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Wednesday, 19 April 2017 22:33

2016 Incident Reporting & Response Report

2016 Incident Reporting & Response
By Susan Wright


NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response provides informational resources about kink and non-monogamy along with referrals to kink aware professionals. If you engage in BDSM, fetishes or non-monogamy practices, and you are being persecuted or discriminated against because of it, please contact NCSF. If you need help removing kink or non-monogamy as a barrier to public services, please contact NCSF. If your group or business needs help with outreach to local officials, please contact NCSF.

In 2016, 109 requests for help were received. That is almost half the number of requests received during the previous two years: 198 requests received in 2015 and 184 requests received in 2014. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help, however we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases the IRR team dealt with in 2016:

Criminal

32 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involved criminal issues, down from 72 requests in 2015:

16 requests from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault or harassment who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement and prosecutors.
13 people needed a defense attorney or expert witness due to sexual assault/assault charges or restraining order involving BDSM – 1 was a military case.
1 person needed an attorney to defend against fraud charges
1 person was facing charges for posting photos without permission to FetLife
1 person needed an attorney to help keep a restraining order in place.

Groups

24 groups requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involving organizational matters. This is half the number of requests in 2015 (50) and is the same number of requests as in 2014.

16 Groups needed information on dealing with consent violations and preparing to deal with consent violations.
6 Groups were attacked this year by social conservatives and through outing. 2 involved the media and 1 event was raided by law enforcement.
2 Groups needed assistance with organization and zoning issues.

Child Custody

17 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals regarding child custody or divorce. There was only 1 divorce case, and that involved polyamory. There were 16 child custody requests (down from 26 in 2015 and 37 in 2014):

7 involved parents who practiced polyamory
7 involved parents who do BDSM (with two involving photos taken from FetLife)
2 requests involved adoption into a poly household

Professional Education

17 professionals requested information about kink or polyamory to better serve their clients or present workshops for their professional group. These requests came from researchers, professors, clinical therapists, sex therapists, nurse practitioners, psychologists, lawyers and victim advocacy agencies.

Additional Requests

There were 19 other requests for informational resources and/or referrals to Kink Aware Professionals:

8 people reported school or job discrimination because they are kinky or polyamorous
4 people were threatened with outing to work or family involving FetLife photos
3 people requested assistance in defending or pursuing civil defamation lawsuits
2 Pro-Dommes requested resources on setting up their business legally
2 people requested assistance with unwanted media exposure


If you need NCSF’s help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF’s direct services!

The NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting

Friday, March 31, 2017
9:30am - 3pm
Chicago, IL

The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is for representatives of the Coalition Partners and the NCSF Board and Staff members to come together to discuss the year-end reports on NCSF projects and programs, and to set goals for the coming year. The NCSF Board is elected at the annual meeting, and the budget and financials are approved.

The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is open to all members of NCSF and its member organizations. The Annual CP Meeting will also be available via video conferencing. Please RSVP to: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to receive the details.

Click to download the Annual Meeeting Agenda!

Tuesday, 28 February 2017 00:43

Newsletter: 3rd Quarter 2016

NCSF Newsletter
3rd Quarter, 2016
edited by Julian Wolf

 

In this Issue


NCSF at COPE
Election Action Alert
Volunteer Needs
Devin at Dore
Incident Reporting & Response
A Letter from Allena
NCSF Thanks!
A New Book: Modern Sexuality
Guest Blog
Media Updates
Representing on FetLife

 


NCSF at COPE
 
The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom was proud to accept the invitation to host a table and host a Consent Discussion at the Central Ohio Perversion Excursion! 
 
Our Volunteer Coordinator Keira and Julian Wolf spoke with dozens of folks from their premier spot next to the silent auction. They also lead a discussion on Saturday with many of the attendees where the NCSF consent survey, and ways we deal with consent in our community were discussed.
 
COPE also held a fundraiser for the NCSF throughout the weekend and during the closing ceremonies. The staff made the experience particularly entertaining, and the experience was a blast. Thank you to all the attendees for your contributions!  
 
Keira Julian newletter
 NCSF board members Keira and Julian Wolf at COPE 2016, via Instagram
 
Election Action Alert!
Front Page Headline, NCSF News
 
The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom would like your help in this important election year. Specifically, we would like you to take a few moments to send a short questionnaire on sexual freedom issues to candidates running for office in your State or locality.
 
NCSF has sent a questionnaire this year to each candidate for the Presidency of the United States - Secretary Hillary Clinton (Democrat), Donald Trump (Republican), Governor Gary Johnson (Libertarian) and Dr. Jill Stein (Green) - asking for their positions on sexual freedom issues that are important to those of us who engage in BDSM, swinging, polyamory and other alternative sexual practices. Their responses (or failure to respond) will be posted on the NCSF website and made available to the media.
 
 
This election is an especially important one. Sexual consent has become a "front burner" issue. Trafficking laws and other statutes are being misused against our constituencies, and new anti-sex laws are being pushed by sexual bigots. The courts' interpretations of Lawrence v. Texas continue to narrow this important sexual freedom decision by the U.S. Supreme Court made in 2003. And, the appointment of judges across the country, including as many as three Supreme Court justices, will have a profound effect on our right to practice sex with other consenting adults.
 
For this reason, NCSF wants to extend the scope of our sexual freedom questionnaires to elective offices in your localities, including candidates for the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives, for governor and for State legislatures. This is where you can help us. We would like you to send copies of the letter and the questionnaire to candidates running for office in your State, in elections where you think the outcome could have an impact on sexual freedom issues-legislation, judicial appointments and law enforcement practices.
 
Here is what we would like you to do:
 
3. Please cc NCSF.
 
Responses will be posted on our website.
 
 

Volunteer Needs - October 2016
 
Media Watchdog
If you are short on time, but high on motivation and believe in the NCSF mission, there is still an opportunity to volunteer! We need motivated people to send us articles they find while browsing news outlets that pertain to NCSF and our goals.
 
Writers
If you enjoy writing or are a blogger or professional looking to get exposure, NCSF wants your input. We need writers to contribute to our blog and our newsletter. Your article could be on any topic relevant to the NCSF mission. Please submit volunteer requests, ideas, and writing samples!
 
Graphic Artists
Calling all graphic artists! Let NCSF use your creative talents. We need graphic artists willing to contribute to the upcoming "NCSF 20th Anniversary Coloring Book."
 
NCSF Advocates
NCSF needs active, passionate people to spread the word about our organization. We need you to let people know about our resources, talk about us at your local events, staff tables and let us know what your local community needs from us. If you like to be social, active, and support our cause, please consider volunteering in this indispensable way.
 
If any of these interest you, please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  We need you!

 
devin dore
NCSF Board member Devin representing at Dore Alley 2016
 
 

Incident Reporting & Response - 3rd Quarter 2016 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 31 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in July, August and September. This is up from only 20 requests in the 2nd quarter, and similar to the two previous quarters which had 31 and 28 requests.

NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 3rd Quarter of 2016:

Criminal

There were 11 requests for resources and information involving criminal law (up from 7 in the 2nd Quarter).  5 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault or harassment who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement. 4 people needed a defense attorney due to sexual assault/assault charges involving BDSM. 1 person needed an attorney to defend against fraud charges and another was facing charges for posting photos without permission to their FetLife account.

Child Custody

There were 8 requests for resources and information regarding child custody, sharply up from no requests last quarter. 6 involved disputed child custody, with 4 involving polyamory and 2 BDSM (2 of these parents lost custody at least temporarily due to BDSM in one case and poly in the other). There were also 2 requests involving polyamory adoption.  

Groups

There were 6 requests for help involving BDSM groups (5 request last quarter). Groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations and liability issues: 3 were groups dealing with a serial predator, another group asked for advice on dealing with violations before they occur. 1 group was attacked by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation who sent a letter to the hotel protesting that they were hosting a BDSM conference - the hotel stood by the group and the conference was held. Another group is looking for Kink Aware Professionals to assist in volunteering at kink and sci fi events.

Professional

4 professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services or in presenting on BDSM for their professional group. These included a nurse practitioner, a psychologist, and 2 clinical therapists.

Civil

2 requests: Someone requested help with FetLife after they removed her post accusing another member of sexual assault-we explained how to repost the information and how to provide the name privately. A kink aware professional needed help in removing his name from search engines after a media report outed him.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!
 
 

A Letter from the Development Director for the CSPC, 
Board member for the FSPC and NCSF, Allena Gabosch 
 
Several months ago the  Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC) and the  Foundation for Sex Positive Culture (FSPC) joined forces to create a joint Consent Policy for our respective organizations.  This was prompted by several things, primarily because it was overdue and also because consent issues have become a very big part of the conversation here in the greater Seattle area.   After a lot of meetings and a whole bunch of editing this is what we came up with. 
 
A Statement of Principle Regarding Consent and Handling Consent Violations
 
At the Center and Foundation for Sex Positive Culture we talk a lot about consent and consensual activity. It's the cornerstone of our events, what we teach, and who we are. While that is easy to say, living it takes work, dedication, and a clear statement of how we view consent and its place in our organization.
 
Our understanding of consent is this:
  • The act of getting consent is the act of making sure everyone involved in a given activity is able to give their ok, understands what's going on, and directly, consciously, and willingly chooses to engage in that activity.
  • The basics of consent are simple: Get full and informed consent, with awareness of the explicit and implicit consent you are using, before you engage in an activity with someone.
  • The application of consent is complex, emotional, and takes practice.
We realize it is not enough simply to state that consent is important. To build a consent culture, we need to both talk about consent in detail and improve the safety of the people we serve. It is not enough to sit on the sidelines and watch as events unfold around us. It is our right and our responsibility to find better ways to talk about, explore, and protect consent.
 
We recognize that we are, and should be, held to a high standard of understanding and enforcing consent. This statement and associated policy and procedure documents are the culmination of our current discussions and understanding. We have taken our knowledge and help from other organizations to craft it as best we're able to in the moment. These are living documents and will grow and change as we learn and understand more.
 
Even though we have more to learn it's important that we stand up for this complex and exciting concept. Consent is something we need to make a better world, both for ourselves and for you. Let's get started.
Read the rest here:  https://thefspc.org/policies/
 
Sar Surmak, an FSPC board member and the driving force in creating this policy, is currently working on a workshop to teach others how to create such a policy, which we hope to make available to other organizations soon.
Please contact me for information on the workshop or the policy. 
 
Allena Gabosch This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. 
(Development Director for the CSPC, board member for the FSPC and NCSF)
 
 

 
NCSF Thanks! 3rd Quarter 2016

Thank You to Dick Cunningham and Judy Guerin for donating $3,500 to support NCSF's Consent Summit in Seattle in April!

NCSF Coalition Partner, Boydy's Crazy Consensual Concepts says, "I am donating 7% of my profit just because NCSF is a great cause. I consider NCSF to be an incredibly important thing to have around. :-)" Thank you, Boydy!

NCSF Coalition Partner, Adventures in Sexuality, raised $345 for NCSF at their COPE event in September in Ohio.

NCSF thanks The 15 Association of San Francisco for donating $100 in the name of their brother who they recently lost.

NCSF thanks all of these generous donors who enable our 
all-volunteer staff to continue our projects to end discrimination.
 
 

 
Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships 
By Michael Aaron

Human sexuality today stands at the crossroads between biological diversity and social conformity, and a battle between the two rages in the media, in social institutions, and in our daily lives. As a sex therapist, Michael Aaron witnesses this struggle each and every day as it plays out on his therapy couch. Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships examines how biology and society collide head-on in the realm of human sexuality. Here, Aaron carefully and convincingly debunks some of the most commonly held beliefs about sexuality - that it is learned and can be changed; that "abnormal" sexual behavior is pathological; that healthy sexuality involves intimacy; that intimacy is the same to everyone; and that sexuality must have a clearly defined purpose. 

Using groundbreaking brain-imaging studies and cutting- edge psychological insights, Modern Sexuality presents the overwhelming case for sexual diversity including orientation, non-traditional relationships, and even specific fantasies and kinks. In a world where sexual "outsiders" battle for acceptance, this work helps to explore the variety of sexual expressions from a normative standpoint, helping readers to understand that their own desires and those of others can happily exist on the same continuum.
 
 
Michael Aaron
 
 

 
by Dr. Marty Klein
 
"What do you suppose would happen if the whole country were flooded with free porn?"

What sounded like a crazy idea in the 1980s became a reality just a few years later. We now know exactly what would happen.

In the year 2000, broadband internet brought free, high-definition pornography into virtually every home in America. Still reeling from the world-changing invention of the internet, America was unprepared for 24/7 porn.

This led to a predictable cascade of problems, which are still with us: consumers having trouble regulating their use. Couples arguing about it. People misunderstanding its fundamental fictions. Parents worried about what their kids are learning from it.

Of course, professionals are expected to pick up the pieces: Marriage counselors, child psychologists, mediators, clergy, physicians. Sometimes, unfortunately, law enforcement. And all are trying to do so without the training, models, tools, or support they need.

In a country deeply conflicted about sexuality, the new supersized version of porn triggered another one of America's periodic moral panics. Remember comic books, early rock 'n' roll, satanic ritual abuse, snuff films? All were the focus of intense public concern, none were ultimately dangerous, and some didn't even exist. Nevertheless, moral entrepreneurs and anti-sex activists saw 24/7 porn as an opportunity to frighten and anger people-while enriching and empowering themselves.

Predictably, there are now many popular myths about porn that are simply not true-but which are incredibly sticky, difficult to dislodge or even discuss honestly. Here are some common myths, along with some helpful facts.

* Myth: Most porn is violent or misogynist.

There's no lack of people claiming that most or all porn is violent, deviant, and woman-hating.

And it's not hard to find such imagery. But it's a tiny fraction of the universe of porn out there. True, a tiny fraction of a huge number is a big number. But let's remember that most porn isn't violent, and that most people don't want to watch violent porn.

What most porn consumers watch is friendly, smiling people doing friendly, sexy things together. This is the porn that is most readily available. Much of it follows a familiar formula: undress, oral sex, intercourse. Gladly undress, delighted to have oral sex, satisfied with intercourse. Realistic? Not especially. Violent? Definitely not.

And yet moral entrepreneurs like Concerned Women of America, anti-sex-work activists like Melissa Farley, and academic bullies like Gail Dines deliberately spread lies every week about the content of porn. They're saying that 50 million American husbands, brothers, and sons are consuming images of sexual savagery every week. Does that sound like the guy you know?
 
* Myth: Fantasy is a reflection of desire, and predicts behavior

Everyone knows that fantasy has very little predictive value in life-except when the subject is sexuality. We all fantasize about strangling our boss, yet no one fears they'll actually do it. We all fantasize about selling all our stuff and moving to Tahiti, yet no one fears doing it. But when someone enjoys fantasizing about threesomes, or sex in public, or being sexually coerced by a regiment of Marines, too many people are frightened that this could somehow "lead" to the real activity.

Pornography is a compendium of human fantasy. Not desire-fantasy. Not behavior-fantasy. Humans like consuming sexual images of the forbidden, the risky, the scary, the chaotic, the dirty, the glamorous.

When activists criticize the content of porn as perverse or deviant, their surprise is disingenuous. Exactly what would anyone expect to be the content of porn-the wholesome, the clean, the safe, the predictable? That's what fantasy is designed to escape from. That's what most people already have in their sex lives. And if the scary and risky is too, well, scary and risky, fantasy is a perfect place to vicariously "experience" it.

That's why it's short-sighted to refer to "gay porn" and "straight porn"-there's just porn. True, there's porn depicting same-gender sex and porn depicting other-gender sex (although there's a lot of porn featuring both). But it's all just imagery that people find exciting.

Every week someone comes into my office worried that they're watching the "wrong" kind of porn, or worried about the "meaning" of the porn they enjoy. "I'm straight, why do I enjoy watching gay sex?" "I'm a feminist woman, why do I like watching women being tied up?"

We are a kinky species, aren't we? With all due respect to those Freudians who think dreams have meaning, fantasies have very little meaning for most people. We're stimulated by what stimulates us. Sometimes that changes over time, sometimes not.

Even St. Augustine thanked God for not making him responsible for the content of his dreams. We don't have a record about how he felt about his fantasies.

* Myth: Porn causes people to abandon their sexual relationships

Here's a story I never hear: "I used to enjoy eating, then I watched a bunch of cooking shows, and now I've lost interest in eating." Similarly, no one leaves a vibrant sexual relationship with an actual person for the pleasures of masturbating to images. That would make no sense.

What does exist is many, many people struggling with sexual dissatisfaction. Maybe the problem involves boredom and routine. Maybe it's the accumulation of years of hurt and resentment. Maybe it's a dramatic gap in sexual preferences, or levels of desire. Maybe it's alcohol or one person being really selfish.

And did I mention boredom and routine?

Many, many people experience the collapse of their sexual relationship. And especially in long-term relationships where both are committed to staying, very few people want to discuss this collapse. Most people would much rather argue about porn than talk honestly about sex.

People rarely complain about their mate's porn watching when they're enjoying a healthy sexual relationship. Very few people in rich sexual relationships fear that porn will steal their mate away-because they know exactly what their real-life sexual relationship offers.

But when the sex has collapsed, it's easy for someone to point to Demon Porn as the "reason" things have gone bad-that porn "stole" their mate.  

No real sexual relationship offers the perfection, the total control, the infinite variety, or the level of fantasy that masturbation to porn does. But that's all pretty weak stuff compared to the touch of another human, the anticipation of a kiss, the look in someone's eyes while we're climaxing. When real sex lacks those, masturbation to porn looks like a reasonable second choice. But it's rarely someone's first choice if other things are available.

All professionals who deal with porn-related complaints need to look beyond the porn component and explore what else is going on in the situation. The porn use can be distracting to us-but we need the self-discipline to look for the context of the porn use, and the wider sexual ecology of the person or couple in front of us. Only then can we be truly helpful in this age of PornPanic.

* * *

For more about pornography, PornPanic, and Porn Literacy, see Dr. Klein's new book,  His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's PornPanic With Honest Talk About Sex.

* * *

Dr. Marty Klein is a Certified Sex Therapist, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, and Policy Analyst. The award-winning author of 7 books, he is named by Wikipedia as a key figure in America's controversy about sex addiction.
 
 

Media Updates and Web Features
 
NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.
 
Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
The Softer Side of S&Mfrom Advocate
 
NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.
 
You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here
 

Representing on FetLife 

  

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Countsand members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!
 
 
Thursday, 03 November 2016 22:57

NCSF Newsletter: 2nd Quarter 2016

NCSF Newsletter
2nd Quarter, 2016
edited by Julian Wolf

 

In this Issue

NCSF at the AASECT Annual Conference
Consent Month In September
Get NCSF's latest pamphlet on Trauma
Incident Reporting & Response
The Sexual Freedom Resolution
NCSF Thanks!
Do Not Sit In Silence, a Response to #StandWithOrlando
Guest Blog
Media Updates
Representing on FetLife


 

NCSF at the AASECT Annual Conference
 
NCSF was proud to exhibit at the AASECT Annual Conference: Putting the Pieces Together - Inclusivity in Practice which took place in San Juan, Puerto Rico from June 8-12. Susan Wright presented Consent 201: Consent and its Discontents with Russell Stambaugh, PhD, DST, CSTS and NCSF Advocate for Kink Aware Professionals. The Consent 201 workshop highlighted data from NCSF's Consent Violation Survey (2015).
 
Susan also presented NCSF's BDSM and Intimate Partner Violence Training, which has been presented over 35 times so far in 2016 by Ashley Haymond and Susan Wright via Skype for social workers, counselors and therapists. NCSF is in the process of obtaining AASECT CEUs for the BDSM and IPV Training.
 
Jim Fleckenstein spoke about polyamory at the Alt Sex SIG Roundtable: Evolution of Alternative Sexuality: Evolving Facts and New Perspectives to Help You Build Inclusivity with Your Sexually Expansive Clients. The co-presenters were Lori Michels, LMFT, S-PSB, CST; Tammy Nelson, PhD, CIT, LPC, LADC, CST, CSTS; Tamara Pincus, MSW, CST; and Anna Randall, MSW, MPW, DHS, ACS.
 
As usual, NCSF staff members attended the AASECT Alt Sex SIG munch on Friday evening and spoke to professionals who were kink-friendly as well as those who were interested in finding out more about BDSM and non-monogamy. NCSF is looking forward to AASECT's 49th Annual Conference next year in Las Vegas, NV!
AASECT
NCSF Spokesperson Susan Wright and Membership Coordinator Kelly Beaton at AASECT

Consent Month is in September!

 

Please schedule a workshop on consent, a party with a consent theme, or a fundraiser for NCSF to raise awareness about Consent Month.

ConsentMonth.com

NCSF can send you Got Consent! Bracelets for your event along with materials on consent.

Let us know the date and we'll put it on our calendar on ConsentMonth.com

Take photos and enter our Consent Photo Contest! See the winner from Consent Month 2015.

National Consent Month is proudly brought to you by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the Arizona Power Exchange. Thank you for supporting Consent Month!

Return to top


Get NCSF's latest pamphlet on Trauma

This Trauma pamphlet is intended to help both survivors of traumatic experiences and the people around them. Community organizers have been asking NCSF for more information on how people react when they're traumatized and how they can better help their own members. So we worked with over a dozen kink aware professionals to create this pamphlet:


You don't have to go it alone. NCSF trains local victim services on BDSM vs. abuse. Call your local rape crisis hotline or contact NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response for help for you or a friend at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 917-848-6544.
 
 

Incident Reporting & Response - 2nd Quarter 2016 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 20 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in April, May and June. This is a drop from last two quarters (31 and 28 requests). This continues a downward trend in requests from the average (50 requests) for the previous 7 quarters, going back to the 1st Quarter of 2014.  
 
NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.
 
Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 2nd Quarter of 2016:
 
Criminal
    There were 7 requests for resources and information involving criminal law.  2 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault or sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement. 1 person needed an attorney to help keep a restraining order in place. There were 4 requests from defendants for educational resources and referrals for kink aware professionals to serve as expert witness.
 
Groups
    There were 5 requests for help involving BDSM groups. Groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations: 1 group was dealing with a serial predator, another group with an educator who has been banned by nearby groups, while 2 groups needed advice on how to deal with violations before they occur. 1 group was dealing with zoning issues.
 
Civil
    There were 4 requests for help with civil matters, an upturn in requests. 2 involved getting attorneys to write cease & desist letters in regards to threats to out them by posting photos from FetLife. 1 involved a woman threatened with a lawsuit for speaking out against a man who defrauded her. 1 person needed a legal form.
 
Professionals
    Three professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services. These included a sex therapist, a psychologist and a lawyer.
 
Discrimination
    There was 1 case of discrimination this quarter. A woman needed help explaining kink for a job in social work.
 
If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
 
Please join now or  donate to support NCSF's direct services!
 
 

Join over 40 National Associations, Groups and Professionals who have signed the Sexual Freedom Resolution!

"I absolutely endorse sexuality as a human right and social justice as the best framework for seeking that, so I am thrilled to sign the sexual freedom resolution," says Elizabeth Sheff, Ph.D. CASA, CSE.

The Sexual Freedom Resolution is a stand against discrimination by professionals in the field of sexuality and sexual health. This Resolution can be submitted to civil, criminal and family courts by people who are stigmatized because of their sexual expression in order to help them get a fair trial on the merits of their case. We encourage organizations that serve mental and health professionals to sign onto this resolution, as well as educational groups and Kink Aware Professionals.

To sign on, go to: www.ncsfreedom.org/sfr

Sexual Freedom Resolution

Working within the framework of social justice and human rights, we support the right of freedom of sexual expression among consenting adults. We affirm that sexual expression is central to the human experience, that this right is central to overall health and well-being, and that this right must be honored. We support the right to be free from discrimination, oppression, exploitation and violence due to one's sexual expression.

The best contemporary scientific evidence finds that consenting adults who practice BDSM, fetishes, cross-dressing and non-monogamy can be presumed healthy as a group. We believe that any sexuality education or therapies that treat sexual problems must avoid stigmatizing or pathologizing these forms of sexual expressions between fully informed consenting adults.

As professionals in the field of sexuality and sexual health, we actively seek to destigmatize consensual sexual expression and sexual practices among consenting adults, as well as to help create and maintain safe space for those who have been traditionally marginalized. 

Signed by:

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
AASECT (American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists)
CARAS (Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities) 
Center for Positive Sexuality
Projects Advancing Sexual Diversity (PASD)
Science of BDSM Research Team
TASHRA (The Alternative Sexualities Health Research Alliance)
 
And more! Go to www.ncsfreedom.org/sfr to see who has signed on.
 

NCSF Thanks! 2nd Quarter 2016

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner, New England Leather Alliance, for donating $3,216 from their Winter Fetish Fair Fleamarket held on President's Day weekend in Warwick, RI. NELA traditionally donates $1 per attendee from their fair as their annual Coalition Partner fundraiser for NCSF. This year, the attendance jumped to nearly 3,200 people from 2,000 in previous years, so NELA added an extra $16 for the year 2016, making it a grand total of $3,216.

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner, Board of Education, for donating $1,076 on May 3rd from their annual CP fundraiser held in March.

Thank you to our Coalition Partner, Center for Sex Positive Culture, for donating $1,066.65 on May 4th from the proceeds of the NCSF Consent Summit held on April 23rd. An additional $108 donation was donated by our Coalition Partner, the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture in July.

NCSF would like to thank Marc Depaul, a long time supporter of the coalition, for donating $500 to the NCSF Foundation in May.

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner, Adventures in Sexuality, for donating $390 raised as their annual CP fundraiser at Winter Wickedness in February.

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner Riverbound in the Quad Cities in Illinois and Iowa for donating $300 in June. The funds were raised at the end of April at Riverbound's first annual vendor fair, held in Davenport, Iowa, where close to 20 vendors displayed wonderful lifestyle items from whips, embossed leather paddles and straps to collars, floggers, and lifestyle t-shirts. 

Thank you to BASSN (Boston Area Sexuality Spirituality Network) for donating $200 to the NCSF membership group in April.

The EPIC Lifestyle Conference earmarked 25% of the lunch and dinner costs on Sunday of their May 12-16 weekend event in the Poconos, and donated a total of $160 to NCSF.

Coalition Partner, NOBLE, donated $90 in April as their CP fundraiser by holding a raffle of prize baskets to benefit NCSF.

Coalition Partner, Le Bon Temps, donated $123 in May from their yearly raffle that benefits NCSF.

NCSF thanks all of these generous donors who enable our all-volunteer staff to continue our projects to end discrimination.
 

Do Not Sit In Silence, a Response to #StandWithOrlando

I am queer, polyamourus, genderqueer, I am not a Christian, and I like to go dancing. I have had violence threatened against me, I have lost work, I have had incredible opportunities, great loves, and I have chosen not to live in the closet. What happened in Orlando, and so frequently on a smaller scale so many places, could have happened here. It could have happened to us. It did happen to our extended family. Do not allow hate speech to happen in your presence. Call out aggression. Don't sit in silence glad it didn't happen to you.

Days after the tragedy in Orlando I had two conversations that we shouldn't have to have in this day and age. (Spoiler alert, the conversations went well and there have been good steps made toward eliminating hate in a small subset of a rather backwards part of our country.) I was tired, in the midst of my move and against my better judgement I asked the patriarch of my family of origin (FOO) if his (very conservative) church prayed for the victims on Sunday. He said that they didn't as it was early and no one really knew what was happening. That actually made sense, so I accepted it but didn't drop the subject. I then started talking to him about what happened. The news he watches hadn't reported it was Latin night at gay club. He'd heard it was at a gay club elsewhere, but no one mentioned it was Latin night. He knew that "guys and gals" (to use his words) had been killed, and we talked some about the people- parents, siblings, mothers... and how scared so many people are. I brought up that the shooter was blatantly homophobic, and this was an act of homophobia, and likely racist. He brought up that "ISIS hates everyone that isn't like them" and I pointed out that as of yet there are no proof that he actually was involved with ISIS, but there was that he was homophobic. Targeting Latin night at a gay club during gay pride month was likely not coincidental. We talked about how sad this is, and since there are kids in the house, I asked him to add the victims and their families to the prayers that they'll say at dinner. He agreed without hesitation. The fact that there will be kind words said for queer people at the place where I was told that anything other than heteronormative Christian monogamy was an unforgivable sin is profound. 

I called my sister's eldest and we talked about what happened. He didn't know it was Pride month, or a gay club much less Latin night. We talked about why I have been trying to weed micro-aggressions out of him and his sibling's speech. Why we don't say something weak is "girly" or something bad is "gay." They are POC (people of colour) and we talked about why we don't joke about it in groups, because someone else might not be strong enough to know the difference and be harmed. We talked about the fact that transgender people are murdered more than anyone else and why it keeps happening. We discussed that GLBTQ (and what those letters mean) people kill themselves more than anyone else, and it's in part because people allow hate speech around them. We talked about how when someone went to Jesus and bitched about a woman having extramarital sex Jesus said "Dude, not cool. Stop being a dick." (And that I paraphrased that story from the bible, but he knew the story, John Chapter 8 from the New Testament if you're curious.) We talked about the fact that the message of Jesus was not one of hate, but of love and it's anyone's job who is Christian to have the back of anyone who is being bullied. (I seem to know more about Christianity than a lot of his friends who identify as such.) We talked about the difference that we can make as individuals with our own choices. We then chatted about movies, working out and before we said goodbye I told him that I wanted him to be the best man- no the best person that he could possibly be, and yes, I phrased the statement as a correction just like that. This is a start.
 
These are steps. If you can open a door that had previously been sealed shut, even if it's just a inch, please consider it. If you can ask someone to acknowledge that hate is not acceptable, please do. If you can ask someone if someone like me(/you/your friend/those people) deserves to die because of their sexuality or the color of their skin, do. Allow people to start considering if hate is what they want to grow in their hearts or if they want to start making room to consider that maybe it isn't ok that our people are dying on our soil because we're allowing - even encouraging - people to hate. Yes, other things need to change, but a difference you can make right now is start opening doors that used to be closed due to ignorance and/or hate. Not many people are going to be glad that so many people died so horribly over the weekend- help people consider what they can do to make it never happen again. I don't know how to grieve in a comfortable way. I only know how to work and keep fighting. Please, grieve. Please, work. Please, fight. Make changes, even small ones, to make the world safer for everyone.
 

Guest Blog: Top Three Considerations when Coming Out as Polyamorous
by Elisabeth Sheff, PhD, CASA, CSE
CEO, Sheff Consulting
 
Why?
A few reasons people choose to come out are:Increased intimacy - Hiding important relationships means closing off parts of your life, and being honest about significant things allows greater authenticity and emotional connection.
 
Explanation for person in social environment - Sometimes people in poly relationships that have become serious and entail more involvement in their lives decide to come out to both explain the presence of the person/people and acknowledge the importance of the relationship(s).
 
Being outed by an event or person - When someone else threatens to out a poly person, sometimes taking control of the situation and outing themselves
 
Political belief - As amply demonstrated by LGBT activists, it is difficult to take political space and organize for rights without a visible and recognizable presence in society. The more poly people who come out, the more visible polyamory is, and the more likely it is that poly communities will be able to gain rights for their constituents.
 
Not - If there is no real reason to come out, reconsider doing so if you are vulnerable. That vulnerability might be to losing custody of your children, losing your job, losing connections with your family and friends, or losing your housing. These things can happen when people come out as poly, so think carefully before deciding if the risks of coming out are worth the benefits.
 
How?
Although the idea of coming out is politically important and some people feel compelled to be scrupulously honest with the others in their lives, most people should use caution when coming out because be identified as a sex or gender minority can be dangerous and should be done cautiously. A few of the ways to do so cautiously include:
 
Selective disclosure - Tell the people who are important and need to know that you have a poly relationship, but let them know this is sensitive information that they should not share with others until you are ready. If you are not sure if someone is safe to tell, then consider using a "litmus" question such as how that person feels about same-sex marriage or something like that. Their reaction could give you information about how they might react to the news of polyamory.
 
Matter of fact, not dramatic - If you present the information as a matter of daily life and not a cataclysmic announcement, others will be more likely to take it as a regular piece of news. Presenting it as normal part of your life can help others accept it as normal for you as well.
 
Private setting - In case you or the person you tell has a strong reaction to your coming out news, consider a setting that allows some conversational privacy.
 
Preparation
Once you have decided to come out, prepare yourself. Think about what you are going to say, and plan ahead with your partners. Use the resources below to educate yourself and those to whom you are coming out.
 
NCSF has a resource library filled with information for activists, lawyers, people concerned with consent, mental health, and professionals knowledgeable about polyamory and BDSM.
 
Other websites such as Loving MoreOpening Up, and More Than Two
 
I have written three books that would be very helpful to people coming out as polyamorous. The first one, The Polyamorists Next Door (2014), reports on my 15 year study of poly families with children and is best suited for using when coming out to social workers, lawyers, school counselors, doctors, and other professionals.  Stories from the Polycule (2015), my second book, is an edited volume of stories written by poly people themselves and is best suited for coming out to younger family members, friends, and open minded people or people with shorter spans of attention. My most recent book,  When Someone You Love is Polyamorous (2016), is a short introduction to polyamory and best suited for dear friends and family members who are older, more conservative, or might be afraid that polyamory might be a bad thing for their loved ones.
 
Dr. Elisabeth Sheff is an expert witness, relationship coach, writer, and academic consultant. She is touring the East and West coasts for the release of her third book this fall, you can find her schedule here. There is still some room in the tour for more engagements, so if you want to book Dr. Sheff to speak to your group, contact her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
 

Media Updates and Web Features
 
NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.
 
Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
The Softer Side of S&Mfrom Advocate
 
NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.
 
You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here
 

Representing on FetLife 

  

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Countsand members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!
 
 
Thursday, 11 August 2016 23:03

Newsletter: 1st Quarter 2016

NCSF Newsletter
1st Quarter, 2016
edited by Julian Wolf

In this Issue
 

Join the Consent Summit online on April 23rd
 
Watch a live feed of the Keynote Speech, Plenary and Panels, and ask questions or make comments via the chat function. RSVP to register for free online viewing: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

DevNL1stqThe NCSF Consent Summit is an all-day event of workshops and discussions on consent taking place in Seattle that is sponsored by the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival and the Foundation and Center for Sex Positive Culture.
 
10 am - 6 pm on April 23rd

@the Center for Sex Positive Culture, 1602 15th Ave W, Seattle, WA
 
CSPC Logo
 

 
All tickets include Seattle Erotic Arts Festival admission on Sunday and 15% off the Weekend Pass for the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival. Register here:https://www.strangertickets.com/events/31789308/ncsf-consent-summit

$50 - All day event with luncheon ticket for Keynote
$40 - All day event without luncheon
$35 - All day reduced price and students
$30 - Luncheon and Keynote ticket
$75 - All day event with luncheon ticket and Pay It Forward*

*Pay It Forward allows those who are economically advantaged to assist people who are not. It's a reminder to all of us that money can create barriers between us.

Scholarships are available - please contact NCSF to find out more - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

Summit


Consent Month is in September! 

Please schedule a workshop on consent, a party with a consent theme, or a fundraiser for NCSF to raise awareness about Consent Month. 

ConsentMonth.com 

NCSF can send you Got Consent! Bracelets for your event along with materials on consent.

Let us know the date and we'll put it on our calendar on ConsentMonth.com

Take photos and enter our Consent Photo Contest! See the winner from Consent Month 2015.

National Consent Month is proudly brought to you by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the Arizona Power Exchange. Thank you for supporting Consent Month!

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Membership Drive Challenge 
 
NCSF Coalition Partner Rep for StL3, Inc. (and recently appointed NCSF Board Member) Jackie 'Bebe' Harris is challenging all other CP Reps to a Membership Drive Challenge! 
 
Between now and August 1st, the bragging rights are up for grabs for the Coalition Partner Group that signs up the most new (or renewal) memberships for NCSF! But fair warning that Bebe has a 2 week head start! 
 
Bebe's group, StL3, Inc. and Event Chairperson Jsin, have graciously donated a grand prize for their NCSF Membership Drive. Those signing up as NCSF members between April 8th and July 31st  are entered for a single chance in a drawing for the Grand Prize;
 
- Registration of choice of con: to either 'Spanksgiving 2016' or 'Beat Me in St Louis 2017' (their 20th  BMSL anniversary!)
- AND a guaranteed room choice in their 'sold out in 20 minutes, whole host hotel takeover' for the con chosen! 
 
Wait, you want to sign up as a Supporting Member for NCSF? Fantastic, they they'll enter you four chances into the drawing! 
 
For more info on the NCSF Membership Drive Challenge, see their post in the NCSF Coalition Partner Network group on FetLife.
 

Incident Reporting & Response - 1st Quarter 2016 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 31 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in January, February and March. This is approximately the same as last quarter's numbers (28 requests) continuing a trend which is down from the average (50 requests) for the previous 7 quarters, going back to the 1st Quarter of 2014.  

NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 1st Quarter of 2016:

Criminal
    There were 11 requests for resources and information involving criminal law. 8 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault or sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services and/or resources to educate law enforcement, investigators and prosecutors. There were 2 requests for educational resources and referrals for kink aware expert professionals from defendants. 1 request involved the legality of Pro-Domme services.  

Groups
    There were 6 requests for help involving BDSM groups. Four groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations: one was dealing with members who have a restraining order and three were getting advice on how to deal with violations before they occur. One group of individuals asked for assistance in setting up an advocacy organization in another country. One event faced law enforcement harassment and was raided.

Professionals
    Five professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services. These included a medical practitioner, therapists, an attorney and a victim advocacy agency. One person requested assistance in locating a kink aware professional in an area not covered by our KAP.

Child Custody/Divorce
    There was 1 divorce case involving polyamory, and 3 child custody cases in the last three months, an all-time low. All three child custody requests involved kink: a psych evaluation was ordered in one, and another one involved photos taken from FetLife.

Discrimination
    There were 4 cases of discrimination this quarter. One person was concerned about mandatory reporting by a nurse practitioner and therapist. A student was suspended from graduate school. Another person was threatened with outing to work, involving FetLife profiles.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!
 

 

 


 
Coalition Partner Corner 
featuring 
Min-KY - Minnesota Kinky Youth
 
What is the mission of your group?
Min-KY is a pansexual organization which provides a space where 18-35 year-olds can learn to safely explore their kink.

What inspired your participation with the NCSF?
We have always felt it was important to support the main national organization that fights for the cause of BDSM.

What's your favourite way to do your NCSF fund raising?
We like to throw a fundraiser party where, in addition to requesting a larger than normal cash donation at the door, we raffle off donated items or services from our community.  After covering our costs, we typically donate the rest of the proceeds.

Thank you! We heard that you had some training early this year, tell us more.
In early February MinKY received training from the Sexual Violence Center in Minneapolis aimed at better equipping us to support our membership and our community when we are approached by a victim/survivor of sexual violence.  This was a huge step forward in our commitment to creating safer spaces.  We received 8 hours of training over the course of two days.  The first day contained a lot of information about the different forms sexual violence can take and the lasting effects they can have on the victim/survivor.  The second day focused on strategies for respectfully listening to a report of sexual violence and finding ways to help make the victim/survivor feel safe once more.  We learned that often, the secret to making someone feel safer is to simply ask them what would help!
We left the training feeling like our perspective had been broadened by the experience.  As active members of the kink community, we hear and talk about consent and safety all the time.  We have access to lots of people who speak authoritatively on those subjects.  We have far fewer people who choose to speak authoritatively on how to help when consent is ignored and safety is lost.  We felt it was incredibly beneficial to gain access to people and resources who can assist in that regard.
One of the most valuable things we gained from this experience is a partnership with the SVC moving forward.  The second most noteworthy thing was that we were able to arrange for leaders from two of the other major groups in our local kink community to join us for that training at the SVC.  We think that it is a highly encouraging sign that the positive direction we are leading our group is being mirrored by other leaders in our community.

Here is the SVC website if you'd like to take a look.   http://www.sexualviolencecenter.org/
 
Coalition Corner is where we like to feature different Coalition Partners and share what they do with the rest of our constituents. Would you like to be featured? Contact Julian at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
 

NCSF Thanks in the First Quarter 2016!
 
NCSF thanks Leather Sins, our Coalition Partner for donating $3,000 to NCSF at their latest Kinky Kollege event in Chicago on April 1-3rd. Jackie aka BeBe represented NCSF at Kinky Kollege and raised an additional $115 in Duck Rescue Donation sales and donations!

Long time supporter and NCSF member, Marc DePaul, donated $1,000 to the NCSF Foundation!

Thank you to Threshold for donating $525 to the NCSF Foundation on April 3rd.

Thank you to Poly Columbus for donating $500 in March as their annual Coalition Partner fundraiser. Poly Columbus held a poly Valentine's dance at THE COLUMBUS SPACE, with over 85 people attending on what was one of the coldest nights of 2016 in Columbus. Several of Poly Columbus' Board Members and members donated items for a silent auction.

NCSF thanks Leatherwoods in Oregon who donated $416 to NCSF in February to continue our advocacy, education and outreach, as well as our efforts to decriminalize BDSM and our Incident Reporting & Response program.

NCSF thanks our Coalition Partner Satyricon Wisconsin for donating $330 raised at their annual NCSF charity event, with funds raised by the community of Wisconsin.

The NCSF and Leather Archives & Museum held a Sexual Freedom Reception and gallery opening for attendees of Creating Change 2016 in Chicago. NCSF received $150 from the entry fees.

AIS members who attended Winter Wickedness gave $149 in Duck Rescue Donations to benefit NCSF. Thank you!

And thank you to The Knights of Leather in Minnesota for raising $100 in December as their annual Coalition Partner fundraiser.
 

NCSF Sponsors BDSM Writers Con
On March 31st through April 3rd, NCSF once again participated in the BDSM Writers Con, which was held for the first time on the West Coast in Seattle, WA. NCSF has sponsored this conference and presented on an assortment of issues over the past three years.
These conferences, founded and organized by noted author and sexual educator Dr. Charley Ferrer, bring together hundreds of authors who write about BDSM or are expanding their works to incorporate BDSM themes. This rapidly expanding literary treatment of BDSM is bringing favorable and objective presentations of our activities and passions to the American reading public.
NCSF's participation and presentations, both this year in Seattle and in previous conferences in New York City, assist authors in understanding BDSM and have enabled them to incorporate healthy BDSM concepts into their plots in constructive ways. The effect in their writings is readily apparent and our help has been acknowledged by leading authors.
NCSF encourages both writers and readers to attend the next BDSM Writers Con, which will take place in New York City August 18th through August 21st, 2016 (www.bdsmwriterscon.com).
 
 

Guest Blog: The Need for KAP/Poly-Aware Networking Groups for Psychotherapists
by Keely Kolmes, Psy.D.
 
In the fall of 2009, I started Bay Area Open Minds a clinician networking group for psychotherapists and psychotherapy students who affirm that sexual and gender diversity are natural expressions of the human experience. Our psychotherapy practices welcome and serve clients who engage in consensual sexual behaviors, including but not limited to kink and polyamory and clients who are gender variant. One of our primary goals was to provide mentorship and community to students seeking support in working with these communities who may not be getting such support in their graduate programs.
 
We now have over 160 mental health professionals in our thriving group. We have an active listserv where we can seek consultation and referrals. And we have developed a brochure and website so that clients can find clinicians and graduate programs can advertise our group.
 
We'd love to help other communities to create their own groups. If you're interested in starting one, here are our recommendations.
 
1. If you are a student, find a Kink Aware Professional or Poly-Friendly Professional in your community and inquire as to whether they are willing to be a support/contact person to initiate group. It can be very stressful to take this on as a student but immensely helpful to have the support of licensed colleagues.
 
2. Our approach was to send the announcement to local LGBT therapy groups, graduate programs, local Kink Aware Therapists and Poly-Friendly colleagues who were known to Dr. Kolmes, founder of our group.
 
3. We got some more visibility through newspapers, at some graduate schools, through Good Vibrations magazine, and social media.
 
4. The first flyer was a blog post on Dr. Kolmes's website and a paper announcement posted in public spaces. It read:
 
Please join our group: Bay Area Therapists Affirming of Diversity in Sexuality
 
This is a free group for mental health professionals in the Bay Area of California. We offer support, networking, and consultation for Bay Area clinicians and mental health trainees who embrace the full range of sexual expression of consenting adults. Our respective practices explicitly welcome and serve clients who engage in alternative sexual behaviors and relationships, including kink and poly folks.
 
We offer an email list (no consultation takes place on-list) and meet every other month at a member's office.
 
We are especially interested in reaching out to students who may not have mentors or support in their clinical programs around working with sexually diverse populations.  Most clinical programs encourage students to explore their cultural identities and offer student groups organized around ethnicity, religion, LGBT-identity, disability, or other cultural affiliations.
 
But students who are kink or poly-identified or who want to work with these populations may have a more difficult time identifying one another and forming such groups. Many schools still don't recognize these alternative identities as deserving of non-biased care and respect. We are seeking to bridge this gap. We offer a safe space to connect with other mental health professionals who are affirming of the full range of diverse sexual expression.
Contact me if you would like to get connected with us.
 
5. Our first meeting had 8 clinicians show up and the group evolved to monthly two hour meetings. Volunteer efforts started with naming of our group and we came up with Open Minds. After 3 years, we formed our Board of Directors and began collecting dues. At that point, we created a logo, website, and brochures.
 
Our aim was to keep membership fees low so as to make our group accessible to students.
 
6. Having funding became important because while our local queer therapist group was amenable to our sharing booth space with them at some events temporarily, we needed funds in order to be able to purchase our own booth space and have an independent presence at street fairs.
 
7. Towards end of the first year with Board of Directors (June, 2012) , we consulted with a Certified Public Accountant for pursuit of non-profit status and submitted forms to the Tax Board to become tax exempt professional organization. When we have funds in excess of $5000, we may apply for non-profit status, or we can donate to community groups to keep our funds in the $5000 range.
 
8. Over time, we found that there is a strong need for a social and networking component to our group. Additionally, the email list has continued to be a good resource for seeking referrals and information. We have also been able to offer educational offerings such as managing sexual transference and countertransference as well as business networking issues. We also had a discussion on working with mono/poly pairings.
 
We hope we can encourage other communities to develop similar groups. It is clear that clinicians serving altsex and gender diverse communities can benefit from support and networking.
 
Join us and help serve as role models to student therapists in your community.
 


Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:

85 Year Old French Dominatrix from Bedford & Bowery
Why Some Powerful Men Like Getting Tied Up from NY Mag
My Journey To Polyamory from PopSugar

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails here or check our blog at our website here.

Return to top


Representing on FetLife 

  

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!

NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Counts

and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!

Return to top


See our list of Coalition Partners at the NCSF website
 
Are you a CP Representative? Make sure we have your updated information by emailThis email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
 
 

Interested in a specific story or in writing an article?
email Julian: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
 

Tuesday, 24 May 2016 14:20

NCSF Newsletter: 4th Quarter 2015

NCSF Newsletter
4th Quarter, 2015
edited by Julian Wolf
 
 

In this Issue

Save the Date for the NCSF Coalition Partner Meeting!

Message from the Chair

Save the Date for the NCSF Consent Summit!

Incident Reporting & Response

NCSF sponsors BDSM Writers Con

Results of Mental & Emotional Health Study

NCSF Thanks!

Daily Flogger Satire

Media Updates

Representing on FetLife


Save the Date for the NCSF Coalition Partner Meeting!

NCSF's Annual Coalition Partner Meeting will take place March 4-6, 2016, in San Jose, CA.

"The annual meeting gives NCSF's Coalition Partners the opportunity to tell the board where our focus should be in the coming year," says Chairman Kevin Carlson. "It's also their time to give us feedback on how we're conducting the day-to-day business of NCSF. The Board and staff are looking forward to gathering in Silicon Valley with our Coalition Partners to continue the good work of NCSF."

Friday, March 4th - Coalition Partner representatives Meet & Greet - 7-9 pm
Saturday, March 5th - Annual Coalition Partner's Meeting - 9-5pm
Sunday, March 6th - Annual Coalition Partner's Meeting - 9-noon
Sunday, March 6th - Consent Counts Discussion - 1-3pm

Location:

Fairfield Inn & Suites San Jose Airport
1755 North First Street San Jose, CA 95112

You may make reservations by calling the reservation line at 1-800-228-2800 or make online reservations: Book your group rate for NCSF

$104 - $124 on March 4-5
$220 for additional nights on March 3 or March 6 (15% off of the published rate)

NCSF staff, Board members and Coalition Partner reps are also invited to San Francisco's Leather Alliance Weekend events taking place throughout the weekend. Saturday evening is the Mr. SF Leather Contest - let us know if you're interested in attending. San Francisco is about an hour away from San Jose. http://leatherallianceweekend.org/


Message from the Chair
By Kevin Carlson

It's been a positive year for the NCSF. We have crossed several items off our list, including a membership database system that works great! (If you're not a member or need to renew, go to www.ncsfreedom.org/membership today.) Our latest survey was published which you can view here: www.ncsfreedom.org/surveyresults, and we started working with the American Law Institute to revise the Model Penal Code on sexual assault. Read more on this exciting project here www.ncsfreedom.org/images/stories/ALI/ALI_article.pdf. This are just a few of our accomplishments. GO TEAM!

Looking around the corner, we have our NCSF Annual Business Meeting with our Coalition Partners on March 5-6 in San Jose. Our Coalition Partner, smOdyssey, will sponsor the meeting where our CPs come together to outline our course and direction for the next year and beyond. If you have something you want to suggest, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

We are also hosting, in conjunction with the Center for Sex Positive Culture and the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, our first ever all day long Consent Summit with a Keynote lunch and a variety of classes to select from on April 23rd.

And don't forget about Consent Month in September! Ask your group to plan a workshop to take place in September and let us know so we'll put it on our Consent Month Calendar.

Look for us around the country this year at an event near you. You're always invited to stop by our table and say "Hi!" If you want to book us for your event, just contact us and we will work to make it happen.

We are looking forward to another year of positive growth and achievements. See you soon!

Kevin Carlson
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


Save the Date for the NCSF Consent Summit!
 
April 23rd at the Center for Sex Positive Culture in Seattle, WA
in association with the Erotic Arts Festival
 
The Consent Summit is an all-day event of workshops and discussions on consent

Incident Reporting & Response - 4th Quarter 2015 report
By Susan Wright
Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 28 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in October, November and December. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 4th quarter of 2015:

Criminal

There were 9 requests for resources and information involving kink and criminal law. 5 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services, and resources to educate law enforcement, investigators and prosecutors. There were 3 requests for resources and for referrals for kink aware expert professionals from people accused of consent violations. 1 request involved photographs taken from FetLife.

Groups

There were 8 requests for help involving BDSM and Lifestyle groups. 4 groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations: 2 were dealing with members who committed consent violations and 2 were getting advice on how to deal with any violations that may occur. 2 groups asked for assistance in setting up a club, dealing with zoning and local authorities and insurance. 2 groups faced media harassment.

Child Custody/Divorce

There were 5 child custody cases in the last three months. 2 requests involved a professional dominatrix fighting a Child Protective Services investigation. 1 request involved polyamory and 1 involved both polyamory and BDSM. 1 case involved photos taken from FetLife that were brought into family court to expose the parent's involvement with kink.

Professionals

4 professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services. These included therapists, teachers and graduate students.

Discrimination

Like last quarter, there were only 2 cases of discrimination this quarter. There was a probate case involving kink, and another person was discriminated against by her doctor when she tried to get a rape kit done.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!

 


 

NCSF sponsors BDSM Writers Con 
March 31-April 3
Everett, Washington
 
NCSF has sponsored and presented at the BDSM Writers Con in New York for two years.  Now in its fourth year, this spring the conference is expanding to the West Coast. On March 31st through April 3rd, the conference is being held in Everett, Washington. The conference educates writers and readers about the reality of BDSM and how our communities function, including the importance of consent. If you are an author, want to be an author or are an avid reader of BDSM, you should attend. We've seen a change in how many of the authors treat BDSM in their fictions since attending this conference. Joey W. Hill, a bestselling award-winning author, included NCSF in her recent book acknowledgement for Soul Rest. NCSF believes this is an important way for us to influence public opinion in a positive way. And, the writers always do fundraising for NCSF to support our important work.
 
This is a very fun and interesting conference and we highly encourage our supporters to attend. In addition to a weekend package, they have day passes for $99, a great dungeon party/ball on Saturday night open to non-conference attendees, and a book signing and meet the authors that are free and open to the public on Sunday. The dungeon party will be held at the conference hotel and the hotel is offering a special room rate of $65 for those who want to attend and stay the night
 
Check it out at www.bdsmwriterscon.com. We hope to see you there!

Results of NCSF Mental & Emotional Health Study

University of Alabama and University of Central Florida researchers surveyed over 800 kinky people recruited by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) and found they were mentally and emotionally healthy. Click here to see the study.
 
"I was curious about the stereotypes from a mental health standpoint and we found that these kinky people are well functioning, with little mental health concerns," says Tess M. Gemberling, M.A., Co-Principal Investigator, University of Alabama. "They also have healthy romantic relationships."
 
The study, "Psychological Functioning and Violence Victimization and Perpetration in BDSM Practitioners from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom," also investigated people's preferences for BDSM activities and fantasies, and explored whether violence is perpetuated against kinky people. It joins a growing body of research that refutes the stereotype that people who are kinky are inherently dangerous to themselves and others, which is at the root of the discrimination and persecution that kinky people experience.
 
"I wanted to explore more about how the stereotypes interface with reality," says Matt R. Nobles, Ph.D., Co-Principal Investigator, University of Central Florida. "Although more than half of the people in this study have been victims of violence or aggression, extremely few had perpetrated such themselves."
 
In the study, 7.7% of participants reported they had been victims of a BDSM-based hate crime, while 10.2% of participants reported they had been victims of an LGBT-based hate crime.
 
"Parallel to my work with sexual minorities, my interest is in looking at the nature of identity and mental health in a vulnerable group of people," says Robert J. Cramer, Ph.D., Co-Principal Investigator, University of Alabama. "Contrary to popular perceptions, our study shows kinky persons are largely mentally healthy when it comes to conditions such as depression, anxiety and suicide."
 
The study also confirms that for these kinksters it's primarily about consensual power exchange, with 98% preferring to take a specific power exchange role during BDSM. The most commonly reported practices were spanking, slapping and biting, and the use of sexual toys and equipment.
 
"Lawmakers can help by legally recognizing informed consent as the basis of healthy BDSM behavior," says Susan Wright, spokesperson for NCSF. "BDSM is intended to be a mutually beneficial experience that is done by consenting adults."

NCSF Thanks!

Coalition Partner, The Mark - CPI, donated $1,000 in October to NCSF.

Coalition Partner, House of Two Wolves, donated $900 to NCSF from their fundraiser.

Coalition Partner, Kink LINCS/ GLPW donated $819 to NCSF in December as their annual fundraiser.

Dick Cunningham and Judy Guerin raised $652 for the NCSF Foundation at their annual Dark Odyssey Halloween party.

T3WD held a fundraiser on behalf of the House of Decorum to raise funds for the Coalition Partner donation. They raised over $600 for the NCSF membership group.

Coalition Partner, the DC Sub Club, raised $639 at the DC Sub Club Holiday Party to donate to NCSF.

Coalition Partner, The New Mexico Leather League, donated $500 to NCSF in early January as their annual CP fundraiser.

The winner of the 50/50 NCSF Fund Raiser was a first-time guest to F.L.O.G. in St. Louis named Kevin, who immediately donated his 50% prize ($160) back to the fund, giving NCSF a donation of $320.

Coalition Partner, The Red Chair, donated $377 from their fundraiser in October.

Coalition Partner, Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, raised $303.54 on September 25thin a combination workshop and play party, called "Consent On The Edge" with the tagline: "Be bold! Ask for what you want! An event celebrating Consent Month presented jointly by the Center and Foundation for Sex Positive Culture to benefit the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom."

Thank you to Henry Reynolds for donating $100 to the NCSF.

And thank you to Patrick Mulcahey for donating $100 to the NCSF Foundation!

Numbers count when we advocate for you, and the bigger we are, the harder our voice is to ignore. There is no other group that fights for kink and nonmonogamy like NCSF does. We help people in need, groups under siege, and businesses opposed by sex-negative bureaucracy.
 
We can't do it without your support. Thank you for donating to NCSF!

BDSMers Create First Kinky SuperPAC
The Daily Flogger
WASHINGTON, UTAH

A group of enterprising kinksters have created KINKPAC, the worlds first BDSM themed political action committee.

According to Master Sven, the PAC leader and spokesperson, the group will lobby for rights for kinksters, as well as provide funding for candidates who are BDSM-positive and promote "rights for sexual minorities."

The response to KINKPAC from the BDSM community has been varied.  Almost immediately a second group formed KINKIERPAC, claiming that KINKPAC was "not edgy enough" and "needed to support more than just traditional kinks."

Within a week, 3 other PACs were formed, including a PAC to eliminate all "kink-based" PACs based on the belief that "working inside the system is impossible for true sexual outlaws."

According to Master Sven, the whole issue may actually be moot.  "Unfortunately no one in the community really has any money to donate.  We have received multiple offers from people for couches to sleep on if we are ever in their town and a donation of a dream catcher made of sticks and packing twine which was crafted at a class on pain and aura cleansing by a BDSM Shaman."

According to one insider, KINKPAC faces internal struggles as well, as they have been unable to decide on an agenda for the upcoming election cycle.
 
Read more at the Daily Flogger website.

Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:

85 Year Old French Dominatrix from Bedford & Bowery
Why Some Powerful Men Like Getting Tied Up from NY Mag
My Journey To Polyamory from PopSugar

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails here or check our blog at our website here.

 

Representing on FetLife 

  

Find the NCSF on the world's most popular free social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky communities!

NCSF - National Coalition For Sexual Freedom News
NCSF Volunteers
Consent Counts

and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!

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See our list of Coalition Partners at the NCSF website
 
Are you a CP Representative? Make sure we have your updated information by emailThis email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
 
 

Interested in a specific story or in writing an article?
email Julian: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
 

Incident Reporting & Response – 2015 Annual Report
By Susan Wright
 
NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response provides informational resources about kink and non-monogamy and referrals to kink aware professionals. 198 requests for help were received in 2015, compared to 184 requests received in 2014. Professionals who requested information to better serve kinky people included: academics, social services, vanilla nonprofit organizations & events, authors, merchant services, and insurance brokers.
           
Criminal
 
72 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involved criminal issues:
 
39 requests from victims of assault, sexual assault, sexual harassment and blackmail
14 requests from people who have been accused of consent violation (5 were requests for Kink Aware Professional who could serve as an expert witness in a trial)
5 involved requests from pro-dommes 
4 people were called as witnesses in a criminal trial and were thereby outed
3 involved photographs of BDSM scenes or marks
7 involved other criminal issues such as parole violations, bigamy, sex laws and obscenity law.
 
Group Issues
 
50 groups requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals involving organizational matters. This more than doubled the requests in 2014, with the majority of those asking for information on dealing with consent violations:
 
24 groups and events requested information on dealing with consent violations 
16 groups and events requests info and referrals regarding zoning and setting up a group
7 groups and events requested assistance with media incidents
2 groups requested help with liability issues
1 group requested help when they were sued by a member over age discrimination
 
Child Custody
 
30 people requested informational resources and referrals to kink aware professionals regarding child custody or divorce. 26 involved child custody issues, down from 37 in 2014:
 
16 involved BDSM, with 4 involving photos taken from FetLife
8 involved polyamory (1 involved both polyamory and BDSM)
2 involved pro-dominatrices
4 were divorce cases, with 2 involving photos taken from FetLife
 
This continues the trend in a sharp decline in the number of child custody cases involving BDSM since the DSM-5 proposed revisions came out in 2012:
 
2015 – 19 people
2014 – 37 people
2012 – 87 people
2011 – 115 people
2010 – 125 people
2009 – 132 people
 
Additional Requests
 
There were 46 other requests for informational resources and/or referrals to kink aware professionals:
23 professionals requested information about kink or polyamory to better serve their clients
10 people requested assistance with discrimination because they are kinky or polyamorous
6 people requested assistance with media exposure 
4 pro-dommes requested resources on setting up their business legally
3 involved threats of outing without blackmail 
 
For updates and details on IRR requests, look for our quarterly IRR reports in the NCSF Newsletter. Sign up by emailing This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Wednesday, 16 March 2016 18:49

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  • NCSF’s 2014 Roundup
    NCSF’s 2014 Roundup    2014 has been a year of progress for NCSF and for people who are kinky and nonmonogamous. The national conversation about gay marriage, consent, and even Fifty Shades of Grey are transforming mainstream attitudes. The change in the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5 stating that BDSM is a healthy form of sexual expression has also had a significant impact on both the courts and public opinion about…
    Written on Sunday, 28 December 2014 20:51
  • National Coalition for Sexual Freedom: Are you ready for the Fifty Shades of Gray Movie?
    Does your media agency have resources for these special interest pieces?  Contact the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom for interviews and information on kink and open relationships. NCSF is the national advocate for consensual adult sexual expression.    Why kink?   There has been a significant interest in BDSM sparked by the wildly successful Fifty Shades of Grey.  Similar topics appeared in recent TV Shows from CSI to House to Desperate Housewives, and even animated shows such as American Dad.      Furthermore many…
    Written on Friday, 19 December 2014 17:30
  • 50 Shades of NCSF Palm Cards
    Are You Ready for Fifty Shades? To coincide with the launch of the movie, get your Fifty Shades of Kink palm cards from NCSF to put out at your club or in local sex shops and bookstores so that people who are looking to find out more about kink know where to go. Contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to request your cards. NCSF’s Fifty Shades of Kink resource page is for people who…
    Written on Friday, 12 December 2014 20:16
  • GayLawNet Joins Forces with NCSF
    NCSF’s Kink Aware Professionals joins forces with GayLawNet   NCSF has expanded the reach of its Kink Aware Professionals by collaborating with GayLawNet, which now offers a way for lawyers in their database to self-identify as Kink Aware Professionals:  gaylawnet.com/attorneys/ussolc.html   “Whenever someone can’t find a lawyer in NCSF’s KAP list, I always refer them to GayLawNet,” says Susan Wright, spokesperson for NCSF. “Many of their gay-friendly lawyers are eager…
    Written on Monday, 01 December 2014 20:10
  • Tides Awards NCSF $1,500 Grant
    NCSF Receives Grant Award NCSF is proud to announce the receipt of a $1,500 grant awarded by Tides Foundation. About Tides #TidesProject “Since 1976, Tides Foundation has worked with over 15,000 individuals and organizations in the mutual endeavor to make the world a better place. These include foundations, donors, corporations, social investors, nonprofit organizations, government institutions, community organizations, activists, social entrepreneurs, and more. We break down the walls between entrepreneurs…
    Written on Monday, 24 November 2014 20:01