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Why these young Aussies are trying BDSM

on Sunday, 09 April 2017. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

by Katie Horneshaw

“SO I think I’m getting a Dom!” exclaims my friend Jodi* as we sit down for coffee.

“You mean like a BDSM thing?”

“Yeah! I mean, might as well see what all the fuss is about, right?”

“Dom” is kink-vernacular for the dominant role in a BDSM encounter, or “scene”. Jodi is anticipating taking the “Sub”, or submissive, role.

And it’s this, not the fact that my friend wants to try BDSM, which stokes my intrigue. Jodi is a loud, self-possessed clothing label owner and landlord. I cannot picture her being dominated by anyone.

She will later inform me that she’s switched to the Dom role and has found a “sweet” Sub to be her manservant. He comes over to brush her hair and act as her foot stool, among other things.

If you had told me I’d be having this conversation a few years ago, I would have been scandalised. But that was before BDSM became ubiquitous within the under 35’s singles scene. As Jodi puts it, “It’s not good enough to be normal anymore. You have to be extreme!”

The catalyst for the change? There’s the obvious: Fifty Shades may be roundly mocked within the BDSM community, but its role in eviscerating the taboo which once shrouded kink is irrefutable. The rise of anonymous dating apps has made it easy to scout for partners, while social media sites like FetLife (The Facebook of BDSM) allow young kinksters to communicate online.

Matt*, 23 and a Dom, is one of the cohort of Aussie young people using Tinder to scout for BDSM partners. He’s hasn’t encountered a lot of experienced female subs, but, “There are lots of younger girls who have thought about it or dabbled, and they’re happy to have me guide them through the experience.”

Sam*, 28, says he’s always had submissive tendencies, but it wasn’t until seeing Fifty Shades that he considered exploring them in the bedroom. When he eventually matched with a professional dominatrix on Tinder, it was an awakening.

“I’ve always wanted to serve women, but I didn’t have an opportunity to do that in my everyday life without it seeming creepy.”

He thinks BDSM’s recent explosion in popularity is a great thing, “because most people are probably like me — they’d love it if they would just give it a try!”

Henry*, 25, has always known he finds domination sexy. As a teenager he would see a scene in a movie where a woman was in charge and become excited.

He tells me about his first experience as a sub: “I met a very experienced female Dom through a friend, and she trained me on slave-duty. I lived with her and was under her control 24/7- I was only allowed to go out to go to Uni. I loved the idea that it was totally up to her if she wanted to punish or reward me for my behaviour.”

Unlike Sam, Henry is a natural leader in day-to-day life. “What turns me on is the release: The total ceding of control to someone else.” ...

Comments (1)

  • Joanne

    10 April 2017 at 01:59 |
    I was particularly struck by the case of Henry. History has shown that people who occupy positions of power/leadership in everyday life often crave the opposite in their sexual encounters. How many politicians, for example, have been found in such situations?

    reply

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