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"Working With Your Partner to Spice Up a Sex Life"

on Saturday, 25 February 2012. Hits 469

The Ledger

On an online discussion group for therapists …

Therapist No. 1 wrote in: "The husband has developed an interest in BDSM practices and is insisting his wife participate with him. The wife is seriously turned off by the new games and doesn't want to play. Suggestions?"

Therapist No. 2 responded: "Well, no one should be expected to do things against their wishes, but what is BDSM?"

Therapist No. 3 responded: "BDSM = Bondage and Discipline, Sadomasochism."

Therapist No. 4 chimes in and suggests that kinky clients deserve "kink-aware" therapists who understand their needs and lifestyle. He offers a directory of kink-aware therapists. Vanilla therapists need to stick to vanilla clients, "vanilla" meaning tending to practice the more familiar expressions of sexual love and avoiding the "walk on the wild side."

Where we camp out on the continuum of kink is a matter of individual choice. It gets more challenging when partners have to blend their respective desires into one sex life. Negotiations become extremely difficult when one lover is "vanilla" to the point of being resistant to trying any new sexual activities.

The flip side is the challenge of a partner who has a persistent desire for a particular sex act that is unappealing, frightening or repugnant. Rigid insistence on having it your way can lead to major resentments. ...

"Old Is the New Black; BDSM, the New Gay"

on Saturday, 25 February 2012. Hits 1510

Huffington Post

Being human is sublime. The ability to reason and feel emotion definitely blows my skirt up and makes me grateful The Great Spirits chose to birth my breath into this particular animal form.

Sadly, though, there is a serious downside to this intellect-emotion body: ego. The notion of separateness. And the ego seems passionately devoted to pounding that delusion of separateness into our hearts and minds so that we hate anyone who is not like us because we fear their difference will be our downfall, when, in fact, the opposite is true. Other people's wonderfully unique nuances are our soul's education and light source. They are our uprising, not our undoing.

But the hate bully born from the fearful voices of our friends, parents, schools, media, and spiritual teachers, who are terrified of not being accepted for who they are and what they feel, has historically body and mind-snatched our higher internal judgment and convinced us there are a right people and a wrong people. A people to love and a people to hate.

It needs to end once and for all, because as of now, we are merely transferring the baton from one ridiculed group to the next every so often, absolving ourselves of inaction by doing so, and claiming evolution of equality and tolerance when, in fact, that is a lie and we are comfortably dying from the cancer at the source which remains untreated and more ferocious than ever. ...

...

Homosexuals are no longer the anti-Christs. That prestigious honor now resides with a new rising star that has seemingly come out of nowhere: BDSM.

SICK FUCKS -- THE NEW NUMBER ONES.

(Since people interested in BDSM are such a new group, there hasn't yet been an adequate hate-acronym given them. "Shit eating-fake Cock sucking-Foot licking-Cross dressing-Kinky Sleazebags" is catchy and adequately pejorative. Hopefully it will catch on.)

Those disgusting, deviant, deranged sickos, who are probably all old black-loving gays too. Wait. Old people, blacks and gays are okay now, I forgot. Okay, well, everything else said about them must be true.

And the really exciting thing is, this new hero group of Devil-Titans, has the vitriolic support of not only the right but now even the left. That's why this new group of lepers may become a super power of the demonized, the likes we might never see again. Their reign might go on for hundreds of years and may even rival the blacks' great run.

If you don't believe me, and feel this neophyte clan of perverts isn't nearly strong enough to take over the top spot from the gays, just give this test to your right-wing friends. And as I said, since this new leader of the worst people on earth cuts across party lines, cementing their place as an impenetrable strain of filth, you can unprecedentedly also give the same test to your liberal friends too. Its result will convince you unequivocally and remove all reasonable doubt. ...

"Austin swing lifestyle features private clubs, house parties"

on Wednesday, 22 February 2012. Hits 753

The Daily Texan

A Craigslist search for “swingers” in the Austin area yields results that range from “soft swinging,” “house parties,” “first time swingers” and a variety of types of couples looking to have some fun. Some listings are more explicit than others, but one thing is common in all of them — the couples are all looking to add other people to their sexual encounters.

Not to be confused with polyamory, which is when a person practices both sexual and emotional relationships with multiple people, swingers are usually couples looking to have sexual relations with other couples or with other single parties. Some couples will keep swinging with their same partners multiple times, while other couples will choose different partners each time they swing for different experiences.

The methods that couples use to find their other partners differs within swinging culture. Craigslist, although very direct, can be fruitless when people replying to listings may not may not be as be physically stunning as they advertised. A more personal and natural way of exploring swinging choices is to go to either a swingers club or a house party.

Clubs tend to be more open to new members, but house parties require an invitation. There are also membership fees for clubs and the atmosphere in clubs and house parties tend to differ.

“House parties [and clubs] are two different things altogether,” said Mark, manager of The Friends Club(NSFW 18+), a private, members-only swingers club in Austin. He declined to give his last name. “From the club scene, I think it's a good environment all around. It's not amazingly intense because the clubs in Austin, to my understanding, are all off-premise.”

“Off-premise” means that sexual activity is not allowed on the actual club property. Since swingers clubs tend be private, with annual memberships and more of a nightclub atmosphere, they are a often a better fit for beginning couples than on-premise house parties, where rooms are designated for sexual activity and swinging may be less discreet. ...

"Want A Closer Look At The 1980s Porn Industry In NYC?"

on Sunday, 19 February 2012. Hits 872

The Gothamist

We've seen New York in the 1980s, and things were looking pretty Mad Max, so it's unsurprising that in the dark corners of the city was a booming porn industry. Now, Barbara Nitke is aiming to bring it back, sort of. She tells us, "I have a campaign currently running on Kickstarter to publish a photo book behind-the-scenes of making porn movies in New York in the 1980's. A lot of people don’t know there was a porn industry here in NY back then." She sent along many photos that she took at the time, documenting around 300 porn movies with still photography. We can't publish them here, but you can see them all in this video (NSFW x infinity!):

She writes, "we shot real 35mm film on big movie cameras. Home video cassette players had barely been invented. There were no DVD’s, no home computers, no Internet. People went out to downtown movie theaters and watched sex movies on the silver screen. Our shoots lasted anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks, with a crew of at least twenty people. We all put a lot of care into the script, the acting, the lighting, sound, editing—all the aspects of real movie-making. It was the Golden Age of Porn, and I was thrilled to be a part of it." As this author can tell you, having worked (as a writer) for the same industry, a lot of care is still put into some of these movies! But yes, even with the better quality films out there, it's nowhere close to '80s porn. ...

Researching Sexual Interests study

on Saturday, 18 February 2012. Hits 753

As a courtesy to researchers who are doing scientific studies of alternative sexual behaviors, NCSF will post notices of studies that our communities can participate in:

"I am from the department of Psychology at Macquarie University. We are looking for individuals to participate in an anonymous, study on sexual interests. If you are over 18 and are interested in a sexual interest that could be considered non-traditional, we'd greatly appreciate your participation in this research. A non-traditional sexual interest includes (but is not limited to) such interests as fetishes, swinging, open relationships and S&M. 

Site staff has kindly allowed me to post the link to the survey here.

Participants can choose to go into the draw to win one of two $50 MasterCard Vouchers.

Those who decide to participate will answer questions about their interests, experiences and fantasies regarding sexual behaviours in their own words. Hopefully this research will increase the knowledge and understanding of sexual behaviour, as well as debunk any misconceptions that exist. 

If you would be interested in participating, please click on the link below:
https://macquariehs.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_2471KnqmiJO7Iag

To find out more about the research go to:

http://www.researchingsexualinterests.com/


Thank you for your help.

Warm regards,
Giselle Bill"

"Valentine’s Day Bondage 'Role-Play' Leads to Portland Couple’s Arrest"

on Friday, 17 February 2012. Hits 892

KATU.com

Some Valentine’s Day “role-playing” landed a couple in jail on Tuesday after the boyfriend and girlfriend were arrested and accused of disorderly conduct.

A Portland Police spokesman said around 12:35 p.m. officers got reports that a naked woman had been tied up in a car with duct tape over her mouth.

Sgt. Pete Simpson said officers raced to the area to look for the Subaru Legacy. Officers in Washington were also alerted in case the car was spotted driving on I-5.

A witness told police that the man driving the car “seemed hazy” and stated he and the woman were “just having some fun.”

The witness managed to get the license plate of the Subaru, which led police to the owner’s address on NE 111th Ave.

Officers didn’t find the owner right away, but continued to patrol the area looking for the car. Around 1 p.m., an officer in the area spotted the car and stopped a man seen walking away, Simpson said. The officer also noticed the naked woman bound in the back of the car.

The man, who police said is 31-year-old Nikolas Alexander Harbar, told police that he and his girlfriend were doing some Valentine’s Day role-playing. Officers said his girlfriend, 26-year-old Stephanie Morgan Pelzner, confirmed that story. ...

"A commonwealth of Kink"

on Thursday, 09 February 2012. Hits 738

DIG Boston

To peruse the General Laws of our fairest commonwealth is to journey back to a Puritanical yore, to a time when “crimes against chastity” apparently weighed so heavily on the legislative conscience as to make matters like fornication and adultery fit for fines and imprisonment (up to three months in jail and a $30 penance for fornication, maximum three years and $500 for cheating).

Any number of quaint-sounding statutes outlining the proper sentencing for a thrice-convicted nightwalker, possessing instruments intended for “self-abuse” (read: “masturbation”) or “keeping a house of ill fame” remain as so many blots on the books.

Granted, Massachusetts and national courts have invalidated many of these statutes with respect to private, consenting adults. As early as 1974, Massachusetts courts held that prohibitions on “crimes against nature” and “unnatural acts” (read: “sodomy”) cannot be applied to private consensual acts between adults, a ruling that anticipated the Supreme Court’s striking down of all state sodomy bans in 2003. While adultery remains a crime, bans on fornication remain virtually unenforced in face of suspect constitutionality. The Commonwealth is also clearly on the national forefront as far as LGBT rights: the Massachusetts Supreme Court paved the way for same-sex marriages in 2003, and the state legislature has extended discrimination protections to cover sexual orientation (1989) and gender (2012).

There remains, however, a considerable “alternative” sexual community that continues to fall outside legal protection or recognition: namely, those involved in BDSM relationships. As in most states, BDSM (a compound acronym–Bondage and Discipline; Domination and Submission; Sadism and Masochism) is technically illegal in Massachusetts: statutes governing assault and assault with a dangerous weapon (such as a whip or paddle) include no caveats for consent.

That is, a dominant partner in a BDSM relationship could be charged with criminal assault even in the face of infallible and unquestioned proof that all acts were by active consent of the submissive.

Members of the BDSM community and advocates for eliminating stigma surrounding BDSM (which includes decriminalization) emphasize the critical role that consent plays, and the difficult terrain inherent in navigating between abuse and consensual play. “This is not about promoting an ‘anything-goes’ mentality,” explains Susan Wright, spokesperson for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), which calls for assault law reform. “Consent is certainly a tricky subject. There are issues of coercion, especially in instances of domestic cohabitation, or mental illness and the capacity to consent, such as with cases of bipolar disorder and depression.”

But Wright and other advocates suggest that refusing to address the thornier legal aspects of consent can pose significant danger to actual victims of assault. They point to cases like “Paddleboro,” in which attendees at an Attleboro BDSM party were arrested and charged with assault in 2000 (charges were later dropped), as fostering distrust among members of the BDSM community toward police.

“Because BDSM is so stigmatized, victims are afraid to come forward” when BDSM relationships cross the line into real abuse, according to Wright. Not only might those engaged in BDSM fear criminal repercussions, but also the potential to lose employment or public reputation should they be “outed.” ...

"Panel addresses BDSM myths"

on Thursday, 09 February 2012. Hits 2271

Yale Daily News

Three panelists convened on Wednesday to dispel what they deemed myths surrounding a controversial sexual practice known as bondage and domination, sadism and masochism (BDSM).

Roughly 40 people filled a room in Linsly-Chittenden Hall to hear clinical sexologist Charley Ferrer and two representatives of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, Judy Guerin and Richard Cunningham, discuss issues relating to BDSM, including safe practices and attributes of what they called the BDSM community. The panelists said people often consider BDSM to be illegal, violent and impersonal, but argued that these are misconceptions and that BDSM can be part of a healthy relationship.

Ferrer, who has written several books on sex, explained that BDSM is about people exploring their bodies and personal preferences — not just about sex. She said many people in the BDSM community do not interact sexually, adding that dominance and submission can be seen as normal components of relationships.

“It is not domestic violence,” Ferrer said. “In [BDSM] you are sharing yourself with someone else and they care about you.”

Guerin, a former executive director of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom — a group that advocates for adult privacy rights — said BDSM is about “comfort with your own body.” Cunningham, the group’s legal consultant said BDSM is not a hidden practice and that the community is open to everyone.

The panelists stressed the importance of practicing BDSM safely and maximizing communication between participants. BDSM practitioners use “safewords,” Cunningham explained, using the word “red” for “stop” and “yellow” for “slow down.”

Cunningham said the BDSM community values consensuality, and Ferrer added that BDSM is “a lot about respect.” ...

Latest Reader Comments

  • in a bdsm community
    it is important to keep verbal abuse and arguments to a minimum.

    bdsm community

    26. July, 2015 |

  • i often think it would be helpful to advise such people in terms they'll understand: if you alienate given sector of the population,...

    Ian

    22. July, 2015 |

  • NCSF posts Media Updates on articles that we want people to comment on. Whether they're positive or negative articles, we help drive...

    NCSF

    25. June, 2015 |

  • Someone dropped the ball on this whole story. How did he get a license in Virginia with what happened in Florida? Simple. He got the...

    Guest

    23. June, 2015 |

  • I agree. I would highly recommend NCSF not repost articles defaming feminists.

    Angela Anderson

    08. June, 2015 |

  • Females didn't 'submit'. They were overtaken without choice.

    Many anthropological studies fail to mention the native ancient...

    Sacchiridites

    04. June, 2015 |