On Tuesday night, a caller told HLN's Dr. Drew that Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) strengthened the relationship with the man who has become her husband
“It forces us to communicate about what we want, not just in the bedroom, but in life,” she said.
Psychosexual and relationship therapist Simone Bienne continued, “That's certainly one thing that the BDSM community is very, very proud of -- how they are able to communicate and this is essential how it spills out -- the sexual relationship spills out into the emotional side of the relationship because you are able to manage conflict better because of strong communication.”
Booksellers recently reported that E.L. James’ erotic trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey accounted for up to 20 per cent of all the print novels sold in the U.S. this spring.
While the series has obviously titillated readers, sex experts and members of the alternative sexual community say the books draw a problematic and unfounded link between sadomasochism and mental illness.
“As a researcher in this area of sexuality, it doesn’t sit well with me,” says Caroline Pukall, director of the Sex Therapy Service in the Department of Psychology at Queen's University in Kingston, Ont.
The best-selling books focus on an enigmatic billionaire named Christian Grey, who becomes romantically involved with a sexually inexperienced young woman named Anastasia Steele and asks her to become his “submissive,” or sex slave.
The virginal Anastasia finds the world of handcuffs and leather whips both alarming and arousing. She soon learns, however, that Christian’s predilection for bondage and spanking is a consequence of being sexually abused as an adolescent.
While the books are fiction, this explanation plays into stereotypical attitudes toward the alternative sex lifestyle, says Tristan Taormino, a U.S.-based sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Kink.
“There is an assumption that the reason he’s kinky is because he is damaged, because he had a rough childhood,” she says.
“There’s this assumption that there’s this one-to-one correspondence, which in real life there’s isn’t.” ...
BDSM attracts all kinds of people
She says people who are into BDSM run the gamut from doctors to kindergarten teachers to organic farmers. The one generalization she will make is that most of them are in a higher income bracket, because kink events often “happen at really nice hotels, and there’s all this gear.”
Nonetheless, the stereotypes around BDSM remain strong. Last week, the RCMP announced it was investigating one of its own officers, Cpl. Jim Brown, after violent and pornographic photos of the officer on Fetlife.com, a social networking site for sexual fetishists, came to light in the media.
While acknowledging Cpl. Brown’s personal right to freedom, RCMP assistant commissioner Randy Beck said, “I am personally embarrassed and very disappointed that the RCMP would be, in any way, linked to photos of that nature.”
Caroline Pukall of Queen's University says the book’s attitude, as well as public reaction to Col. Brown’s extracurricular activities, reflects a widespread belief that BDSM relationships are inherently abusive.
“It’s because people confuse BDSM with sexual sadism,” says Pukall.
“We think of Paul Bernardo, we think of these criminals who violate other people and cause pain during sexual acts and a lot of suffering and death, in many cases. But these are two very, very, very different phenomena — they are not the same at all,” Pukall says. ...
The recent media coverage outing RCMP Corporal Jim Brown’s personal life has contained a number of erroneous assumptions equating BDSM with violence against women. Please write a letter to the editor today to influence future media coverage.
Take a polite tone of education and point out how detrimental to the Canadian BDSM community and kinky people around the world such stereotypical coverage is. Please don’t focus on Cpl Brown or Fetlife.
You don’t have to out yourself as being kinky. Just make a few of the points below and let the media know they need to fairly represent this sexual minority. Go to the NCSF blog at www.ncsfreedom.org to read the coverage.
Points you can make:
Canada has a proud history of tolerance and diversity when it comes to personal lifestyles.
The media should familiarize itself with the large and vibrant BDSM communities that follow a creed of “safe, sane and consensual.”
BDSM is not violence toward women. BDSM is about consenting adults engaging in mutually satisfying role-play and power exchange in private. Both men and women take submissive roles, and anyone can stop what is happening at any time.
Private internet membership websites are for kinky people to get education about safer sex and to interact with their peers – it is not pornography.
BDSM has been recognized as a healthy form of sexual expression by the American Psychiatric Association in their latest revision of the DSM-V, to be published in spring of 2013. Canada is a progressive country and should follow the lead of other progressive countries such as Norway and Sweden which depathologized BDSM.
People shouldn’t be discriminated against by their employers because of their legal, adult sexual activities.
Media outlets that have published articles on this situation:
Let NCSF know you sent a letter at
This kind of stereotypical media coverage harms the BDSM communities, so stand up and be counted!
An internal RCMP investigation looking into the off-hours activities of a Mountie allegedly involved in sado-masochistic behaviour would appear to have two central questions to answer: Are the Internet images purporting to show Corporal Jim Brown in a number of disturbing S&M scenes actually him, and, if so, is the officer’s conduct enough to warrant severe disciplinary action, including dismissal?
The matter is the latest controversy to rock the force in B.C., where scandals involving the Mounties have become regular fare. And it’s also where the public has become used to seeing dishonourable conduct by officers go virtually unpunished.
Some think this latest imbroglio is too embarrassing and potentially damaging for the force to deal with in its usual fashion.
It exploded earlier this week when the Vancouver Sun revealed that images posted on a website allegedly showed Cpl. Brown in a number of bondage and torture poses with a woman, including some involving a large butcher knife. But the matter became muddled on Friday when a local erotica organization said the most controversial images linked to the officer were not, in fact, him but someone else. (The B.C. RCMP refused to comment on developments Friday, saying there is an investigation under way).
From the pictures, it’s not completely clear. There are some photos showing a man wearing a kilt and knee-high boots, resembling ones worn by Mounties, acting out what would be considered mild S&M scenes with a naked woman. There seems to be little dispute that the person in these shots is Cpl. Brown.
But given that the outrage the story has produced has been mostly generated by Cpl. Brown’s association with the most sickening of the images, it would seem that the first matter RCMP investigators need to address is whether the man in those particular photos is the officer in question.
The RCMP has admitted that it found “some graphic staged photographs” on a memory stick belonging to Cpl. Brown in December 2010. At the time, nothing was done because the commanding officer of the Coquitlam detachment did not believe they met the terms of what is considered a code-of-conduct violation.
The most recent investigation was prompted by a woman’s complaint about the S&M images on the Internet alleged to involve Cpl. Brown.
But what were the photos that were originally discovered? Did they nvolve Cpl. Brown? Even if they didn’t, does the RCMP want a male officer on its force who would associate himself with this type of activity?
Especially an officer who, as a senior member of his detachment, might well be asked to deal with cases involving violence against women?
Is it possible to separate one’s private interests, pursuits and beliefs from one’s job responsibilities?
Much has been made of Cpl. Brown’s minor role in the investigation of serial killer Robert Pickton, convicted of torturing and killing women on his pig farm in Coquitlam. Some are suggesting Wally Oppal, chair of the Missing Women Commission, reopen his inquiry to examine whether Cpl. Brown’s purported S&M proclivities played a role in prolonging Robert Pickton’s killing spree.
It’s certainly a fair enough question.
I think if you were to ask members of the public, most would say there should not be a role for an S&M enthusiast among the ranks of our national police force.
There are simply too many situations an officer can be put in that could possibly be compromised by an officer’s interests in this area. And in the context of the sexual harassment controversy that has recently engulfed the force, it would seem even more important that it ensure that any man involved in hardcore sadomasochism not be a member of the red serge.
“We are told from the day we first enter officers training that we will be held to a higher standard in both our professional and private life,” former RCMP officer Sherry Benson-Podolchuk said in an interview.
“If all this is true, it would show how he feels about women. I can’t imagine him taking a victim impact statement from a woman who had been raped. Also, putting these pictures up on the Internet compromised him and the force. He runs the risk of being blackmailed by some criminal element.” ...
he red-serge uniform of the RCMP used to represent the highest of standards in law enforcement. Now it might more be the blush of acute embarrassment.
T Worse, police force is becoming increasingly tarnished, severely the reputation of Canada's national shaking Canadians' confidence in those sworn to uphold law and order on our behalf. We don't need more inquiries, more reports, more vague promises about gradually changing the culture the RCMP needs to do a sharp about-face in ensuring its members adhere to the force's code of conduct, and to solid standards of ethical, moral behaviour.
It's disturbing enough that a Coquitlam RCMP corporal in regulation Mountie boots and a kilt would pose for photographs for posting on an Internet pornography site that features sexual degradation and violence toward women. It's more disturbing that the officer is still on the job.
When Cpl. Jim Brown's participation in pornography became public knowledge, Supt. Claude Wilcott, his commanding officer, said he consulted the force's legal services to see if Brown's actions violated the RCMP code of conduct.
He needs a lawyer to figure that out? Sadly, the legal opinion he received was that "it did not appear - to meet the threshold for a code-of-conduct violation." To Wilcott's credit, an investigation was launched, but this is a case where the officer should have been shown the door as soon as it was determined he was indeed the person in the photos.
Yes, a lawsuit might have followed, but the RCMP leadership should have shown some backbone and taken that risk. The vast majority of Canadians would have approved.
The RCMP Act includes a perfectly workable and reasonable set of standards for its members, in which it states, among other things, that it is incumbent on every member:
? to ensure that any improper or unlawful conduct of any member is not concealed or permitted to continue.
? to act at all times in a courteous, respectful and honourable manner; and
? to maintain the honour of the force and its principles and purposes.
That doesn't mean tossing an officer out the door for the slightest indiscretion police work is difficult, stressful and exacts a heavy toll. Compassion and understanding are needed when mistakes are made.
But this isn't one of those "oops" moments, a momentary lapse in judgment quickly regretted. Putting photos of oneself on a porn site that glorifies violence and bondage isn't an option for those sworn to uphold the law and protect citizens from violent criminals and perverts. ...
Erotic Vancouver has learned that the photos at the centre of the media firestorm over RCMP Corporal Jim Brown in fact depict another local man in the BDSM community and not Cpl. Brown. While other photos in the news reports, ones of a kilted individual in what appear to be RCMP boots, may indeed be of the RCMP Corporal, the photos that have most raised the ire of the media and of their various sources, photos the CBC describe as “a staged violent knife attack on a naked and bound woman” are of another individual. This has been confirmed by both the man and woman in the photo. Both parties wish to retain their anonymity.
Erotic Vancouver has already weighed in on the issue of the Vancouver Sun’sinitial story about Corporal Jim Brown. Since that time the Sun has produced more coverage, including a more balanced story by reporter Lori Culbert. (RCMP corporal under investigation for sexually explicit photos won’t be asked to quit – Vancouver Sun.) Sun reporter Ian Mulgrew also responded to an email from Erotic Vancouver in which he restated many of the positions he gave voice to in media interviews, including with CKNW, but which did not appear in his Sun article: allegations that Corporal Brown might have been a habitue of Piggy’s Palace, the after hours club run on the Pickton pig farm. He suggested that the errors in judgement associated with the images in the media gave weight to these allegations.
The “most disturbing images” it of course now turn aren’t of Brown.
Cameron Ward, lawyer for the missing women’s families at the Missing Women’s Inquiry, has called for the inquiry to be reopened in light of the photos and Corporal Brown’s connection to the Pickton investigation, however peripheral. In comments to CKNW Mr. Ward suggested Corporal Brown was a “sexual sadist or deviant.” Harsh words, those. “Sexual sadist” has specific psychiatric and legal definitions, and is very different from consensual sadomasochism. He goes on to suggest that Brown is interested in “torturing and degrading women.” And he questions whether Brown might have been involved in foot dragging where the Pickton investigation was concerned in light of his involvement with BDSM, and specifically because of the abduction scene photos.
The photos that aren’t of Brown.
According to the Vancouver Sun, Lawyer Jason Gratl, representative for various DTES community groups at the inquiry, suggested “Brown’s even peripheral involvement in the missing women investigation was troubling.” ...
A Coquitlam, B.C., RCMP officer is under investigation by the force for possible misconduct after violent and pornographic photos of the officer were posted on a social networking site for sexual fetishists.
The images of Cpl. Jim Brown appeared on the website Fetlife, which claims to have about one million members.
Brown went by the name Kilted Knight on the website and listed himself on Fetlife as “dominant,” describing the kind of role he played in the world of bondage, discipline and sado-masochism.
After CBC News asked the RCMP if Brown was under investigation, Supt. Ray Bernoties replied on June 27 that Brown's involvement with the website, “was deemed to be adult consensual activity during which the implicated officer was not representing himself as a member of the RCMP, thus it did not meet the threshold for a code of conduct investigation."
The officer’s profile was deleted from the Fetlife website after the CBC News query.
In the last 10 days, more violent images emerged online showing Brown in a staged knife attack on a naked and bound woman.
On Thursday, the RCMP confirmed that Brown will face both an internal and an independent investigation.
“As this situation evolved and additional information came to my attention, a code of conduct was ordered and that investigation is being led by the Richmond RCMP,” Assistant Commissioner Randy Beck, acting commanding officer of the B.C. RCMP said in a statement.
“In keeping with the RCMP's commitment to hold our members to a higher standard," said Beck, "I am taking the unusual step of asking an external police agency to independently review our internal code of conduct investigation.”
Beck did not say which external force would be asked to investigate.
“While we must strike a balance between an individual’s rights and freedoms when off-duty and the RCMP code of conduct, I am personally embarrassed and very disappointed that the RCMP would be, in any way, linked to photos of that nature,” said Beck.
Psychologist Michael Webster, who has a private Vancouver practice dealing exclusively with police officers, told CBC News that RCMP members are held to a higher standard than other citizens.
Webster said that an officer posing naked in RCMP riding boots is inappropriate, even if his sexual partners are consenting adults.
“They're all severely degrading to women,” Webster said of the photos.
“Mr. Brown’s behaviour is way up the scale in the abnormal range,” he said. “This is conduct unbecoming of a [Mountie] and it is shameful that the RCMP would [try] and minimize this, would try and downplay and sweep it under the rug and suggest there is no harm here." ...
VANCOUVER -- B.C. Mounties are once again in damage control after graphic images of an officer engaged in violent bondage sex scenes were made public.
“I am personally embarrassed and very disappointed that the RCMP would be, in any way, linked to photos of that nature,” B.C.’s acting RCMP commander Randy Beck said in a statement Thursday, adding Mounties are conducting a code-of-conduct investigation.
Beck was responding to explosive photos allegedly showing Coquitlam RCMP Cpl. Jim Brown in various bondage scenes that were at one point posted on the Internet but since removed.
Some of those images obtained by QMI Agency depict a woman tied up, choked and slashed with a machete by a man identified as Brown, who apparently styled himself as the “Kilted Knight.” The scenes often appeared to involve simulated torture, with Brown in a dominant position.
Former RCMP consultant Dr. Mike Webster, speaking from his Denman Island, B.C., office Thursday, said he’d heard from at least two Mounties who knew about the racy pictures from a website Brown apparently ran nearly two years ago.
“(In one) series of picture, he comes upon a woman on the street. He stalks her, he captures her, he takes her somewhere, it’s a private location, he wraps her in cellophane … he puts his feet on her, he cuts her, she bleeds,” Webster said.
The psychologist, who worked with B.C. Mounties for more than 30 years, said the latest scandal is another severe blow to a force plagued by misconduct complaints in recent months — everything from allegations of sexual harassment to an officer accused of stealing cocaine.
Beck, meantime, explained the Coquitlam detachment commander found the images in December 2010 on a personal flash drive, but the pictures didn’t initially meet the “threshold” to be considered a violation of conduct — the images were deemed staged.
It wasn’t until March this year that a “code of conduct” investigation was opened when the photos were found on a personal website.
After the images went public Thursday, Beck said an “external” police agency would be asked to independently review the Mounties’ code-of-conduct investigation.
Brown has been placed on administrative duties.
The officer had “a very small role” in the investigation of convicted serial killer Robert Pickton, according to the Missing Women Inquiry commissioner Wally Oppal. ...