In this issue
2014 has been a year of progress for NCSF and for people who are kinky and nonmonogamous. The national conversation about gay marriage, consent, and even Fifty Shades of Grey are transforming mainstream attitudes. The change in the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 stating that BDSM is a healthy form of sexual expression has also had a significant impact on both the courts and public opinion about kink.
Education Outreach Project
The NCSF Board Members and presenters gave Education Outreach Project workshops and tabled at 36 events in 2014 (compared to 22 in 2013), with a focus on consent discussions, BDSM & the Law, and distributing literature such as Kink is Okay and Finding Kink Aware Medical Care.
The groups and events where NCSF presented included: Arizona Men of Leather, Arizona Power Exchange, Atlanta Poly Weekend, BDSM Writers Con, Behind Closed Doors, Beyond The Love, CatalysCon East, Catalyst Art & Cultural Space, Center for Sex Positive Culture, CLAW, COPE, CPI/The Mark, Dark Con, Dark Odyssey Winter Fire, Dark Odyssey Surrender, Desert Dominion, DragonCon, Floating World, Folsom Street East, Future of Monogamy and Non-Monogamy, International Mr. Leather, Kinkfest, Leathermen's Discussion Group, MSDB Bizarre Bazaar, Paradise Unbound, Poly Living Conference, Polyamory Political Activism Conclave, Portland Leather Alliance, SMART, Society for Sex Therapy & Research 39th Annual Meeting, Southwest Leather Contest, Spanksgiving, Thunder in the Mountains, Up Your Alley - Dore Alley, Winter Wickedness, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit.
NCSF also exhibited at the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) 47th Annual Conference on June 4-8th, in Monterey, California. NCSF helped organize a panel presentation on "Social Organizations and BDSM Communities," moderated by Neil Cannon, PhD, DST and Russell Stambaugh, PhD, DST. The panel was attended by 115 of the 550 participants, and raised over $4,000 for AASECT. The panelists were experienced and articulate kink organizers on the West Coast: Race Bannon, Janet Hardy, Demitri Moshanyii, Richard Sprott, Anna Randall, and Jim and Montaine who run a dungeon-themed B&B in Monterey.
Jim Fleckenstein was the lead presenter on "The Fountain of Youth! The Association of an Open Relationship Orientation with Health and Happiness in a Sample of Older Adults," a workshop discussing the key findings from the Loving More and NCSF internet survey, the largest-ever sample of self-identified polyamorists.
The NCSF booth in the Exhibit Hall gave away 50 free copies of What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory, courtesy of a grant by Alan of Polyamory in the News as well as brochures on NCSF's projects and programs. Nearly 150 copies of NCSF's new Kink is Okay! brochure were given away, describing the changes in the DSM-5 that depathologized BDSM.
Kink Aware Professionals
Over 1,200 people accessed NCSF's Kink Aware Professionals database in 2014 to find a lawyer, therapist or other professional. Recognizing the need for more kink aware professionals in KAP, NCSF joined forces with GayLawNet, a free referral database of gay-friendly attorneys, which began offering a Kink Aware Professional category for their lawyers to self-identify as kink aware.
Incident Reporting & Response
To assist in educating professionals, NCSF published What Professionals Need to Know About BDSM by Lauren Moore, Tamara Pincus & David Rodemaker. This pamphlet was written to help professionals meet culturally competent ethical standards in work with those of our underserved population.
NCSF received 184 requests for assistance in 2014 through Incident Reporting & Response. 40% of IRR requests dealt with criminal issues. 20% were child custody/divorce. 14% were requests for information on kink and non-monogamy from professionals including: academics, social services, vanilla nonprofit organizations & events, authors, merchant services, and insurance brokers. 11% were group issues, primarily assisting in handling adversarial members, outreach to law enforcement, or managing negative media incidents.
NCSF launched our 50 Shades of NCSF campaign featuring four palm cards and a resource page. Two of the palm cards are geared toward vanilla people who may be interested in kink while the other two have information on consent and the law. These palm cards were sent to 68 groups for distribution during the upcoming launch of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.
In December, NCSF also broadcast a media kit through PR Newswire entitled "NCSF: Are you ready for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie?" that targeted reporters and offered story ideas about kink and non-monogamy. The PR was reposted on 137 websites, including Reuters and the Associated Press, and was viewed by over 1,000 journalists in the first 24 hours.
Susan Wright gave 32 interviews in 2014 to reporters from mainstream media to blogs and podcasts. The 2014 interviews included: The NY Times, NY Magazine, Atlantic Monthly, CNN, Playboy, Bay Area Reporter, Slate, Jane XO, Alternet, andtwo Huffington Post Live appearances.
Barak and Sheba of AdventuresinSexuality.org, a long-time Coalition Partner of NCSF, joined the media team and will be giving interviews on kink and non-monogamy. NCSF also published 15 Guest Blogs by experts in various fields, up from five Guest Blogs posted in 2013. Jsin created several podcast PSAs about NCSF tailored to specific niches - leathermen, pansexual and vanilla-ish - as well as promotional videos to accompany the 50 Shades of NCSF campaign.
NCSF ran two surveys in 2014: the Consent Violations Survey and the Mental Health Survey. The results of both will be available in early 2015. The Consent Violations Survey collected 4,600 responses and the results will be given to law enforcement, prosecutors, victim services and health care professionals to help them understand the experiences of kinky people and provide better quality service.
The Mental Health Survey collected over 800 responses. NCSF is working with researchers at Sam Houston University's Department of Psychology and Philosophy who will ultimately compare our response set to two other sample populations - one college-aged and the other LGBT.
The Consent Counts program continued its educational mission as well as providing Amicus ("friend of the court") Briefs in relevant legal cases. The Navy and Marine Corps Court of Criminal Appeals twice accepted NCSF's amicus brief in the case of Gregory T. Miles, Lance Corporal, U.S. Marine Corps. NCSF advised the court that prosecutors are avoiding the Supreme Court decision, made in Lawrence v. Texas, that moral judgment is not a basis for criminalizing consensual sexual conduct, and that consensual sex should only be criminalized if that conduct is injurious or goes against a valid societal interest. NCSF also argued that military law is out of sync with U.S. Constitutional law and societal mores, especially when it comes to consensual sexual behaviors.
As part of the revamping of NCSF's policies and procedures this year, the NCSF Board created the Ombuds Committee in June and appointed Desmond Ravenstone, James Huesmann and Bjorn Paulee. The Ombuds Committee handles complaints and concerns regarding the conduct of NCSF officers and staff, and the operations of NCSF institutions. The NCSF Ombuds Committee was established as an Advisory Committee, as per NCSF bylaws, to review coalition administration and activities, assuring ethical and effective fulfillment of NCSF's mission and goals. Board Member Fil Vocasek is the Board Liaison to the Ombuds Committee.
NCSF thanks the groups, businesses and individuals who have donated and joined NCSF as members this year. Our staff, Board Members, Coalition Partners, Supporting Members and individual members all understand how important it is to have NCSF as a resource to help kinky and non-monogamous people. Please join NCSF today!
Adventures in Sexuality, a NCSF Coalition Partner, donated $500 at their COPE conference in October.
CPI/The Mark, a Coalition Partner, donated $1,000 to NCSF in October.
Behind Closed Doors, the annual conference by Baja Arizona Leather, a Supporting Member of NCSF, raised $300 by passing the hat at their Sunday key note speech.
House of Decorum, a NCSF Coalition Partner, raised $1,296 at their annual fetish ball, held this year in Asheville, NC.
The Red Chair, a NCSF Coalition Partner, donated $744 that was raised at their annual NCSF fundraiser and Halloween Masquerade. This year's theme was Steampunk! Airship Pirates and Gypsies running wild, with great carnival games and events.
The SFCitadel sponsored a Holiday Dance in the Dungeon for NCSF that raised $913 in
December. The event was supported by the Leathermen's Discussion Group, 15 Association, Society of Janus and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
The New Mexico Leather League donated $621 to NCSF in November.
Min-KY, a NCSF Coalition Partner, raised $580 for NCSF in October.
Spanksgiving, the annual fall event by STL3, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, raised $320 through their ice-bucket challenge at the opening ceremonies against Jason (NCSF Board Member), James (NCSF's Ombuds Committee) and the lovely Tink.
The Tides Foundation donated a $1,500 grant to NCSF! The board of directors thanks Tides, as well as the anonymous donor who nominated NCSF for this grant.
Incident Reporting & Response - 2014 Report
By Susan Wright
NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response helps people who are being discriminated against because they are kinky and/or nonmonogamous: 184 requests for help were received in 2014. One-fourth of the cases evolved into weeks- or months-long projects, requiring the education of a number of legal, medical and mental health professionals about kink. Other professionals who requested information or resources to better serve kinky people included: academics, social services, vanilla nonprofit organizations & events, authors, merchant services, and insurance brokers.
The drop in IRR requests can be partly attributed to the increased page views on NCSF's
Kink Aware Professionals database, with over 1,200 kinky people directly accessing KAP in 2014 to find a lawyer, therapist or other professional rather than asking NCSF for help through Incident Reporting & Response. Recognizing the need for more professionals to be listed in KAP, in 2014 NCSF joined forces with GayLawNet, a free referral database of gay-friendly attorneys. GayLawNet also began offering a Kink Aware Professional category for their lawyers to self-identify as kink aware.
Of the 184 requests for assistance, the majority dealt with BDSM while only 6 involved
The 73 requests that involved criminal issues typically took the most time and effort to
help resolve, including finding kink-aware legal representation and educating relevant
professionals to remove kink as a barrier to services. The requests break down as follows:
In 2014, there was a significant drop in requests for help with child custody/divorce
issues. That is due to the change in the DSM-5 criteria, which made it clear that people who are kinky are not mentally ill:
parents who now retain child custody. More kinky parents who come to NCSF for help are
successful in removing kink as an issue in family court and with social service workers and Child Protective Services. Of the 33 cases, 3 are still ongoing, but of those that assigned custody:
educational and social groups. Most people are now aware that they need to get professional advice in setting up their clubs and association papers, and it is common knowledge how to produce an event legally. As a result, NCSF received fewer requests for establishing a nonprofit or dealing with zoning laws, and instead primarily assisted groups in handling adversarial members, liability issues, doing outreach to local law enforcement, and handling media incidents. NCSF helped 20 kink groups in 2014 vs. 77 in 2012.
Requests for help with swing and polyamory issues dropped to less than 3% of the total
requests in 2014 compared to nearly 9% in 2012 and nearly 5% in 2011. There has been a
significant drop in the number of house parties as Lifestyle events have shifted toward a
business model that uses club venues, cruise ships and hotels. This means fewer busted house parties, and less need for NCSF services.
The decline in discrimination against nonmonogamists may also be due in part to the
success of gay marriage. The mainstream media covers relationship issues like nonmonogamy much more positively than it did five years ago. According to the NCSF Media Updates, of the articles that involved nonmonogamy as a subject:
Studio Pulls "50 Shades" Movie After Threats from Japanese Hackers
By Jane Jameson
Focus Features announced today that they will not be releasing the film version of E L James' book 50 Shades of Grey after Japanese hackers broke into their servers and threatened to release damaging information about the books author, the film's stars, and financial dealings with major studios.
The hacker also threatened to "flood the American market with real bondage and movies about actual S&M relationships" that would make 50 Shades look like a "bad parody of a bad book that was written by a bad author."
The hackers left the following message on the company's servers:
Bondage in movie is very bad. #GOR [Guardians of Rope] cannot permit movie. It is so bad we must threaten violence to make it stop. You disgrace everything good. Everything that we love. We have movies we will release. We have eels doing pervert things. If you don't stop we will show all Americans these movies.
Hollywood insiders suspect that the alleged attack may actually be an attempt by the studio to shelve the film which has seen production delays due mostly to actor Jamie Dornan's inability to provide anything more than a wooden, one dimensional performance. Rumors that the sex scenes were stale and lifeless and needed to be reshot dozens of times have led to speculation that the film will be a major disappointment.
Actress Dakota Johnson denied those rumors, telling The Daily Flogger, "I think you are mistaken. I don't recall there being any sex scenes. We had a few days of shooting in a bed, but I don't think you could call whatever Jamie was doing sexual or sexy or even interesting."
Johnson has a different view of the film than most. The actress, who hasn't read the books, says "it is really a movie about how boring sex becomes once a man gets a lot of money. I see it as a cautionary tale and a very sad one that that. I wouldn't use the word erotic. Or sexy. Or good."
Guest Blog: Out To The Doctor?
So there you are, in the semi-private exam room at your Doctor's office or the Emergency Room, or any other patient care access point... and it's time to be seen.. The nurse has taken your vitals, checked some general questions, and before leaving the room, asks you to get into a gown. You have removed your clothing and have fitted the stylish blue plaid garment as best is possible. The rough material slides over your front, and you get a sore twinge from those nipple clamps you were wearing last night. Images begin to form in your head, as you reminisce about that fantastic scene from last night and your pulse increases slightly. The door opens, and as the doctor walks in you blanch recalling the purple mosaic of bruises you saw reflected in the mirror this am.
What is the Doctor going to think? Will they turn you in? Will they throw you out? Can you get a straightjacket out of this? What do you say? How do you handle it? Do you tell the truth?
Let's chat about this one. I have been in healthcare, as a Nurse or a Paramedic, for over 20 years. I have worked in Home Health, in Doctor's Offices, Psych centers, and at busy ERs and have seen almost everything. Really. I can tell you stories from decades ago about things stuck in places... But, let's save that for a fun night at a Meet N Greet, and get to some real discussion for now.
I will start off by introducing you to something called The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) of 1996. If you read through this Act, you will find that a Doctor, nurse or other healthcare providers (HCPs) can only release records or information that is specific to you or could identify you in any way, if it pertains directly to your care or billing. That's it. If this info in shared in any other way? That is illegal and prosecutable. It's actually very serious in the medical field.
The HIPAA laws prevent HCPs from even disclosing immediate family info. For instance? Let's say Sheba was in the hospital for testing. Let's also say that I was working for this same facility and had access to the computer systems. Even if she asks me to, it is illegal for me to access her records. Why? Because I am not on her care team and thereby don't have a "legitimate" reason for taking a peek.
Where are we going with this? Because this law essentially covers Doctor / Patient confidentiality rules. However, there are a couple loopholes that you may want to be aware of. If a Doctor or other HCP feels that there is some form of danger, like you are being threatened, abused, harmed, etc. They are Mandated Reporters. Meaning, if they feel there is that type of issue, they can legally disclose information to Law Enforcement investigators. But this is for your protection.
Now that you are aware of those pieces, we can continue. What is my advice? I always encourage honesty. If you are hurt, or there is something wrong? Be frank and honest about it. Don't try to make something up that "might" fit what happened.
Let's say you had a shoulder injury during a rope scene. There are certain things you might leave out, but make sure you don't leave anything out that contributed to the injury. For instance, while Kinksters may love the terms, "Tied up and fucked," "BDSM," "Rape Scene," etc... There is no reason to try and bait them by playing, "Shock the Doc." In situations like this, discretion is the better part of valor. Take time and amend possible inflammatory terms. HCPs are fine with the terms, "Kinky Sex." "I like it a little rough," "Creative Sexual expression," etc..
Depending on what you were actually doing, you may not have to get into that discussion at all. For instance, if you were
doing suspension work you might just let them know you were "experimenting with Rope," and "were being held off the ground by rope around your arm, shoulder, etc..." when you felt XYZ or however it happened. Meaning, you don't have to get into why you were suspended, other than you were playing around with Rope.
Either way, you should always be honest about the how it happened. There is really no reason to get into the why most of the time. ya know? As HCPs, we are very adept at understanding the way the human body looks, acts, and works. We are also aware about the mechanics of damage, trauma and wounds. We have spent years listening to stories, comparing injuries, and calculating facts. We have a very finely tuned intuition, so if something feels out of place? We investigate much more fully.
Just know that even if you are completely honest, you may get a visit from the friendly facility social worker. They may verify that everything is on the up and up, that your participation is consensual, and there is not any abuse going on. However, if the HCPs feel as though you are hiding something, deliberately baiting them, or trying to get a reaction, it may mildly irritate or it may really piss em off. Not a great idea, as they can certainly cause problems for you. If you set off their red flags, there is a good chance it will turn into much more of an inquiry that could involve people with a different looking uniforms and badges.
If you are with your partner? Make sure you are on the same page, and don't become resentful if they separate you. They just want to make sure this is not domestic violence. So, smile alot, and make sure you both have the exact same story. One of the best stories? Is the one where you shyly admit you like being tied up, and your partner was trying to accommodate you.
Furthermore, if the reason you are at the doctor's has nothing to do with the bruises on your ass & thighs? Just smile knowingly and say, "It's consensual, I like it rough." Then bring them back to the subject at hand, like the sore throat and cough symptoms you are having. If they bring you back to it? Just be factual and direct. Take a "nothing to see here," attitude.
What to do? Should you come out to your Doctor? In the end that is up to you. However, as I have said, we have seen a lot. I can assure you that handprints don't look like something accidental. Whip, flogger and cane marks? Hello! Your best bet is to be honest and straightforward. If you can't or won't come out to your HCP? Then either make sure you don't have marks, don't get injured, or just find another HCP you are willing to share with. It's your health and your choice.
To coincide with the launch of the movie, get your Fifty Shades of Kink palm cards from NCSF to put out at your club or in local sex shops and bookstores so that people who are looking to find out more about kink know where to go.
NCSF's Fifty Shades of Kink resource page is for people who are kinky and/or non-monogamous, whether they're just starting out or an old hand at this: ncsfreedom.org/50ShadesofKink
NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.
Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:
Sex talk on TLC: That's Margaret Cho biz from the NY Daily News
Dishes, Dinner, & Sex from Valley Advocate
NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.
and members can even list the NCSF as a Fetish on their profiles!