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"Ask a Trans Woman: Trans and Kinky; Proud to be Who I Am"

on Saturday, 25 February 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

The Rainbow Times

by Lorelei Erisis

For the past few months my column has been pretty overtly political, for what I imagine are understandable reasons. However, this month, I thought I’d start the New Year with something a lot more personal—something positive, though it journeys through some negative territory.

Also, it’s worth mentioning that in order to get where I’m going here, I may have to get slightly graphic, or at least kinda TMI (too much information). So, if you’re not cool with frank discussions of sex or sexuality—or you’re my mom—this might be a column you want to skip. I won’t be offended; I’ll see you next month!

Okay, if you’re still here, let me define myself beyond being “simply” trans. I sometimes joke that I have an addiction to identities. As soon as my friends and family have acclimated to one, I just pile on a new one!

Anyway, in addition to identifying as a transgender woman, you will have probably gathered by now that I am proudly queer. I am also bisexual and polyamorous, and several other things as well, depending upon my mood, situational relevance and/or the day of the week.

But I aim to spend the bulk of this column exploring my kinkiness. I’m proudly and openly so. Though I don’t necessarily flaunt it, in quite the same way I fly my trans, queer, bi, and poly flags for all to see, I don’t much hide it either.

I realized some years ago that hiding my proudly perverted past was going to be realistically impossible. I’ve never been good at keeping my own secrets and I do like to tell a good story, whether or not it’s necessarily a good idea in terms of my own privacy.

In fact, I recently had my first real right-wing hit piece done on me, and I was actually sort of disappointed that they hadn’t tried harder! I mean, all they really had to do was dig one or two more search pages in and they’d have found the really good stuff!

To be fair, nowadays, I’m not really a kink crusader. I’m not super active in “the lifestyle.” I tend to get distracted by all the other things I’m always trying to do. At best, kink is something I play around with only sporadically. At that, it also tends to be one of the few things I reserve to that increasingly small segment of my time that I think of as my “private, personal life.”

However, it is an unavoidable fact of my life and transition that for the first several years of my transition, I was in a committed, long-term relationship with a fairly famous dominatrix named Widow Centauri. She is also, a sex educator, sociologist, standup comic, and stripper. But for now, the dominatrix part seems most relevant. ...

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