It is not every day I can attend a discussion and learn beard pulling is as much of a turn-on as regular hair pulling. The NonNormative AntiAssimilationist group held a discussion about BDSM/kink on Wednesday, Sept. 25.
The members of N/A are an eclectic group of anti-assimilation, non-conformist students. They are advocates for non-normative lifestyles in regard to sexual orientation, religion or spirituality. Each member is involved with advocacy projects that lend a voice to those in need.
The BDSM/kink meeting was about shining light on an otherwise dim and unknown part of sexual fantasies. The N/A group is about providing a safe place where students can come to feel open and accepted and discuss these types of sexual fantasies in an open and honest way.
Having read the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series by author E.L. James, I went into this meeting hoping to gain insight into the dark mind of its main character, Christian Grey. The book portrays him as a dominant, type-A, CEO billionaire hungry for power and authority. He passes his time having kinky sex with unattached women. Is this lifestyle only about men being dominant? Is this lifestyle for females as well?
BDSM is an acronym for bondage, domination, submission and masochism. BDSM is a type of role-play or lifestyle choice between two or more individuals who use their experiences of pain and power to create sexual tension, pleasure and release.
Intimacy was defined during this discussion as anything that brings pleasure to the people involved in an interaction. Regardless of how harsh “kinky” sex, bondage, domination and submission can get, in the end it is about two people being on the same playing field and sharing a “closeness of heart.”
Bondage, role-playing and toys were among the many topics discussed, but perhaps the most important topic was how to know when your relationship has become unhealthy. This type of sexual lifestyle is all about feeling empowered by your partner, whether you are dominant or submissive. The second you are not gaining anything positive from the BDSM lifestyle, it is time to make a change.
Members of the N/A group and participants of the BDSM discussion explained that it is important to communicate effectively with your partner about the boundaries and limitations you have with this type of sexual role-playing. Contracts and safe words should be discussed. ...
The first time Danielle Ezzo met Matt and Rachel, she was relieved. The fashionable trio had met on the dating site, Nerve, and had been exchanging messages, but hadn’t yet met in real life. Ezzo, 29, recalls that evening at the Bowery Hotel in spring 2009 fondly: “I was excited that they were just as cute as their profile pictures.”
She was even happier to learn that she had that hard-to-find thing with both Matt and Rachel — chemistry. They talked about life and love and learned that they had the same ideas when it came to dating.
“I was really excited to meet people that felt the same way,” she says of her ongoing relationship with the married couple, both 34-year-old self-employed artists, who declined to use their last names because of privacy reasons.
Ezzo, also an artist, is polyamorous. Loosely speaking, she seriously dates more than one person at a time, and has an emotional, as well as a sexual connection, with her partners.
She sees Matt and Rachel separately and together, and also occasionally dates other people.
“One of the wonderful aspects of polyamory is that you do get different things from different partners, both emotionally and physically,” says Ezzo, who is in what’s known as a “triad” with Matt and Rachel.
“There are three very different dynamics, all of which are personally valuable.”
And while the arrangement may seem unusual, Ezzo insists it’s really no different than run-of-the-mill monogamy. Communication and compromise are key — for instance, when it comes to picking a flick to watch for the evening.
“They have very different styles in movies,” says Ezzo, who splits her time between New York and Boston, where she is going to school for photography at the Art Institute of Boston. “When I’m with Rachel we might [watch] a silly, fun ’80s movie, but I won’t do that silly ’80s movie with Matt. He likes strange horror flicks.”
Luckily, she says, “I like both of those things.”
Ezzo is part of a growing movement of people who are practicing consensual non-monogamy — or, in plain English, open relationships.
According to Gette Levy of Open Love NY, a local support group with more than 1,000 members, the organization has seen a steady increase in membership since forming in 2009.
“Dating has changed over the past 50 years,” says Levy. “Many adults of all ages are finding that monogamy does not suit them and is no longer a fiscal and social requirement.”
Shortly after she started seeing Matt and Rachel, Ezzo met her future husband.
“I had told him [about my lifestyle] on our first date,” she says. “He was excited to explore it.”
Her open marriage eventually fizzled for reasons not related to polyamory, but her relationship with Matt and Rachel is still going strong.
“I’ve always inherently had this notion of or had this blurred line between friendship and lovers … to me there is a huge overlap. It’s easier for me to simultaneously love multiple people,” says Ezzo.
“As a bi-sexual person, choosing is not necessarily something that I personally like to do,” she adds.
Pop-culture is having a poly moment too: TV shows like “Sister Wives” (Sundays on TLC) and “Polyamory: Married & Dating” (Thursdays on Showtime) are giving people a glimpse into the complicated sex lives of multi-partnered couples.
“The interest and the visibility around open relationships has just skyrocketed,” says sexpert Tristan Taormino, who wrote a book about the subject, “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.” ...
LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- More than 200 people came out to Bon Air Library on Tuesday night, Sept. 24, to oppose a so called social club named Fringe Elements. Its board of directors maintains it’s a social club that is an asset to the community.
“We do classes on everything from finding out what your gender identity is and how to deal with that, as well as how to deal with yourself and the community as it changes and its expression of sexual identity changes,” Jacki Guilford said.
They are currently leasing a space on Buechel Avenue where their club meets mostly after 6 p.m., but they are facing a zoning violation. The property is not zoned for commercial business. The operators describe their club as a community center, but neighbors in the area call it a sex club. Their website allegedly promotes what some would call explicit events. A recent one, in part, was titled “Clothes Get in the Way.”
One resident brought it up during the meeting referring to the rest of the title, “A naked intimate performance.”
“He was naked,” Assistant Director Kenny Evans said.
He said that they are not an adult entertainment establishment and do not offer or engage in sex.
Residents aren’t buying it and will be voicing their concerns throughout the re-zoning process. The desired change still needs to be considered by the Board of Zoning Adjustment. The process could take months.
The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and Leather Archives & Museum proudly present: “BDSM? Erotic Play? What Are the Legal Risks?”
Where: Leather Archives & Museum 6418 N. Greenview Avenue Chicago, IL 60626
When: Saturday, October 19th from 2:30-5 p.m.
followed by a wine and cheese reception for the benefit of LA&M and NCSF from 5-7 p.m.
Presentation is free of charge. Wine and cheese reception has a suggested donation of $20 and is open to the public.
You and your BDSM partner may be having a great time, but you need to know about the legal risks. Join NCSF and legal experts for an overview of issues related to federal and state laws used to prosecute consensual BDSM criminally. This interactive discussion will review pertinent state and federal laws that are used against BDSM practitioners and the current state of the law. NCSF will discuss its Consent Counts program to decriminalize consensual BDSM and the group will discuss the issue of consent and give NCSF input.
Please RSVP to Judy Guerin at
Judge Rudolph A. Serra was appointed to the 36th District Court by Governor Jennifer Granholm on June 29, 2004. Judge Serra has a Bachelor's Degree with a double major in Psychology and Communication (with Honors) and a Master's Degree in Communication, as well as a Doctorate in Law. Judge Serra is a former school board member, a former County Commissioner and a former Human Rights Commissioner for the City of Detroit. He was selected as a Michigan "Lawyer of the Year" for 2000, and received the Rev. Martin L. King Jr. Freedom Award in 2001.
Judge Serra served as a Referee for the Michigan Department of Civil Rights and was a member of the State Bar of Michigan Open Justice Commission. He wrote the Civil Rights survey for The Wayne State University Law Review (published in 2005) and co-authored Chapter 3 of the latest edition of Michigan Family Law. His writing had been published by The Journal of Psychology and Christianity and by The Journal of Intergroup Relations (National Association of Human Rights Workers). Judge Serra's book, "Bag A Fag" (published by the Triangle Foundation), is recognized as one of the most authoritative sources of information about anti-gay police misconduct.
Richard O. Cunningham, B.S., M.A., J.D., has advocated for over 30 years on issues of gender, race and sex. He has played a leading role in landmark legal cases, including being the supervising attorney on the U.S. Supreme Court case to allow women in military academies and the initiating attorney for the lawsuit during the Vietnam War that resulted in the “Fairness Doctrine” to require balanced media coverage of political issues. He is senior international trade partner at Steptoe & Johnson, LLP in Washington, D.C. He is the former Chair of the Boards of the NCSF Foundation and the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. Dick is currently advising on legal and policy aspects of NCSF’s Consent Counts Project.
Judy Guerin is a well-known activist, writer, speaker and educator on issues of sexual freedom and gender expression. She is also a long-time practitioner of BDSM and sex educator on BDSM activities. She is a former board member of GenderPAC, the Woodhull Freedom Foundation and Forum 21. She is a former steering committee member of the National Policy Roundtable of GLBTQ/HIV groups, former executive director of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and advisor to the European Union Human Rights Commission on issues of sexual freedom and GLBTQ issues. She currently directs NCSF’s Consent Counts Project to decriminalize consensual BDSM in the U.S.
NORRISTOWN – Having lost his appeal, an Upper Pottsgrove man is headed to jail next month for burglarizing the Pottstown home of a couple he met on a swingers website.
Wayne Matthew Rafferty, 30, of Mauger’s Mill Road, who was convicted of burglary-related charges after a nonjury trial in October 2010 and sentenced to jail, was back in Montgomery County Court on Wednesday where he learned he must begin serving his sentence after his appeal was denied by the Pennsylvania Superior Court last week.
“We took this case to trial because we had the evidence and I’m happy that the Superior Court affirmed the verdict,” said Assistant District Attorney Alec O’Neill. “Now, it’s only appropriate he serve the sentence for the crime he committed.”
Judge Thomas P. Rogers sentenced Rafferty to six-to-23-months in the county jail, to be followed by three years’ probation, in connection with the April 2009 break-in at the North Price Street home of his onetime swingers’ friends. Rafferty, who had been free on bail pending the appeal of his conviction, must report to jail on Sept. 3 to begin serving the sentence.
The judge said Rafferty must serve the first 30 days of the sentence behind bars, with the remainder of the sentence to be served under house arrest. That means Rafferty will be permitted to leave his home only for court-approved purposes.
The judge further ordered Rafferty to have no contact with the victims and to complete any counseling that may be recommended by probation officials.
Rogers, who convicted Rafferty of the charges during the 2010 nonjury trial, ordered Rafferty to pay $2,791 in restitution to the victims.
At the time of the trial, O’Neill alleged Rafferty committed the crime because he wanted to hurt the victims, not in a financial sense, but in an emotional sense, claiming Rafferty’s crime wasn’t a typical burglary that targets expensive items but instead was one that targeted items that had sentimental value.
The victims reported that among the items taken during the burglary were two laptop computers, “which include nude pictures of all four adults,” bras and underwear belonging to the victims, and gifts that had been exchanged between the couples, including 15 to 20 bottles of wine, various sex toys, a crepe maker and photographs, court papers indicate.
An investigation of Rafferty began on April 25, 2009, when a tenant of the North Price Street home notified borough police that she returned home after work and found it had been ransacked. The owners of the home, a husband and wife, were on vacation at the time of the break-in, court papers indicate.
“The officers observed almost all the kitchen cabinets open, an empty wine rack, numerous empty jewelry boxes and pictures strewn on the floor, a door to the combination safe open, and various dresser drawers and nightstand drawers open in the master bedroom,” Pottstown Police Officer Frank Glaser wrote in the arrest affidavit.
When the husband and wife victims returned home they told police they suspected Rafferty had something to do with the burglary, court papers indicate.
The victims reported that in September 2006, “they began a consensual adult sexual relationship with Wayne Rafferty and his wife” and communicated via a swinger’s website, according to the criminal complaint.
“(The victims) reported as the relationship evolved, Wayne was provided with the combination to their safe,” Glaser alleged, adding the information was provided to Rafferty so that he could retrieve “important papers” in the event something happened to the victims.
However, by July 2008, the victims’ relationship with Rafferty “had become strained,” police said. The victims told police that Rafferty had become “possessive and jealous” and upset about the victims speaking with other couples.
On the morning of July 22, 2008, the victims found Rafferty standing in their kitchen, according to court papers. One of the victims sent an email to Rafferty and Rafferty’s wife the same day, “dissolving the relationship” and advising Rafferty and his wife to not contact the victims in the future, according to the arrest affidavit....
Bob Bashara’s mistress frequently tried to end their relationship because of his constant lying but time and time couldn’t resist his aggressive pursuits, she testified Thursday.
Rachel Gillett and other witnesses also testified on the fourth day of Bashara’s preliminary examination for his wife’s murder about the couple’s alternative lifestyle — BDSM, bondage, domination, sadomasochism. Bashara was “Master Bob” and she was his slave, sometimes referred to as “Bella” and Bashara’s “Little Princess.”
“In the BDSM community, one partner is normally dominant and one submissive,” she said. “I’m extremely passive, and Bob is extremely dominant.”
Bashara told a second woman, Janet Leehmann of Oregon, who Bashara was pursuing for a third member of their relationship, that he and Gillett engaged in “breath play,” nearly every day and Gillett “loves it.”
But during a weekend visit to Leehmann about 10 days before the murder, he choked Leehmann from behind, and she said she “passed out cold,” indicating she didn’t like it. She said she was no longer interested in a relationship.
The hearing in 36th District Court, held in the Frank Murphy Hall of Justice in Detroit, will determine whether there is enough evidence to proceed with a murder trial in Wayne County Circuit Court in the same building.
The building was shut down early Wednesday afternoon due to a power outage and was operating on a generator, with some of the floors closed.
Bashara, 55, is accused of murdering and conspiring to murder his wife, Jane, 56, a Mount Clemens native, in the garage of their Grosse Pointe Park home Jan 24, 2012. Her body was found the next day in her SUV parked in an east-side Detroit alley.
Joe Gentz, 49, formerly of St. Clair Shores, has testified that he strangled Jane Bashara under the threat of and promise of payment from Bashara. He pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and is serving 17 to 28 years in prison, agreeing to testify against Bashara.
After a break from Gillett’s testimony Thursday morning, Judge Kenneth King admonished Bashara and Gillett for signaling to each other, both on Wednesday and Thursday.
“I witnessed some non-verbal communication between the defendant and the witness, putting his hand over his heart” on Wednesday, King said. “There will be no such thing tolerated. If I find it necessary, I will have Mr. Bashara removed from the courtroom.”
Bashara started to explain to the judge, “I have a skin rash on my chest,” when his attorney, Mark Procida, nodded and tapped Bashara’s arm.
While cross-examining Gillett, defense attorney Nancy Shell derided Gillett for her inability to end the relationship despite his many lies, such as saying his wife was dead and then they were separated, and claiming their divorce was final, as well as trying to pursue other women.
She complained that while she exposed him to her friends and family, he kept he shielded away from his family and friends.
“I’m too soft, too loving to be the other woman,” she told him.
But after each episode, he wooed her hard, sending her flowers, buying her lunch and promising he had a “plan” to spend the rest of his life with her.
Shell said, “You didn’t realize you were being strung along by Mr. Bashara?”
“Yes, I did,” Gillett answered.
Gillett read many emails, mostly filled with his promises and love declarations....
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — A southwest Missouri man was sentenced to 20 years in federal prison Wednesday for holding a young woman captive as a sex slave for six years.
Edward Bagley initially faced 11 federal charges accusing him of enticing an underage girl to be his sex slave, torturing and mutilating her, and allowing others to watch and participate in the torture sessions. In January, he pleaded guilty to one count of using an interstate facility to entice a minor into illegal sexual conduct.
Bagley agreed to the 20-year prison sentence as part of his plea arrangement — a deal his victim says will spare her from having to relive her ordeal in public.
"Even though Ed pleaded guilty, he still hasn't told the truth," the woman said in court, reading from a statement.
Prosecutors said Bagley, 46, and his wife, Marilyn, recruited the woman to live with them in their rural Lebanon, Mo., trailer in late 2002 and groomed her to become Bagley's sex slave. The Bagleys have insisted he didn't have sex with her until she turned 18 and that the often-extreme sex acts were consensual, but prosecutors believe it started years before that and was forced on the woman.
"I had no idea he was going to make it an every-single-night thing," the victim said in court as she gave her statement. "It started bad and got worse and worse."
She described how the Bagleys initially showed her images and videos of people practicing bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism — or BDSM — and told her it was fun. She signed a contract on her 18th birthday that Bagley said made her his sex slave for life.
As part of his sentence, Bagley also agreed to pay about $123,000 toward future counseling and medical care for the woman, who's now 27. Attorneys for Bagley declined to comment after his sentencing Wednesday.
The case came to light in early 2009 when the woman, then 23, was hospitalized after what prosecutors said was a torture session. Then-U.S. Attorney Beth Phillips called the case one of "the most horrific ever prosecuted in this district."
Cook, 34, of the St. Louis suburb of Kirkwood received a 20-year sentence and must pay $123,000 in restitution. He pleaded guilty in December 2011 to one count of sex trafficking by force, fraud or coercion.
Henry, 53, former postmaster in Nevada, Mo., pleaded guilty in March 2011 to participating in a sex-trafficking conspiracy and transporting the victim across state lines for sexual activity. Of the six defendants, he is the only one whose plea deal didn't specify a prison sentence. He was sentenced to 10 years, $123,000 in restitution and lifetime supervision after he's released.
Marilyn Bagley along with Stokes, 65, of Lebanon and Noel, 47, of Springfield each pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to commit sex trafficking by force, fraud and coercion. Marilyn Bagley, 48, is to receive probation and Stokes and Noel five years each.
The victim called Cook the most deviant of all the men who came to Bagley's trailer for torture sessions. Prosecutors say Cook watched her being whipped, locked in a dog cage, tied up and shocked with multiple electrical devices.
The woman said in court that she will never forget "how he laughed while I suffered. Laughed while I cried and begged. Brad Cook is evil. I can still hear his laughter."
As part of Cook's plea deal, charges accusing him of trying to hire someone to kill the woman while he was in federal custody in Leavenworth, Kan., in the case were dropped.
Prosecutors also alleged in court documents that Cook tried to hire a hit man to kill Assistant U.S. Attorney Cynthia Cordes, but no charges were filed. As part of his sentence, Cook is not to have contact — or encourage others to have contact — with the victim or anyone involved with investigating and prosecuting his case.
He didn’t tell the truth about having a gun. He lied about a golf outing to Florida. And he never confessed about an affair when asked by his family.
That’s what witnesses, who testified Monday during the first day of Bashara’s preliminary examination at the Frank Murphy Hall of Justice, said about the man accused of arranging his wife’s killing.
His cousin, Stephanie Samuel, testified she asked Bashara about a mistress after reports surfaced in the news media.
“Are you having an affair?” she said. “He said, ‘No.’ ”
She asked who the person was, and Bashara replied: “She’s a friend,” Samuel said.
Assistant Wayne County Prosecutor Lisa Lindsey said Bashara’s former mistress, as well as his lifestyle in the BDSM lifestyle — bondage, discipline, sadomasochism — were motives for the killing of Jane Bashara of Grosse Pointe Park, who was found strangled in her SUV in January 2012.
Bashara, who wore green jail garb to court, sat mostly expressionless at the defense table. He was charged earlier this year with first-degree murder, conspiracy to commit murder, solicitation to commit murder, suborning of perjury during a capital trial, witness intimidation and obstruction of justice.
His attorneys, Mark Procida and René Cooper, chose not to cross-examine any of the witnesses who took the stand Monday, including Bashara’s mother, Nancy Bashara, and his wife’s best friend. The defense team did object to the relevance of questions regarding his involvement in the BDSM lifestyle.
Robert Godard Jr. testified that Bashara had been with women other than his wife, but that one woman — Rachel Gillett — won his heart, and the pair planned to move in together.
“They were going to buy a home together and make a life together,” Godard said Bashara told him.
Bob and Jane Bashara’s marriage was rocky and ending it had been brought up once their children were out of school, according to Monday’s testimony.
Godard testified that the couple’s relationship was strained because she would not participate in the BDSM lifestyle. ...