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"11 Ways to Tell Your Partner You're Kinky"

on Sunday, 02 November 2014. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

When "I want you to tie me up and spank me" just feels awkward.

Cosmopolitan

by Margaret Corvid

So, you've got some kinks. For years, you have kept them locked safely away in your brain. Now you've screwed up your courage and you're ready to tell your partner about your kinks. As a professional dominatrix and a lifelong kinkster, I am well versed in the ways of the kinky disclosure, and I am here to help you move from horny hopes to real-life kinky action.

1. Before you begin, be relaxed and confident.
As celebrated advice columnist Dan Savage has often said, coming out about your kinky interests shouldn't be like disclosing a cancer diagnosis. Most of us with kinks have disclosed them to a previous partner, only to be met with shock or disgust. That experience leads us to approach telling our partners with some nervousness, but unfortunately that can set you up for failure. Nerves and worries spread easily, particularly to someone who knows you well, so bring up your kinks when you're feeling especially good about yourself.

2. Be simple, sober, and calm.
When you're talking about your kinks at first, have the conversations sober, with your clothes on, and when the two of you are not having a raging fight. You should both be in a good mood and have a little bit of time free to discuss this stuff. It's not necessarily a conversation you need to schedule in advance, but it's an important one; give it the space, time, and care it deserves.

3. Tell your partner the sexiest parts about your kinks — and what they might get out of them.
Whether your kink is getting tied up and spanked, or pegging your partner with a strap-on penis, when you roll it out, you should make your kinks sound as tempting and delightful as you know them to be! Temptation and delight, of course, are a two-way street. When your partner is indulging your kinks, they are also getting something in return — namely, a hot, horny, and responsive you. Kink, fetish, and BDSM are intense, and even someone who doesn't have a longstanding interest can get off on that delicious intensity. Say something like, "When you spank my butt, it turns me into a horny, wet she-devil who is ready to jump on your dick!" That's likely to go down well.

 

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