.
Some therapists and clients get specific, i.e. clients go to the club or events held on Friday nights and their therapist takes Saturdays. Or, one person takes odd-numbered dates, the other, even. That might work for some, not for others. Just find out what works best for you.

3. Process Together
This is something else that may be a personal choice. Typically, if my therapist and I run into each other at a non-play event or a conference, the next time we see each other in the office, we'll start with that. The first time we ever ran into each other, both of us freaked out a bit and we processed together in our next session. She asked how I felt when I saw her there. I asked her how she felt when she saw me. We figured out how to best navigate those situations. I prefer-and she appreciates this-giving her at least a smile and nod of acknowledgement when I see her.
Even still, no matter how many times we have this conversation, it's always a little awkward. Processing doesn't have to be long and drawn out; just take a few minutes at the start of a session if you like. I know that my therapist values this processing and it seems like it's something we both need. Even if the conversation is awkward, I'm comfortable enough trying to navigate it with her. Ideally, you should be able to talk to your therapist about anything!

Being kinky and having a kinky therapist can be a blessing and a curse. Maybe a kink-aware therapist is all you need or want, especially if you don't really plan to talk about your kink in session. But if you like to push yourself and your boundaries with your play, to learn about yourself and your partner(s) through play, it is amazing to work through these things with someone who understands kink on a deeper level. It's just one more type of negotiation you learn how to do, and in the end, it's all worth it.

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NCSF Thanks! 2nd Quarter 2017

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner New England Leather Alliance (NELA) for donating $3,148 that was raised at their annual Fetish Fair Flea Market in February.

NCSF thanks Fetish Friday Indianapolis for donating $2,000 in February to the NCSF Foundation!

Thank you to Inn-Thrall for becoming a Coalition Partner and donating $1,200 in May. Inn-Thrall held a Spanketition, a raffle and a silent auction with goods from local artisans and InnThrall. Sales of "Fun Tickets" were good for auction/raffle items as well as the Kissing Booth where Attendees could custom order their kisses for such an excellent cause. All of the proceeds including ticket sales went to NCSF after expenses.

Thank you to Pittsburgh Bridge for donating $1,000 to NCSF in June!

NCSF thanks the organizers and participants for the Birthday Party to celebrate our 20th Anniversary that was held at Dark Odyssey on May 17th that raised $805.

Thank you to Chicago Dungeon Rentals for donating $500 in June, and for becoming a Supporting Member of NCSF!

NCSF thanks FetLife for donating $300 to NCSF and for encouraging FetLife members to donate and join NCSF.

Thank you to Stefanos and Shay for donating $275 to NCSF in March from their Twisted Windows event in San Francisco featuring innovative BDSM and bondage performance art.

Thank you to James Dunyak for donating $100 to NCSF!

Thank you to Coalition Partner PolyColumbus for donating $50 to NCSF in May.

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Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
Nude Orleans! from Daily Mail
Why are cops catfishing sex workers in Canada? from Vice
Jeffrey Payne Announces Run for Texas Governor from Dallas Voice

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails here or check our blog at our website here.

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Representing on FetLife

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!

NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Counts

and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!



Interested in a specific story or in writing an article?
email Julian: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Monday, 06 November 2017 18:34

NCSF Newsletter: 1st Quarter 2017

NCSF Newsletter
1st Quarter, 2017
Edited by Julian Wolf


In this Issue

NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting
Stay Connected!
DSM Revision Project 30-year Timeline
Pick up one of our new postcards!
Incident Reporting & Response
Celebrating 20 Years of Progress!
Celebrating 20 Years of Successful Advocacy with NCSF!
NCSF Thanks!
Consent Month 2017
Guest Blog by Desmond Ravenstone
Media Updates
Representing on FetLife


NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting

 

NCSF thanks Kinky Kollege for hosting our Annual Coalition Partner meeting this year on Friday, March 31, 2017 in Chicago. We also want to give Leather SINS a huge Thank You! for donating $15,000 to NCSF at their opening ceremony, as well as donating transportation and hotel for NCSF presenters who put on the sexual freedom track for Kinky Kollege.

NCSF celebrated our 20th Anniversary at a Birthday Reception on Saturday evening, kicking off a year of birthday parties to celebrate NCSF's accomplishments. $1,231 was raised through a raffle of a Dark Odyssey-for-2 package including airfare and hotel stay, with a portion of the proceeds donated to Planned Parenthood and Consent Rocks. Thank You to Dark Odyssey for supporting NCSF's work! There was also a successful Duck Rescue sale and donations were given at the NCSF table that totaled $361.

NCSF's Annual Meeting was attended by 13 representatives of NCSF's Coalition Partners, along with the Board and Staff members of NCSF. Participants were also able to attend via video conferencing.

Coalition Partners in attendance:

Catalyst
Center for Positive Sexuality
Consent Rocks
DS TNG
MAsT Boise
MSDB
Poly Dallas Millennium
Satyricon Wisconsin
STL3
Sugar 'N Spice
TES
The Mark - CPI
The Woodshed

NCSF Board members were elected at the Annual Meeting, and the current Board consists of:

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., Chairperson
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ABMSeveral board members and volunteers gathered for snacks in the NCSF hospitality suite.

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Stay connected!

Join NCSF's email list to stay in the know. You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or go to our website and fill in the "Get the NCSF Newsletter" box with your email.


DSM Revision Project 30-year Timeline

Since the American Psychiatric Association depathologized the consensual paraphilias (sexual sadism, sexual masochism, transvestic fetishism and fetishism) in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), there has been a seismic shift in the removal of child custody from parents who engage in BDSM, fetishes and cross-dressing.

One way the decline in discrimination can be tracked is through the requests for assistance made to the NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response (IRR) program. In 2008, NCSF's publicity about the DSM Revision campaign led to a 56% increase in child custody cases, with 125 kinky parents reporting the results of their custody trial or requesting assistance from NCSF.

Three years after the DSM-5 was published in 2013, NCSF received requests from only 7 kinky parents in 2016. NCSF was also consulted by 7 non-monogamous parents who were discriminated against because of their adult consensual sexual behavior.

The institutionalized discrimination against kinky parents within the family court system contributed to the stigmatization of an entire subculture. Many parents were forced to hide their sexual preferences and refrain from accessing sex education or interacting online or in person with other people who were kinky because of the risk of loss of child custody.

Unfortunately, this stigma is still affecting kink people, as seen in the most recent NCSF survey (2015) where only 10% of the over 800 respondents stated that they are completely out and everyone in their life knows about their involvement in BDSM.

NCSF will continue to pursue changes in future DSM revisions with the goal of removing the consensual paraphilias completely from the APA's diagnostic manual.

See the 30-Year Timeline of the DSM Revision project to find out more!
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/dsm-v-revision-project/dsm-v-program-page

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PostCards

Pick up one of our new postcards!
Interested in having a table at your event?
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Incident Reporting & Response - 2016 Report
by Susan Wright

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response provides informational resources about kink and non-monogamy along with referrals to kink aware professionals. If you engage in BDSM, fetishes or non-monogamy practices, and you are being persecuted or discriminated against because of it, please contact NCSF. If you need help removing kink or non-monogamy as a barrier to public services, please contact NCSF. If your group or business needs help with outreach to local officials, please contact NCSF.

In 2016, 109 requests for help were received. That is almost half the number of requests received during the previous two years: 198 requests received in 2015 and 184 requests received in 2014. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help, however we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases the IRR team dealt with in 2016:

Criminal

32 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involved criminal issues, down from 72 requests in 2015:

16 requests from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault or harassment who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement and prosecutors.
13 people needed a defense attorney or expert witness due to sexual assault/assault charges or restraining order involving BDSM - 1 was a military case.
1 person needed an attorney to defend against fraud charges
1 person was facing charges for posting photos without permission to FetLife
1 person needed an attorney to help keep a restraining order in place.

Groups

24 groups requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involving organizational matters. This is half the number of requests in 2015 (50) and is the same number of requests as in 2014.

16 groups needed information on dealing with consent violations and preparing to deal with consent violations.
6 groups were attacked this year by social conservatives and through outing. 2 involved the media and 1 event was raided by law enforcement.
2 groups needed assistance with organization and zoning issues.

Child Custody

17 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals regarding child custody or divorce. There was only 1 divorce case, and that involved polyamory. There were 16 child custody requests (down from 26 in 2015 and 37 in 2014):

7 involved parents who practiced polyamory
7 involved parents who do BDSM (with two involving photos taken from FetLife)
2 requests involved adoption into a poly household

Professional Education

17 professionals requested information about kink or polyamory to better serve their clients or present workshops for their professional group. These requests came from researchers, professors, clinical therapists, sex therapists, nurse practitioners, psychologists, lawyers and victim advocacy agencies.

Additional Requests

There were 19 other requests for informational resources and/or referrals to Kink Aware Professionals:

8 people reported school or job discrimination because they are kinky or polyamorous
4 people were threatened with outing to work or family involving FetLife photos
3 people requested assistance in defending or pursuing civil defamation lawsuits
2 Pro-Dommes requested resources on setting up their business legally
2 people requested assistance with unwanted media exposure

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!

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Celebrating 20 Years of Successful Advocacy with NCSF!

Over the next year, NCSF will be celebrating our 20th Anniversary around the country.
Join us! Please ask your group or event to hold a Birthday Party for NCSF to help support our programs and projects that are challenging discrimination against consenting adults.

These are a just a few of NCSF's accomplishments to celebrate:

Provided Incident Response assistance to thousands of people regarding child custody, job discrimination, criminal prosecutions, consent violations, venue licensing and enforcement issues

Gave over 1,000 media interviews to change media representations of BDSM and other non-traditional sex practices, and trained over 100 people and groups on how to talk to the media

Developed educational programs and resources for law enforcement, attorneys, therapists, medical personnel, anti-domestic violence advocates, universities, authors and our communities

Worked with the American Psychiatric Association to help change the DSM-5 criteria so that consensual BDSM is no longer categorized as a mental illness

Developed the Consent Counts Campaign to decriminalize consensual BDSM and is working with the American Law Institute on the Model Penal Code on Sexual Assault.

Filed Amicus Briefs in important legal cases so that consent is a defense

Maintained a Kink Aware Professional's resource database

Please help support NCSF! Contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. for help in producing and promoting your event.

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NCSF Thanks! 1st Quarter 2017

$15,000 was donated to the NCSF Foundation on April 1st by Coalition Partner Leather SINS at their annual Kinky Kollege Spring Break conference. NCSF held the Annual Coalition Partner Meeting the Friday before Kinky Kollege and Board Members and Staff presented a sexual freedom track for the attendees. Thank you to the attendees of Kink Kollege and the members and Board of Leather SINS for enabling NCSF to do more than ever in the coming year!

The attendees at Dark Odyssey Winterfire donated over $8,000 for NCSF in February. NCSF especially wants to thank the DC Sub Club and DC Dommes who sponsored a special reception as part of the fundraising activities, and a generous donor matched all of the funds raised at that reception.

NCSF thanks Judy Guerin and Dick Cunningham for donating $6,352 to the NCSF Foundation in the first quarter of 2017.

NCSF thanks Frederic Harwood for donating $777 to the NCSF Foundation in February.

Coalition Partner AIS brought NCSF staff members to Winter Wickedness to exhibit (Duck Rescue!) and present on consent. NCSF thanks AIS and Winter Wickedness attendees for donating $697 as their annual Coalition Partner donation.

D/s Minnesota donated $205 as their annual Coalition Partner donation in March.

NCSF thanks FetLife for donating $200 to NCSF and for encouraging FetLife members to donate and join NCSF.

LA-Noble donated $180 as their annual Coalition Partner donation in March that was raised at their Mardi Gras Masquerade.

BESS donated $114 as their annual Coalition Partner donation in February.

NCSF thanks Peggy Kleinplatz for donating $100 to the NCSF Foundation in March.

The Knights of Leather, an NCSF Coalition Partner, donated $100 as their annual donation in December, 2016.

Kinky Salon New Orleans donated $120 to in March following a Consent Discussion that NCSF gave to their group.

And last but definitely not least, NCSF thanks each one of the donors who requested to remain anonymous. Since NCSF is an all-volunteer organization, every penny is dedicated to fighting for sexual freedom.

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Consent Month 2017

consentmonthConsent Month is September! Please schedule a workshop on
consent, a party with a consent theme, or a fundraiser for NCSF
raise awareness about Consent Month.

www.ConsentMonth.com

NCSF can send you Got Consent! Bracelets for your event along with materials on consent.

Let us know the date and we'll put it on our calendar on ConsentMonth.com

Take photos and enter our Consent Photo Contest! See the winner from Consent Month 2015.

National Consent Month is proudly brought to you by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the Arizona Power Exchange.

Thank you for supporting Consent Month!

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Guest Blog: "Signs" of Trafficking to Make You Wonder
by Desmond Ravenstone

Last weekend, I flew out of town to attend a conference where the annual meeting of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom was being held, having been invited to co-present on sex workers' rights for the Coalition's leaders. I took just a small backpack crammed with clothes, papers, and other items. The room was paid for by another NCSF activist, who was staying in a suite with their partner. As is my usual practice, I kept the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the entire time, as well as leaving the TV on, because I'm one of these folks who is more comfortable with an unmade bed than having others go through my things.

Believe it or not, I might have been tagged by a hotel employee as a possible sex trafficker.
"Huh!? What did you do wrong?" Well, according to a checklist provided to hotel employees by the Department of Homeland Security, I displayed at least three "general indicators" of human trafficking:

-Few or no personal items when checking in.
-The same person reserving multiple rooms.
-"Do Not Disturb" sign used constantly.

Oh, and the fellow activist who paid for my hotel room? They hosted get-togethers in their suite throughout the weekend, inviting conference attendees to learn more about NCSF - another red flag: "Constant flow of men into a room at all hours."

Now, to be fair, these are just four out of some four dozen indicators, some of which are clear warning signs of coercion or abuse. But the four I mentioned, and several more, are so vague or subjective that, when read out of context, could lead to invasions of privacy and false accusations.

Here are some others:

Individuals avoid eye contact and interaction with others - Whoever came up with this probably never knew that this is not uncommon for people on the autism spectrum, or who rank high on the introversion scale.

Individuals appear to be with a significantly older "boyfriend" or in the company of older males -

How old is "significantly older"? Does this mean May-December relationships are now automatically suspect? What about a young woman accompanied by an older relative?

Evidence of pornography - Uh huh. Remember, we're talking hotels here. Many of which have adult pay-per-view. Some have newsstands that sell Hustler and Penthouse. Or maybe the government has bought into the idea that nude photos in a magazine is some sort of "gateway drug" ...

Extended stay with few or no personal possessions - Because airlines never lose people's luggage. Right?

Provocative clothing and shoes - Excuse me, but has anyone noticed the trend in many high schools to declare virtually any female student's attire short of a prairie dress as "provocative"?

Excessive amounts of sex paraphernalia in rooms (condoms, lubricant, lotion, etc.) - Okay, I'm sure some readers are wondering why I put this here. Set aside the vagueness of "excessive" for a moment. This particular "indicator" gives no mention of context. My recent trip was an example.

The conference in question was for members of the BDSM community. So, yes, folks are going to bring all sorts of erotic accoutrements (and that's not even touching on the various merchants and sex educators setting up booths there). And given that BDSM, swinger and polyamory conferences try to be discreet, just imagine a hotel worker not being informed of their presence and seeing a room filled with ... get the picture?

Room paid for with cash or pre-loaded credit card - Because people with credit problems who are thus unable to get "real" credit cards never need to stay at a hotel, hm?

Minor taking on adult roles or behaving older than actual age (paying bills, requesting services) - Seems like a legit concern, right? Well, have you ever encountered a family where the parents are recent immigrants, and the kids have a higher proficiency in English? I have. The kids not only translate for their parents, they learn out of necessity how to deal with all sorts of situations, including how to handle money.

Room rented has fewer beds than patrons - Because college kids don't trying to save money by cramming four people into a room with two beds. Or a family displaced by fire, or eviction. Yeah, those never happen.

Car in parking lot regularly parked backward, so the license plate is not visible - Yeah, absolutely no one has a car with a front license plate. And except for evil traffickers, everyone parks front first, right?

Patron claims to be an adult although appearance suggests he/she is a minor - Ask anyone who works at a bar if they've had to card an adult who looked younger than they are. Yup, it happens. Happened to me when I was thirty-five. And about half a dozen other people I know.

This is not to say that people who engage in trafficking and other nefarious activities don't do these things. They do - and so do lots of other people. If a survey showed that a majority of traffickers spoke two or more languages, it doesn't mean that being able to speak another language indicates that someone is a trafficker. It's also typical of anti-trafficking rhetoric that these assumptions are rooted in biases about gender, race, class, and immigration status. Imagine a hotel employee, with superficial "trafficking awareness" training, reporting a guest - perhaps even you - on the basis of such hasty generalizations.

Human rights abuses should not be fought by the abuse of other rights. If we are to bring criminals to justice, or help victims find relief, then let's make sure we are well-prepared to do it right, rather than run roughshod over innocent people.

For more check out our blog:
https://ncsfreedom.org/press/blog/item/signs-of-trafficking-to-make-you-wonder

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Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
50 Shades of Denver's BDSM Scene from MetMedia
Sex Postive Community Center Gets Fair Hearing from Plan Philly
A Cultural Movement for Polyamory from NPR

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.or check our blog at our website here.

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Representing on FetLife

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!

NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Counts

and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!



Interested in a specific story or in writing an article?
email Julian: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Thursday, 12 October 2017 23:55

NCSF Newsletter: 4th Quarter 2016

NCSF Newsletter
4th Quarter, 2016
Edited by Julian Wolf


In this Issue

NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting
Stay Connected!
Update on the American Law Institute Project
NCSF Table at Beyond the Love 2016
Incident Reporting & Response
Improving Consent Culture at Events with IRT
NCSF Thanks!
A New Book: His Porn, Her Pain
Survey on the Legal Needs of the Non-Monogamous Individual
Event Report: Alibi's Fetish Formal
Media Updates
Representing on FetLife


NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting
Friday, March 31, 2017
9:30am - 3pm
Chicago, IL
Hands
The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is for representatives of the Coalition Partners and the NCSF Board and Staff members to come together to discuss the year-end reports on NCSF projects and programs, and to set goals for the coming year. The NCSF Board is elected at the annual meeting, and the budget and financials are approved.

The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is open to all members of NCSF and its member organizations. The Annual CP Meeting will also be available via video conferencing. Please RSVP to: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to receive the details.

For the first time ever, NCSF's CP Meeting will take place the Friday before a major BDSM conference, Kinky Kollege Spring Break. You don't have to be signed up for Kinky Kollege to attend. This event will take place at a beautiful hotel and convention center just 10 minutes from O'Hare International Airport and a short ride from Downtown Chicago.

NCSF Board Members and Staff will be attending Kinky Kollege Spring Break and presenting a number of workshops, including a Saturday luncheon brain storming session on the future of NCSF and the needs of the kink and non-monogamy communities. For those who want to attend Kinky Kollege Spring Break, go here to register at a discounted rate and you also get a discounted hotel room rate:
http://kinkykollege.com/

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Stay connected!

Join NCSF's email list to stay in the know. You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or go to our website and fill in the "Get the NCSF Newsletter" box with your email.


Update on the American Law Institute Project

Dick Cunningham, NCSF's legal counsel, has been selected for membership in the American Law Institute. The ALI is the American law profession's elite organization for the study of important current legal issues and the drafting of "model laws." The model laws drafted by the ALI, often in a process, are generally incorporated, albeit often with some amendments, by the great majority of state legislatures in their civil and criminal laws. As a member, Dick will now have the opportunity to participate in any of the ALI's on-going model law projects.

At the top of Dick's priority list will be two projects of direct importance to NCSF. The most important is the Institute's on-going effort to revise criminal laws concerning various forms of sexual assault and-of particular interest to NCSF: the principles of consent applicable in such criminal prosecutions. NCSF has already made written submissions to that ALI project that have been favorably received and that promise to introduce into the model laws and commentary concepts that clarify the issue of consent in the context of BDSM.

The second project in which Dick will participate is the ALI's study of the issues concerning sex on college campuses. This whole subject is almost daily in the news headlines. Here again, issues concerning the rules of consent are central to the project, and decisions made as to consent in this emotionally-charged context could have implications-good or bad-to the criminal law of consent in the BDSM context.

Look for more updates on the ALI project in the coming months.

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Beyond the love 2017 

NCSF Table at Beyond the Love 2016
Thanks Dara (pictured) for setting up and Keira for tabling!
Interested in having a table at your event? Message This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Incident Reporting & Response - 2016 Report
by Susan Wright

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response provides informational resources about kink and non-monogamy along with referrals to kink aware professionals. If you engage in BDSM, fetishes or non-monogamy practices, and you are being persecuted or discriminated against because of it, please contact NCSF. If you need help removing kink or non-monogamy as a barrier to public services, please contact NCSF. If your group or business needs help with outreach to local officials, please contact NCSF.

In 2016, 109 requests for help were received. That is almost half the number of requests received during the previous two years: 198 requests received in 2015 and 184 requests received in 2014. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help, however we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases the IRR team dealt with in 2016:

Criminal

32 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involved criminal issues, down from 72 requests in 2015:

16 requests from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault or harassment who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement and prosecutors.
13 people needed a defense attorney or expert witness due to sexual assault/assault charges or restraining order involving BDSM - 1 was a military case.
1 person needed an attorney to defend against fraud charges
1 person was facing charges for posting photos without permission to FetLife
1 person needed an attorney to help keep a restraining order in place.

Groups

24 groups requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involving organizational matters. This is half the number of requests in 2015 (50) and is the same number of requests as in 2014.

16 groups needed information on dealing with consent violations and preparing to deal with consent violations.
6 groups were attacked this year by social conservatives and through outing. 2 involved the media and 1 event was raided by law enforcement.
2 groups needed assistance with organization and zoning issues.

Child Custody

17 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals regarding child custody or divorce. There was only 1 divorce case, and that involved polyamory. There were 16 child custody requests (down from 26 in 2015 and 37 in 2014):

7 involved parents who practiced polyamory
7 involved parents who do BDSM (with two involving photos taken from FetLife)
2 requests involved adoption into a poly household

Professional Education

17 professionals requested information about kink or polyamory to better serve their clients or present workshops for their professional group. These requests came from researchers, professors, clinical therapists, sex therapists, nurse practitioners, psychologists, lawyers and victim advocacy agencies.

Additional Requests

There were 19 other requests for informational resources and/or referrals to Kink Aware Professionals:

8 people reported school or job discrimination because they are kinky or polyamorous
4 people were threatened with outing to work or family involving FetLife photos
3 people requested assistance in defending or pursuing civil defamation lawsuits
2 Pro-Dommes requested resources on setting up their business legally
2 people requested assistance with unwanted media exposure

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!

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Improving Consent Culture at Events with IRT

The Consent Incident Response method was collaboratively developed and tested in 2016 at the first ROPECRAFT. An Incident Response Team (IRT) exists to improve the immediate response to any consent incident. Their focus is to help the people involved feel supported, heard, and understood using techniques from emergency services, trauma counselling, and other harm-reduction disciplines.

The IRT may help event staff find constructive options towards resolving consent incidents, but they do not interfere or replace any policies already in place.

Training for IRT members has continued to develop across North America as well as online ( http://consent.rocks). Incident Response Teams have had positive effects at several events including Dark Odyssey, ROPECRAFT, RambleGRUE, and Bound Exposure. For more information, contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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NCSF Thanks! 4th Quarter 2016

NCSF thanks Leather SINS & Kinky Kollege Homecoming for donating $3,000 from their October weekend conference.

Judy Guerin and Dick Cunningham donated $1,500 for the NCSF Sponsorship of the Leadership Conference.

MSDB raised $916 for NCSF at their annual Bizarre Bazaar in December.

The New Mexico Leather League, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, donated $738 that was raised at their Leather Fiesta weekend conference at the end of October.

Coalition Partner The Red Chair raised $673 as their annual fundraiser for NCSF.

Thank you to Spank University for donating $614 to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom in December a fund raiser during their holiday party.

NCSF thanks James Mooney for donating $500 in November.

Coalition Partner Baja Arizona Leather donated $335 from Behind Closed Doors weekend conference in Arizona in October as their annual charity donation.

NCSF thanks smOdyssey in San Jose for donating $250 in September.

The Weekly Alibi in New Mexico donated $170 from their Inaugural Fetish Formal in November.

In November, $131 was donated by attendees at Beyond the Love, a 3-day polyamory event in Columbus Ohio that focuses on relationships.

The DC Sub Club, a Coalition Partner, gave their annual donation of $118 to NCSF in December.

NCSF thanks Supporting Member Mistress Natalya for donating $100 in December.

And thank you to CRUISING for SEX for donating $50 to NCSF in December!

NCSF thanks all of our generous donors who enable our
all-volunteer staff to continue our projects to end discrimination.

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His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's PornPanic With Honest Talk About Sex

by Marty Klein, PhD.

When you were logging onto the Internet in the 1990s, did you ever wonder "What do you suppose would happen if America were flooded with free, high-quality pornography?" We now know the answer, as this is exactly what took place 15 years ago. But this knowledge hasn't enabled us to deal with porn intelligently.

This practical, innovative book describes today's porn, and how we respond to it, including:

-How couples can deal productively with conflict about one partner's porn use;
-How parents can help their kids deal with troubling images they might see-and reduce parents' anxiety in the process;
-What people can do if they're concerned about their own porn use-and why "porn addiction" is the WRONG approach;
-The actual content of most porn (in contrast with the exaggerated, mythical content);
-The historic change in America's anti-porn critique: from an immorality problem (porn is dangerous for the user) to a public health danger (porn is dangerous for everyone), inviting a whole new group of stakeholders to fight porn's existence.

This book shows that for most people, porn is NOT the real problem. What are we really talking about when we talk about porn? This fast-paced book provides thought-provoking answers.

His porn

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Survey on the Legal Needs of the Non-Monogamous Individual
published in Front Page Headlines

We know that the needs and concerns of non-monogamous people are important, especially when it comes to your family. Now more than ever, we have to protect ourselves.

That's why NCSF has partnered with a number of groups and individuals to create a needs assessment survey on legal matters for non-monogamous people. This survey is a joint collaboration of NCSF, Relationship Equality Foundation, Association of Black Sexologists and Clinicians, Loving More, Sarah Avraham, Esq., and Bill Dombrowski.

Please take this survey and share it with your partners and friends:
http://relationshipequalityfoundation.org/legal-survey/

The results of this survey will help us provide better resources and help us in training the legal community on ways to offer better services to non-monogamous individuals.

Thank you for your time and participation in the survey!

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In November the Weekly Alibi hosted the Inaugural Fetish Formal in Albuquerque

fetish Formula

The Fetish Formal was a fully immersive theatrical event featuring live and original music, dark burlesque and cabaret acts, high flying aerialists, kink and fetish demonstrations in the Dungeon of Visual Delights and so much more.

A bron R Williams

Two of our Performers
Amy Brown & half of our headlining act Rip Williams
photo by Eric Williams

Members of the local kink community joined the curious, the Cabaret Cast, our safer sex sponsor Self Serve Toys, the January Shop, hair and makeup artist Sarah Badass Bridger, Ascension Body Modification and our featured artist Darla Hallmark of the Unseen Gallery to raise money for the NCSF amid the revelry. We had so much fun Alibi Fetish Events plans on continuing the merriment and the fundrasing for the NCSF throughout the year.

J Wolf A Oss

Master of the Dungeon of Visual Delights & the MC
Angaym K. Oss & Julian Wolf photo by Eric Williams

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Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
Feminism and the Corporatization of Kink from The Globe and Mail
Cautious Optimism About Fashion's Fetish Movement from the Leather Community by Mikelle Street
Ask a Trans Woman: Trans and Kinky; Proud to be Who I Am from The Rainbow Times

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here.

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Representing on FetLife

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!

NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Counts

and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!



Interested in a specific story or in writing an article?
email Julian: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Wednesday, 19 April 2017 22:33

2016 Incident Reporting & Response Report

2016 Incident Reporting & Response
By Susan Wright


NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response provides informational resources about kink and non-monogamy along with referrals to kink aware professionals. If you engage in BDSM, fetishes or non-monogamy practices, and you are being persecuted or discriminated against because of it, please contact NCSF. If you need help removing kink or non-monogamy as a barrier to public services, please contact NCSF. If your group or business needs help with outreach to local officials, please contact NCSF.

In 2016, 109 requests for help were received. That is almost half the number of requests received during the previous two years: 198 requests received in 2015 and 184 requests received in 2014. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help, however we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases the IRR team dealt with in 2016:

Criminal

32 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involved criminal issues, down from 72 requests in 2015:

16 requests from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault or harassment who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement and prosecutors.
13 people needed a defense attorney or expert witness due to sexual assault/assault charges or restraining order involving BDSM – 1 was a military case.
1 person needed an attorney to defend against fraud charges
1 person was facing charges for posting photos without permission to FetLife
1 person needed an attorney to help keep a restraining order in place.

Groups

24 groups requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involving organizational matters. This is half the number of requests in 2015 (50) and is the same number of requests as in 2014.

16 Groups needed information on dealing with consent violations and preparing to deal with consent violations.
6 Groups were attacked this year by social conservatives and through outing. 2 involved the media and 1 event was raided by law enforcement.
2 Groups needed assistance with organization and zoning issues.

Child Custody

17 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals regarding child custody or divorce. There was only 1 divorce case, and that involved polyamory. There were 16 child custody requests (down from 26 in 2015 and 37 in 2014):

7 involved parents who practiced polyamory
7 involved parents who do BDSM (with two involving photos taken from FetLife)
2 requests involved adoption into a poly household

Professional Education

17 professionals requested information about kink or polyamory to better serve their clients or present workshops for their professional group. These requests came from researchers, professors, clinical therapists, sex therapists, nurse practitioners, psychologists, lawyers and victim advocacy agencies.

Additional Requests

There were 19 other requests for informational resources and/or referrals to Kink Aware Professionals:

8 people reported school or job discrimination because they are kinky or polyamorous
4 people were threatened with outing to work or family involving FetLife photos
3 people requested assistance in defending or pursuing civil defamation lawsuits
2 Pro-Dommes requested resources on setting up their business legally
2 people requested assistance with unwanted media exposure


If you need NCSF’s help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF’s direct services!

The NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting

Friday, March 31, 2017
9:30am - 3pm
Chicago, IL

The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is for representatives of the Coalition Partners and the NCSF Board and Staff members to come together to discuss the year-end reports on NCSF projects and programs, and to set goals for the coming year. The NCSF Board is elected at the annual meeting, and the budget and financials are approved.

The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is open to all members of NCSF and its member organizations. The Annual CP Meeting will also be available via video conferencing. Please RSVP to: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to receive the details.

Click to download the Annual Meeeting Agenda!

Tuesday, 28 February 2017 00:43

Newsletter: 3rd Quarter 2016

NCSF Newsletter
3rd Quarter, 2016
edited by Julian Wolf

 

In this Issue


NCSF at COPE
Election Action Alert
Volunteer Needs
Devin at Dore
Incident Reporting & Response
A Letter from Allena
NCSF Thanks!
A New Book: Modern Sexuality
Guest Blog
Media Updates
Representing on FetLife

 


NCSF at COPE
 
The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom was proud to accept the invitation to host a table and host a Consent Discussion at the Central Ohio Perversion Excursion! 
 
Our Volunteer Coordinator Keira and Julian Wolf spoke with dozens of folks from their premier spot next to the silent auction. They also lead a discussion on Saturday with many of the attendees where the NCSF consent survey, and ways we deal with consent in our community were discussed.
 
COPE also held a fundraiser for the NCSF throughout the weekend and during the closing ceremonies. The staff made the experience particularly entertaining, and the experience was a blast. Thank you to all the attendees for your contributions!  
 
Keira Julian newletter
 NCSF board members Keira and Julian Wolf at COPE 2016, via Instagram
 
Election Action Alert!
Front Page Headline, NCSF News
 
The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom would like your help in this important election year. Specifically, we would like you to take a few moments to send a short questionnaire on sexual freedom issues to candidates running for office in your State or locality.
 
NCSF has sent a questionnaire this year to each candidate for the Presidency of the United States - Secretary Hillary Clinton (Democrat), Donald Trump (Republican), Governor Gary Johnson (Libertarian) and Dr. Jill Stein (Green) - asking for their positions on sexual freedom issues that are important to those of us who engage in BDSM, swinging, polyamory and other alternative sexual practices. Their responses (or failure to respond) will be posted on the NCSF website and made available to the media.
 
 
This election is an especially important one. Sexual consent has become a "front burner" issue. Trafficking laws and other statutes are being misused against our constituencies, and new anti-sex laws are being pushed by sexual bigots. The courts' interpretations of Lawrence v. Texas continue to narrow this important sexual freedom decision by the U.S. Supreme Court made in 2003. And, the appointment of judges across the country, including as many as three Supreme Court justices, will have a profound effect on our right to practice sex with other consenting adults.
 
For this reason, NCSF wants to extend the scope of our sexual freedom questionnaires to elective offices in your localities, including candidates for the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives, for governor and for State legislatures. This is where you can help us. We would like you to send copies of the letter and the questionnaire to candidates running for office in your State, in elections where you think the outcome could have an impact on sexual freedom issues-legislation, judicial appointments and law enforcement practices.
 
Here is what we would like you to do:
 
3. Please cc NCSF.
 
Responses will be posted on our website.
 
 

Volunteer Needs - October 2016
 
Media Watchdog
If you are short on time, but high on motivation and believe in the NCSF mission, there is still an opportunity to volunteer! We need motivated people to send us articles they find while browsing news outlets that pertain to NCSF and our goals.
 
Writers
If you enjoy writing or are a blogger or professional looking to get exposure, NCSF wants your input. We need writers to contribute to our blog and our newsletter. Your article could be on any topic relevant to the NCSF mission. Please submit volunteer requests, ideas, and writing samples!
 
Graphic Artists
Calling all graphic artists! Let NCSF use your creative talents. We need graphic artists willing to contribute to the upcoming "NCSF 20th Anniversary Coloring Book."
 
NCSF Advocates
NCSF needs active, passionate people to spread the word about our organization. We need you to let people know about our resources, talk about us at your local events, staff tables and let us know what your local community needs from us. If you like to be social, active, and support our cause, please consider volunteering in this indispensable way.
 
If any of these interest you, please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  We need you!

 
devin dore
NCSF Board member Devin representing at Dore Alley 2016
 
 

Incident Reporting & Response - 3rd Quarter 2016 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 31 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in July, August and September. This is up from only 20 requests in the 2nd quarter, and similar to the two previous quarters which had 31 and 28 requests.

NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 3rd Quarter of 2016:

Criminal

There were 11 requests for resources and information involving criminal law (up from 7 in the 2nd Quarter).  5 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault or harassment who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement. 4 people needed a defense attorney due to sexual assault/assault charges involving BDSM. 1 person needed an attorney to defend against fraud charges and another was facing charges for posting photos without permission to their FetLife account.

Child Custody

There were 8 requests for resources and information regarding child custody, sharply up from no requests last quarter. 6 involved disputed child custody, with 4 involving polyamory and 2 BDSM (2 of these parents lost custody at least temporarily due to BDSM in one case and poly in the other). There were also 2 requests involving polyamory adoption.  

Groups

There were 6 requests for help involving BDSM groups (5 request last quarter). Groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations and liability issues: 3 were groups dealing with a serial predator, another group asked for advice on dealing with violations before they occur. 1 group was attacked by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation who sent a letter to the hotel protesting that they were hosting a BDSM conference - the hotel stood by the group and the conference was held. Another group is looking for Kink Aware Professionals to assist in volunteering at kink and sci fi events.

Professional

4 professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services or in presenting on BDSM for their professional group. These included a nurse practitioner, a psychologist, and 2 clinical therapists.

Civil

2 requests: Someone requested help with FetLife after they removed her post accusing another member of sexual assault-we explained how to repost the information and how to provide the name privately. A kink aware professional needed help in removing his name from search engines after a media report outed him.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!
 
 

A Letter from the Development Director for the CSPC, 
Board member for the FSPC and NCSF, Allena Gabosch 
 
Several months ago the  Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC) and the  Foundation for Sex Positive Culture (FSPC) joined forces to create a joint Consent Policy for our respective organizations.  This was prompted by several things, primarily because it was overdue and also because consent issues have become a very big part of the conversation here in the greater Seattle area.   After a lot of meetings and a whole bunch of editing this is what we came up with. 
 
A Statement of Principle Regarding Consent and Handling Consent Violations
 
At the Center and Foundation for Sex Positive Culture we talk a lot about consent and consensual activity. It's the cornerstone of our events, what we teach, and who we are. While that is easy to say, living it takes work, dedication, and a clear statement of how we view consent and its place in our organization.
 
Our understanding of consent is this:
  • The act of getting consent is the act of making sure everyone involved in a given activity is able to give their ok, understands what's going on, and directly, consciously, and willingly chooses to engage in that activity.
  • The basics of consent are simple: Get full and informed consent, with awareness of the explicit and implicit consent you are using, before you engage in an activity with someone.
  • The application of consent is complex, emotional, and takes practice.
We realize it is not enough simply to state that consent is important. To build a consent culture, we need to both talk about consent in detail and improve the safety of the people we serve. It is not enough to sit on the sidelines and watch as events unfold around us. It is our right and our responsibility to find better ways to talk about, explore, and protect consent.
 
We recognize that we are, and should be, held to a high standard of understanding and enforcing consent. This statement and associated policy and procedure documents are the culmination of our current discussions and understanding. We have taken our knowledge and help from other organizations to craft it as best we're able to in the moment. These are living documents and will grow and change as we learn and understand more.
 
Even though we have more to learn it's important that we stand up for this complex and exciting concept. Consent is something we need to make a better world, both for ourselves and for you. Let's get started.
Read the rest here:  https://thefspc.org/policies/
 
Sar Surmak, an FSPC board member and the driving force in creating this policy, is currently working on a workshop to teach others how to create such a policy, which we hope to make available to other organizations soon.
Please contact me for information on the workshop or the policy. 
 
Allena Gabosch This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. 
(Development Director for the CSPC, board member for the FSPC and NCSF)
 
 

 
NCSF Thanks! 3rd Quarter 2016

Thank You to Dick Cunningham and Judy Guerin for donating $3,500 to support NCSF's Consent Summit in Seattle in April!

NCSF Coalition Partner, Boydy's Crazy Consensual Concepts says, "I am donating 7% of my profit just because NCSF is a great cause. I consider NCSF to be an incredibly important thing to have around. :-)" Thank you, Boydy!

NCSF Coalition Partner, Adventures in Sexuality, raised $345 for NCSF at their COPE event in September in Ohio.

NCSF thanks The 15 Association of San Francisco for donating $100 in the name of their brother who they recently lost.

NCSF thanks all of these generous donors who enable our 
all-volunteer staff to continue our projects to end discrimination.
 
 

 
Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships 
By Michael Aaron

Human sexuality today stands at the crossroads between biological diversity and social conformity, and a battle between the two rages in the media, in social institutions, and in our daily lives. As a sex therapist, Michael Aaron witnesses this struggle each and every day as it plays out on his therapy couch. Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships examines how biology and society collide head-on in the realm of human sexuality. Here, Aaron carefully and convincingly debunks some of the most commonly held beliefs about sexuality - that it is learned and can be changed; that "abnormal" sexual behavior is pathological; that healthy sexuality involves intimacy; that intimacy is the same to everyone; and that sexuality must have a clearly defined purpose. 

Using groundbreaking brain-imaging studies and cutting- edge psychological insights, Modern Sexuality presents the overwhelming case for sexual diversity including orientation, non-traditional relationships, and even specific fantasies and kinks. In a world where sexual "outsiders" battle for acceptance, this work helps to explore the variety of sexual expressions from a normative standpoint, helping readers to understand that their own desires and those of others can happily exist on the same continuum.
 
 
Michael Aaron
 
 

 
by Dr. Marty Klein
 
"What do you suppose would happen if the whole country were flooded with free porn?"

What sounded like a crazy idea in the 1980s became a reality just a few years later. We now know exactly what would happen.

In the year 2000, broadband internet brought free, high-definition pornography into virtually every home in America. Still reeling from the world-changing invention of the internet, America was unprepared for 24/7 porn.

This led to a predictable cascade of problems, which are still with us: consumers having trouble regulating their use. Couples arguing about it. People misunderstanding its fundamental fictions. Parents worried about what their kids are learning from it.

Of course, professionals are expected to pick up the pieces: Marriage counselors, child psychologists, mediators, clergy, physicians. Sometimes, unfortunately, law enforcement. And all are trying to do so without the training, models, tools, or support they need.

In a country deeply conflicted about sexuality, the new supersized version of porn triggered another one of America's periodic moral panics. Remember comic books, early rock 'n' roll, satanic ritual abuse, snuff films? All were the focus of intense public concern, none were ultimately dangerous, and some didn't even exist. Nevertheless, moral entrepreneurs and anti-sex activists saw 24/7 porn as an opportunity to frighten and anger people-while enriching and empowering themselves.

Predictably, there are now many popular myths about porn that are simply not true-but which are incredibly sticky, difficult to dislodge or even discuss honestly. Here are some common myths, along with some helpful facts.

* Myth: Most porn is violent or misogynist.

There's no lack of people claiming that most or all porn is violent, deviant, and woman-hating.

And it's not hard to find such imagery. But it's a tiny fraction of the universe of porn out there. True, a tiny fraction of a huge number is a big number. But let's remember that most porn isn't violent, and that most people don't want to watch violent porn.

What most porn consumers watch is friendly, smiling people doing friendly, sexy things together. This is the porn that is most readily available. Much of it follows a familiar formula: undress, oral sex, intercourse. Gladly undress, delighted to have oral sex, satisfied with intercourse. Realistic? Not especially. Violent? Definitely not.

And yet moral entrepreneurs like Concerned Women of America, anti-sex-work activists like Melissa Farley, and academic bullies like Gail Dines deliberately spread lies every week about the content of porn. They're saying that 50 million American husbands, brothers, and sons are consuming images of sexual savagery every week. Does that sound like the guy you know?
 
* Myth: Fantasy is a reflection of desire, and predicts behavior

Everyone knows that fantasy has very little predictive value in life-except when the subject is sexuality. We all fantasize about strangling our boss, yet no one fears they'll actually do it. We all fantasize about selling all our stuff and moving to Tahiti, yet no one fears doing it. But when someone enjoys fantasizing about threesomes, or sex in public, or being sexually coerced by a regiment of Marines, too many people are frightened that this could somehow "lead" to the real activity.

Pornography is a compendium of human fantasy. Not desire-fantasy. Not behavior-fantasy. Humans like consuming sexual images of the forbidden, the risky, the scary, the chaotic, the dirty, the glamorous.

When activists criticize the content of porn as perverse or deviant, their surprise is disingenuous. Exactly what would anyone expect to be the content of porn-the wholesome, the clean, the safe, the predictable? That's what fantasy is designed to escape from. That's what most people already have in their sex lives. And if the scary and risky is too, well, scary and risky, fantasy is a perfect place to vicariously "experience" it.

That's why it's short-sighted to refer to "gay porn" and "straight porn"-there's just porn. True, there's porn depicting same-gender sex and porn depicting other-gender sex (although there's a lot of porn featuring both). But it's all just imagery that people find exciting.

Every week someone comes into my office worried that they're watching the "wrong" kind of porn, or worried about the "meaning" of the porn they enjoy. "I'm straight, why do I enjoy watching gay sex?" "I'm a feminist woman, why do I like watching women being tied up?"

We are a kinky species, aren't we? With all due respect to those Freudians who think dreams have meaning, fantasies have very little meaning for most people. We're stimulated by what stimulates us. Sometimes that changes over time, sometimes not.

Even St. Augustine thanked God for not making him responsible for the content of his dreams. We don't have a record about how he felt about his fantasies.

* Myth: Porn causes people to abandon their sexual relationships

Here's a story I never hear: "I used to enjoy eating, then I watched a bunch of cooking shows, and now I've lost interest in eating." Similarly, no one leaves a vibrant sexual relationship with an actual person for the pleasures of masturbating to images. That would make no sense.

What does exist is many, many people struggling with sexual dissatisfaction. Maybe the problem involves boredom and routine. Maybe it's the accumulation of years of hurt and resentment. Maybe it's a dramatic gap in sexual preferences, or levels of desire. Maybe it's alcohol or one person being really selfish.

And did I mention boredom and routine?

Many, many people experience the collapse of their sexual relationship. And especially in long-term relationships where both are committed to staying, very few people want to discuss this collapse. Most people would much rather argue about porn than talk honestly about sex.

People rarely complain about their mate's porn watching when they're enjoying a healthy sexual relationship. Very few people in rich sexual relationships fear that porn will steal their mate away-because they know exactly what their real-life sexual relationship offers.

But when the sex has collapsed, it's easy for someone to point to Demon Porn as the "reason" things have gone bad-that porn "stole" their mate.  

No real sexual relationship offers the perfection, the total control, the infinite variety, or the level of fantasy that masturbation to porn does. But that's all pretty weak stuff compared to the touch of another human, the anticipation of a kiss, the look in someone's eyes while we're climaxing. When real sex lacks those, masturbation to porn looks like a reasonable second choice. But it's rarely someone's first choice if other things are available.

All professionals who deal with porn-related complaints need to look beyond the porn component and explore what else is going on in the situation. The porn use can be distracting to us-but we need the self-discipline to look for the context of the porn use, and the wider sexual ecology of the person or couple in front of us. Only then can we be truly helpful in this age of PornPanic.

* * *

For more about pornography, PornPanic, and Porn Literacy, see Dr. Klein's new book,  His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's PornPanic With Honest Talk About Sex.

* * *

Dr. Marty Klein is a Certified Sex Therapist, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, and Policy Analyst. The award-winning author of 7 books, he is named by Wikipedia as a key figure in America's controversy about sex addiction.
 
 

Media Updates and Web Features
 
NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.
 
Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
The Softer Side of S&Mfrom Advocate
 
NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.
 
You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here
 

Representing on FetLife 

  

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Countsand members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!
 
 
Thursday, 03 November 2016 22:57

NCSF Newsletter: 2nd Quarter 2016

NCSF Newsletter
2nd Quarter, 2016
edited by Julian Wolf

 

In this Issue

NCSF at the AASECT Annual Conference
Consent Month In September
Get NCSF's latest pamphlet on Trauma
Incident Reporting & Response
The Sexual Freedom Resolution
NCSF Thanks!
Do Not Sit In Silence, a Response to #StandWithOrlando
Guest Blog
Media Updates
Representing on FetLife


 

NCSF at the AASECT Annual Conference
 
NCSF was proud to exhibit at the AASECT Annual Conference: Putting the Pieces Together - Inclusivity in Practice which took place in San Juan, Puerto Rico from June 8-12. Susan Wright presented Consent 201: Consent and its Discontents with Russell Stambaugh, PhD, DST, CSTS and NCSF Advocate for Kink Aware Professionals. The Consent 201 workshop highlighted data from NCSF's Consent Violation Survey (2015).
 
Susan also presented NCSF's BDSM and Intimate Partner Violence Training, which has been presented over 35 times so far in 2016 by Ashley Haymond and Susan Wright via Skype for social workers, counselors and therapists. NCSF is in the process of obtaining AASECT CEUs for the BDSM and IPV Training.
 
Jim Fleckenstein spoke about polyamory at the Alt Sex SIG Roundtable: Evolution of Alternative Sexuality: Evolving Facts and New Perspectives to Help You Build Inclusivity with Your Sexually Expansive Clients. The co-presenters were Lori Michels, LMFT, S-PSB, CST; Tammy Nelson, PhD, CIT, LPC, LADC, CST, CSTS; Tamara Pincus, MSW, CST; and Anna Randall, MSW, MPW, DHS, ACS.
 
As usual, NCSF staff members attended the AASECT Alt Sex SIG munch on Friday evening and spoke to professionals who were kink-friendly as well as those who were interested in finding out more about BDSM and non-monogamy. NCSF is looking forward to AASECT's 49th Annual Conference next year in Las Vegas, NV!
AASECT
NCSF Spokesperson Susan Wright and Membership Coordinator Kelly Beaton at AASECT

Consent Month is in September!

 

Please schedule a workshop on consent, a party with a consent theme, or a fundraiser for NCSF to raise awareness about Consent Month.

ConsentMonth.com

NCSF can send you Got Consent! Bracelets for your event along with materials on consent.

Let us know the date and we'll put it on our calendar on ConsentMonth.com

Take photos and enter our Consent Photo Contest! See the winner from Consent Month 2015.

National Consent Month is proudly brought to you by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the Arizona Power Exchange. Thank you for supporting Consent Month!

Return to top


Get NCSF's latest pamphlet on Trauma

This Trauma pamphlet is intended to help both survivors of traumatic experiences and the people around them. Community organizers have been asking NCSF for more information on how people react when they're traumatized and how they can better help their own members. So we worked with over a dozen kink aware professionals to create this pamphlet:


You don't have to go it alone. NCSF trains local victim services on BDSM vs. abuse. Call your local rape crisis hotline or contact NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response for help for you or a friend at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 917-848-6544.
 
 

Incident Reporting & Response - 2nd Quarter 2016 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 20 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in April, May and June. This is a drop from last two quarters (31 and 28 requests). This continues a downward trend in requests from the average (50 requests) for the previous 7 quarters, going back to the 1st Quarter of 2014.  
 
NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.
 
Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 2nd Quarter of 2016:
 
Criminal
    There were 7 requests for resources and information involving criminal law.  2 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault or sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement. 1 person needed an attorney to help keep a restraining order in place. There were 4 requests from defendants for educational resources and referrals for kink aware professionals to serve as expert witness.
 
Groups
    There were 5 requests for help involving BDSM groups. Groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations: 1 group was dealing with a serial predator, another group with an educator who has been banned by nearby groups, while 2 groups needed advice on how to deal with violations before they occur. 1 group was dealing with zoning issues.
 
Civil
    There were 4 requests for help with civil matters, an upturn in requests. 2 involved getting attorneys to write cease & desist letters in regards to threats to out them by posting photos from FetLife. 1 involved a woman threatened with a lawsuit for speaking out against a man who defrauded her. 1 person needed a legal form.
 
Professionals
    Three professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services. These included a sex therapist, a psychologist and a lawyer.
 
Discrimination
    There was 1 case of discrimination this quarter. A woman needed help explaining kink for a job in social work.
 
If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
 
Please join now or  donate to support NCSF's direct services!
 
 

Join over 40 National Associations, Groups and Professionals who have signed the Sexual Freedom Resolution!

"I absolutely endorse sexuality as a human right and social justice as the best framework for seeking that, so I am thrilled to sign the sexual freedom resolution," says Elizabeth Sheff, Ph.D. CASA, CSE.

The Sexual Freedom Resolution is a stand against discrimination by professionals in the field of sexuality and sexual health. This Resolution can be submitted to civil, criminal and family courts by people who are stigmatized because of their sexual expression in order to help them get a fair trial on the merits of their case. We encourage organizations that serve mental and health professionals to sign onto this resolution, as well as educational groups and Kink Aware Professionals.

To sign on, go to: www.ncsfreedom.org/sfr

Sexual Freedom Resolution

Working within the framework of social justice and human rights, we support the right of freedom of sexual expression among consenting adults. We affirm that sexual expression is central to the human experience, that this right is central to overall health and well-being, and that this right must be honored. We support the right to be free from discrimination, oppression, exploitation and violence due to one's sexual expression.

The best contemporary scientific evidence finds that consenting adults who practice BDSM, fetishes, cross-dressing and non-monogamy can be presumed healthy as a group. We believe that any sexuality education or therapies that treat sexual problems must avoid stigmatizing or pathologizing these forms of sexual expressions between fully informed consenting adults.

As professionals in the field of sexuality and sexual health, we actively seek to destigmatize consensual sexual expression and sexual practices among consenting adults, as well as to help create and maintain safe space for those who have been traditionally marginalized. 

Signed by:

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
AASECT (American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists)
CARAS (Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities) 
Center for Positive Sexuality
Projects Advancing Sexual Diversity (PASD)
Science of BDSM Research Team
TASHRA (The Alternative Sexualities Health Research Alliance)
 
And more! Go to www.ncsfreedom.org/sfr to see who has signed on.
 

NCSF Thanks! 2nd Quarter 2016

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner, New England Leather Alliance, for donating $3,216 from their Winter Fetish Fair Fleamarket held on President's Day weekend in Warwick, RI. NELA traditionally donates $1 per attendee from their fair as their annual Coalition Partner fundraiser for NCSF. This year, the attendance jumped to nearly 3,200 people from 2,000 in previous years, so NELA added an extra $16 for the year 2016, making it a grand total of $3,216.

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner, Board of Education, for donating $1,076 on May 3rd from their annual CP fundraiser held in March.

Thank you to our Coalition Partner, Center for Sex Positive Culture, for donating $1,066.65 on May 4th from the proceeds of the NCSF Consent Summit held on April 23rd. An additional $108 donation was donated by our Coalition Partner, the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture in July.

NCSF would like to thank Marc Depaul, a long time supporter of the coalition, for donating $500 to the NCSF Foundation in May.

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner, Adventures in Sexuality, for donating $390 raised as their annual CP fundraiser at Winter Wickedness in February.

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner Riverbound in the Quad Cities in Illinois and Iowa for donating $300 in June. The funds were raised at the end of April at Riverbound's first annual vendor fair, held in Davenport, Iowa, where close to 20 vendors displayed wonderful lifestyle items from whips, embossed leather paddles and straps to collars, floggers, and lifestyle t-shirts. 

Thank you to BASSN (Boston Area Sexuality Spirituality Network) for donating $200 to the NCSF membership group in April.

The EPIC Lifestyle Conference earmarked 25% of the lunch and dinner costs on Sunday of their May 12-16 weekend event in the Poconos, and donated a total of $160 to NCSF.

Coalition Partner, NOBLE, donated $90 in April as their CP fundraiser by holding a raffle of prize baskets to benefit NCSF.

Coalition Partner, Le Bon Temps, donated $123 in May from their yearly raffle that benefits NCSF.

NCSF thanks all of these generous donors who enable our all-volunteer staff to continue our projects to end discrimination.
 

Do Not Sit In Silence, a Response to #StandWithOrlando

I am queer, polyamourus, genderqueer, I am not a Christian, and I like to go dancing. I have had violence threatened against me, I have lost work, I have had incredible opportunities, great loves, and I have chosen not to live in the closet. What happened in Orlando, and so frequently on a smaller scale so many places, could have happened here. It could have happened to us. It did happen to our extended family. Do not allow hate speech to happen in your presence. Call out aggression. Don't sit in silence glad it didn't happen to you.

Days after the tragedy in Orlando I had two conversations that we shouldn't have to have in this day and age. (Spoiler alert, the conversations went well and there have been good steps made toward eliminating hate in a small subset of a rather backwards part of our country.) I was tired, in the midst of my move and against my better judgement I asked the patriarch of my family of origin (FOO) if his (very conservative) church prayed for the victims on Sunday. He said that they didn't as it was early and no one really knew what was happening. That actually made sense, so I accepted it but didn't drop the subject. I then started talking to him about what happened. The news he watches hadn't reported it was Latin night at gay club. He'd heard it was at a gay club elsewhere, but no one mentioned it was Latin night. He knew that "guys and gals" (to use his words) had been killed, and we talked some about the people- parents, siblings, mothers... and how scared so many people are. I brought up that the shooter was blatantly homophobic, and this was an act of homophobia, and likely racist. He brought up that "ISIS hates everyone that isn't like them" and I pointed out that as of yet there are no proof that he actually was involved with ISIS, but there was that he was homophobic. Targeting Latin night at a gay club during gay pride month was likely not coincidental. We talked about how sad this is, and since there are kids in the house, I asked him to add the victims and their families to the prayers that they'll say at dinner. He agreed without hesitation. The fact that there will be kind words said for queer people at the place where I was told that anything other than heteronormative Christian monogamy was an unforgivable sin is profound. 

I called my sister's eldest and we talked about what happened. He didn't know it was Pride month, or a gay club much less Latin night. We talked about why I have been trying to weed micro-aggressions out of him and his sibling's speech. Why we don't say something weak is "girly" or something bad is "gay." They are POC (people of colour) and we talked about why we don't joke about it in groups, because someone else might not be strong enough to know the difference and be harmed. We talked about the fact that transgender people are murdered more than anyone else and why it keeps happening. We discussed that GLBTQ (and what those letters mean) people kill themselves more than anyone else, and it's in part because people allow hate speech around them. We talked about how when someone went to Jesus and bitched about a woman having extramarital sex Jesus said "Dude, not cool. Stop being a dick." (And that I paraphrased that story from the bible, but he knew the story, John Chapter 8 from the New Testament if you're curious.) We talked about the fact that the message of Jesus was not one of hate, but of love and it's anyone's job who is Christian to have the back of anyone who is being bullied. (I seem to know more about Christianity than a lot of his friends who identify as such.) We talked about the difference that we can make as individuals with our own choices. We then chatted about movies, working out and before we said goodbye I told him that I wanted him to be the best man- no the best person that he could possibly be, and yes, I phrased the statement as a correction just like that. This is a start.
 
These are steps. If you can open a door that had previously been sealed shut, even if it's just a inch, please consider it. If you can ask someone to acknowledge that hate is not acceptable, please do. If you can ask someone if someone like me(/you/your friend/those people) deserves to die because of their sexuality or the color of their skin, do. Allow people to start considering if hate is what they want to grow in their hearts or if they want to start making room to consider that maybe it isn't ok that our people are dying on our soil because we're allowing - even encouraging - people to hate. Yes, other things need to change, but a difference you can make right now is start opening doors that used to be closed due to ignorance and/or hate. Not many people are going to be glad that so many people died so horribly over the weekend- help people consider what they can do to make it never happen again. I don't know how to grieve in a comfortable way. I only know how to work and keep fighting. Please, grieve. Please, work. Please, fight. Make changes, even small ones, to make the world safer for everyone.
 

Guest Blog: Top Three Considerations when Coming Out as Polyamorous
by Elisabeth Sheff, PhD, CASA, CSE
CEO, Sheff Consulting
 
Why?
A few reasons people choose to come out are:Increased intimacy - Hiding important relationships means closing off parts of your life, and being honest about significant things allows greater authenticity and emotional connection.
 
Explanation for person in social environment - Sometimes people in poly relationships that have become serious and entail more involvement in their lives decide to come out to both explain the presence of the person/people and acknowledge the importance of the relationship(s).
 
Being outed by an event or person - When someone else threatens to out a poly person, sometimes taking control of the situation and outing themselves
 
Political belief - As amply demonstrated by LGBT activists, it is difficult to take political space and organize for rights without a visible and recognizable presence in society. The more poly people who come out, the more visible polyamory is, and the more likely it is that poly communities will be able to gain rights for their constituents.
 
Not - If there is no real reason to come out, reconsider doing so if you are vulnerable. That vulnerability might be to losing custody of your children, losing your job, losing connections with your family and friends, or losing your housing. These things can happen when people come out as poly, so think carefully before deciding if the risks of coming out are worth the benefits.
 
How?
Although the idea of coming out is politically important and some people feel compelled to be scrupulously honest with the others in their lives, most people should use caution when coming out because be identified as a sex or gender minority can be dangerous and should be done cautiously. A few of the ways to do so cautiously include:
 
Selective disclosure - Tell the people who are important and need to know that you have a poly relationship, but let them know this is sensitive information that they should not share with others until you are ready. If you are not sure if someone is safe to tell, then consider using a "litmus" question such as how that person feels about same-sex marriage or something like that. Their reaction could give you information about how they might react to the news of polyamory.
 
Matter of fact, not dramatic - If you present the information as a matter of daily life and not a cataclysmic announcement, others will be more likely to take it as a regular piece of news. Presenting it as normal part of your life can help others accept it as normal for you as well.
 
Private setting - In case you or the person you tell has a strong reaction to your coming out news, consider a setting that allows some conversational privacy.
 
Preparation
Once you have decided to come out, prepare yourself. Think about what you are going to say, and plan ahead with your partners. Use the resources below to educate yourself and those to whom you are coming out.
 
NCSF has a resource library filled with information for activists, lawyers, people concerned with consent, mental health, and professionals knowledgeable about polyamory and BDSM.
 
Other websites such as Loving MoreOpening Up, and More Than Two
 
I have written three books that would be very helpful to people coming out as polyamorous. The first one, The Polyamorists Next Door (2014), reports on my 15 year study of poly families with children and is best suited for using when coming out to social workers, lawyers, school counselors, doctors, and other professionals.  Stories from the Polycule (2015), my second book, is an edited volume of stories written by poly people themselves and is best suited for coming out to younger family members, friends, and open minded people or people with shorter spans of attention. My most recent book,  When Someone You Love is Polyamorous (2016), is a short introduction to polyamory and best suited for dear friends and family members who are older, more conservative, or might be afraid that polyamory might be a bad thing for their loved ones.
 
Dr. Elisabeth Sheff is an expert witness, relationship coach, writer, and academic consultant. She is touring the East and West coasts for the release of her third book this fall, you can find her schedule here. There is still some room in the tour for more engagements, so if you want to book Dr. Sheff to speak to your group, contact her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
 

Media Updates and Web Features
 
NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.
 
Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
The Softer Side of S&Mfrom Advocate
 
NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.
 
You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here
 

Representing on FetLife 

  

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Countsand members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!
 
 
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