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The everyday lives of the non-monogamous

on Thursday, 08 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates


The Open Photo Project aims to reduce stigma about consensual non-monogamous relationships. There are many different relationship types which fall under the heading of ethical, consensual non-monogamy but at the heart of it all parties have agreed that each may have romantic and/or sexual relationships with other partners. In one recent study from the US 21% of the study's participants reported having had some kind of non-monogamous relationship. However the figures could be higher as many people are not open about being in these types of relationships due to the stigma attached. The founder of the project and photographer Erika Kapin explains why she wanted to photograph everyday lives of the non-monogamous.

'I'm polyamorous, why should I limit my love?'

on Thursday, 08 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates


Noni says polyamory is not actually new but it is still taboo, though that could be changing. "People have been practising polyamory for as long as people have existed," she says. "But Scotland is very much a monogamous country. The more we engage with people and talk about it, the more accepted it is going to become, slowly but surely. I would not say we are blazing a trail but we are definitely creating an environment that allows for a healthy community."

Of course women can fantasize about domination but still insist on consent

on Tuesday, 06 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Washington Post

What we are asking of men is to know that women can fantasize about non-consent, but that it is supremely unsexy when men engage in it without, well, their consent. We can still want our romance novels and our movies and our rom-coms to traffic in those tropes while not wanting men to act this way without asking.

Guest Blog: Being Out as a Kinky Person of Color,

on Tuesday, 06 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

Why I Started Perverts of Color

by Jaki Griot


When I began attending local kinky event around 2006, I was often one of the only Black faces in the dungeon. I knew I wanted to learn about rope and kinky power dynamics because I read every book I could find. I was eager to gain real-world exposure to the Kink/BDSM/Leather community and naive about how to establish peer relationships. Looking back, I believe that many people in the kink communities are open-minded but their intentions doesn't always translate into action regarding how they handle cultural differences or racism. The first event I attended had an odd start when the hosts tried to convince me that I was at the wrong location, “Are you sure this is where you belong? The NAACP meeting is down the hall.” I remember feeling unsure if I should stay partly because I felt like I was alone. This experience may be unusual for others exploring kink but it remained with me. It's sometimes scary to explore a world if you are unsure you will be welcome. Sub-culture groups may believe they are open-minded yet can send different messages when an attendee shows up and looks different than they expect. Luckily for me, I am the right mixture of stubborn, naive and extrovert to show up anyway. Yet I have met other people who stopped coming to events because they felt uninvited. I believe finding ways to make kink events inclusive and diverse across racial, gender and sexuality populations is how to create a stronger community for everyone.

As a person of color, I personally felt uncomfortable if the hosts don't acknowledge all the guests. As an organizer, I believe it is a simple to acknowledge everyone with a quick hello. Yes, it is time-consuming and often tedious. If any attendee paid to enter an event but no one even said hello, don't feel surprised if they won't return. There is a safety element where I expect a host or organizer to have spoken to everyone in the space because it establishes everyone as included. It also allows DMs to have a face to go with names in case of any behavioral concerns. If the hosts only speak to their friends or popular people, it can establish a cliquish environment for others. Part of the job of a host is greet everyone thoughtfully. Unfortunately some places I've visited have felt openly hostile to new people of color. At times, when I mention the need for small changes to make people of color welcome, my words are taken as aggression. This also fuels my resolve for change.

I am dedicated to finding tangible ways for people like me (racial minorities) to find each other and grow networks of support. Through the years, kink representation for people of color continues to evolve from Dark Connections online message boards to leather clubs like ONYX and ONYX Pearls. Events like BlackBeat and Weekend Reunion thrive because there is a need that is fulfilled when people of color feel included in BDSM communities. Larger lifestyle events have begun to hire more diverse staff and to add programming to be more inclusive to racial, gender and sexual minorities. I believe there is still room to grow.

After discussing these concerns with my Leather family for years, I was met with an ultimatum. “What are you going to do about it?” On February 3rd, 2018, I started Perverts of Color Zine as a way to celebrate the diversity of people in kink, BDSM and Leather communities. I procrastinated about the Perverts of Color zine project for six years because it seemed too big. We all wrestle with our decisions about how public to be with our kink journey. It reached a point where I was scared to create the Perverts of Color zine because it would feel like outing myself again. As a Black queer woman, I wanted to pause before adding another identity to my worldview. I reached a point where I realized that the reason there is so little kinky representation is that many people of color like myself are still grappling with how their kink, their sexualities and their racial identity connect. Even among the kinksters of color I know, we are still hungry to see more kink because there is often a very normative view of sex that is shown in our racial communities. For me, #BlackLove looks different if I got exactly what's in my happy sadomasochist fantasies. Yet, if I wasn't ready to do it, I couldn't complain that other people of color weren't willing either. I had to become okay with being a pervert of color, publicly and with conviction. Seventy two hours later, the first edition of Perverts of Color Zine is born. POC Zine is an outlet for people to see diverse expressions of alternative sexuality. I believe representation of people of color exploring sexuality is beneficial to all communities. There is not one way to do What It Is That We Do. POC Zine is dedicated to challenging the stereotypes others project onto our lives while celebrating the diversity of our perversity.

More information about the zine can be found at their website, can also follow Perverts of Color (not safe for work) on Tumblr for Zine updates, or JakiGriot on Instagram.

Sex workers call for decriminalisation of industry to help lift stigma surrounding prostitution

on Sunday, 04 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

ABC Australia


"For instance, private workers in Queensland cannot work together — so that would be classified as an illegal brothel," he says. "That means that we cannot cost share, we cannot support each other, we can't be there for each other's safety. We are not really allowed to message other sex workers about our current location, or our activities, which is a safety strategy that has traditionally been used by sex workers for decades."

A 'Lifestyle Slave' Is More Than a Sub Who Does All Your Chores for Free

on Saturday, 03 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

The dynamic between a dominatrix and her 24/7 sub can be one of tender, mutual support.


Pain Puppy helps Mistress Lucy keep her life organized by washing her sex toys, cleaning her dungeon, doing her grocery shopping, cleaning her house, feeding her pets, and all that stuff—basically, being her personal assistant. In exchange, she doms him, but it’s kind of like a life makeover. She sends him to wine tasting classes and makes him learn Japanese; she’s got him on a workout regime and a food plan, so he’s lost a lot of weight; and she’s trying to socialize him more and make him more open about his sexuality. He told me that he’s so much happier with his self-image and social life now than when he first met her. And she seems happy to transform his life. It’s kind of amazing to see.

Americans Want to Try More Anal Sex and Bondage, and We're All for It

on Saturday, 03 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

A new survey says that Americans want to take their sex lives to the next level

Men's Health

Though 40 percent of respondent said they considered themselves “kinky,” that doesn’t mean that they're looking to go full 50 Shades of Grey. But a decent amount are willing to really spice things up: 29 percent of survey respondents said they wanted to try anal sex with their partner, while 24 percent said want to get more into role-playing. Additionally, 18 percent said they'd made a 2018 sexual resolution to give anal sex a go, and 14 percent were looking to become either a dominant or a submissive (aka they do want to go full 50 Shades).

7 Polyamory Myths It's Time to Stop Believing

on Saturday, 03 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates


Nope, most poly people aren’t poly because they’re afraid to settle down. In fact, like a lot of pieces of the poly puzzle, things are a lot more complicated than that. "Being one of several partners [doesn't mean] that my partner isn't 'really' committed to our relationship, or that he can't 'be with me,’” said sex writer Anabelle Bernard Fournier. “He is with me. All the time. We just don't live together, and we're not married. Commitment is not a function of coliving. Commitment is about being there for the other person."

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