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UKIP BACKS SM SEX GREATER MANCHESTER MAYOR CANDIDATE

on Sunday, 07 May 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Salford Star Exclusive

 

SEX SCANDAL UKIP GM MAYOR CANDIDATE'S EXPLICIT TEXTS

 

Following yesterday's SM sex hypocrisy expose of the UKIP Greater Manchester Mayor candidate, Shneur Odze, the party has refused to withdraw its support for his campaign... "Mr Odze remains the UKIP candidate in the Mayoral elections" UKIP stated this afternoon.

 

The Salford Star has been handed sexually graphic texts, a pornographic photo, a sound recording and a full statement by the woman involved. The Star believes there is a strong public interest case for revealing more information about the Salford man who wants to be elected to the most high profile public office in Greater Manchester.

 

 

Yesterday the Mail on Sunday ran an article on Salford based Shneur Odze, the UKIP candidate in this week's Greater Manchester Mayor election.

 

The story, picked up by the Salford Star, alleged that Shneur Odze indulged in sadomasochistic sex practices with a woman from York who he met on a 'kinky community' dating site. Mr Odze is a married ultra-orthodox Jewish man, who, in the past, the Mail alleged, has refused to shake the hands of rival female candidates on religious grounds.

 

The woman, known as 'Cassie', exposed the story to the press insisting "Odze was presenting an image of himself as a happily married pillar of the community.

 

"He had lied to me, by telling me he wasn't married and he's lying to the people he wants to represent by pretending to be something he's not" she added "It is hypocritical..." (for a full background see previous Salford Star article – click here or the Mail on Sunday article – click here).

 

The Salford Star has tried to contact Mr Odze to ascertain whether he now intends to withdraw from the Greater Manchester Mayor election, and to offer him a chance to put his side of the story, with no response. Last night, the Star also contacted Noel Matthews, UKIP's national officer, asking for a reply to two questions...

 

Will Mr Odze be withdrawing from this week's Mayor election; and if not will he continue to have the backing of UKIP?

 

Does UKIP or Mr Odze deny the allegations against him – and if so could we have statement from either UKIP or Mr Odze?

 

Matthews responded "This is a personal matter for Mr Odze. No law has been broken and we have no further comment to make..."

 

This morning, the Salford Star again contacted UKIP with the same questions, and the party responded backing its candidate...

 

"Mr Odze remains the UKIP candidate in the Mayoral elections" its press officer stated "This is a personal, not political matter."

 

While the Star agrees that no law has been broken, we do not believe that it is merely a "personal matter". Shneur Odze is standing on behalf of UKIP for the most high profile public office in Greater Manchester, representing almost three million people. ...

 

The only statement Mr Odze has made was to the Mail reporter..."I've no idea what you're talking about". The Star believes there is an incredibly strong public interest case for presenting more evidence which we believe to be accurate. ...

How the Leatherdykes Helped Change Feminism

on Sunday, 07 May 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

A brief history of lesbian sadomasochism, from the shadows to the front lines of the “Sex Wars.”

Atlas Obscura

BY SAMIR S. PATEL

t was Memorial Day, 2004, and Alex Warner was at a barbecue near Washington, D.C. It was an important time for her. She was in graduate school at Rutgers University, planning a dissertation on women’s social justice movements, and had recently experienced something of a personal awakening. A couple months prior, she’d attended her first Leatherdyke play party, and the community of like-minded women she encountered there had embraced her. The barbecue was in the backyard of a woman named Jo, a founder of the Lesbian Sex Mafia, one of the godmothers of the lesbian sadomasochist leather community. Jo told Warner stories about what it had been like, decades before, to be a Leatherdyke before there was a name for it. There were no parties, no barbecues, no safe spaces. Before founding the Lesbian Sex Mafia—a support and education group, despite the name—in 1981, Jo went to men’s leather bars and passed as a man, she explained. She had sexual encounters with men—Jo is a lesbian—to find some kind of sexual fulfillment. She also told Warner about how wonderful it felt, later, finally to find other women who shared her interest in playing around with power and pain.

Warner was moved to tears. It felt, she says, like she was learning her history for the first time—learning for the first time that she even had a history. By the time she got home that night, Warner had decided to switch her research topic to the social and cultural history of Leatherdykes.

The history of sadomasochism is long and complex, but the origin of the term is clear enough. The first part famously comes from Donatien Alphonse François de Sade—French aristocrat, philosopher, and profane libertine author of various violent, blasphemous sexual fantasies. The less famous second half comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, an Austrian journalist and author of Venus in Furs, a novella that reflects a fetish for dominant women. Together they encompass the practice of deriving pleasure from giving or getting pain or humiliation. SM (practitioners drop the “&,” though usage has varied) has its most popular conceptions today in poorly written novels and the basic image of the Leatherman, icon of the subculture of gay males who draw aesthetic inspiration from biker culture and aesthetics. (We should stop for a moment and marvel at how subversive it was that a Leatherman appeared on the pop charts with the Village People in the 1970s and sang about the YMCA and the Navy, and it didn’t seem to bother anybody.)

The Leatherman, clad in chaps, vest, and motorcycle boots, has penetrated popular culture, but the Leatherdyke—a queer or bisexual women who participates in consensual sadomasochistic behavior—is less well known and less visible. As a sexual practice it’s quite diverse: bondage; dominance and submission; caning, punching, or spanking; and a range of toys and tools, from gags and restraints to paddles and floggers. It is all conducted with consent and in service of power and pleasure, and sometimes humiliation and the trance-like “subspace,” a kind of flow state for submissives. Based on Warner’s research, it is clear that the particular strain of sexual expression this represents has provoked uncomfortable questions in feminist and lesbian circles, and played an outsized role in the development of feminist thought in the 1970s and 1980s. But that impact did not come easily.

 

Warner’s dissertation research, which she completed in 2011, is the only academic excavation specific to the Leatherdyke in the United States. She drew primarily from archival sources, feminist journals, and what might be called zines. She’s assembled here a selection of quotes from her research that reflect a history of marginalization—from the mainstream, lesbians, and feminists—that conceals the role of the Leatherdykes in opening conversations about sex, power, patriarchy, and consent that resonate today.

 

While women most likely had been participating in SM privately for a long time, they only began to connect with one another publicly in the mid-1970s, usually through published works and general workshops on sexuality that came with the decade’s greater openness to sex.

When I was eight years old I was masturbatory, lesbian and sado-masochistic. Subsequently, because of my feelings of guilt, I renounced all three. Then, along came women’s liberation. I learned to affirm my feelings of self-love and woman-love … But I’m still in the closet on S-M. I have admitted that I used to be into it, but said that “those feelings” (I only owned up to masochism) were aroused only with men and attributed the whole thing to what I call my “lousy heterosexual instincts.” … I have not “come out” on S-M.

—Barbara Lipscutz (aka Drivenwoman), in the Journal of Radical Therapy, 1976

 

Myself and half a dozen women I know are into S&M or bondage and discipline … we’re not exactly sure what we’re doing! I’ve never talked about it with other lesbians. I wanted to sort of come out!

—Anonymous, quoted by Jeanne Cordova in Lesbian Tide, 1976

 

We had a sexuality workshop a year and a half ago, and I … came out as a sado-masochist there and got no support … from one person out of a hundred women. I was so fed up I almost quit my [feminist health collective].

—Anonymous, quoted by Jeanne Cordova in Lesbian Tide, 1976

 

 

As these women were discovering their sexuality, Warner’s work shows, the feminist world was taking notice of SM. First-wave feminism, which dates to the 19th and early 20th centuries, was largely about suffrage and other legal issues. Second-wave feminism, which began in the 1960s, took on a wider range of issues, including reproductive rights, domesticity, sexuality, and violence. Several feminist thinkers of the time, including Andrea Dworkin and Gloria Steinem, cast SM in general as anti-feminist because it simulates the sexual power dynamics that allowed men to oppress women for ages, they claimed. There was, however, a counterclaim, that lesbian SM allowed women to reclaim power and consent, and generally upset ideas about how women are supposed to behave.

S&M is a game people play called “who’s got the power.” It’s a game because there are two sides (the sadist and the masochist), but it’s a win-win since both should end up with an equal amount of the power, and with sexual satisfaction.

— Rosenjoy, in GCN, 1976 ...

How My Three-Way Polyamorous Relationship Works

on Sunday, 30 April 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

“These men that I love, they are my family.”

Huffington Post

by Jeff Leavall

We are told our whole lives that we can hate as many people as we want: whole nations, groups of people, ideologies and races, our bosses, our neighbors: we are allowed to hate freely and abundantly, but we only get to truly love one other person.

 

When my husband, Alex, and I met Jon, a handsome intellectual with blue eyes and the gait of an old man trapped in a young man’s body: sexy and endearingly awkward all at the same time, it was just supposed to be a hook up in a long line of sexual adventures. But then Jon came back again, and again and again. And then we were making plans to watch movies and eat pizza. We invited Jon to spend the night.

 

I knew the first time Jon came over and the three of us didn’t have sex that something important was happening: Jon was no longer a trick. We were falling in love. All three of us.

 

I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what was normal or not normal. I was like a crazy person: madly in love and jealous at the same time: watching Alex, my brilliant artist, my dark-eyed passionate soul mate, the love of my life, falling in love with Jon was torturous and beautiful, watching the two of them kiss and hold hands, sitting on the couch giggling over gifs was almost too much to bare, and yet I couldn’t get enough.

 

We had terrible fights. Once, while on vacation in Vancouver, I threw myself out of bed, pretending I had fallen. I stormed throughout the one bedroom apartment we had rented , getting dressed, threatening to leave. I even made it to the elevator, where I hesitated for five minutes waiting for someone to come and get me. No one did. In Spokane Washington, on my birthday, we had an eight-hour fight that got so bad Jon ended up booking a separate hotel room. In Seattle a minor annoyance over Bahn Mi sandwiches (they were the only thing I wanted for breakfast every day) turned into relationship negotiations.

 

Everything was heightened and out of perspective. We were falling in love. We were sharing our new love, Jon, with each other. We were out of minds.

 

All the books I read said jealousy was wrong, the emotion of the monogamous unenlightened. Something we poly people should transcend.

 

And yet I wasn’t transcending jealousy. I wasn’t enlightened at all.

 

I hated the word poly and what it seemed to mean. I didn’t identify with the new age philosophies attached to a poly lifestyle. I didn’t think I was more enlightened than my monogamous friends. I am a jealous, insecure cave man.

 

There were moments of true beauty and wonder as well. I am still stunned by those times when I stumbled upon them, lying in bed together, holding hands, kissing, laughing at some passing comment, cuddled on the couch. Moments when the three of us all huddled together before we left the house. A night Alex drove Jon and me through Terminal Island, the industrial lights igniting fires in the sky around us, creating a matrix of magic and wonder and beauty. The three of us holding hands on a hilltop looking over downtown LA, Alex and I face timing with Jon from Berlin: Jon still in bed, his hair disheveled and beautiful. The three of us eating donuts at two am while watching Strangers With Candy. Exploring Granville Island in Vancouver, eating rosemary and salt bagels, taking the ferry back to the mainland, walking endlessly throughout Vancouver and Seattle, Madrid and Paris, Berlin and New York City, the three of us exploring the world together.

 

We are a family and like all families we have our struggles and our heartache, we strive and toil and trudge the road of life together, doing our best to take care of each other, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding.

 

I learned that love is not limited: it is expansive, it grows, it is endless. I can love Alex completely, with everything I have, and still have more than enough to love Jon just as completely, just as fully.

 

The decision to introduce Jon to our friends and family at our wedding seemed like a pragmatic choice. Everyone would be in one place at the same time. East Coast and West Coast merging. Get married and introduce the world to our boyfriend.

 

I am lucky. My family are all left wing, about as liberal as you can get. They are tolerant. They try to understand. I’m sure this was not easy for them, but in the end my father said, “Well, as long as you are happy I guess that is all that matters.”

 

“I am happy,” I said. “It’s not always easy, but I am happy.”

 

“I imagine it isn’t always easy. Being with one partner is hard enough. I can’t imagine two. Just do your best to take care of each other.”

 

My father is a wise man.

 

Our wedding was held at our small Craftsman house in Hollywood. My best friend Amy flew with her family from New York City to officiate. Over a 150 people showed up. Jon stood in the back of the room during the ceremony. When people would introduce themselves to him he would say, “Nice to meet you. I’m Jon, Alex and Jeff’s boyfriend.”

 

Later Jon told us how stressed out he was. We had all underestimated the timing. The emotions that would come up through out the day.

 

We seem to do that a lot. Underestimate what is happening until it is over, and we are left thinking: why would we have thought that was a good idea?

 

But we wanted everyone to see Jon. To know him. We were proud of him. We wanted to show him off.

 

In time this thing that seemed so far outside the norm, so far outside what was acceptable, began to feel normal. Life began to fill back in. Jobs and goals and the gym, paying the bills: all the ways that normalcy takes over even the most extreme situations.

 

No longer was there just two of us. We were three. I think that was the hardest part: trying to maintain Alex and me while allowing Jon to be a full third. Eventually I began to see this not just as one relationship but as four completely whole and separate relationships: Jeff and Alex, Jon and Jeff, Alex and Jon, and the three of us. Then there are our relationships to our selves. Carving out time to be alone. Finding a way to remain autonomous inside this thing that can easily consume you.

 

 

When I found myself falling in love with Conor, this beautiful little puppy of a guy bouncing around me full of energy and excitement, I remember thinking, “Is there no end to this?” ...

Drupal Developer Larry Garfield Ostracized Over Involvement in Sci-Fi Based Kink Community

on Sunday, 30 April 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

The scandal has exposed odd taboos in the liberal-leaning Drupal community and how hypocritical their talk of tolerance can be.

Reason

by Elizabeth Nolan Brown

Here's another good example of the limits of liberal "tolerance": in the name of equality and diversity, tech leaders have turned against a long-respected member of their community over his private and consensual sex practices. Sure, the scandal has revealed that Drupal developer and spokesman Larry Garfield has a penchant for BDSM broadly and also for a specific sub-genre of the kink centered on the fictional land of Gor, in which a subset of women serve as men's sex slaves. But more importantly, the situation has exposed strange taboos in the liberal-leaning Drupal community and how hypocritical their talk of tolerance can be.

 

Taking the brunt of the hypocrisy criticism is Drupal trademark owner Dries Buytaert. Buytaert's main gig now is chief technology officer for Acquia, a company he co-founded in 2007. But he's better known as the the creator and original project lead for the open-source content management software Drupal, which has attracted a huge and devoted community since its 2001 launch. Drupal is "supported and maintained" by the nonprofit Drupal Association, which also organizes Drupal conferences.

 

According to Executive Director Megan Sanicki, the association began looking into Garfield last October at the behest of another member of the Drupal community. That person had discovered Garfield's profiles on membership kink and dating websites and shared some screenshots with Drupal leadership.

 

But a Drupal Community Working Group investigation into Garfield found that he had not violated anything in the Drupal community's Code of Conduct, which probably should have been the end of things. No one has offered any evidence that Garfield discriminated against women in his professional life—in fact, many women whom Garfield has worked or associated with have rushed to his defense—let alone committed any more severe offenses or violence against them. Garfield himself says he believes women are every bit as intelligent as men and that his desire for female submission extends only to his own personal romantic/sexual partnerships. "The [dominant/submissive, or] D/s and Gorean community in general places a heavy emphasis on explicit, active, informed consent and constant communication," he notes, adding that he personally has "never, ever advocated for treating women, as a class, with anything other than dignity and respect."

 

But even if Garfield did hold sincerely sexist views in private, it hardly seems grounds for community expulsion in the absence of publcly articulated views or actions. The idea that women should be submissive to their husbands is a prominent feature of many religious faiths, and a value that plenty of Christians, Jews, Muslims, and others still hold dear—typically with way less add-on feminism than you'll find in BDSM relationships. Would the Drupal Association feel as comfortable ousting a devout supporter of Islam or evangelical Christianity if it came out that their wives practiced voluntary submission?

 

If—as Buytaert says—the association is commited to treating people equally regardless of "their heritage or culture, their sexual orientation, their gender identity, and more," they seem to doing a pretty terrible job. People's preferences toward certain types of sex or particular fantasies can be no less innate than a sexual orientation toward same- or opposite-sex partners (and no more reason for alarm). And it's hard to imagine a woman receiving the same treatment and derision if it came out that she once worked as a dominatrix or wrote 50 Shades of Grey fanfic.

 

Meanwhile, Garfield was disinvited from the upcoming DrupalCon Baltimore, had his status as a conference track coordinator revoked, and (in a February phone call that both agree on at least the basics of) was asked by Buytaert to stop contributing to the Drupal community. (The request might not seem like a big deal to those outside the tech world, but "open-source communities/projects are crucially important to many people's careers and professional lives," explains John Evans at TechCrunch, "so who they allow and deny membership to, and how their codes of conduct are constructed and followed, is highly consequential.")

 

At this point, Garfield went on the offensive, telling his side of the story in a blog post that professed "no choice but to clarify some private details" of his life that were the subject of "a whisper campaign going around the Drupal world," one which was hurting him greatly professionally. Garfield explained his involvement in "hierarchical relationship" communities based on dominance/submission practiced with "informed, active consent," admitting that he is "involved in two such communities, specifically the BDSM community and the Gorean (Gor) community." From Garfield's post:

 

The former is by far the larger of the two and more varied, although I spend more of my time and activity in the Gorean community. It's a small community, and sadly much of what is found online about it is utter crap, just as most in the BDSM community find the '50 Shades' representation of BDSM to be harmfully misleading. The Gorean subculture is inspired by a science-fiction book series written [by John Norman] from the 1960s onward to today, and predicated on a strong sense of personal honor, integrity, and community. It also practices consensual Master/slave relationships, and has a strong gender bias toward male-Dom/female-sub relationships, but that is not the cornerstone of Gorean culture. [...] The idea of consenting to give your significant other outsized control over your life may seem strange or uncomfortable to some. That's fine; it's not for everyone, nor does anyone claim it is, nor should anyone ever be forced into such a relationship. [...] Yes, I have been involved in several consensual Master/slave relationships with women. I will continue to do so, but only with those who are also interested in such relationships. I discuss the social and personal dynamics of such relationships on private forums set up for people with similar interests. I know many people who are happily coupled in such relationships

 

After Garfield's post was up, Dries Buytaert responded with a post of his own, explaining that he was trying to break off the relationship because "Garfield holds views that are in opposition to the values of the Drupal project." Buytaert stressed that "the Drupal community is committed" to not discriminating against anyone based on "their heritage or culture, their sexual orientation, their gender identity, and more" and works hard "to foster a culture of open-mindedness toward difference." But Garfield "actively promotes a philosophy that is contrary" to these values and the basic belief that "all people are created equally," Buytaert wrote.

 

In a sentence now deleted, he stated that "when a highly-visible community member's private views become public, controversial, and disruptive for the project, I must consider the impact," and ultimately was not able to "get past the fundamental misalignment of values." Buytaert's explanation was updated several times in the face of public response, with him later apologizing for "causing grief and uncertainty...to those in the BDSM and kink communities" and stating that the situation was "never about sexual practices or kinks." It wasn't "Larry's alternative lifestyle" that was the problem, Buytaert suggested, but "confidential information" that he cannot share, as well the the underlying "beliefs conveyed in Larry's blog post."

 

What beliefs would those be? In Garfield's decade-plus association with the Drupal community, no one has publicly accused him of treating women as inferior, trying to coerce people he knew professionally into sex, or even talking about his sex life at all in professional settings. Many men and women who know him from these settings have spoken out in his support, including 120 Drupal "developers, supporters, and funders," who told Buytaert that they are concerned with his actions and, if Garfield did not violate the law or Drupal's Code of Conduct, he should be welcomed back and offered an apology. The Drupal community should not "discriminate against people for who they are on the outside, for what they believe, for what they value, or for how they lawfully, consensually, and peacefully live their personal lives," it said.

 

It's equally unclear what sort of other behavior of which Garfield is being accused. Garfield says he does not know, and has publicly asked Buytaert and the Drupal Association to enlighten him; they have stayed mum, not even revealing the basic nature of the alleged info. As John Evans writes at TechCrunch, "Dries & co. could surely have told the community substantially more (indeed, anything) about Garfield's problematic behavior, if any, without revealing sensitive information. For instance, they could have said they'd received reports of threats, harassment, or coercion by Garfield, if any such reports existed. They have said nothing of the sort."

 

But "just trust us is not enough," Evans continues. "Especially since it also seems possible that the CTO and co-founder of a heavily funded pre-IPO company has participated in expelling a man from what has been his professional community for the last twelve years, ignoring that community's own Code of Conduct and Conflict Resolution Policy, because it was decided he was guilty of, essentially, thoughtcrime; that no real accusations have been made, and no allegations of problematic behavior have been cited, because none such exist."

 

The few Drupal threads floating around as evidence that Garfield's chauvinistic views crossed over into his tech life are laughably non-offensive (see some examples below) or only suspect if read in the least likely and charitable light possible. And the writing being used as "proof" that Garfield truly believes in male supremacy come from the kink forums he posted to—i.e., places where one's persona, comments, etc., tend to serve as an extension of sexual fantasies or fetishes, not credible indicators of full-time values. Some have claimed that by not hiding his identity better in these forums, Garfield deserves what he is getting, but keep in mind that these were registration-required sites in which he had been participating for over a decade that only came to light after another Drupal devotee found them last year and then (against the site's terms of service) screenshotted them to share more widely.

 

Throughout all this, Buytaert and others opposing Garfield insist that it isn't about "sexual practices and kinks" and what Garfield does in his own time is fine—it's the fact that he "flaunted" it online which made a difference, or it's the "underlying" belief system behind his sexual kinks. Their statements sound a lot like some of my older relatives talking about gays and lesbians a decade or so back—if a man wants to have sex with another man in his own bedroom, that's fine, just don't go holding hands in public, or calling another man your boyfriend in front of the children! Buytaert et al. seem to suggest that sexual practices and kinks are relegated to things that happen in the flesh, in the bedroom, and entirely on the physical level. But for many BDSM practitioners, part of the fun lies in rituals and rules that extend beyond the bedroom, and role playing often (or exclusively) happens in online forums. Saying you're cool with someone's sexuality unless they ever talk about it or allude to it in public doesn't really hold water.

 

"In the past, Dries might've kicked Larry out because 'BDSM is a threat to family values'," notes Nadia Eghba at Medium. "Today, leaders like Dries kick Larry out because 'BDSM is a threat to gender equality;. Unfortunately, the end result is the same....If diversity is our dogma, call me 'spiritual, not religious'. I still pray for the same things as you, but I won't be at the witch trials." ...

Do you know anyone in a polyamorous relationship?

on Sunday, 30 April 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Reuters

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Why do some people choose relationships well outside the sphere of what’s considered normal? What makes unconventional relationships attractive to people and are they really that far removed from what we consider normal? Are some forms of relationship simply the right relationship for the right time in your life? Or is there a problem if you can’t make your monogamous relationship last the distance?

Sex therapist, Jacqueline Hellyer along with life coach & relationship counsellor who leads a polyamorous lifestyle, Dianne Cameron explain.   

 

10 Kinky Honeymoon Destinations That Should Be On Every Couple's List

on Sunday, 30 April 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

iDiva

Your honeymoon is when you should spend all your time indulging your sensual side instead of worrying about doing the usual touristy stuff. Naturally then, it's best to plan your honeymoon to a place that caters to your kinky needs, and lets you make the most of your alone time with your new bae. Let's face it; you can't really do much of that once kids and relatives are tagging along on every vacation; so this is your time. We've listed some of the world's kinkiest spots for you so that you and your partner don't have to spend your honeymoon exploring a new place, but each other!

 

 

The Secret Dungeon, England

dungeon

Located in High Wycombe, England, this place is ideal for people looking to explore BDSM. If you're newly married and haven't done the deed with your spouse yet, discuss this with them before booking the place. The place does, after all, come with cages, sex swings, and whatnot. Plus, watching people have sex in the garden might come as a shock to someone who isn't on the same page, you know?

Village Naturiste, Cap D'agde, France

nature village france

A leisure port right beside the Mediterranean Sea, Cap D'agde is home to a huge nudist resort which is a town by itself. If you're okay with naked strangers checking out your partner in the nude, or get turned on by the idea of it, this is the place for you. For second-honeymooners looking to rekindle the flame, this place is a great way to remind them how attractive their partner is; all the checking out could get your partner very, very jealous. And yes, unless you're feeling really cold, chances are, you'll spend an entire vacation wearing nothing.

The Erotic Suite at The Palms Casino Resort, Las Vegas

stripper poles palms

Trust Vegas, the naughtiest city in America, to come with this kinky idea. A suite complete with a rotating bed, mirrored ceilings (so you can watch yourself get down and dirty), and stripper poles, The Erotic Suite at The Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas is perfect for people who like a little show in the bedroom.

Desire Pearl and Desire Riviera Maya Resort & Spa, Mexico

desire pearl

A typical American-style resort with facilities like pools, wet bars, ocean views, spa facilities, and more, this resort on the Caribbean coast of Mexico, however, boasts some unconventional facilities. "Sensual" aqua fitness, clothing-optional pools and beaches, adult playrooms and pole dance lessons are just some of the facilities here. While the Desire Pearl is located in the quiet town of Puerto Merlos, the Desire Riviera Maya is located in the busy party city of Cancun. Both, however, allow you to have sex in public, in the Sin Room and the whirlpool.

Castle Milkersdorf in Brandenburg, Germany

castle germany

A stay at this place means engaging with other people, watching them have sex, and being watched while you do it. Ideal for those who don't mind such intrusions and want to shed all inhibitions, the Castle also hosts famous erotic parties and guarantees privacy. Guests are checked into inns nearby, and are picked up at 8:30 pm and dropped back at 3:30 am, after a night of debauchery. ...

Why Aftercare Is The BDSM Practice That Everyone Should Be Doing

on Sunday, 30 April 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Refinery29

by SOPHIE SAINT THOMAS

If you're unfamiliar with the BDSM scene, you might think it's all whips, handcuffs, and pleasurable pain, but there's one important element that BDSM practitioners have built into their sex lives to make sure that everyone involved feels safe and cared for after play time is over: a practice known as aftercare. And whether you're into BDSM or have more vanilla tastes, aftercare is something everyone should be doing.

 

In the BDSM world, aftercare refers to the time and attention given to partners after an intense sexual experience. While these encounters (or "scenes," as they're called) are pre-negotiated and involve consent and safe words (in case anyone's uncomfortable in the moment), that doesn't mean that people can forget about being considerate and communicative after it's all over. According to Galen Fous, a kink-positive sex therapist and fetish sex educator, aftercare looks different for everyone, since sexual preferences are so vast. But, in its most basic form, aftercare means communicating and taking care of one another after sex to ensure that all parties are 100% comfortable with what went down. That can include everything from tending to any wounds the submissive partner got during the scene, to taking a moment to be still and relish the experience, Fous says.

 

"Specifically, with regards to BDSM, the 'sub-drop' is what we are hoping to cushion [during aftercare]," says Amanda Luterman, a kink-friendly psychotherapist. A "sub-drop" refers to the sadness a submissive partner may feel once endorphins crash and adrenaline floods their body after a powerful scene (though dominant partners can also experience drops, Fous says).

 

Of course, you don't have to be hog-tied and whipped to feel sad after sex. One 2015 study found that nearly 46% of the 230 women surveyed felt feelings of tearfulness and anxiety after sex — which is known as "postcoital dysphoria" — at least once in their lives (and around 5% had experienced these feelings a few times in the four weeks leading up to the study). Experts have speculated that this may stem from the hormonal changes people (particularly those with vaginas) experience after orgasm, but many also say that it can come from feeling neglected. The so-called "orgasm gap" suggests that straight women, in particular, may feel that their needs in bed are ignored. And Luterman says that people in general can also feel lousy post-sex if they're not communicating about what they liked and didn't like about the experience.

 

Clearly, taking the time to be affectionate and talk more after sex — a.k.a. aftercare — can make sex better for everyone, not just those who own multiple pairs of handcuffs. So what does that mean for you? It depends on the kind of sex you're having, and who you're having it with.

 

 

Like we said, there are lots of guidelines for BDSM aftercare, specifically. If you're having casual sex, aftercare can mean simply letting your guard down and discussing the experience, something that can be scary to do during a one-night stand. It's definitely dependent on the situation, but Luterman says that you can just express that you had a good time and see if they're interested in seeing you again (if those are thoughts you're actually having). "People want to be reminded that they still are worthwhile, even after they’ve been sexually gratifying to the person," Luterman says. If your experience didn't go well, it's important to voice that, too.

 

And those in long-term relationships are certainly not exempt from aftercare, Luterman says. It's something couples should continue to do, especially after trying something new (such as anal sex), she says. Did the sex hurt? Do they want to do it again? What did they like and not like about it? You can't know what your partner is thinking unless you ask them. Plus, it can be easy for long-term partners to feel taken for granted, so making sure to cuddle, stroke each other's hair, and savor the moment after sex can make even the most routine sex feel special. ...

Patrick Smith Is Leaving Marks on Kink Culture

on Sunday, 30 April 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Mr. International Leather 2015 wants to show you the ropes with the first online BDSM database.

The Advocate

BY ALEXANDER CHEVES

Thousands of people every year, all over the world, learn that they’re kinky. This happens through small, private, erotic acts of discovery. They stumble across a porn site where something catches the eye — a horse bit in a performer's mouth.

 

The messages people everywhere are taught about sex often squash and quell these discoveries. When we are taught that two-person, monogamous relationships (both queer and straight) are the only ones worth validating; when we are taught to fear “alternative” sexual lifestyles and those who live them; when a distrust of desire is fostered by nearly every social institution, from entertainment to religion, the prospect of learning about kink is daunting. Shame, stigma, and lack of resources create challenges. 

 

Kinksters (kinky people) in isolated areas struggle to find playmates and support. Without a universal bible of BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism), many make mistakes along the way, accidentally hurting themselves or others. 

 

Patrick Smith wants to change that.

 

Last Monday, the Canadian-American LGBT activist and International Mister Leather 2015 launched Leatherpedia.org—the first online database for kink, leather, and BDSM. The goal of Leatherpeida is to be comprehensive; to be a one-stop shop for curious, beginner kinksters. 

 

In less than a week, the site has over 440 user registrations and 75 entries — and more are being added daily.

 

“Keeping information factual and accurate is a concern for any wiki,” Smith tells The Advocate. “We are trying to strike a balance between not censoring our contributors and at the same time making sure visitors get the best and most accurate information possible.”

 

Smith says all entries are checked by site administrators daily.

 

Like Wikipedia, Leatherpedia.org relies entirely on contributor content. Content is currently organized into categories — People, City, Knowledge, Business, and Titles. Under “People,” noted kinky figures like Smith himself will have bios. In “Business,” fetish retailers can describe their goods and services — a potentially invaluable resource for remote kinksters in need of proper gear. 

 

Smith got his start in community activism when he competed for the title of International Mister Leather — a leather pageant and competition that highlights competitors’ community outreach. IML is held every year in Chicago and draws thousands of kinky folks from all over the world.

 

After winning the top spot in 2015, Smith embarked on a year of international travel to learn about the plights of queer people in places outside the United States and Europe. He traveled to Uganda to meet with LGBT leaders there to see what could be done to combat the severe antigay laws and stigma in that country.

 

Smith quickly realized how great a need existed for reliable kink education.

 

“I spent Thanksgiving meeting with LGBT advocacy groups and the broader community in Trinidad and Tobago,” Smith says. “I thought the conversation would be focused on their rights in that country, but numerous people spent a surprising amount of time asking me about Shibari [Japanese rope bondage]. They had the interest, but didn’t have an easy resource to learn about it.”

 

With the involvement of kinky folks everywhere, Leatherpedia.org can be that resource.

 

The site comes at a time when there is discussion among folks in the scene about how leather tradition should be preserved. Old Guard and New Guard leather practitioners have different approaches to kink tradition. Many New Guard kinksters say the “opening up” of leather culture — thanks largely to the internet — makes kink and BDSM more welcoming to everyone. They argue that more accessible information invariably keeps people safer. 

 

Few kinksters on either side of the debate deny how the internet has impacted the scene, particularly in light of pop culture phenomenons like Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

“I am very enthusiastic about honoring tradition,” Smith says, “but where this community gets in trouble is when we prescribe how someone must dress or act based on what may or may not have been done in the past. It’s important to chronicle and honor past practices, but our future shouldn’t be constrained by them.”

 

That, Smith says, is why Leatherpedia.org exists — so that traditions can be handed down and not forgotten, but made accessible to newcomers, and to kinky folks in places like Trinidad and elsewhere. 

 

“This is a project that will only succeed with a broad cross section of people contributing their knowledge of leather and kink,” Smith says. ...

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