Only 15% of Americans age 18 to 29 would ever consider being in an open relationship, according to a new survey conducted by the Huffington Post and YouGov. That proportion is nearly identical to — not higher than — the numbers for adults age 30 to 44 and 45 to 64.
The survey also found that 18% of 18- to 29-year-olds have been in an open relationship, while only 14% have attended a party where they engaged in sexual activity with multiple partners.
It turns out we young folks might not be as edgy or non-monogamous as everyone assumes. And that's totally OK.
Overexcited headlines: This lukewarm attitude toward open relationships isn't the edgy portrait of millennials the media often paints in articles such as Rolling Stone 's conversation-starting feature on millennials' sex lives. "Millennials realize that they're pushing the boundaries of the sexual revolution beyond what their parents might have expected and their grandparents could even conceive," Alex Morris excitedly reported.
Indeed, Amy Moors, a University of Michigan sex researcher, told Mic, "Questioning the often unrealistic ideals and expectations of monogamy is having a moment right now."
But despite the increased interest in casual sex and hookups, data suggests that millennials are having sex about as frequently as previous generations. And while we're surrounded by a culture that's more sex-positive than ever, the 20-something dating landscape itself might be tamer than we envision.
Moors' research shows that many young men and women have positive attitudes towards open relationships and express an interest in swingers' parties and threesomes, but most couples still don't actually engage in non-monogamy. ...
Private clubs for sexual swinging won’t be allowed to locate within 1,000 feet of schools, churches, daycares or parks in Tennessee.
The state Senate and House each voted resoundingly for the new law Monday night, without a single vote in opposition. The bills still must be signed by Gov. Bill Haslam to become law.
The state law would give Nashville double protection against swingers clubs. Last week, Metro Council passed a zoning change with a similar intent, blocking private clubs from properties zoned for office uses.
Both measures target the efforts of The Social Club, a Nashville swingers club, which planned to move into a former medical office at 520 Lentz Drive in Madison, a property adjacent to Goodpasture Christian School.
A final amendment on the state law specifically targets private clubs that allow participation and viewing of sex acts — a narrowing from prior wording that included all types of private clubs, which are distinguished in Nashville as places governed with membership fees.
The law also does not address adult entertainment venues, which are defined differently. ...
Wayne Boone's nude months run from June to December. You can wear clothes if you want when you visit him, but these are his nude months, and so he'll be naked—it says so right there on his Couchsurfing profile.
Strangers often find themselves in Boone's home in Eastern Passage, Nova Scotia, for a couple days, a week, or longer—over the past seven years, he says, he's hosted more than 500 travelers.
Knock on his door and he'll greet you in a plush blue robe—to appease his neighbors. But once inside, the robe is off.
With Halifax being the most eastern major city in mainland Canada, and because Boone offers drives from the airport and train station to his home, this is the first Canadian house seen by many travelers.
In his living room, an eight-foot wooden cross with steel shackles leans against a wall holding two different dartboards with suggestions for sexual activities instead of points. The room is full of boxes of sex costumes and stacks of books on religion, home repair, gardening, travel, and the Royal Family. On one shelf, books on astrology and numerology sit behind pictures of his children and the four medals he received in the Navy. The room also features a $500 floor-mounted portable stripper pole.
"My neighbors just look at me [when] I'm going to a party—of course I take my stripper pole, I take my cross, I take my massage table and it's, 'Oh, the freak is going somewhere,'" he says with a shrug.
Boone, 55, has hair that is as gray and long as it will ever be. A whisper of brown in the mustache of his Santa beard jiggles when he speaks in his thick Newfie accent, punctuated with coughs from years of chain smoking.
His heavy, tanned body—he tries to spend four hours a day in the sun—is animated at any moment. Swiveling around, he points to the floor where a fabric chair with a rope and trapeze bar sits. ...
The 411: Founded in 1997 and made up of more than 50 businesses, groups, individuals and more, The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has been the go-to supporter for people who participate in consensual alternative sexual behaviors.
Have you ever been afraid your boss will fire you if he or she found out you like BDSM?
What about your family? Have you been worried they will shun you if they discovered that you and your partner are swingers?
Discrimination and concerns like these are just some of the reasons the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) was formed.
Founded by Susan Wright, the NCSF brings together kink and non-monogamy educational groups, therapists, domestic violence centers and other professionals to stand up for the legal rights and privacy of people who take part in these types of activities.
“Our goal is to fight discrimination against people who are kinky or non-monogamist,” she said.
We spoke with Wright to discuss the organization’s most impactful services, how people can overcome prejudices in their lives and the team’s plan to get all of America, and even the world, involved in the discussion.
Your rights. Your privacy. Your freedom.
The NCSF may be a small nonprofit, but they’re still able to create some incredibly impressive initiatives that make a real difference.
Their one of a kind media outreach program works directly with newspapers, TV stations, online outlets and more to get accurate information out there about alternative sexuality, especially when it comes to consent.
“Consent is at the heart of what we do, and you have to make sure that you have consent ahead of time. In this day and age, people look at sex as you make the move and see if you get a no,” she said. “With kink, you can’t do that. You actually have to verbalize what you want first and then be able to speak it and map out the game you’re going to play before you start playing it.” ...
The Tom of Finland Foundation has collaborated with artists and designers to satisfy a new generation of collectors.
From Michelangelo to Rauschenberg, gay artists can be found at any major museum. Meanwhile, Tom of Finland’s “dirty drawings” of bulging bikers, lumberjacks, and leathermen seemed forever confined to the back rooms of gay bars — not the hallowed halls of white-walled galleries. But a new window display at Colette Gallery on one of Paris’s most fashionable streets is aiming to elevate the work from hardcore to haute. The new exhibition of Henzel Studio’s luxury handmade rugs — which will also feature designs by Nan Goldin and Richard Prince — is the result of the tireless efforts of the Tom of Finland Foundation to promote the artist’s legacy.
But the trend doesn’t stop with pricey tapestries. With gallery exhibitions, linens, a line of athletic apparel, and a new biopic about the artist in the works, we’re experiencing a full-blown Tom of Finland renaissance.
“We just received a beautiful letter from a 21-year-old Polish guy telling us how he discovered Tom in the last year, and how good it makes him feel,” says Durk Dehner, president of the Tom of Finland Foundation. “And we could have gotten that letter in 1976 or 2006. It’s what made me work with Tom to start this: listening to young guys who said his work gave them a positive identity — that they weren’t the only gays in the village.”
Dehner always knew the work of Tom of Finland (a.k.a. Touko Laaksonen) was special. Inspired by one of the artist’s erotic drawings he saw at the Spike, a New York City fetish bar, in the ’70s, he wrote Tom a fan letter. They became friends, and Dehner helped create the foundation in 1984 in his Los Angeles home, where Tom lived for his last decade. Originally intended to preserve the work of the artist, who died in 1991 at the age of 71, the organization soon expanded to “offer a safe haven for all erotic art in response to rampant discrimination against art that portrayed sexual behavior or generated a sexual response.”
With the motto “Let’s keep it fun,” Dehner threw parties in the ’80s and ’90s to celebrate Tom’s images, but interest began to wane. Then, in 2006, the Judith Rothschild Foundation donated five works to New York’s Museum of Modern Art. “Tom of Finland is one of the five most influential artists of the 20th century,” Harvey S. Shipley Miller, a Rothschild Foundation trustee, said at the time. “As an artist, he was superb. As an influence, he was transcendent.” ...
The Metro Council on Tuesday gave final approval for a zone change that will block a swingers club from relocating to Madison.
The council voted unanimously — without discussion — to disallow private clubs from land zoned for office uses. It's a direct aim at The Social Club, which has sought to move to 520 Lentz Drive in Madison from its location on Division Street.
The final vote on third reading Tuesday came after dozens of opponents had flooded the council chambers two weeks ago to rally against a club they say wouldn't project a positive image of the community.
The club's attorney, Larry Roberts, has threatened a lawsuit against Metro if the city were to block the club's move via zoning.
Meanwhile, state lawmakers have been advancing a separate proposal to restrict private clubs because of the dispute in Madison. Identical bills passed in committees in the Tennessee House and Senate on Tuesday. The state approach would keep private clubs at least 1,000 feet from schools, churches and parks. ...
A sign on the front door warns: “Must be 21 to Enter.” It doesn’t portend a traditional shopping experience.
Yes, the Leather Man carries an array of intimate adult devices and ephemera, and is not for the uptight. But it is far from being just a gay “sex shop,” which many passers-by assume.
In April, the Christopher Street store will celebrate its 50th anniversary, a remarkable achievement for an independent mom-and-pop (or in this case, pop-and-pop) in the gentrified West Village.
But the half-century milestone, and the store itself, encompass much more. The Leather Man, which predates the 1969 Stonewall riots, traces the evolution of modern gay culture, from substrata of society to mainstream.
Among the leather items the store makes and sells are button-down uniform shirts, chaps, jock straps, teddy bears, whips, belts and traditional motorcycle gear like “The Wild One” jackets and boots. The dressing rooms even have black leather curtains.
The shop is renowned for its tailored-to-fit pants, nonpareil in their construction and authenticity, and staff craftsmen will customize virtually anything. Love a harness but want the studs silver instead of black? No problem.
The Leather Man is now in its most bustling season. It is the go-to outfitter for participants in the annual bacchanalian dance event known as the Black Party: Imagine Pan and Caligula producing a rave for gay men. It will take place this weekend in a Brooklyn warehouse, and a lot of harnesses will be involved.
“It’s like our Christmas,” said the manager Max Gregory, who has been with the store since 1995.
The level of customer service at the Leather Man is akin to a department store in a 1930s Hollywood film, albeit kinkier. The staff is knowledgeable and friendly no matter how personal or extreme a patron’s inquiries.
“That’s what’s enabled us to stick around for 50 years,” Mr. Gregory said. “During the last decade, with the rise of online stores, the market has been flooded with cheap fetish stuff. The quality of the leather and the customer service people come here and get exactly what they want.”
That clientele is singular. “There are different types of customers,” said AJ Afano, a designer and salesman at the shop. “From Metallica listeners, to your basic sirs and boys who are part of the leather scene, to people who just want a nice leash for their Chihuahua.” Apart from the fetish community and leather dilettantes, the store also caters to a sizable swath of fashion insiders.
“They make jackets and pants built to last,” said the fashion consultant Nick Wooster. “There is nothing disposable or trend driven about them. It’s leather and can last forever, and it came out of uniform culture, which factored prominently in the gay archetype. But it’s a fashion inspiration today for all men’s wear designers and buyers.” ...
A case study in polyamorous relationships in the capital city
BY COLIN HANNER
A couple sits at a high-top table near a bar at the Courtyard Marriott hotel on the west side of Columbus. I met Andy the previous day, and he introduces me to his wife, Megan. They’ve known each other 15 years, have been married for 10 years, and love their child. They’re laughing, talking, and ripping labels off seasonal beer bottles.
A family sits one table over, engrossed in their phones and tablets. They don’t say much, occasionally looking over their shoulders at people passing the lobby. There’s a heated pool nearby, and kids scurry through the main hall with goggles around their heads and floaters on their arms, their parents trailing behind.
Andy is a nurse in the military, and this past year he was deployed for a few months. Unlike many servicemen, he didn’t have to leave his wife and kid alone while he was away. Instead, he was able to rely on one of his buddies to keep watch over his family.
“I had a partner who was already there to look out for their interest in my absence, and that provides me with a great deal of comfort,” Andy says, sighing while expressing his gratitude. “It’s tough to go somewhere for four months of your life and leave behind your responsibilities.”
His stand-in caretaker’s name is Connor, and he sits next to Andy and Megan at the high-top, chiseling at the remnants of a beer label with his fingernails. He’s married to a woman named Rachel, and they are awaiting the birth of their second child.
Connor is also Megan’s boyfriend.
The family at the adjacent table glances over every now and then, picking up tidbits of our conversation and looking at one another with bug-eyed incredulity.
The three of them are polyamorous. Poly, as it’s commonly known, is the practice of being romantically involved in an open fashion with more than one person at the same time. Some may pose the question: isn’t this just swinging? Both poly and swinging are under the non-monogamous umbrella, however, swinging may only involve sharing partners sexually and nothing more, while poly often has the potential to become binding and long-lasting. But if someone participates in “poly for play,” which emphasizes sex, or identifies as “swolly,” both swinger and polyamorous, the lines become blurred. The distinction is ultimately up to the individual.
There are so many configurations within the lifestyle that some proponents label it “poly geometry.” For example, a man is married to his wife. He might have a partner, his wife may also have a partner, and their partners may have husbands and wives, as well as other partners. At every intersecting relationship, there are interchangeable possibilities.
Maybe the man has several partners. Maybe he has none. Maybe the woman has a partner who has several lovers, who in turn have wives and husbands. Maybe a man or a woman doesn’t have relationships, labels, or levels, but identifies as poly (poly anarchist). There are those who may place certain partners in a hierarchy and then divide emotional investment into corresponding relationships. Others don’t do any of those things; take what you know about relationships and throw it in a blender. It’s a lovers’ Rubik’s cube, the shifting parts interlocked yet ever-changing, except there’s no predefined perfect combination. And it’s not devoid of specific morality; for some people, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures is the Bible of non-traditional relationships. ...