NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 28 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in October, November and December. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 4th quarter of 2015:

Criminal

There were 9 requests for resources and information involving kink and criminal law. 5 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services, and resources to educate law enforcement, investigators and prosecutors. There were 3 requests for resources and for referrals for kink aware expert professionals from people accused of consent violations. 1 request involved photographs taken from FetLife.

Groups

There were 8 requests for help involving BDSM and Lifestyle groups. 4 groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations: 2 were dealing with members who committed consent violations and 2 were getting advice on how to deal with any violations that may occur. 2 groups asked for assistance in setting up a club, dealing with zoning and local authorities and insurance. 2 groups faced media harassment.

Child Custody/Divorce

There were 5 child custody cases in the last three months. 2 requests involved a professional dominatrix fighting a Child Protective Services investigation. 1 request involved polyamory and 1 involved both polyamory and BDSM. 1 case involved photos taken from FetLife that were brought into family court to expose the parent's involvement with kink.

Professionals

4 professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services. These included therapists, teachers and graduate students.

Discrimination

Like last quarter, there were only 2 cases of discrimination this quarter. There was a probate case involving kink, and another person was discriminated against by her doctor when she tried to get a rape kit done.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!

3rd Quarter 2015
www.ncsfreedom.org
edited by Julian Wolf

NCSF Membership Drive a Success
Incident Reporting & Response
Winner of Consent Month Photo Contest
Guest Blog - "What if You Get Squicked?"
NCSF Thanks!
Daily Flogger Satire
Castle Treue's "Cigar, Bourbon, & Leather Evening Fundraiser"
Coalition Corner: AIS
Media Updates

As the plans for the coming year were laid out at the NCSF Coalition Partner's meeting this spring, everyone attending was asked what ideas they may have for boosting membership. On the spot, StL3, our coalition partner out of St Louis, MO, challenged two other coalition partners to a NCSF membership drive from their respective communities!

For their drive, StL3 held a contest with a grand prize of free accommodations in their host hotel for StL3's fall event, Spanksgiving! Spanksgiving is always the weekend before Thanksgiving, Nov 20th - 22nd. Rooms at the host hotel for StL3's events have sold out in less than 24 hours from when registration has opened, making this a coveted prize! Joining NCSF as an individual membership netted 1 chance to the drawing. Enrollment as a Supporting Member netted 4 chances in the drawing + a NCSF T-shirt + free breakfast buffet at the event!

And the winner was.... NCSF! Netting nearly 30 new memberships! Winner of the drawing was Veni_Vici on FetLife, giving her a free weekend stay for Spanksgiving! Congratulations! And thank you to all who participated and signed up for NCSF memberships during StL3's Membership Drive!

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NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 56 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in July, August and September. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest. Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the third quarter of 2015:

Criminal
There were 22 requests for resources and information involving kink and criminal law. In a sharp decline, only 3 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services, and resources to educate law enforcement, investigators and prosecutors. We got 2 requests for information from witnesses who have been subpoenaed in a criminal trial. Another 3 were requests for referrals for kink aware expert witnesses in a criminal trial. 4 were requests for resources dealing with other kinds of crimes, and 1 involved sexual harassment because the person is kinky. 2 involved incarceration/parole violations. The remaining requests for information regarding criminal laws and kink/nonmonogamy did not involve charges being filed.

Child Custody/Divorce
There were 12 child custody cases in the last three months. One case involved a Child Protective Services investigation that involved polyamory - in all there were 5 requests for information from poly parents facing child custody challenges. There were 3 requests for information and referrals to kink aware attorneys involving BDSM and child custody, and another 3 involving divorce and kink - 2 of these involved outing due to FetLife photos.

Groups
There were 10 requests for help involving BDSM and swing groups. 5 groups asked for advice on dealing with consent violations. 4 groups asked for assistance in setting up a club or dealing with zoning and local authorities/media. 1 group had questions about liability regarding house parties.

Media
In an all-time low for NCSF, there was only 1 media incident this quarter. It involved a porn and sex ed convention in Dallas that was referred to us by Coalition Partner - they were getting attacked in the media for offering educational classes including some on the Lifestyle and BDSM.

Professionals
Six professionals asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services. These included victim services, therapists, teachers and researchers.

Civil Law
There were 3 cases involving civil law: 1 by a group of authors regarding Amazon discriminating against kinky covers on their books; and 1 who needed a referral to a kink aware attorney because of an outing on FetLife; and 1 pro domme who needed assistance.

Discrimination
In another all time low, there were only 2 cases of discrimination. There was an employment issue because of educating about ssc BDSM at adult health center, and another person needed a referral to a kink aware attorney to deal with school disciplinary action.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!

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Thank you everyone for helping to celebrate Consent Month with NCSF and Arizona Power Exchange in September!

The winner of our Photo Contest for Consent Month is jonsnowsdirewolf who submitted his photo "Consent" to the contest.

Check it out! It's HOT!

We look forward to celebrating Consent Month with you in September 2016!

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For Kink Aware Professionals. Like everything on this blog, context matters. So if you find yourself acutely uncomfortable with a client's material, what you do depends on when, where, and how it comes up. Some of these suggestions will not be helpful in all contexts. Some even contradict each other. Apologies to Mies van der Rohe, who didn't first say 'The devil and God are both in the details.'

Safety first, yours and theirs. Insofar as you can, do not back away from the material, and do not ask for details that you are not ready to hear and/or the client seems unready to discuss. You need the client to be able to observe their own responses, and for you to be listening to how it feels for them. Consent is critical in BDSM as it is in therapy. It is legitimate and often necessary to question the client about their consent when you reaction comes from ambiguity about whether they have agreed to whatever is disturbing you.

Ask yourself why you or the client are so offended. If the behavior violates your core values, or you are unwilling to do the work in understanding it in the client's terms, maybe you need to refer the client out to someone who can. If the discomfort is primarily the client's, then it may be resolved through therapeutic discussion. While the typical condition of human existence may involve some ambivalence, acute and intolerable ambivalence is a proper subject of treatment. Raw, unprocessed and out of control feelings do not advance the therapeutic process, and are signs that it may be premature to discuss disturbing material.

Give yourself permission to have your own feelings and do not rush to judge them a sign of inadequacy as a therapist. In order to use your own feelings in therapy, you must first have them and recognize them. Resolving countertransference is often a powerful resource in therapeutic change. It is often uncomfortable. Freud thought resolving transference was what therapy is all about, and countertransference was often how transference was first recognized. Even if you think your response is excessive, recognizing your feelings is the first step that can eventually lead to acting on them in ways that serve your client. If you have a strong therapeutic alliance with your client, any mistake you make is likely to be a point of learning for both of you, rather than ruin the treatment, if you deal with it honestly and directly.

Ask yourself if understanding and discussing the squicked material is essential to the treatment goals. Often a client's kink is not central to the goals of therapy. If your client complains they are deeply troubled by their desire, obviously the details of their fantasies and actions are essential to understand. If they went to an event one time and had a bad reaction, you could be doing yourself and the client a favor to let the client vent as they need to, and return as soon as you can to the primary contract for treatment. And if you do not understand the relevance on any material, squicked or not, ask your client what connections they see. If neither of you see the relevance, let it go. One sure characteristic of treatment is that if you gloss over important issues, they will come up again, so if it is important, you are likely to get another good chance to discuss it.

Get more information. This holds the promise of helping you clarify why you are uncomfortable, and possible increasing your understanding in ways that make your reaction more manageable. The question is often where to get good information. Be careful of using sources like porn and fantasy sites, where there is a strong stylistic tendency to exaggerate for effect. On-line sources - yes, I realize Elephant in the Hot Tub is one of those - vary in their objectivity and reliability. Different Loving 2ed by Brame, Brame and Jacobs is a reliable resource for starters. Look also at reliable sources on edge play. It is wise when doing this work to have colleagues whose opinions you trust. Sometimes professional listservs and forums can be helpful. Triangulate information from multiple sources, and don't simply cherry pick the information that suits your preconceptions. Do not take a poll on social media, or inadvertently out your client with specific information, even without names attached. Often edgy practices are rare or singular events, and public discussion creates the impression that people are being outed and confidentiality violated.

If you have such contacts, ask others in the kink community about how similar material is treated there. In this, you are not looking for advice, but trying to understand the context, contracting, consent, and community reactions to it. Kink communities differ, have their own micro-cultures and house rules, and are not unfailingly accepting or nonjudgmental. But understanding uncomfortable behavior in the likely context of the kink community can help you frame your own reaction, and perhaps, the client's.

Know your strengths and limits. That knowledge is crucial in deciding which of the strategies listed here are most applicable to any specific case. In the Goode Olde Days, therapists had 5 years of psychoanalysis to deepen their self-understanding. That was good, but by no means a perfect assurance of self-knowledge. Nowadays you can practically get licensed by reading a few good books. Self-knowledge is fragile, but is also the best defense.

Get quality supervision from someone who knows about the scary practices that are vexing you. That does not necessarily mean falling back on an old supervisor who is a fantastic clinician, helped in your training, but knows nothing about kink. It is generally unwise to try to clinic such cases on listservs where just anyone can chime in, both for reasons of confidentiality, and for reasons that people unfamiliar with such material are at risk of being made uncomfortable too, and may simply and unintentionally reflect widespread social prejudices. That may mean cultivating professional relationships ahead of time with people who have a wide familiarity with outliers among the populations you treat.

If you think your own reaction violates your core values, or reflects incomplete work on your part, by all means return to psychotherapy. Being made uncomfortable by someone's material is ultimately a problem you can walk away from. Be made uncomfortable with your own material is not.

Discuss your discomfort with an experienced and open client. This is their work too, and to the extent that they can cooperate in understanding together what your discomfort means, the client is an important resource. Ultimately, you are responsible for your feelings, but when they are a reflection of the client's conflicts, showing the client you are comfortable with discussing your own discomfort can be good role modeling, and help them achieve important insight. When you lack a trusting relationship and good working alliance, discussing your own discomfort can be disruptive and drive away a client. It is wise to out-refer to someone better able to help. If a client is gaming you in a way that feels manipulative, make sure that you take steps to ensure your own safety. BDSM edge play, that is play that is known to be more dangerous and transgressive in the kink community, is mostly unsafe to discuss with severely personality disordered clients and clients with weak observing egos.

Therapy is a great way to fight social problems and social injustice in the world. But it operates under ethical guidelines that put the client first. Perhaps you can bring your own reaction into balance better by confronting some of the root problems that make you uncomfortable through teaching, advocacy, or direct social action and philanthropy better than through your psychotherapy with any one client. This is a special subset of my final suggestion:

Make sure that you are adequately supported in the clinical work you are doing. This may include your primary and secondary relationships, your institutional setting, your fees, office, training and other aspects of the context of doing treatment. It may include proper organizational affiliations, and friends who do similar work. And it includes collecting referrals and biblioresources that support the psychotherapy you are doing. All of these factors make it easier to understand intense and/or unexpected client materials if they suddenly arise and help you use them to better serve your clients.

That is a starter list, but it is far from exhaustive. Perhaps you can think of good coping strategies or additional resources I have left out. By all means, include them in the comments section.

Resources:

Finkelhor, D., Araji, S., Baron, L., Browne, A. Peters, S. D. & Wyatt, G. E. A Sourcebook on Child Sexual Abuse. Thousand Oaks, CA, US: Sage Publications, Inc (1986). 276 p.

Richters, J., De Visser, R. O., Rissel, C. E., Grulich, A. E., & Smith, A. (2008). Demographic and psychosocial features of participants in bondage and discipline, "Sadomasochism" or Dominance and Submission (BDSM): Data from a National Survey. The journal of sexual medicine, 5(7), 1660-1668.

Andreas A.J. Wismeijer PhD, Marcel A.L.M. van Assen PhD: Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 10, Issue 8, pages 1943-1952, August 2013.

Patricia A. Cross PhD and Kim Matheson PhD in the book "Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures" (2006), published simultaneously as the Journal of Homosexuality, Vol. 50, Nos. 2/3.)

"Psychotherapeutic Issues with "Kinky" Clients: Yours and Their's" by Margie Nichols, PhD in Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures ed. P Klienplatz and C. Moser (2006) published simultaneously as the Journal of Homosexuality, Vol. 50, Nos. 2/3.)

2015 Russell J Stambaugh, Ann Arbor, Michigan. All rights reserved.

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New England Leather Alliance, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, donated $1,000 from their Fetish Fair Fleamarket #44, held in February 2015.

Leather SINS, a Coalition Partner of NCSF donated $3,000 to NCSF from their recent Kinky Kollege conference in Chicago.

De Giotto Rope, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, donated $150 from proceeds they raised at TES Fest in July in Piscataway, New Jersey.

TES in New York City, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, donated $300 from the funds they raised with the Dunk Tank Contest at TES Fest over the 4th of July weekend in Piscataway, NJ.

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff of the Sheff Consulting Group in Georgia donated $100 to the NCSF membership group.

As part of The Tenth Anniversary Celebration of Nashville's and Middle Tennessee's Kink Community Center -- The Mark -- CPI raised $1000 at its Annual Vendor Fair this past September to support the NCSF. CPI/The Mark has proudly been an NCSF Coalition Partner since 2005, has hosted the NCSF Annual Meeting in 2013, currently serves as the printing/distribution center for NCSF print literature, and looks forward to another decade of symbiotic service.

Castle Treue, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, raised over $1,000 at their "Cigar, Bourbon, & Leather Evening Fundraiser" in August in the Greater Cleveland area. (See Barak's story about the event in this newsletter!)

Les Bon Temps in Mobile, Alabama, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, donated $303.50 raised at their Spring Fling.

The BDSM Writers Con, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, raised $623 at their conference in August in New York City.

Behind Closed Doors, an event sponsored by Arizona Baja Leather, a Coalition Partner of NCSF, raised $395 by passing the hat at their event in early October.

AdventuresInSexuality.org (AIS), a Coalition Partner of NCSF, raised $600 at their recent COPE conference in Ohio (See Barak's story about the event in this newsletter!)

Long time supporter and NCSF member, Marc DePaul, donated $1,500 to NCSF!

We can't do it without your support. Thank you for joining NCSF!

Numbers count when we advocate for you, and the bigger we are, the harder our voice is to ignore. There is no other group that fights for kink and nonmonogamy like NCSF does. We help people in need, groups under siege, and businesses opposed by sex-negative bureaucracy.

We can't do it without your support. Thank you for joining NCSF!

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The Daily Flogger
WASHINGTON, UTAH

In a recent poll of BDSM practitioners likely to vote in this year's Republican primary, Donald Trump was found to be the politician that most BDSMers would either like to beat or see beaten (depending on their own proclivities).

The results had Trump as a runaway favorite outpacing all other Republicans by a 10 to 1 margin, with Rick Perry and Rick Santorum each garnering 5% of the vote respectively. Trump received an impressive 90% of the vote and many felt compelled to write in their own suggestions for various tortures, with "sewing his mouth shut with a hungry rat inside" being the most common.

Trump's camp did not return our calls, but it is reported that Trump himself referred to the BDSM community as "losers" and "total degenerate, mostly coming from Mexico."

Read more at the Daily Flogger website.

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What a wonderful evening! While the gathering wasn't huge, it was just the right size. Small enough to be intimate and personal, but large enough to generate over $1000 for the NCSF! Approximately 30 people came out to the Castle Treue's Fundraiser. It was called "Cigar, Bourbon, & Leather Evening Fundraiser." And true to the title, there was much of all three.

We made a weekend of it, packing up our motorcycles with several days of essentials, clothing, and gear. Starting fairly early, we spent the 2 days prior to the event, riding across and through the scenic secondary highways in Ohio, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania. But... that is fodder for another story.

On the third day, we pulled up to Castle Treue, and were greeted warmly by our hosts, Master Eric and slave tender. As we were escorted into the bustling residence, we were quickly offered refreshment - even though we were quite early. The home was alive with activity. Apparently all the members of the Leather House were in attendance to serve and host. And Host they did!

As the remainder of the attendees/guests arrived, each was made to feel welcome and comfortable. A quick announcement signaled the "start." The evening's events were summarized, and then the tastings began! With an admission donation, each person received three bourbon tickets and one cigar ticket. Each Bourbon ticket was good for a half ounce taste of a featured Bourbon. Full pourings of the favorite (or any) could be had for another donation.

Next to the Bourbon, a large tray of cigars was displayed. For your cigar ticket, or another donation, you were invited to pick from the varied selection. One of the house members was there with cutters, and your cigar was prepared as you liked. A good smoke was most appreciated after a long day in the saddle - as was a small taste of the high quality spirits.
Intermittently, Master Eric would pause the proceedings to auction off one of the numerous donations that the House had compiled. There was a wonderful Photography package, a travel basket, a handmade cigar and liquor roll, and many other wonderful auction items.

With the entire proceeds being donated to the NCSF, it looked to be a generous evening.
Background music was floating through the air, as we made friends, shared stories, and smoked good cigars. All too soon, it was 11pm. The announcement was made - but while the official event had come to a close, that didn't mean we would have to leave! We were all invited to stay as long as we wanted, but at 2am or so, the hosts would be going to bed...lol. Once again the hospitality of Castle Treue shined through the night.

It was a pleasure to be invited to such a well-organized and intimate event. Personally, I want to thank Master Eric and slave tender and all the members of Castle Treue for such a wonderful evening. And as an NCSF Board member, I want to thank Castle Treue, and all the attendees, for your generosity and the donation of all the proceeds to the NCSF.

Furthermore, I would like to welcome Castle Treue as a new NCSF Coalition Partner!

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Things have finally settled down and are back at the busy AdventuresInSexuality.org (AIS) pace. This gives us a moment to reflect on some fund raising for the NCSF. It was wonderful to have an NCSF presence at AIS Events, and The Central Ohio Perversion Excursion (COPE) was no exception. BebeBlueEyes kept the interest up at the NCSF table... and people were very curious about what the NCSF is doing now!

During the closing announcements, there was a special drawing for the NCSF. The split was $279 for the winner and the same for the NCSF. AIS stepped in a matched the NCSF part, then rounded it up - to raise a total of $600 for the NCSF! We are pleased to be a fund-raising force for an organization that takes our sexual freedom seriously.

AIS is tremendously pleased to be a Coalition Partner for the NCSF. We have directly benefited from their defense. While we hope not to need them in the future, we will continue to raise funds for the NCSF for those who will! We believe the assistance provided by the NCSF is invaluable for the kink/leather/alt sex communities. We are proud to support them!

Peace
Barak & Sheba
Adventures In Sexuality, LLC.

See our list of Coalition Partners at the NCSF website!

Are you a CP Representative? Make sure we have your updated information by email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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A Taste of Kink was sponsored by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the AASECT AltSex SIG as part of the AASECT Annual Conference in Minneapolis, MN. Over one hundred AASECT members were able to receive 3 Continuing Education credits for attending the June 6thevent. A Taste of Kink was held at Patrick's Cabaret, and was hosted by Minneapolis kink groups and community organizers.

"AASECT offers or approves hundreds of quality training programs a year for the purposes of protecting clients and improving services in our areas of professional expertise," says Russell Stambaugh, co-facilitator of A Taste of Kink along with NCSF Spokesperson Susan Wright. "It took top quality kink personnel, a safe setting and excellent program design to make A Taste of Kink a success."

The goals of A Taste of Kink were to:

• Teach the educators and therapists the basics of consent and negotiation in a BDSM context,

• Show them the toys/equipment commonly associated with BDSM practices,

• Help them become familiar with healthy patterns of BDSM practices.

After an introduction to consent and negotiation, attendees watched simultaneous demonstrations of common BDSM activities from negotiation to play to aftercare. Then they were given the chance to "taste" each sensation, and participated in negotiation, play and aftercare themselves to model good kink practices

The feedback on A Taste of Kink has been overwhelmingly positive. NCSF and the AltSex SIG were careful to obtain informed consent every step of the way and demonstrate best practices developed by the BDSM community.

To support NCSF's work, please join or donate to help!

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NCSF Thanks!

NCSF would like to thank Russell Stambaugh for donating $1,000 to cover the expenses for A Taste of Kink at the AASECT annual conference in Minneapolis in June! 

Numbers count when we advocate for you, and the bigger we are, the harder our voice is to ignore. There is no other group that fights for kink and nonmonogamy like NCSF does. We help people in need, groups under siege, and businesses opposed by sex-negative bureaucracy.

We can't do it without your support. Thank you for joining NCSF!

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Direct to NCSF members, courtesy of satirical BDSM webzine, The DailyFlogger

 
Read more at the Daily Flogger website.

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Announcing a Major Event-The 2015 BDSM Writers Con

Mark Your Calendars:  August 20-23 in NYC

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is proud to be a sponsor of the 2015 BDSM Writers Con, and we urge member of our communities to attend this exciting event (www.bdsmwriterscon.com).

The BDSM Writers Con, founded by noted author and world-renowned clinical sexologist Dr. Charley Ferrer, brings together readers and authors of BDSM literature.  Attendees will mix and mingle with the leading authors in the field, will attend workshops, live demos and a BDSM Book Fair, and will participate in a BDSM Club Night.  The conference will also feature a ceremony presenting the annual Golden Flogger Award to a prominent author of BDSM fiction.

This is the third annual BDSM Writers Con organized by Dr. Charley Ferrer.  Doctor Charley is one of America's leading sexologists in the field of BDSM and author of "BDSM:  The Naked Truth".  NCSF has supported her efforts and sponsored last year's highly successful conference.  Dr. Ferrer has spoken frequently at NCSF events, particularly in support of the Consent Counts Project.

NCSF views the BDSM Writers Con as an important element in expanding the public's understanding and acceptance of BDSM.  Writers of fiction are significant opinion makers.  The growing significant and largely sympathetic attention to BDSM-in films, books, television and theatre-in the wake of Fifty Shades of Gray testifies to the role that can be played by fictional depictions of BDSM.

So your attendance at the 2015 BDSM Writers Con supports an important force for greater public acceptance of our communities.  And you will also have a great time!

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NCSF celebrates Pride Month with Coalition Partner
The Red Chair marching at the Birmingham Pride Parade.

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Incident Reporting & Response - 2nd Quarter 2015 report

By Susan Wright, Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 60 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses throughout April, May and June. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest. Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the second quarter of 2015.

Criminal

There were 19 requests for assistance with incidents involving kink and criminal law. 15 of those requests came from people complaining about a kink-related assault/sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services, and help in educating law enforcement, investigators and prosecutors. 4 were requests for kink-aware defense attorneys and expert witnesses knowledgeable about BDSM vs. abuse (2 involved allegations of assault in a BDSM context).

Groups

There were 17 requests for help involving BDSM and swing groups. 9 groups asked for advice on banning members and dealing with consent violations. 5 groups asked for assistance in setting up a club and dealing with zoning and local authorities. 1 group needed help with organizational structure, 1 had an issue with a member threatening to sue them for age discrimination, and 1 had questions about liability regarding the kinds of activities they allow in their space.

Media

There were 6 media incidents that NCSF assisted in this quarter. First, there was a great deal of media cover on The Social Club, a Nashville Lifestyle club, which has in turn prompted a backlash in the form of both local and state regulations against private clubs. There were also individuals and groups we assisted behind the scenes in dealing with public exposure they got through media coverage.

Professionals

Six professionals and organizations asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services. These included victim advocates, therapists, and college professors.

Child Custody/Divorce

In an all-time record low for NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response going back to 2002, there were only 5 child custody cases in the last three months. One case involved a Child Protective Services investigation instigated by a 3rd party mandatory reporter, while in another one, an ex-partner brought in CPS due to FetLife photos they found.

Civil Law

There were 4 cases involving civil law: 3 cases of blackmail that required cease & desist letters, and 1 pro domme who needed assistance.

Discrimination

There were 3 cases of discrimination. One incident involved a student who was suspended for sharing their involvement in the BDSM community. Someone had trouble with a religious organization discriminating against them. And someone needed advice on what to say about kink when getting a security clearance.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Please join now or donate to support NCSF's direct services!

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The NCSF was excited to table at International Ms Leather and International Ms Bootblack Weekend in San Jose California this April.

We sent board member Julian Wolf, who also took the stage to perform during Seduction Thursday night and carried a flag during the opening ceremonies.

We'd like to extend our congratulations to Sarge, your current IMsL; slave tabitha arie your current IMsBB; and the IMsL producers for such a notable event. 

Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:

Polyamory 101: What the Curious Need to Know from CafeMom

Swingers clubs limited by state lawmakers from The Tennessean

The Second Coming of Tom from Out Magazine

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here. 

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by Dulcinea Pitagora

Prior to starting my practice as a therapist, I was confronted with contradicting perspectives on the therapist's disclosure of personal information to their clients.  The prevailing thought behind this in the mental health field is that the therapeutic environment is not a place for therapists to disclose too much about themselves-therapy is about the client, not about the therapist, and disclosing personal information might distract clients from the therapeutic process for a variety of reasons.  Having said that, recent research has shown potential benefits in certain types of disclosure, particularly when the therapist is a member of a sexual minority group, and the client in question might feel safer with a therapist who shares their marginalized identification(s).

I have to say, it was validating and such a relief to hear this perspective echo my own.  The fact is, I was aligned with this approach to disclosure well before reading this research, having had the experience of searching for a therapist myself, and asking potential therapists to disclose their connection to and experience with BDSM.  Not that I wanted to know personal details about the therapist's sex life or partner status, but it was important to me to know that they had a working knowledge of my lifestyle, not only so they wouldn't judge or pathologize my preferences, but so I wouldn't waste time and money on educating them as I had with past therapists.

This is exactly why I'm out about the communities I work with and am a part of, and this is also exactly why I created ManhattanAlternative.com-a listing of providers in New York City who are openly affirmative to kink, poly, and LGBTQ communities and lifestyles. The last time I looked for a therapist for myself, I (successfully!) used NCSF's KAP listing to help direct my search. I know I'm not the only one who finds NCSF's work hugely inspiring, and I have to give a great amount of credit to NCSF for encouraging me to be out about my intersecting identifications, and motivating me to create a diverse network of affirming providers in the city where I live and practice.

I feel an obligation to the individuals I work with to be out about my identifications, not only because it might help them feel safer and more comfortable in talking to me, but because it sets the precedent that there is nothing wrong with feeling good about having an atypical identification and owning who you are.  It is important to note that being out in this way is a privilege that not everyone has.  Many people who are kinky, poly, or have a non-binary sexual orientation or gender identification (or intersections thereof) work and live in environments that could be dangerous if they weren't closeted.  Being out is definitely an individual decision, and depends on social context and individual readiness.  I am of the mindset that the more of us who can be out the better, because it will slowly help those who can't be by chipping away at pathologizing public perceptions and stigmatization.

My goals in creating Manhattan Alternative are to make it easier for people who have been wanting to reach out for support but have been reluctant to, or haven't been able to find someone they feel comfortable talking to, and offer support to those with intersecting marginalized identities (e.g., kinky and poly; kinky and gender-nonconforming; poly and gender-nonconforming; kinky, poly, and queer; etc).  Another goal is to encourage providers with practical knowledge of these communities to offer support by being out about their knowledge of and connection to these communities.  Especially in the wake of the 50 Shades franchise, many providers are advertising that they are kink- or alt lifestyle-friendly, and while I don't doubt many of them are affirming, they may not have the practical knowledge or experience that Manhattan Alternativeproviders emphasize.

My hope is to create a network of providers that is as inclusive and diverse as possible, which is why I'm putting a call out to therapists and health care professionals of varying races, ethnicities, abilities, gender expressions, and sexual orientations-particularly those with an intersection of identifications-to fill out the Manhattan Alternative Provider Application Form if they are interested in being listed as a kink/poly/trans/LGBQ-affirmative provider.

Dulcinea Pitagora, MA, LMSW

Manhattan Alternative Founder

ManhattanAlternative.com

Guest Blogs do not represent NCSF but are the opinion of the blogger. NCSF provides space for activists to post their opinions in order to get feedback from the kink and nonmonogamous communities on the work they are doing and the information they are providing to the mainstream.

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Incident Reporting & Response - 1st Quarter 2015 report

By Susan Wright, Director of IRR

NCSF's Incident Reporting & Response received 54 requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in January, February and March. NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest. Here is a breakdown of the cases we assisted on in the first quarter of 2015:

Criminal

There were 18 requests for assistance with incidents involving criminal law. 12 of those requests were from survivors of a kink-related assault/sexual assault who needed assistance in connecting with kink-aware victim services, education of law enforcement, investigators and prosecutors. 5 were requests for kink-aware defense attorneys and expert witnesses knowledgeable about BDSM vs. abuse. The other incident involved obscenity law.

Professionals

13 professionals and organizations asked NCSF for information and resources to assist in them in providing their services to kinky clients. These included victim services, medical clinics, therapists, prosecutors and college professors. We also provided information and resources to 2 kink activists to assist in their training of professionals in their area.

Groups

There were 12 requests for help involving BDSM and swing groups. 6 groups asked for advice on banning members and dealing with consent violations. 4 groups asked for assistance in setting up a club and dealing with zoning. 2 groups needed assistance with reporters who wanted to attend one of their events.

Child Custody

There were 8 requests for help with child custody in which BDSM was brought in to contest custody. That is an increase from the 4th quarter of 2014 in which there were 6 requests for help with child custody. We assisted in family court cases in Virginia, Indiana, Ohio, Texas, Georgia, Arkansas and Canada.

Discrimination

There were 2 requests for help with kink-related discrimination. One person is being denied hospital visitation and the other needed help finding a kink-aware therapist in her area.

Civil law incidents

Only 1 request for help with a threatened outing, involving their FetLife profile.

If you need NCSF's help because of discrimination or to remove kink as a barrier to service, please contact our Incident Reporting & Response today! EmailThis email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Media Updates and Web Features

NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or swing issues and topics. These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between.

Here's a sample of three of our recent featured stories:

Polyamory 101: What the Curious Need to Know from CafeMom

Swingers clubs limited by state lawmakers from The Tennessean

The Second Coming of Tom from Out Magazine

NCSF publishes the Updates to provide readers with a comprehensive look at what media outlets are writing about these topics and to urge everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. NCSF permits and encourages readers to forward these Updates where appropriate.

You can sign up to receive our emails This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check our blog at our website here. 

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https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/FZ2XDMP 

NCSF is working with researchers at Sam Houston University's Department of Psychology and Philosophy who will compare our responses to two other sample populations - one college-aged and the other LGBT-identified.

NCSF will use these results to help with our advocacy, benefiting both existing and developing programs. Specifically, the study's results will assist in educating law enforcement, legal and psychological professionals about the practices and mental health of BDSM practitioners.

The survey will take approximately 35 minutes of your time.

By Bjorn Paulee

Accepting this assignment for NCSF has been a difficult time, but not for reasons you may assume.  One of the members of our poly family has been ill and in and out of the hospitals locally, and time has been precious more so than normally.

I've known that I was poly before the word existed while I was going through puberty.  During my dating years, I was at one point going "steady" with four different girls at four different high schools.  So what does it mean to be poly in a vanilla world?  If I were to bring it down to the most concise phrase I could, it would be "emotional juggling," and if you think you desire it, you'd better be ready for it.  Only those to whom it comes naturally seem to be able to do it consistently.

Our poly family right now is four and growing, with one under consideration and a number of others who may be asked if they want to be under consideration.  The problem is whether they are ready for it and are poly by nature or have another agenda.

But let me go back to the topic of living in a vanilla world.  At best, it is difficult.  The national culture is not ready to accept polyamorous or polygamous relationships in the open.  The result is that most alternate lifestylers are forced to lie in order to live the life they feel they need.  Psychologically, that is not healthy.  It also means that only the best liars are the ones that can survive without being outed.

I was a very good liar for many years, something I am not proud of.  I was able to maintain vanilla relationships, while letting the needs I have play out.  But it hurt others in the process.  I have good relationships with my kids for the most part, but they were raised in such a manner that they knew who I was and why I had to live as I did.  I have a close group of lifelong friends and most of them know about me, but some live very conservative lives and this is not something to wear on your sleeve and throw it in the faces of others.

A few years ago, I made the decision not to lie any more.  For the most part, I've been able to hold true, but there are still times that cannot be helped.  For instance, one of the members of our poly family was in the hospital and in order to get information about her condition and make good with the nursing staff and doctors, we needed to say we were part of her family, so she instantly became a sister-in-law to me.  Sigh.  As a result, we have now put an Advance Directive (Living Will) together and are working on more legal documents that long-term will allow us some legal rights.  Again, it is difficult at best.

For me, there has been lots of conflict throughout my life for having to use personal skills and talents to be in the closet about swinging early on and polyamory in the later years when swinging was no longer providing satisfaction.  I yearn to have multiple relationships and the variety it brings and I make a good partner, one who enables my partners and friends to be the best people they can be without being intimidating physically or emotionally.  But for now, I am living a reasonable relaxed life, something I was never sure would happen.

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Meet Your Board! 

Winner of the most recent NCSF Volunteer of the Year award, Keira!

Do you have a history of activism and community involvement?
I try to be involved in my community, offering aid to the leaders and support to anyone who needs it, but I have never been much of an activist. NCSF is my only true activist endeavor.

Listen to NCSF Board Member Jsin's interview about NCSF that took place at the recent Beat Me in St. Louis. Hear what NCSF is doing to help people today! Jsin's interview starts at 15:30 min.

http://www.eroticawakening.com/files/ea312.php

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Take the Consent Violations Survey!

 https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ConsentViolationsSurvey

Please take this survey even if you've never had a consent violation. We want to know what are your power exchange and sexual identities? Are you "out" about being kinky? How often do you go to BDSM groups and online communities?

NCSF will use these results to help perform its advocacy, such as helping law enforcement, prosecutors and health care professionals understand the experiences of kinky people and provide better quality service.

Only takes 5-20 minutes to complete!

This survey is anonymous and your privacy is guaranteed by SurveyMonkey, a secured survey hosting website. NCSF does not have access to any identifying information about the participants.

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom www.ncsfreedom.org

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Coming Soon! NCSF's Consent Violations Survey

January 2014 is the big launch of NCSF's Consent Violations Survey. We need everyone to take this survey even if you've never had a consent violation.

We're also gathering important demographic info on your power exchange and sexual identities, whether you are "out" about being kinky, and what level of participation you have in BDSM groups and online communities.

It will take as little as 5 minutes to complete, and up to 20 minutes if you provide details of consent violations or accusations. This information will be used in NCSF's advocacy efforts with law enforcement, victim services and health care professionals.

This survey is anonymous and your privacy is guaranteed by Survey Monkey, a secured survey hosting website. NCSF will not have access to any identifying information about the participants.

Look for the link to the Consent Violations Survey soon!

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