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"Spiritual Sex in an Increasingly Virtual World"

on Wednesday, 12 October 2011. Hits 362

Huffington Post

I believe most modern Americans have a very low capacity for pleasure. I don't just mean sex. I mean being tactile, receiving touch, feeling the wind rush past your body, swimming, getting in bed at night and rolling around in your clean sheets for a few minutes. Tactile pleasure makes us more whole. I believe we all need sensual touch every day.

It's highly important for me to tune into the subtleties of sensation in my body. It's transformational, and I can bring it into my life 24/7, from writing an article to having a business meeting. I can be present and involved, wanting to expand everything I do to its most delicate and exquisite place -- because that's what I practice during sex. As I just suggested, there are other ways to find that capacity, but sex works for me.

Unfortunately though, as a society, it appears we're going virtual. There are so many ways to communicate these days via electronics that I believe we're going to see a rise in very sophisticated teledildonics -- people remotely controlling devices to stimulate a partner somewhere far away. Stuff like that is already starting to happen.

Also, S and M practices are popular, because people in this culture are constantly craving the next level of excitement, a bigger dopamine rush in the brain. That neural reward circuit is addictive, which is why so many westerners are into compulsive cycles of smoking, drinking, drug taking, internet surfing, multitasking, fast driving, and just pushing the edges all the time, looking for sharper highs. So people's sexuality gravitates to harder faster stronger. "Give me something edgier, more out there."

Neo-Tantric practices are edgy in a different way. When you move backwards into subtle areas of breath, softer presence, sensual touch, those kinds of practices are expandable for a lifetime. You can get more and more detailed and minute with what you're exploring. You can look for a new erogenous zone under the eye or on the neck, or it suddenly dawns on you to try using both your hands in some different way when you're touching your partner, or to get your partner to move energy by brushing energy away from their genitals up to their chest. And then they get the idea, "Oh that feels different! I've got to breathe deeper and expand into this . . ." So you're always in new territory!

Now someone who's really into BDSM might say you can always find more territory there as well. Well, fine, but at some point, doing that, you're going to be playing with seriously dangerous edges. Whereas with tantra, the scary edges are more likely to move you into kundalini experiences, or profound states of consciousness, or super-deep intimacy where you don't know where your body went, where you've gotten so involved in the lovemaking that your boundaries have dissolved and you don't know whether it's you or your partner who's having the orgasm....

"BDSM versus Sex, part 1: Divide and Conquer"

on Wednesday, 12 October 2011. Hits 686

Feministe

Every once in a while, someone will ask me a question about something BDSM-related that I feel “done with”; I feel like I did all my thinking about those topics, years ago. But it’s still useful to get those questions today, because it forces me to try and understand where my head was at, three to seven years ago. It forces me to calibrate my inner processes. I often think of these questions as the “simple” ones, or the “101? questions, because they are so often addressed in typical conversation among BDSMers. Then again, lots of people don’t have access to a BDSM community, or aren’t interested in their local BDSM community for whatever reason. Therefore, it’s useful for me to cover those “simple” questions on my blog anyway.

Plus, just because a question is simple doesn’t mean the question is not interesting.

One such question is the “BDSM versus sex” question. Is BDSM always sex? Is it always sexual? A lot of people see BDSM as something that “always” includes sex, or is “always sexual in some way”. In the documentary “BDSM: It’s Not What You Think!“, one famous BDSM writer is quoted saying something like: “I would say that eros is always involved in BDSM, even if the participants aren’t doing anything that would look sexual to non-BDSMers.”

But a lot of other people see BDSM, and the BDSM urge, as something that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sex — that is separate from sex.

I see two sides to this question: the political side, and the “how does it feel?” side. Both sides are intertwined; when it comes to sex, politics can’t help shaping our experiences (and vice versa). I acknowledge this. And yet even when I try to account for that, there is still something deeply different about the way my body feels my BDSM urges, as opposed to how my body feels sexual urges. I don’t think that those bodily differences could ever quite go away, no matter how my mental angle on those processes changed. ...

"Creating a Safe ‘SPACE’ for Students"

on Friday, 07 October 2011. Hits 336

UCSC - City on a Hill Press

SPACES: Sex Positive Autonomous Coalition for Environmental Sustainability. The wordy acronym may not roll off the tongue, but with this project, former Slug Elias Martinez and current UCSC student Aaron White hope to create a buzz and get people talking.

The work-in-progress is a multipronged project focused on promoting not only sex positivity but practices that are environmentally sustainable. For example, by making — and teaching how to make — vegan, “upcycled” (a term meaning repurposed from other objects) sex toys, SPACES is showing support for sexual freedom and eco-friendly practices with leather-free products.

“We decided to create an organization that addressed more of the needs and issues that we saw needed [to be] addressed,” White said. “When you have sex positivity, you are more open to the idea of sex. It doesn’t necessarily mean you engage in it, but you support people who are having it.”

Martinez and White make their products, including floggers, whips and harnesses, from extensively sterilized used bike parts, like inner tubes.

“It’s something that I’m really good at, and I really like making vegan alternatives,” Martinez said. “Our products are as good or better than the leather products in the market now.”

White said their products are user-tested and improvements are made based on feedback. They are not currently making products for penetration and have no plans to begin making them.

In the past Martinez and White have worked both independently and collaboratively on various workshops on topics such as queer anarchy and BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism). White said he’d like to see these workshops continued.

Both Martinez and White said they hope to see several large-scale projects come to fruition, including a database identifying what businesses are queer-friendly “safe spaces.” White said while there are regional networks of queer-friendly businesses, there is nothing on the national level.

“Creating a national registry insures businesses are staying true to their word and remaining queer-friendly,” White said. ...

The DC Fetish Ball & Metro Underground Present: CIRQUE!

on Tuesday, 04 October 2011. Hits 2500

An enticement of the Mind, Body, & Spirit

Coming Sunday, Oct. 9th (Columbus Day Weekend): Inspired by the beauty & intrigue of Cirque du Soliel, the DC Fetish Ball will bring together some of the scene's very best DJ's, Models, Fashion, Live Entertainment, & Nationally Recognized Talent - all accented w/ an incredible play space in one of the city's most lavish venues to create an event that’s worthy of the Nation's Capitol. THIS is an evening you won’t want to miss!

See our FetLife Event Page: https://fetlife.com/events/67608
Then check out our main page & join in the magic: http://DCFetishBall.com

Special Performance by nationally recognized performance group Electrocute. Fetish Fashion Show by Passional Boutique & SLYX Fashions.

Hosted at Ultra Bar (911 F St. NW DC): Offering 3 Floors of Exotic Possibility…

  • Main Ball Room offers featured DJ’s, dancing, high-energy performances, fetish fashion show, GoGo, & more. Mezzanine VIP lounge overlooks the main club.
  • Second level features top DJ's, social lounge, & a well equipped play space for a sense of absolute possibility. Body shots presented by The Metro Underground will follow main show.
  • Third level offers lifestyle lounge w/ dancing, demo’s, suspension, electric play, sybian, & more.
  • Please note: Open play IS allowed on the top 2 levels of the club.

Tickets are only $20. Doors open at 9pm - must be 18+.
VIP After-Party immediately follows the main ball.

Dress Code: Fetish Fabulous, In Theme, Leather, Latex, PVC, Corsets, Black Tie, Suit, or Exotic/Erotic. Expect an evening of decadent elegance so dress to impress!

Featured DJ's: Dirty-B (Power-Noise/Industrial), Mindcage (EBM/Electro), London Shadows (Old School Goth), Vlad (EBM/Synthpop), Cosmo (Darkwave/Synthpop), & others soon to be announced.

Dungeon Play Space provided & hosted by DXS Rapture (Dream~X~Streams). Vac-Bed by SLYX Fashion. Electric Play by Dark Electric. Sybian by Tabu Social Club.

Mistress Mayhem by Mistresses Tyler, Mei, Dolphy, Madam Ember, Brendan Lear, & more. Rope Demo by Green Eyed Devil. Fire Play by New World Sparrow. Violet Wand by Dark Electric.

GoGo's: The Cosmos Dolls.
Body Painting by Mitchell Poulouin.

For Fliers See: https://fetlife.com/users/113886/pictures/7119257.

For Pics from Last Year's Ball: https://fetlife.com/users/113886/pictures/3756477

For a night of endless possibility, join in the magic & let your imagination run wild!

Richard A.D. (https://fetlife.com/users/113886)

The Metro Underground: http://www.TheMetroUnderground.com
DC Fetish Ball: http://DCFetishBall.com.

Join us on FetLife: http://fetlife.com/groups/4756.
Follow us on Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/TheMetroUnderground.

Newsletter through LiveJournal: http://MetroUndergrnd.LiveJournal.com.

The Metro Underground serves as a primary gateway to the entire spectrum of the alternative, adult, & underground scene for DC, Baltimore, & Mid-Atlantic region.

"Orgasmic meditation, BDSM classes at Bedroom event not educational enough for Lakewood PD?"

on Monday, 03 October 2011. Hits 1569

Denver Westword

Beyond the Bedroom is described by co-organizer Dan Powers, aka Daka-Dan, as an October 16 educational event about sex. But police in Lakewood, where Beyond the Bedroom was originally scheduled to take place, weren't so sure, due in part to a possible live demonstration of orgasmic meditation, not to mention a BDSM class and videos featuring female ejaculation.

"They didn't say we couldn't hold the event there," Daka-Dan recalls. "But they did say if any of the presenters did anything illegal, they'd be arrested, and me and my partner" -- pro-polyamory nonprofit Loving More's Robyn Trask -- "would be arrested, too."

Steve Davis, spokesman for the Lakewood Police Department, puts it differently, maintaining that only what he refers to via e-mail as "live sexual acts" were described as forbidden. But Daka-Dan and Trask were freaked out enough to relocate Beyond the Bedroom to Westminster anyhow.

According to Daka-Dan, "Beyond the Bedroom is a spinoff of what used to be called the Sex Show or the Sex and So Much More Show. That event was half adult-entertainment and half adult-sex education -- and the combination didn't work that well for the adult-education part.

"A lot of people didn't know education was available; they came for the porn. And even though they were appreciative of the education, it was hard to do a meditation-type class about slow orgasms when a screaming-orgasm event was happening onstage. So my wife at the time and I decided to put together an all-education event, with presentations about everything from relationships and how to communicate better to the wilder side of the lifestyle -- swinging, polyamory, and other things people might not have heard about but would want to learn more about."

With that in mind, Daka-Dan began looking for a hotel at which to base Beyond the Bedroom, and he eventually settled on the Sheraton at 360 Union in Lakewood. He says the sales manager at the Sheraton was kept fully informed about what would be taking place, and his fellow organizers went out of their way not to offend the sensibilities of other guests -- by, for instance, arranging for vendors of products such as dildos and vibrators to be located in a side room to which members of the general public wouldn't have access. ...

"Another Tacky Headline: The Media Outing of Alisha Smith, Lawyer and Purported Fetish Worker"

on Friday, 30 September 2011. Hits 533

SWOP-NYC

In a culture in which celebrities regularly don latex or leather and talk about kinky sex, our media outlets still have a way of trying to keep the average individual’s sexuality in check when it comes to private sexual behaviors. Tabloids such as the New York Post has a long history of taking pieces of schoolyard-like gossip and treating them like news articles, especially when it comes to women’s sexuality. In the last year alone, the Post has thrown the title of “hooker” at no less than three women in its headlines, one of which was a murder victim, and even managed to get the frontpage headline of “Crazy Stox Like a Hooker’s Drawers…UP, DOWN, UP,” complete with a photo of a lady in red, to fit what might otherwise have been a piece about the fledgling economy. The Post, it would seem, has got sex (and sex workers) on the brain.

The latest victim of the the Post‘s sharpened tongue is a lawyer for the state Attorney General’s office, Alisha Smith, who was suspended without pay from her position, following the Post’s inquiry regarding her participation in BDSM activities in her off hours. An anonymous source for the Post cited a standing executive order in the Attorney General’s Office, stating that employees must “obtain prior approval from the Employment Conduct Committee before engaging in any outside pursuit…from which more than $1,000 will be received or is anticipated to be received.”

Whether Smith is in breach of her contract remains to be seen. However, the ability of the Post to create the piece out of Smith’s story, which they then published, is now well documented. Using little more evidence than some tweets by Smith about personal lubricant and the unsubstantiated claim that “it is common in the S&M community for dominatrixes to receive payment for appearances at fetish parties,” the paper has singlehandedly managed to call a professional’s conduct into enough question to launch an internal investigation.

Responding to the suspension, the spokeswoman for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, Susan Wright, had this to say: “NCSF supports the rights of consenting adults to have a private life apart from their employment. Alisha Smith is another victim of the persecution that often occurs against people who engage in BDSM. Our research has found that one out of three kinky people have lost their job, lost child custody or has been the victim of violence because of their BDSM interests. The media should never out individuals simply to create a sensationalized story.” ...

"Sex clubs not welcome in Peoria County"

on Wednesday, 28 September 2011. Hits 359

Journal Star

The Peoria County Board wants to end the potential for swingers clubs sprouting up under its jurisdiction.

When the city of Peoria banned sex clubs within city limits earlier this year, the county wanted to make sure businesses wouldn't move to unincorporated regions. The proposed amendment clarifies some points that were not previously outlined.

"We just wanted to make sure there wasn't some loophole," said Stephen Morris, chairman of the land use and transportation committee.

The county ordinance does not currently include language banning live sex acts in licensed businesses. Citing public health concerns as the main cause of action, the committee introduced an amendment to the Peoria County code.

"(The amendment) will reenforce that the county of Peoria and the city of Peoria are like-minded in the respect to businesses who provide pay-to-play entertainment to adults," board member Andrew Rand said.

The committee passed the amendment with unanimous vote.

"I don't think anybody in good taste and good conscience would permit these businesses to exist," Rand said.

Only one adult entertainment business is currently licensed by the county - Pulse, a strip club on Farmington Road.

The County Board will vote on the change at the meeting on Oct. 13.

"From flogging to fisting: Providing answers to curious kinksters"

on Wednesday, 28 September 2011. Hits 691

The Badger Herald

Hey there curious kinksters. This week, let’s explore the joys of bondage, discipline, dominance, submission and sadomasochism.

Keep in mind there’s no hard-and-fast definition of “kinky.” To some, using a pair of fuzzy handcuffs is the kinkiest, hottest, most out-there thing they want to try. Others think, “Been there, done that; I have a whole under-the-bed harness system installed!”

Both ends of the spectrum can be deliciously, wickedly fun.

How and where can you meet kinky 20-somethings in the Madison area?

Create a www.fetlife.com account. Do it. Now. It’s pretty much the Facebook of the kink scene.

There are also plenty of cool, kinky groups in Madtown. We have the Madison Area Whippersnappers, who meet the first Thursday of every month at 6:30 p.m. at the Noodles & Company on State Street. Club Inferno out on Commercial Avenue hosts “Leather + Lace” parties the first Saturday of every month and Sabbat de Sade play parties the third Sunday of every month.

There’s also the Madtown Kinkfest, which is coming up in February. Now I ain’t gonna lie to you. Sometimes it does take people a bit of time and life experience to discover and define their inner kinks. Hence, you’ll likely encounter more “seasoned” kinksters in the scene. What can I say hun, you’re mature for your age. ...

Latest Reader Comments

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    22. February, 2011 |

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