NCSF on Twitter   Subscribe to the NCSF RSS Feed   NCSF Blog

Front Page Headline

Obituary - Leigha Fleming

on Saturday, 21 December 2013. Hits 645

Leigha Fleming passed away on December 19, 2013, after a longstanding illness. She was 43 years old. Leigha received a wound that became infected in August 2012, and suffered through numerous operations before she finally succumbed to the infection.

 

We would like to remember all the hard work Leigha did for NCSF as Chairman from 2008-2013, and as Incident Reporting & Response Director for nearly 12 years. At various times Leigha was also the Executive Director, Treasurer, and Legal Education Outreach Program Director since she started volunteering for NCSF in 2000.

Leigha personally helped thousands of individuals, groups and businesses who suffered discrimination and persecution due to their interest in BDSM, swinging and polyamory. Those people who she touched will never forget that she was there to help them when they needed it the most.

 

Leigha devoted a large part of her life to making sure that NCSF ran smoothly and that our volunteers and staff were doing their jobs. She took great pride in the fact that she played a key part in putting NCSF’s infrastructure on a solid footing. The staff and Board members of NCSF will certainly feel the loss with Leigha gone.

 

As many people suffer the loss of someone considered a friend or even mentor, we hope to celebrate all the good that Leigha propagated in her lifetime, and we are grateful for the positive changes she so frequently inspired.

 

Leigha regretted at the end that she had little time left and no way to make restitution to NCSF. Her last words to NCSF were: “I am sorry.”

 

Rest in Peace.

NCSF Announcement

on Friday, 20 December 2013. Hits 3721

The Board of NCSF regrets to announce that it appears Leigha Fleming breached her fiduciary duty and diverted at least $60,000 from the NCSF 501(c)4 membership organization for her own personal expenses since September 2011.

Leigha Fleming died on December 19, 2013. Leigha started volunteering for NCSF in 2000, and served as Chairman of the Board from 2008-2013.

The Board of NCSF is acting aggressively to recover as much of the missing funds as possible. A lawsuit is being filed in probate court, and the matter has been referred to law enforcement authorities.

The Board of NCSF has authorized an outside financial review of the books of the NCSF 501(c)4 membership organization, and Stephanie Sassy Lynn has been appointed the new Treasurer. The NCSF-Foundation 501(c)3 account, which received all of the donations for our "Office Fire Fundraiser," was not involved in this matter and continues to be overseen by the Foundation Treasurer, Jim Fleckenstein.

Going forward, the Board is working on ensuring our membership organization is in rigorous compliance with our financial policies and procedures. Several changes have been made to our financial policies to ensure that an opportunity for a repeat of this behavior is not possible, and this situation can never re-occur.

Our volunteer staff members freely give their time, heart and energy to fight discrimination and persecution, and we feel betrayed and devastated. NCSF operates on a small annual budget of $60-70,000 for both the NCSF membership organization and the NCSF-Foundation. We deeply regret the missed activist opportunities that could have been accomplished with the money that is missing.

Regardless of the damage done to NCSF, the work has not gone away. Sexual freedom is not yet a reality, and people still suffer personally and publicly from practicing BDSM, Swing, and Polyamorous lifestyles. NCSF remains committed to moving forward with all of our programs and efforts intact.

 

Contact NCSF at: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

 

Media inquiries: 917-848-6544

"Polyamory, the Right to Privacy, and Religious Freedom"

on Thursday, 19 December 2013. Hits 356

A federal District Court judge in Utah sides with the right to privacy and religious freedom.

The American Prospect

by Scott Lemieux

Last week, a federal District Court judge in Utah struck down a law used to prosecute members of polyamorous relationships. Predictably, some conservatives immediately brought up the slippery slope to legalized adult incest and legal "teen sex cults." However, the decision is a very rational and straightforward application of core principles of the right to privacy and religious freedom.

It is crucial to understand, first of all, that Judge Clark Waddoups's decision in Brown v. Buhman did not "legalize bigamy." The lawsuit was brought by the reality television star Kody Brown, who lives in a polyamorous relationship with four women but is only legally married to one. Brown did not even contest Utah's limitation of marriage to couples, and Judge Waddoups deferred to a Supreme Court precedent dating back to the 19th century holding that bans on bigamy are constitutional. Rather, the decision concerns an unusual, extraordinarily broad provision of Utah law under which "[a] person is guilty of bigamy" if "the person purports to marry another person or cohabits with another person."

The problems with this statutory language under the right to privacy most recently re-established in Lawrence v. Texas should be obvious. On its face, the law would prohibit not only informal consensual polyamorous relationships—problematic in itself—but any kind of intimate cohabitation between unmarried partners. Based on Lawrence's recognition of the fundamental right consenting adults have to engage in same-sex relations, it is very hard to argue that this section of the Utah statute doesn't violate the right to privacy guaranteed by the 14th Amendment.

Defending the statute, the state of Utah made an argument essentially similar to the argument made by former Virginia Attorney General (and failed gubernatorial candidate) Ken Cuccinelli in defense of his application of Virginia's patently unconstitutional band on "sodomy." As Judge Waddoups put it, Utah argued that " much of the Statute’s usefulness, apparently, lies in the State’s perception that it can potentially simply charge religious polygamists under the Statute when it has insufficient evidence of other crimes." But like Cuccinelli's attempt to prosecute a man guilty of creepy—but not actually illegal—sexual solicitation of much younger women under a broad-based sodomy prohibition, this stated application is inconsistent not only with the right to privacy, but the rule of law. The right recognized by Lawrence does not forbid Utah from issuing multiple simultaneous marriage licenses to the same individual, banning nonconsenual sex, or banning sex between adults and children. If someone in a polyamorous relationships is guilty of any of these offenses, they can be prosecuted under specific statutes banning bigamy, sexual assault, and/or statutory rape. If Utah does not have sufficient evidence to prosecute someone of these specific offenses, they have no business punishing them under a broader statute. Allowing a law like this to remain on the books has the same problems as allowing rarely enforced laws banning sodomy on the books: it's an invitation to prosecutorial abuse inconsistent with the fundamental protections of the 14th Amendment. ...

 

"YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: Feminism vs. BDSM"

on Thursday, 19 December 2013. Hits 351

Is being kinky, and a feminist something I should withhold from conversation even if its relevant?

XO Jane

XOJane, I've found myself struggling for the last year with personal, but conflicting interests. I strongly consider myself a feminist, yes I could be more well read in the history, and politics, but that's pretty much where my allegiances are. My feminism isn't the root of the issue, it's my realization and passion being kinky!
In college, I had taken Philosophy of Sexuality, and for an essay I was assigned to debate if BDSM was a perversion. More specifically if Sadomasochistic sexual encounters were a perversion. For the first that semester I was stumped. I  could only see it from one point of view, that of course it wasn't a perversion, if there was complete communication and consent. That was a break through point in my sexuality, realizing this was why I've always felt unsatisfied, or uncomfortable. I identity as submissive sexually. Naturally thats the best way to label it, at least with in the Kink community. As a human, and a feminist I believe in equality in all aspects. Striving for that equality in my sexuality, has lead me to find the healthiest, most balanced sexual relationships for me have incorporated S&M, because communication is extremely key to that whole experience.
But here's the breaking point, How do identify as a feminist, and a submissive at the same time?
I feel like I'm betraying my feminist beliefs by enjoying something that from the outside seems very misogynistic. I'm feeling guilty, and confused about the whole matter. I can't stop being ether.  I've gotten poor reactions when my interest in BDSM has come up around other feminists. (I've been part of a group of very strong minded, feminist artists.) ...

"Furthermore: After gay marriage"

on Wednesday, 18 December 2013. Hits 320

The Trentonian

Gay marriage today, what next?

Maybe polygamy. Maybe also polyamory — multiple-parties marriages. (Not to be confused with “swinging,” the polyamorists emphasize.)

Religious conservatives, better take your tranquilizers. Gay activists — the religious conservatives’ nemeses — scoff at the prospect of such developments. A “red herring” aimed at impeding their agenda, they say.

But the fact is, how do you support gay marriage — which we have supported and do support — and then oppose polygamy and polyamory?

On the basis that they depart from long tradition? That hasn’t slowed down the gay marriage movement, has it?

A federal judge in Utah already has ruled that laws banning polygamy violate the First Amendment. Other cases no doubt will be joining it in the legal appeals pipeline.

And don’t look now, but the polyamorists are agitating openly for acceptance, as they have been quietly doing so for several years now. They have a convention planned in April at the Philly airport Embassy Suites, with workshops, seminars and all the usual works.

They have websites and 501(c)3 advocacy organizations and bloggers. There’s even a big ongoing academic study focusing on them.

“Relationship choice” is their battle cry.

Gay marriage is soooo yesterday. Polygamy and polyamory are going to be the new hoo-ha and turmoil. Count on it.

Does that somehow put traditional marriage at further risk? Given the percentages, not likely. A UCLA study estimates America’s gay population at under 2 percent, and the polygamists and polyamorists are likely even smaller demographics. ...

"A Utah Law Prohibiting Polygamy Is Weakened"

on Saturday, 14 December 2013. Hits 354

New York Times

A federal judge has struck down parts of Utah’s anti-polygamy law as unconstitutional in a case brought by a polygamous star of a reality television series. Months after the Supreme Court bolstered rights of same-sex couples, the Utah case could open a new frontier in the nation’s recognition of once-prohibited relationships.

Judge Clark Waddoups of United States District Court in Utah ruled late Friday that part of the state’s law prohibiting “cohabitation” — the language used in the law to restrict polygamous relationships — violates the First Amendment guarantee of free exercise of religion, as well as constitutional due process. He left standing the state’s ability to prohibit multiple marriages “in the literal sense” of having two or more valid marriage licenses.

Judge Waddoups, who was appointed by President George W. Bush, wrote a 91-page decision that reflects — and reflects upon — the nation’s changing attitude toward government regulation of personal affairs and unpopular groups. The Supreme Court supported the power of states to restrict polygamy in an 1879 decision, Reynolds v. United States.

Judge Waddoups made clear that the Brown case was not an easy one for him, writing, “The proper outcome of this issue has weighed heavily on the court for many months.” He noted the shifts in the way the Constitution has been interpreted over the past century to increase protection for groups and individuals spurned by the majority.

“To state the obvious,” Judge Waddoups wrote, “the intervening years have witnessed a significant strengthening of numerous provisions of the Bill of Rights.” They include, he wrote, enhancements of the right to privacy and a shift in the Supreme Court’s posture “that is less inclined to allow majoritarian coercion of unpopular or disliked minority groups,” especially when “religious prejudice,” racism or “some other constitutionally suspect motivation can be discovered behind such legislation.”

The challenge to the law was brought by Kody Brown, who, along with his four wives and 17 children, stars in “Sister Wives,” the reality television show. The family argued that the state’s prohibition on cohabitation violated its rights to privacy and religious freedom. The Browns are members of the Apostolic United Brethren Church, a fundamentalist offshoot of the Mormon Church, which gave up polygamy around 1890 as Utah was seeking statehood.

The judge cited the decision in Lawrence v. Texas, the 2003 Supreme Court case that struck down laws prohibiting sodomy. He quoted the majority opinion by Justice Anthony M. Kennedy that stated the Constitution protects people from “unwarranted government intrusions into a dwelling or other private places” and “an autonomy of self that includes freedom of thought, belief, expression and certain intimate conduct.”

In a statement, Mr. Brown said he and his family were “humbled and grateful for this historical ruling from the court today.” He noted that “many people do not approve of plural families,” but “we hope that in time all of our neighbors and fellow citizens will come to respect our own choices as part of this wonderful country of different faiths and beliefs.” ...

"For the naughty person on your list"

on Friday, 13 December 2013. Hits 350

Santa Maria Sun

We all have a body domination sadomasochist (BDSM) on our holiday gift list, right? Whether you’ve got a truly close friend or a family member who shares too much, there’s a perfect gift for those on the kinky side of things, and it’s crafted right here on the Central Coast.

Tom Douvia, a third-generation master carpenter, has worked for years as a professional contractor. But even after a full day’s work, he would find himself in his home workshop.

“When the economy took its toll on the housing market and construction industry, it put a lot of struggle on tradesmen, including myself,” he wrote in an e-mail interview. “I decided I could either start selling all the tools that I’ve worked so hard to collect over the years, or turn my woodworking hobby into a business, and that’s what I did.”

With a head full of ideas, Douvia went to look up plans online for a sawhorse for his workshop. That was when he saw a plan for bondage furniture, and everything clicked. His first spanking table sold the first day he posted it on eBay.

“I’ve been designing and building BDSM furniture now for over a year,” he said. “I pay particular attention to detail on every project I create; I want people to have that ‘wow’ factor when they receive their piece.” ...

"The Polyamorist On The Couch: Q&A With Tamara Pincus On What Therapists Should Know About Big Love"

on Thursday, 12 December 2013. Hits 457

Huffington Post

The New York Post says that polyamory is having a fashionable moment.

"Open relationships are becoming so common that when singer Robin Thicke gripped Lana Scolaro’s barely covered butt at a VMA afterparty at 1OAK last month," the tabloid wrote in October, "his indiscretion reportedly didn’t get him into trouble with his actress wife Paula Patton."

But if open relationships are becoming more common -- or, in any case, more visible amongst celebrities -- Tamara Pincus, a D.C.-based therapist with a practice advertised as "psychotherapy for the open-minded," says there's still a long way to go before polyamory goes fully mainstream.

Pincus, who hosts a monthly discussion group for people who are interested in, as she puts it, "consensual non-monogamous relationships," recently reached out to a group who might not realize they're interested in these relationships: She published a primer on polyamory aimed at clinical social workers.

That paper is behind a paywall, but here's a similar paper published earlier in the Greater Washington Society for Clinical Social Work's newsletter. Both start similarly -- here's the beginning of the new one:

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved. (see Wikipedia) In our culture, monogamy is generally seen as the only viable form of romantic relationship. Many people have never even heard of the concept of polyamory and often when they do come across polyamorous people they believe that their relationships are fundamentally and morally inferior to monogamous relationships.

For some, being polyamorous is an identity that they use to describe themselves along with their gender and sexual orientation. When a polyamorous client experiences this form of prejudice in therapy it can be highly damaging and cause them to quit therapy without addressing the needs which brought them in. Often if a therapist seems too closed off or if the client has too much shame their sexuality the client will not bring up their poly lifestyle or identity in therapy.

HuffPost caught up with Pincus to find out more. (This interview has been lightly edited for space and clarity.)

Why don't we start with you telling me about the paper you wrote -- what is it about, and who is it for?

It was a paper for social workers and psychotherapists about polyamory. Specifically giving them information on what would be good information to have in working with polyamorous clients.

Currently, there is not a lot out there for social workers about polyamory. A lot of them have never heard of it or think that it only happens when a couple is not doing well but not ready to break up. They don't understand the concept of poly identity and why people choose polyamory aside from a desire to have sex with more than one person.

This can lead to marginalization. A lot of poly clients in therapy don't come out to their therapists which means they don't work on a lot of the issues that come up. Also often when they do come out they feel judged by their therapists or misunderstood.

Often even the most well-meaning therapists will not understand polyamory so clients will end up spending their time educating their therapists which is not a service they should necessarily have to pay for. ...

Latest Reader Comments

  • This seems to me like it was a BSDM arrangement, which explains why she kept going to work and then went back to the apt. That said, even...

    luisa

    22. February, 2011 |

  • This is a right sentence. How could you fail to share your condition in this situation. You left all these people without any choice.

    John

    23. January, 2011 |

  • Taking pictures with one of her own graduate students wasn't the most bright move.

    Inferno

    22. September, 2010 |

  • We chose polyamory because love could not be denied.

    twowives

    27. August, 2010 |

  • [...] (That link is not remotely work-safe.) I’ve never been, but I surely will someday! And the National Coalition for Sexual...
  • We loved the ethical slut! Great Book!

    Fellow Swingers

    06. July, 2010 |