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Guest Blog: The BDSM Power Exchange: Subversion, Transcendence, Sexual (R)evolution

on Tuesday, 01 April 2014. Hits 1186

By Dulcinea Pitagora, M.A.

 

Modern society has come far in the last several decades in progressing towards tolerance, and perhaps even acceptance, of individuals who may not look or act the way the statistical majority does in terms of sexual and gender expression. Having said that, human consciousness remains overwhelmingly confined by rigid heteronormative definitions of sexual orientation and gender identification that reinforce binary stereotypes and the pathologization of individuals who identify outside of the mainstream. Research on the subject of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadomasochism) has historically pathologized BDSM practitioners by focusing on nonconsensual interactions that incorporate elements of sexual sadism or masochism as defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders [(DSM) American Psychiatric Association, 2013; Pitagora, 2013]. However, over the past two decades, BDSM desire and expression have increasingly been considered an atypical but naturally occurring variation of human sexuality that appeals to 5 to 14% of the general population (Masters, Johnson, & Kolodny, 1995; Janus and Janus, 1993). As of the latest iteration of the DSM in 2013, critics have raised arguments for the removal of the Paraphilic Disorders section, based on a lack of objective research to support its inclusion, as well as the section’s poorly written and conflicting diagnostic criteria; it has been suggested that the disorders remain included in the DSM-5 largely for historic and/or political reasons (Federoff, Di Giocchino, & Murphy, 2013; Moser, 2013).

 

It is heartening to see a trend toward the depathologization of atypical sexual orientations and gender identifications, as indicated by the removal of homosexuality from the DSM over a span of 30 years, and the changes to gender-based disorders that are following suit (Drescher, 2010). It stands to reason that the Paraphilic Disorders section in the DSM-5 would follow the same trajectory, given that the diagnoses were similarly created using culturally-based criteria with no basis in scientific evidence for its inclusion (Federoff, Gioacchino, & Murphy, 2013; Moser, 2013). While the change in cultural and academic perception of atypical sexual and gender expression is a long and arduous process, there seem to be signs of progress that lend a glimmer of hope to those in these fringe communities, indicating that societal tolerance and acceptance is on the horizon. For those with the end goal of equality in terms of sexual expression, this is a promising prospect. However, for those who want more than to be included in the status quo, acceptance and tolerance is not enough. That is to say, repurposing atypical sexual and gender expressions so that they fit into the mainstream idea of what is acceptable does little to further the sexual evolution of society as a whole. This line of reasoning presents a conundrum: Is the fight for sexual freedom merely about access to rights for sexual minority individuals, or also about questioning structures that limit the potential of human freedom for everyone?

In the interest of full disclosure—a concept that is a central tenet among BDSM practitioners (Pitagora, 2013)—it should be noted that the above question was appropriated from LGBT social justice activist Urvashi Vaid (2012), who proposes that equality is not necessarily the ideal end goal for those situated in the margins of sexual orientation and gender identification. Instead, a higher order goal might be to employ the inherent truths in such atypical desires and identifications in order to debunk the currently entrenched heteronormative binary systems of sexuality and gender expression. By shedding light on the way that those who practice BDSM subvert stereotypical gender roles in consensual and negotiated sexual interactions, a world of possibility could be exposed for those mired in rote sexual behaviors enacted within the constraints of societal expectation. The question asked another way: Might an evolution of human sexual behavior be possible for all individuals, no matter how mainstream and conforming, by learning from those who deviate from the sexual norm? …

 

Dulcinea will be presenting the entirety of this paper at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, August 14-17 in Alexandria, VA.

 

For more information about Dulcinea Pitagora, go to: https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=235856456

Town Hall Meeting Live on TSRnetwork.com BDSM TV

on Saturday, 29 March 2014. Hits 437

Town Hall Meeting Live on TSRnetwork.com BDSM TV
“ We are changing the world one vanilla at a time we are the real 50 shades of grey”
Live on March 30 at 2 PM PST broadcasting the first Live Town Hall Meeting that will broadcast all over the world.

Our Panel for the First Town Hall Meeting Live broadcast will be.
Jay Wiseman (Author BDSM 101 San Francisco, CA)
Sire Kane ( Founder and owner The Lair de Sade, North Hollywood, CA.
Mystryss Lily (Educator and community leader and owner of The Kinkdom. Detroit Michigan)
Galen Fous (Educator and Therapist and creator of the PEM Survey Portland, Oregon)
Lew Rubens (Educator and creator of Lewbari Weekend Olympia, Washington)
Mistress Cyan (Educator and owner of The Sanctuary LAX Los Angleles. CA
Goddess Genesis (Educator and owner of The Sanctuary LAX Los Angleles. CA
Submissann (Educator and community Leader) Los Angeles, CA.
Susan Wright (Author and is with the NCSF Phoenix, Arizona
MingDestiny (Community leader creator of Pocket Kink, Maui County, Hawaii
We will be airing Live on TSRnetwork.com, TSR Studio Group here on Fetlife, Youtube.com and Google +.
We welcome questions that you wish us to talk about from both guests on the shows and viewers. We will have the chat room open to all that wish to ask a question live on the show.
Please send this out to your friends and promote this event and send in your topic that you wish us to address. Plus use the hashtag #TSRnetwork.com to promote the event.
Link to Pop-Out Chat Room. http://tinyurl.com/TSR-ChatRoom
Where to watch the show?
We are the Real 50 Shades of Grey....
Shows Produced by M.A.P. Productions and TSRnetwork Studio

NCSF Files Amicus Brief in Support of Consensual Nonmonogamy

on Wednesday, 26 March 2014. Hits 481

Washington D.C. – NCSF has filed an amicus brief in a military case involving a marine who engaged in a consensual threesome and because of that was convicted of adultery, attempted consensual sodomy and indecent conduct, a "crime" based solely on undefined sexual conduct inconsistent with "common propriety."

 

In its brief, NCSF points out that military law is out of sync with U.S. Constitutional law and societal mores, especially when it comes to consensual sexual behaviors. Dick Cunningham, NCSF's Legal Counsel who prepared and filed the brief, said, "This is an important case in which we have challenged ways in which courts have criminalized consensual sexual conduct in what we regard as direct violation of the U.S. Supreme Court's landmark sexual freedom decision in Lawrence v. Texas."

 

Lawrence held that non-injurious consensual sex among adults cannot be criminally prosecuted, and that moral disapproval is not a sufficient justification for a criminal law.  In this case, the military court used a spurious "public sex" argument to evade the Lawrence ruling.

 

Filing legal briefs is an important part of NCSF’s mission in its attempts to decriminalize consensual adult sexual behavior.  NCSF awaits the decision of the military court on whether its amicus brief will be accepted.  To view NCSF's brief and case legal documents on this case, visit https://ncsfreedom.org/who-we-are/about-ncsf/item/715.html

 

NCSF’s Coalition Partners Come Together in Nashville, TN

on Monday, 24 March 2014. Hits 509

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom held its annual Coalition Partner meeting in Nashville, TN from March 14-16, 2014. The Coalition Partners voted in the new Board of Directors for NCSF, approved the 2014 budget, and brainstormed on NCSF’s projects and goals for the coming year.

 

“The annual meeting gives NCSF's Coalition Partners the opportunity to tell the board where our focus should be in the coming year,” says Chairman Kevin Carlson. “It’s also their time to give us feedback on how we’re conducting the day-to-day business of NCSF. The Board and staff of NCSF are now re-energized and eager to continue the good work of NCSF.”

 

The CP representatives approved the new Financial and Control Policies which have an emphasis on transparency and accountability. The CP reps created an Ombuds Committee which will be responsible for reviewing actions by NCSF board and staff members. The CPs also received a full report on the forensic financial review and the results of the investigation into the theft of funds from the NCSF, and determined the next steps the Board should take in pursuing the restitution of those funds.

 

The CPs were eager to explore new ways of integrating NCSF programs with membership services and outreach efforts. They heard reports on the NCSF projects and programs including:

 

· The success of the DSM Revision Project in helping to ensure that kinky people are no longer misidentified as mentally ill by the American Psychiatric Association;

· Kink Aware Professionals list gained 200 professionals in the past year and totals nearly 1,400 professionals;

· The Media Outreach Project gave over 42 interviews on consensual kink and nonmonogamy;

· The Education Outreach Project and Consent Counts Project gave 28 presentations;

· NCSF’s Facebook page hit 1,000 Likes.

 

Keira Harris received NCSF’s Volunteer of the Year Award for her work as Volunteer Director. Keira has created a volunteer program that is successful in filling the needs of NCSF’s projects and programs. Because NCSF is an all volunteer organization, Keira’s work is critical to its success.

 

NCSF thanks CPI-The Mark for hosting CP representatives, NCSF board members and staff at their party on Saturday night, and at the Sunday afternoon presentation on BDSM & the Law presented by Judy Guerin, Dick Cunningham and Susan Wright. NCSF also thanks Mercury and Samantha for organizing the annual meeting and welcoming everyone to Nashville.

 

The new NCSF Board of Directors consists of:

 

Kevin Carlson – Chairman – Boise, ID

Mark Richards – Secretary – New York, NY

Stephanie "Sassy" Lynn – NCSF Treasurer – Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN

Jim Fleckenstein – NCSF Foundation Treasurer – Manassas, VA

Devin MacLachlan – Fundraising Director – Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Laura Carlson – Education Outreach Director – Boise, ID

Keira Harris - Volunteer Director – New Orleans, LA

Mercury – Membership Director – Nashville, TN

Julian Wolf – Newsletter Director – Albuquerque, NM

Susan Wright – Media and Incident Reporting & Response Director – Phoenix, AZ

Fil Vocasek – New York, NY

Jsin – St. Louis, MO

 

NCSF is here to help you, so please help us! Support NCSF by becoming a member, volunteering or donating today! www.ncsfreedom.org

 

DC Professional Dominatrixes Rocks On for NCSF!

on Friday, 21 March 2014. Hits 626

Now on it's fourth year, the annual Dinner with Dommes exclusive event organized by the DC Professional Dominatrixes have proven to be a beneficial fundraising event for NCSF .

 

This event brings together top DC and NYC Dominatrixes who donate their time and effort to raise funds for NCSF.  Every year, Mark of DCDominatrixes ( This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ) sets up and manages an online auction for seats at the table at this very private  and exclusive dinner/play event held in one of the premier dungeons on the East Coast in Washington DC.

 

This year, eight lucky submissives were given the chance to be in the presence of eight beautiful and provocative top Professional Dominatrixes in the DC Metro area.  The sumptuous dinner was prepared by a very creative chef and her energetic kitchen staff courtesy of Mistress Max Rulz.  This event raised a total of $4,200.

 

At the 2014 Dark Odyssey Winter Fire event, the local DC Professional Dominatrixes together with DCDominatrixes and DC Sub Club once again hosted a VIP fundraising reception.  It was a night filled with excitement, laughter and hobnobbing with the creme de la creme of the BDSM community, professional Dominatrixes, fetish models and other kink-friendly people.  Fun was had by all and this event yielded $2,000 for NCSF.

"Beyond Queer: Coming Out Again"

on Thursday, 20 March 2014. Hits 607

PQ Monthly

by Ginger Millay

Hey Ma! I’d like you to meet my boyfriend…and my girlfriend…and my slave.

There was a time when coming out as any shade in the queer spectrum was a terrifying prospect. It still can be for many, but deviating from the heterosexual norm is more understood and accepted now than it has ever been. What remains quite difficult share, especially with family, is that you are kinky or polyamorous.

Me? Eh, I tell everyone everything. My family doesn’t just know I’m kinky –they know I’m a professional Dominatrix. Compared to that, polyamory is a walk in the park, as was telling the clan that I like girls.

But does your family really need to know about your sex life? Well, technically, no. If it’s just sex, there’s not any absolute reason to share. Family and more traditional friends don’t necessarily want to know that you and your partner frequent swinger parties, or that you like to tie each other up in kidnapping role play scenes. If, however, you have serious a relationship with someone who is not your primary partner, or have a strong Dom/sub or Master/slave dynamic, if can feel heavy hiding that from the people closest to you.

Sharing something so important to you, knowing that they may not understand or accept it, can be scary. When I first read “The Ethical Slut” at age twenty, my mind was blown. I was psyched to be made aware of this possibility, that I wasn’t terrible for wanting to date more than one person at a time. I was electric when I called a good friend from high school to tell her about it. Though skeptical, she agreed to give it a read, so I popped it in the mail and anxiously awaited her response.

A few days later, she called and I immediately could tell she was agitated. She’d only gotten a few pages in and refused to continue. The very concept angered and upset her. She took it as an excuse for people to cheat, despite my protestation that it, instead, fosters intense honestly between partners. While she accepted my exploring this path, she wanted nothing to do with it. She asked me never to mention it to her again, and I didn’t. When I told her I was kinky, however, she was thrilled and wanted to hear all about it. Other friends and family were accepting of the poly, but disgusted by the kinky.

Why do our loved ones sometimes take such an issue with our lifestyles? Well, I believe there are two main reasons. First, they are worried about us. They cannot comprehend it, and worry for our safety and health. More partners can mean more heartache and more exposure to STIs, and kinky relationships can sometimes literally involve pain. Their concern is understandable, but it is our job to help them try to discern what it means to us, and the joy it can bring us.

The second, more difficult reason they can have a tough time accepting our alternative lifestyles is that they are offended by the very idea of it. They may see our polyamory as an affront to their monogamy. Perhaps they fear that if their partner knew of this possibility, they would also want to give it a go. They may find kink in general to be abhorrent, and think something is wrong with you if you like to participate in BDSM. They might see this power exchange as genuinely insane behavior, especially if you are a bottom/sub/slave.

So why come out in the first place? Well, you certainly don’t have to, and choosing to keep these things to yourself is absolutely a valid and legitimate choice. Do keep in mind, however, that as more people do come out as kinky or polyamorous, the more accepted it will be. Aunt Hilda may think anyone who participates in these lifestyles is totally nuts, until she actually knows someone who does. Once there is a human face on it, it’s not just a wacky concept. They can actually see how it works, and how fulfilled it makes you feel. ...

International Media Update: "Dominatrix who chained, gagged and whipped her clients in a sex dungeon is beaten by Health and Safety chiefs... over fire laws"

on Monday, 17 March 2014. Hits 474

Daily Mail

by By Ted Thornhill

A dominatrix who whipped cross-dressing men while they were chained up and gagged has been fined for a serious breach of health and safety rules.

But it’s nothing to do with the way she physically treated her clients.

Lorraine White, 41, was fined £8,000 for breaching fire safety rules at her Stockport sex dungeon.

Magistrates heard how the firemen were unable to get into the building after a blaze broke out there.

Once they finally did gain access they found a trove of handcuffs, chains and other restraining devices in the basement.

Crews were called to the building on Vauxhall industrial estate, Greg Street, on October 30, 2012 after a maintenance man reported a basement fire.

They struggled to gain access to the Medusa club due to the locked doors but eventually they managed to enter and discovered the sex dungeon.

The fire had been sparked by a leaking gas heater.

When questioned, White admitted she had no idea she was responsible for fire safety arrangements.
There was only one manually operated fire alarm and one fire exit was permanently locked.

Fire investigators found several canisters of nitrous oxide, laughing gas - also know as 'hippie crack' - which White’s clients used to get high. Elizabeth Dudley-Jones, prosecuting, said: ‘She was asked what would happen if there was a fire when her clients were under the influence of the gas and restrained.

‘She said she had not considered it.’

Ms Dudley-Jones said White was asked about the activities in the club. ‘She said nothing was too severe. Slight bondage, possibly a mask or gag. It involved a lot of humiliation, doing domestic work and dressing up in women’s clothes.’

White, a former beautician, from Chaseley Road, Salford, pleaded guilty to four charges of fire safety rules, including failing to carry out a risk assessment, install suitable fire alarms, maintain emergency exits, or install emergency lighting.

She was fined £5,000 for the offences and ordered to pay £3,000 costs and a £120 victim charge.

White, who earns £1,100 a month from the business and spent £10,000 refurbishing her smoke-damaged dungeon, agreed to pay the sum at £100-a-month. ...

"Bondage enthusiasts getting tied up in BDSM, Shibari"

on Thursday, 13 March 2014. Hits 588

Metro

By Edward Thompson

People are more tied up than ever these days, and we’re not talking about the pace of life — oh no, Metro’s referring to bondage.

The sexually active and liberal are getting into knots over BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism and Masochism) and Shibari. Bruce Esinem, a London-based expert in shibari (Japanese rope bondage), explains why the public will be gagging to get involved in restraint.

Metro: Have books like “Fifty Shades of Grey” made people more sexually adventurous?

Esinem: I think it’s kicked off an interest. It’s been good for business because it brought the whole BDSM thing out of the shadows. Attitudes are changing a lot: it’s a bit like where the gay scene was a few decades back when people misunderstood the culture and created all sorts of incorrect stereotypes.

So, what are those false stereotypes about BDSM?

It used to be considered a freak show where the media would roll out the stupidest kink with the most unappealing people. I think when you mention certain things, people have an immediate reaction and the man in the street thinks whips and chains and gimp masks. They’ll think about the secretary tied to the office chair with shiny white nylon rope or the girl next door hog-tied in some tacky hotel room. When there is an incident that involves some sadistic criminal act, it then gets termed BDSM, which is somewhat ridiculous because BDSM is about consent. It’s like comparing rape to consensual sex.

What are the dangers with shibari?

There are certain stupid things that people can do. Tying people up and leaving them alone is like using a hairdryer in the shower. One of the dangers of leaving people tied up in a stress position is that it can cause positional asphyxia. That’s when your breathing muscles get tired and you can’t breathe anymore.

What’s the most extreme thing in shibari?

Some of the rope suspension is quite intense and not comfortable. People go through the pain barrier as they do with a lot of physical activities and then get the endorphin high from it. People aren’t doing it because they’re crazy – it’s because they enjoy the experience. It can be anything from soft, fluffy and sensual from the embrace and sensuality of the rope moving across the skin, to the rope stimulating the erogenous zones. It kicks off the endorphins like any other pain or stress. ...

tp://www.metro.us/newyork/lifestyle/sex-lifestyle/2014/03/12/bondage-enthusiasts-getting-tied-bdsm-shibari/#sthash.cewEOghf.dpuf

 

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