... Savage has for 20 years been saying monogamy is harder than we admit and articulating a sexual ethic that he thinks honors the reality, rather than the romantic ideal, of marriage. In Savage Love, his weekly column, he inveighs against the American obsession with strict fidelity. In its place he proposes a sensibility that we might call American Gay Male, after that community’s tolerance for pornography, fetishes and a variety of partnered arrangements, from strict monogamy to wide openness.
Savage believes monogamy is right for many couples. But he believes that our discourse about it, and about sexuality more generally, is dishonest. Some people need more than one partner, he writes, just as some people need flirting, others need to be whipped, others need lovers of both sexes. We can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our partners about them. In some marriages, talking honestly about our needs will forestall or obviate affairs; in other marriages, the conversation may lead to an affair, but with permission. In both cases, honesty is the best policy.
“I acknowledge the advantages of monogamy,” Savage told me, “when it comes to sexual safety, infections, emotional safety, paternity assurances. But people in monogamous relationships have to be willing to meet me a quarter of the way and acknowledge the drawbacks of monogamy around boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted.”
What better way to celebrate and enjoy a beautiful, sunny Father's Day than to trek over to the Folsom Street East festival? The 15th annual event was held this past Sunday in the urban valley of West 28th Street, between 10th and 11th avenues, under the watchful eye of the newly opened section of the High Line park. After all, hanging out during daylight with lots of sexy guys wearing nothing but skimpy scraps of leather, a healthy sprinkling of freaks, a little BDSM in the open air and some beer on tap was lots better than buying Daddy a tie and taking New Jersey transit out for a tedious day with dysfunctional family members. Instead, this celebration of sexual freedom offers what daddies really want: some rubber puppy paws, a plastic tail plug and a rubber dog hood for puppy play sessions.
Although you might think the event caters only to a fringe group, I bumped into a lot of my friends there. "I love leather, and I think this event is one of the sexiest of the year," photographer Rob Ordonez told me. He and his friend, fashion designer Geary Marcello, are regulars and were dressed in typical Folsom Street attire, with matching spiked dog collars, leather straps, face piercings and tattoos.
When I arrived around 3 p.m., the block was crammed with mostly men, a few women (some in leather) and drag queens. And one living blow-up doll: A person encased in a latex mask covering his entire face, who was also wearing black latex—with balloons for tits. I pushed my way through the crowd looking for the press table on the other side of the block and thought about getting a beer ticket for $5 because it was starting to get hot (in more ways than one).
As I expected from photos I'd seen from previous Folsoms, some men were semi-nude and consisted of all different body types, ages and colors. Some wore leather chaps with ample ass hanging out, some wore other bondagetype fashion (harnesses being the most common) and some were just wearing average, everyday clothing. What made the day fun was the sense of adventure and friendliness of the crowd.
The stage shows were emceed by porn star personalities Mike Dreyden (who later participated in the most unique pie-eating contest ever conceived) and Will Clark. Sassy drag queen Peppermint performed and—although there were some wellplaced taunts from the average-looking gawkers on the High Line—it was a feelgood day.
My friend, nightlife photographer Teague Clements, seemed to have a great time. "It was a veritable cornucopia of sexual freedom: leather daddies with their lovers, lesbian doms with their boi slaves, muscular bears walking hand-in-hand," he said. "And every now and then, people just... kissing. And yes, there were straight folks, too."
I was scared when she first suggested it. But as we found out what we could handle, I saw how much trust we shared
I got up around seven on my wife's birthday and made her breakfast, as usual. I do all of the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, buy groceries and run all errands, even for those embarrassing feminine hygiene products. My wife never asked me to shoulder all household chores; I insisted. The arrangement suited both of us perfectly. I always wanted someone to take care of, just as she always wanted someone to take care of her.
While we eat breakfast, it's tradition that we watch "Law & Order: SVU" on Netflix. "Do you want to watch cop-who-rapes-his-wife or little-girl-in-a-coma?" I asked.
My wife chose "cop-who-rapes-his-wife," while I, the sentimental one, opted for "little-girl-in-a-coma." We broke this impasse the same way we make other minor decisions: With a wrestling match.
I know many couples enjoy a bedroom tussle, but when my wife and I grapple, we're out for blood. We bite, scratch, punch and twist each other's limbs into painful pretzels. I am proud to say I am married to a woman who can kick my ass. This is how we are in the bedroom, too, where it's a constant shifting of dominance, rough and wild, neither of us on top for long.
My wife won, finishing me off with a move that would be illegal even in a street fight. I let her get her licks in while she could. Later that day, we were headed to the dungeon. There, I would show her no mercy.
A Wisconsin woman who was allegedly held as a sex slave in Brooklyn, was suffering "severe" alcohol poisoning when she alleged she was raped — and may not come back to testify, it was revealed today.
John Hopkins was arrested in February after the woman, who had previously had a consensual S&M relationship with him, was found curled in the fetal position and chained to a radiator in his Williamsburg apartment.
But defense lawyer Andrew Stoll said that the woman’s blood alcohol content was two and a half times the legal limit to drive, more than four hours after she went to the hospital, where records noted she was suffering from a "severe degree of [alcohol] poisoning."
The woman has been treated for alcohol dependency and withdrawal and has failed to show up for several court dates, delaying the start of the trial, Stoll said.
Prosecutor Christina Fay said the alleged victim had left town.
Both sides agree on many of the facts of the case, including a consensual relationship that included a "huge array of what some would consider deviant sexual practices," said DiMango, who is famous for cracking the whip at sullen or disrespectful defendants.
But, the jurist added, "I’m not expert in this area."
Stoll asked DiMango to reduce Hopkins’ $350,000 bail based on the unreliability of the alleged victim.
She initially offered to drop the bail to $200,000 cash or a $350,000 bond, but left the higher bail in effect after Stoll called it "punitive."
DiMango ordered the case back for trial in two weeks and asked Fay whether she would have the alleged victim in court to testify.
Fay, sounding less than confident that she could conjure up the complaint, said, "I will almost make every effort to try."
Four hours after lodging the complaint against Hopkins, her blood alcohol level was still two and a half times the legal driving limit, according to medical record that described her condition as a "severe degree of poison." The 27-year-old Wisconsin woman had admitted to a consensual S&M encounter with Hopkins and an online correspondence until she moved into his Williamsburg apartment in February. She stayed there a week, subjected to a litany of punishment and abuse, before claiming she was raped.
Justice Patricia DiMango - who noted, "I'm not an expert in this area" - said all sides concede the kinky relationship was consensual. The question at trial, she added, was whether the woman ever said "No."
The judge rebuffed Stoll's efforts to reduce Hopkins's $350,000 bail, meaning he remains in jail. She ordered the prosecutor to be ready, witness and all, in two weeks.
"I will most certainly do every effort to try," said assistant district attorney Christina Fay.
There is a mind-boggling array of social networks out there, from Facebook, the king of them all, and the ailing Myspace, all the way through to the ones you don’t know about, which target niche interests such as a love for auteur cinema and an interest in cheese.
Memeburn roamed the world of social networks and picked out eight choice examples, selected for their surprising user numbers, intriguing content and quirky characters. Here they are, in no particular order
Users: 873 369
What is it?FetLife is a social network for people who are into bondage, domination and sadomasochism (BDSM). All kinksters are welcome.
There are a raft of adult-only social networking sites out there, most of which promise free and fast sex and nearly all which have misleading pictures (I’m guessing, honestly). What separates FetLife from other x-rated social-networking sites is that it encourages BDSM enthusiasts to, er, bond before they pull on the leathers and whip out the handcuffs. Even the trussed-up lady on the entry page looks like she’s getting genuine rather than masochistic joy out of being there. ...
After exploring pot-dealing in suburbia in its dark comedy Weeds, Lionsgate Television is taking on another suburban taboo in a new reality series. Certain to create controversy, Bedroom Community revolves around a group of swingers -- suburban couples who swap partners. Lionsgate shot a presentation for the project, which is now being shopped to cable networks. Bedroom Community is one of the first projects shepherded by reality producer Eli Frankel, who in March signed a two-year deal with Lionsgate. "The world of swingers is mythologized in American pop culture, but very few people outside of it have seen it," Frankel said. And many would be surprised looking in, he said. "What we have seen on shows about swingers are primarily older hippies, fringe people who are a little bit dirty. What we found are elite groups of people in upscale communities who are good-looking and have money and access. That glossy version is much more interesting to watch." ...
The PBS history series, American Experience, recently aired a documentary on the Stonewall Uprising. You know that story, don't you?
In June 1969, New York City police attempted to shut down the Stonewall Bar in Greenwich Village. It was customary then for the police to raid such bars in an effort to harass and embarrass the gay clientele inside. But at Stonewall, the gays fought back. Riots broke out for days, eventually leading to changes in New York's discriminatory laws against homosexuals.
I couldn't help thinking about Stonewall this morning when I read how police recently cracked down on a south St. Louis swingers club. Three cops and a liquor control agent posed as male-female couples on Saturday and ventured into the Red 7 at 8658 Broadway.
The club was hosting a party that night for St. Louis Adult Connections, a social club that describes itself as an "adult group for committed lifestyle friendly couples and ladies 21 and over." Apparently, Red 7 had hosted the group numerous times -- and someone tipped off the cops. As the Post-Dispatchchronicles today, once inside the bar, the undercover officers saw "women with their shirts unbuttoned and clothing removed, couples openly fondling each other and groups having oral sex." The cops called in their findings to a police lieutenant who sent in the blue shirts.
An estimated 150 people were in attendance. Two people -- a patron and one of the bar's co-owners, Alen Prohic -- were ticketed for permitting lewd or indecent conduct or entertainment in a licensed liquor establishment. It's unclear whether the other owner, Jeffrey Koenigs, was there Saturday.
"It's sort of like raves used to be," said Liquor Commissioner Bob Kraiberg, in explaining the bust. "If you're not watching the swinger pages, you're not going to know about it." ...