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Slixa Essay Contest: $10,000 in prizes awarded

on Wednesday, 06 February 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

By Slixa

In the wake of the signing of the FOSTA-SESTA package into law, charitable giving and providing support for community based organizations, events, and initiatives are at the forefront of our minds here at Slixa.

In December of 2018 we issued our first ever call for entries on the subject of FOSTA-SESTA and were completely overwhelmed by the volume and quality of thoughtful responses we received. It was clear that this community is already profoundly aware of the damaging nature of these laws and well informed on their potential future ramifications.

Entrants were asked to submit comprehensive, well researched, in-depth essays focusing on FOSTA/SESTA, and how the legislation has legally, and politically impacted the community at large and service providers personally.

Against FOSTA/SESTA: One Canary's Cry From Inside the Coal Mine
By Lucy Kahn

“Each of us affected by this bill are multi-faceted beings leading complex and interwoven lives at the intersections of many identities and demographics. While currently the impact of FOSTA/SESTA is felt most acutely by those of us participating in the commercial sex trade, this bill affects everyone—sex workers are just the canaries in the coal mine trying to make our warning call before it’s too late.” Read the full essay now.

Lucy will receive $2500 USD and her chosen advocacy group, SWOP Los Angeles will receive a matching donation from Slixa. Find out more about SWOP LA at the end of Lucy’s essay.

The Death Of The Dabbler and The Erasure Of Sex Work From The Common Internet
By Grace Marie

“It really is amazing to me that less than a decade ago all the online tools necessary for my survival in this business were free and accessible to women in every city -- and not just the big cities catered to by ad sites -- every city! Craigslist was effectively the anti- pimp: a safe space where adult sex workers from all over the world could freely advertise their offerings and screen clients from the comfort of their homes with no need of a pimp to broker the deal.” Read the full essay now.

Grace will receive $1500 USD, and her chosen advocacy group SWOP Los Angeles will receive a matching donation from Slixa. Find out more about SWOP LA at the end of Grace’s essay.

Global Implications Of FOSTA
By Meghan Peterson

“The anti-trafficking industrial complex, which includes non-governmental organizations and legislative bodies, actively harms sex workers by promoting moralistic agendas, furthering carceral feminism, and diverting funding from workers who could benefit from social services rather than rescue efforts.” Read the full essay now.

Meghan will receive $1000 USD, and her chosen advocacy group, COYOTE, will receive a matching donation from Slixa. Find out more about COYOTE at the end of Meghan’s essay.

Guest Blog: Resilience

on Tuesday, 05 February 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

By Russell J. Stambuagh, PhD, DST, CSSP

“I Can’t Drive 55” -- Sammy Hagar
“Anything worth doing is worth over-doing”! An anonymous wag
“So put me on the highway, and show me a sign,
And we’ll take it to the limit one more time” -- Glen Frey, Don Henley, and Randy Meisner
“Roads? Where we are going, we don’t need roads”! -- Emmet Brown

Limits, and the Problem of Idealization:

This exploration of the need for resilience, repair, and reconciliation begins with limits, and the chosen quotes highlight just how ambivalent our society is with these. Likewise, organized kink, with its transgressive impulses, desire for safety, genuine reverence for equality and freedom, and its love of exceptionalism, is similarly split. It took NCSF over 6 years to hammer out a satisfactory definition of ‘consent’ among its coalition partner organizations to use in NCSF literature because of the huge diversity of what that term ‘consent’ might mean, and because of the fear that someone’s freedom might be sacrificed to someone else’s sense of limits. Safety is not the prime directive for kink, notwithstanding its pride of place in our PR slogan. Those who truly want safety above all else, are probably best advised to stay home!

But limits are particularly problematical because novelty is exciting. Risk is a turn on. And the role definitions of good kinksters feature facing fears, giving up control, embracing stress and pushing one’s personal limits. In this regard, some kinksters sound like athletes. Often, their mission is to play by the rules, but to transcend limits. Some good submissives want dominants to push their own limits. Some good tops want to do exactly that to others. The Mother-May-I style of consent might be worth trying on a lark, but almost no one wants it to be the backbone of their playing style. NCSF and the therapeutic community agree that continuous affirmative consent needs to be maintained at all times, and there are many ways this can be accomplished that are not wooden and mechanical, but there is great variety among people into kink about how this is understood and implemented. Continuous consent can be very hot if done correctly, but, like everything else in kink, not everyone is in to that.

Role playing aggravates this, because our role descriptions are infiltrated by idealization. Helen Fisher blames this on the neurotransmitter serotonin’s influence on the appetitive or courtship phase of human mating. I say we develop fantasies about our ideal partners and go seeking them. Fisher says millions of years of evolution has built brains that do the work of getting us so attracted to someone that reproduction might occur, and that means using the neurophysiology of obsession. Fisher and I are each at least partly right. Long before our observations, Romeo and Juliette said this:

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliette is the sun.
Arise fair sun, and kill the envious moon
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, for she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!
It is my lady! Oh, it is my love.
Oh, that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing! What of that?
Her eye discourses, I will answer it.----
I am too bold. “Tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their sphere ‘til their return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of those cheeks would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp. Her eye in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans that cheek upon her hand.
Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand
That I might touch that cheek.”

“What is in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called
Retain that dear perfection that he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself! -- William Shakespeare, ‘Romeo and Juliette, Act II, scene 2’

It seems that Romeo and Juliette have it bad for each other, each is deeply in the throes of romantic idealization. Elizabethan playgoers recognized excessive romanticism in this famous poetry over 400 years ago. And this illustrates that idealization is a danger not just for kinksters, but for lovers of all preferences and identifications. But idealization is particularly dangerous for kinksters because lust is privileged in the kink communities. Shakespeare here is saying that love is the close cousin of madness. Having resisted stigma, risked contact with people who may or may not be all that safe sane and consensual in the name of lust, kinksters act like lust matters.

Cognitive dissonance alone acts to build commitment to kinky passion and relationships. We value what we have suffered, sacrificed, and worked ardently to achieve. And having done all of this, we would like to imagine that our partners are specially, even magically gifted and committed. Even kink educational efforts, which are designed to inject a measure of reason into how play is conducted also wind up defining good and bad role playing. Kinky folk challenge themselves to be good masters, good slaves, and good masochists just as we all strive to be good citizens, good parents, and good professionals. Consensual non-monogamists do it too. I remember overhearing in the hallway at an event one man telling another how he would never attempt to maintain 6 paramours at a time again; five was too many! This left me wondering if the Turkish Sultan ever had a garage sale!

This can make some dominants want to hit harder, be more demanding, and be pushy. It can make some submissives feel like they are being bad at their role if they use their safeword or fear they will harm the performance of their partner if they stop a scene. Novice submissives not only need to be taught that they cannot have every piece of candy in the store on the first trip, but that it is a sure sign of inexperience to proudly declare they have no limits and will try anything. As endearing as such devotion may feel, it is more wisely understood as a failure to recognize one’s own limits, rather than the communication of ultimate affection. This collision between inexperience and idealized roles is largely responsible for the 2014 Consent Violations Survey finding that 75% of the violations occurred either before, or within the first three years of our respondents’ involvement in the organized kink community.

But problems with limit setting and consent violations do not simply end after three years of training and experience. As kinksters become more experienced, they learn their limits, and some wish to push those limits. They often are exposed to new experiences where they have yet to learn their limits. Some relax their guard. And with increased intimacy and commitment, lovers want to please each other more, not less. The problem of being edgy may get better with self-knowledge and kink education, but it never disappears. And for some pushy kinksters who constantly seek to know their limits, it is hardly possible to know one’s limits without ever exceeding them.

From Consent Violations to Consent Incidents:

In our previous research, the NCSF 2014 Consent Violations Survey, my colleagues Susan Wright and Derrell Cox and I decided to use the term ‘violations’ because we wanted to cast the broadest net possible to capture problem experiences that might illuminate any systematic problems in how organized kink handles consent. That NCSF team had been working hard for several years with NCSF’s Coalition Partners to define a broadly acceptable concept of consent, and this research was meant to be a reality check about how well individuals thought consent worked in local organizations and events. We were looking for problems, not strengths.

Our results showed some problems, and we have reported back on these, but we also learned that many consent ‘violations’, while they constituted situations in which respondent’s play experience did not meet their expectations, did not really constitute ‘violations’. Our respondents, astute readers, and we investigators recognized that these unmet expectations could be painful, scary, and even traumatic, but did not stem from behaviors that the respondent viewed as malevolent. The best alternate term was volunteered by Charlie Glickman; the more neutral ‘consent incidents’. Although we knew from the start asking the questions this way loaded the dice, it was a new perspective for me to consider that we might have created a less sensitive instrument for investigating coping strategies for consent events that focused on individual participants’ responsibilities for resolving incidents because of our a priori emphasis on organizational solutions. It is clear from the diversity of incidents however, that every bit as important as organizational solutions; dungeon masters, complaint policies, mentoring, safeties, and educational programing might be in reducing predatory behavior and novice vulnerability, education in self-protective preparations is important, too. A great many consent incidents constituted success stories about overcoming problems that are somewhat routine, and in our next survey, every effort will be made to be less fixated upon primary institutional prevention, so we can mine the wisdom inherent in such successes. …

SouthEast Consent Summit

on Monday, 04 February 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

SouthEast Consent Summit on February 23-24, 2019 in Orlando, Florida.

Flyer BenSchenker


on Friday, 01 February 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

WHEN:               Friday, February 15, 2019 (6:00 PM - 8:00 PM)

Location:             Host Hotel, Suite 1518, Washington DC

Sponsors:          The DC Sub Club and DC Dommes

  • Join us for a Fun-Filled Meet and Mingle with well-known Dommes and Scene Celebrities
  • Great place for new and old scene folk to mix and share ideas
  • Hors d’oeuvres, beverages, wine, beer, dancing + General Naughtiness
  • Discuss the state of Sexual Freedom issues with NCSF experts

NCSF VIP Reception Charity Tickets:

Cost: $50 /person (limited availability)

All proceeds benefit the NCSF Foundation and are tax deductible

19 01 31 B

SouthEast Consent Summit

on Saturday, 26 January 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

SouthEast Consent Summit on February 23-24, 2019 in Orlando, Florida.

Flyer NickieFuentes



Incident Reporting & Response – 4th Quarter 2018 report

on Tuesday, 15 January 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

By Susan Wright, Director of IRR 


NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response received 54 reports & requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in October, November and December, 2018. That is down from 62 in the 3rd Quarter, 76 in the 2nd Quarter, and 87 in the 1st Quarter of 2018.

279 reports and requests for help were received by NCSF in 2018. This is a significant increase compared to previous years:
• 170 requests in 2017
• 109 requests in 2016
• 198 requests in 2015
• 184 requests in 2014

NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help, however we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 4th Quarter of 2018:


20 groups needed assistance, similar to the 19 groups in the 3rd Quarter of 2018:

• 6 groups were asking about presenters/organizers or reporting they had banned someone
• 4 groups needed assistance with incorporation, by-laws or dealing with members
• 3 groups asked for resources on dealing with consent incident
• 2 groups reported discrimination when their hotel broke their contract and when a bank suspended their account
• 2 groups needed resources and sex-positive attorney lists for their members
• 1 group asked for resources after being sued for defamation by a former member
• 1 person needed assistance resolving a consent incident with their group
• 1 person protested being banned by a group


There were 16 requests for resources and information involving criminal legal matters, down from 22 requests in the 3rd Quarter:

• 9 of those requests came from people who reported an assault, sexual assault, stalking, sexual harassment, or were requests to educate prosecutors about consensual BDSM practices.
• 5 people requested resources and referrals for attorneys to assist in defending themselves against accusations of domestic violence, assault or involving their appeal or parole.
• 2 sex-positive business-owners needed help reporting crimes to the police after former employees embezzled and blackmailed them.


There were 7 requests by professionals or for referrals to kink and polyamory aware professionals compared to 2 in the 3rd Quarter of 2018:

• 4 people needed referrals to kink and polyamory aware health professionals
• 3 professionals needed resources or asked for a review of their writing


6 requests, compared to 8 requests in the 3rd Quarter of 2018:

• 2 involved Title IX issues for educators who discussed sex positive issues including BDSM
• 2 people reported being outed, one to work, and the other by their therapist
• 2 people needed attorneys to deal with civil legal matters.

Child Custody

There were 5 requests for resources and referrals for family court attorneys, down from 11 in the 3rd Quarter of 2018:

• 3 involved parents in polyamorous relationships
• 2 involved parents who practice BDSM

NCSF Thanks! – 4th Quarter Donation Report

on Monday, 14 January 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

NCSF thanks Kinky Kollege Homecoming and Leather SINS, an NCSF Coalition Partner, for donating $10,000 to NCSF at their conference in October!


Dark Odyssey partnered with NCSF at Surrender again this year to raise $6,411 for charity, including $2,337 for NCSF with $300 dedicated for our Consent Summits. A total of $2,037 was raised for the Woodhull Freedom Foundation’s ( FOSTA lawsuit and $2,037 for TransThrive (, a San Francisco organization providing medical services for transgendered youth. 


Thank you to Jaiya, a NCSF Coalition Partner, for donating $465 to the NCSF Foundation in October and $435 in November and $400 in December for a total of $1,700.


Thank you to Extreme Restraints, a NCSF Coalition Partner, for donating $1,500, a portion of which was raised on Giving Tuesday by sending out an article, Seduce with Consent.


Thank you to InnThrall, Seattle’s kinky B&B, for donating $1,000 to NCSF raised at their annual New Year’s Eve party as their Coalition Partner fundraiser.


Thank you to Arizona Power Exchange, a NCSF Coalition Partner, for donating $740 from their October Bash, an annual event open to everyone to learn about consent, positive culture and diversity. NCSF is proud to partner with APEX in sponsoring Consent Month in September!


NCSF thanks James Dunyak, NCSF’s New England Advocate, for donating $600 to the NCSF Foundation this quarter, with a total of $1,600 donated this year!


NCSF Thanks Pup Bandit Productions and Mr. San Diego Leather Doriam for raising $450 for NCSF at A Night of Fantasies.


NCSF thanks The Red Chair for donating $302 as their annual Coalition Partner fundraiser in December.


Thank you to Anita Hoffer for donating $200 to NCSF in December.


NCSF Thanks Joseph & Mercedes Callahan for donating $200 to NCSF in December.


Thank you to the DC Sub Club, an NCSF Coalition Partner, for donating $200 in January as their annual CP fundraiers.


NCSF thanks David K. Igasaki for donating $100 to the NCSF Foundation in October.


Thank you to MasT Boise for donating $90 as their annual Coalition Partner fundraiser in December.

Slixa Essay Contest - $10,000 for best essay about impacts from FOSTA/SESTA

on Sunday, 06 January 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

Slixa, a leading online directory for adult entertainment services, is launching its first-ever $10,000 Essay Contest that will focus on sex and adult industry workers’ personal experiences eight months after the controversial FOSTA/SESTA "sex trafficking" bill became law.

The divisive legislation package that bills itself as a protective measure against victims of the sex trade has inadvertently created complications for the livelihoods of an entire community of legitimate industry professionals.

“With this essay contest, our goal is to learn more about the legal and political residual effects of FOSTA/SESTA on businesses at large and for providers personally,” said Slixa spokesperson Lee Jennings, “while also supporting and helping improve the collective lives of a community that is increasingly and alarmingly under fire.”

The contest, which opens on December 14 and runs to January 14, 2019 (Midnight EST) is open to active or previous industry service providers who can write a comprehensive, well-researched, in-depth essay between 1,500 and 2,200 words, analyzing the impact of FOSTA/SESTA, previously unpublished and written in English. One submission allowed per person.

The winning essay will be announced February 4 and published on with author credit (including a cash prize of $2,500, as well as $2,500 to donate to the service provider advocacy organization of the author’s choice). The First Runner-Up will receive $1,500, with a $1,500 donation, while the Second Runner-Up will earn a cash prize of $1,000, with a $1,000 donation to the essayist’s chosen charitable organization.

“We chose to hold the contest in December, as we would also like to take the opportunity to draw attention to the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers that falls on December 17, as well as the advocacy/charity groups that support the community,” added Jennings.

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