In my San Francisco, it’s not uncommon to know someone who identifies as polyamorous, or who participates in multiple loving and intimate relationships.
In fact when I talked to Pepper Mint, conference organizer for OpenSF, he told me that the non-monagamous community in the Bay Area has finally reached a critical mass. His reasoning? Over the weekend of June 8, Open SF was attended by over 500 of the poly-curious and practicing.
As his community expands, Mint thinks it is necessary to recognize the multitude of voices that compose polyamorous San Francisco. “I feel it is important to highlight our similarities while acknowledging our differences,” he told me as we sat on the floor outside of one of the many conference rooms at the Holiday Inn where OpenSF was in full swing around us.
The weekend started with the Pink play party at Mission Control. There was a keynote address from trans-identified sex educator Ignacio Rivera and trans-gendered health educator and social justice activist Yoseñio V. Lewis. The two also hosted a lecture entitled “Kink, Race, and Class.”
The lecture sought to inspire dialogue about how race, racism, and class appear in the world of kink. It was one of many unique talks over the weekend that both celebrated and critiqued the diversity and spread of the polyamorous community. Other offerings available to OpenSF attendees included “Sex Work and Non-Monagamy,” “Fat Sluts, Hungry Virgins,” and “Trans-Queering Your Sex.”
In another hallway that weekend, Sonya Brewer -- who facilitated the “Cultivating Healthy Boundaries” lecture on Sunday -- suggested the conference was well attended due to Mint’s effort to include a diversity of individuals, including sexual minorities and other oppressed groups on the planning committee. Brewer, a somatic psychotherapist and queer woman of color, has been a practicing polyamorist for 15 years. ...
A Swedish mom has a face that is 50 shades of red ever since police came across a secret sex chamber she set up at an abandoned military bunker near the town of Nordmaling.
Last Friday, two fisherman came across the old bunker and discovered what appeared to be either a garden of earthly delights complete with a silk-sheet laden bed, ropes, dildos and leather items -- or a crime scene.
The fishermen immediately reported their find to local authorities, and once word got out about the sex chamber, Swedish language newspaper Aftonbladet reported "a hard-working single mum in her 40s" came clean about her booty call bunker.
It seems the woman -- who is calling herself "Lena" -- set it up for trysts with a man she dated a few times. With news of her hideout becoming public, she decided to get in touch with the Swedish paper in order to clear up any misunderstanding.
Experienced bondage buffs said the incident proves that the "D" in "BDSM" stands for discretion as well as discipline.
Dee Severe, a filmmaker whose company Severe Society Films specializes in fetish films, said people who are interested in exploring BDSM need to think about how they will react if their lifestyle becomes public knowledge.
"Think people are narrow-minded about gay rights? Their reaction to BDSM is three steps further," Severe told The Huffington Post. "People need to gauge how family and friends might react and then decide how secretive you need to be."
Bo Blaze, who teaches classes to wannabe S&M'ers, said that the success of the book "50 Shades Of Gray" has gone a long way toward making the BDSM lifestyle mainstream, but there is a still a long way to go.
"You have to be careful and realize there is discrimination," he told The Huffington Post. "People don't understand that BDSM is consensual and not abuse." ...
Yesterday we heard from a resident of one of the luxury condos that have recently gone up along the High Line on formerly desolate West 28th Street. He told us about how the new residents are trying to shut down the Folsom Street East festival, now 16 years strong in Chelsea. I got in touch with Susan Wright, Media Liaison for Folsom Street East, and asked for her response.
Q: What was your initial reaction when you found out from my blog that the new condo residents of West Chelsea have been organizing against Folsom East?
A: We were surprised because we haven't been contacted by anyone. Folsom Street East is a community event, and is eager to work with the neighbors. We observed certain issues last year, so one of the ways we have adjusted the fair this year is to provide a 5-foot-wide sidewalk along the buildings that goes from 11th Avenue down to the condos at 540 W. 28th Street. That way residents don't have to walk through the attendees in the street. They will be able to walk alongside the buildings and enter their own home as usual.
Q: Residents are petitioning the Community Board to eliminate or move the fair. Has anyone ever complained directly to the organizers of Folsom East?
A: Folsom Street East has not received any complaints from anyone about the fair.
Q: How do you respond to the people in the new condos who don't want to see nudity and "lewd" acts from their windows? Or who don't want their children to witness the fair?
A: The attendees at the fair must follow our Code of Conduct, and that includes no lewd acts or full nudity. Attendees are allowed to wear street-legal clothes, which in NY city is fairly liberal, as it should be. There are some entertainment pieces that take place on the stage, at the other end of the block, that enter the "burlesque" realm, but legally it doesn't fall into the "lewd conduct" category. Security volunteers are in place to be sure that all the rules are followed by the attendees. ...
Last year, when the second part of the High Line opened, I wondered how long the sex-positive Folsom Street East festival would survive on West 28th, now that the once-desolate block has become a destination for tourists and condo-buyers. Soon after, I looked at the arrival of massive condo-box Avalon West Chelsea, coming to the same block, right across the street from the Eagle gay leather bar, and predicted that the Eagle would not last much longer, either.
As we come up on the 16th annual Folsom East fair this weekend, we hear from an anonymous resident of 540 West 28th (the +ART building) that those dire predictions may already be coming true. Folsom East and the Eagle, he tells us, are not long for this rapidly changing world.
Construction began on the +ART building in 2008, when there was nothing on that block except for a gay bar, a strip club, a scrap yard, a truck yard, and some autobody shops. Our anonymous interviewee has lived there for the past year. He bought the condo because he, like many of his neighbors, was attracted to "the building, view of the river, wide open space, proximity to Chelsea Piers, High Line, and the Hudson River Park."
I asked him some questions and he provided us with an inside look into how the new condo dwellers of the High Line are forcing change on the once-wild, westernmost hinterlands of Chelsea.
Q: What is the prevailing opinion about the Folsom East fair among your neighbors--how do people talk about the fair?
A: It's a mixed bag. The primary issue is the zero access to the building without walking through the fair itself where lewd conduct and nudity isn't uncommon. Those with children find it particularly difficult.
Q: In what way have the neighbors organized, and what is your goal in terms of the fair--do you want it to stop running, move to another block? What are the neighbors doing to meet this goal?
A: Residents from several surrounding buildings have passed fliers asking our residents to write to the Community Board to relocate or totally eliminate Folsom Street East because "fetish" fairs shouldn't be allowed so close to so many residential buildings. There's word that a petition of some sort will be circulated but I'm not exactly sure what the details are.
A letter was written to the Community Board asking how they can assure residents access to the building without having to walk through the fair itself. Another suggestion was to move it to the next block where it's bordered (for now) by commercial on two sides, Con Ed to the north, and West Street.
The primary issue for us at 540 W 28th isn't the Eagle or even Folsom Street East. It's allowing residents access to the building without having to go through the fair itself. Other residents of the surrounding buildings and even my own building may have additional concerns with regard to the lewd conduct and nudity in full view from their units. ...
I'm worried about this country. "Fifty Shades of Grey" is the No. 1 best seller? Is this another example of the dumbing down of America?
The Wall Street Journal
I don't read romance novels anymore, so until the "Fifty Shades" trilogy became the fiction du jour, I was unaware of a relatively new and popular subgenre known as erotic romance or romantica. Now, having read the first of E.L. James's novels, I confess to being somewhat baffled by the appeal of a romantic hero who, while filthy rich and preternaturally handsome, gets sexual pleasure from beating his girlfriend with a belt.
"Fifty Shades of Grey" actually belongs to a subgenre of romantica that involves consensual sexual relations between dominant and submissive partners (sometimes called BDSM for bondage, discipline, sadomasochism). In Ms. James's books, the dominant partner is Christian Grey, "the richest, most elusive, most enigmatic bachelor in Washington State." His prey is Anastasia Steele, a newly minted college graduate who describes herself as mousy, wide-eyed and uncoordinated and whose idea of cussing is "Holy hell," "Holy Moses," "Holy cow" and "Holy crap." She might have a hot body—Christian Grey certainly thinks so—but her bulb is strictly low-wattage. Not to mention that she managed to get through four years of college not only without her own computer but without even an email address.
Unlike the librarians of Brevard County, Fla., who temporarily removed all 19 copies of "Fifty Shades" from their shelves to protect their borrowers' sensibilities, I say if women want to read about getting tied up and hit, that's none of my business. But the popularity of these books did make me wonder if there's something in the culture now—or the water?—that draws women to fantasies of submission.
In an article in "Psychology Today," a sex therapist, Sari Cooper, points out that "subs" and "doms" are nothing new and that throughout history, men and women have occupied both roles. In Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's 1870 novella "Venus in Furs," for example, it is the man who desires domination by a woman. (The novella has been adapted as a play, "Venus in Fur," now playing on Broadway.) Ms. Cooper warns against looking at "Fifty Shades" through a "socio-political lens"; this is an "adult form of play," she says, that often takes place only in fantasy.
Fair enough. Yet there's something deeply unsettling about Christian Grey being a romantic hero for contemporary women. Talk about the man in the empty suit. Grey may have luxuriant hair and other robust body parts, but his only topic of conversation is himself and his feelings. He doesn't go to movies, bars or the gym, he doesn't watch television, read, discuss current events or have friends. He plays the piano, but only "oh-so-sad music." When pressed about his boyhood, he describes his mother as a "crack whore."
The question of why E.L. James has reportedly sold some 10 million books in the U.S. alone has been chewed over by many cultural commentators and psychologists. Some have theorized that so-called mommy porn appeals to women who wish their partners would take charge in the bedroom. In a 1973 article in "Psychology Today," a researcher, E. Barbara Hariton, concluded that "force" fantasies are not about rejection or abuse, but "appear in dominant and independent women" who imagine themselves desirable and attractive. The "Fifty Shades" books, some psychologists say, give women permission to express their sexual desires without shame. ...
The power couple of Australia's increasingly open polyamorous community, Rebecca and James Dominguez, have made Senate submissions urging the legalisation of same-sex marriage, as they promote greater acceptance of multiple-partner relationships.
The couple have led the way in publicly outlining their own journey from monogamous marriage to one in which each has another lover as well.
In her blog, Ms Dominguez, who is an adminstrator with IBM in Melbourne, writes: "My life rocks . . . I am incredibly happy and have almost everything I could possibly want . . .
"I've built a house with my husband and my husband's boyfriend so there are four of us living together in nice harmony. (The fourth household member is Rebecca's boyfriend.)
"James outed himself to me as bisexual a year after we got married. Remarkably, this didn't really phase me.
"He talked to a nice female friend of ours that was interested in him, informed her about my boundaries and they agreed to have a sexual relationship.
"I felt more secure in my relationship with James . . . I knew that James wasn't going to leave me, that he could have sex with and love another woman and still love me and want to be married to me."
For many years Ms Dominguez was president of PolyVic, which promoted the "practice of honest, open, ethical multiple relationships".
More recently the couple have taken up leading positions in Bisexual Alliance Victoria.
The two organisations are closely connected and hold picnics which, the website says, are family-friendly with "food and drinks to share, picnic rugs or chairs, outdoor games, kids, dogs, kayaks".
As president of the alliance, Mr Dominguez, an IT specialist in the Victorian public service, wrote to the Senate Legal and Constitutional Affairs Committee in support of the Marriage Equality Amendment Bill 2010. ...
For an estimated two per cent of the population, that classic one-liner has an automatic -- and quite serious -- retort: "OK, as long as you take mine."
In the 1950s, the media dubbed it "wife-swapping." Today, it's known by the less male-centric term "swinging." Or just "the lifestyle."
Regardless of the name, this free-love, mate-sharing lifestyle -- which Penthouse magazine once described as "the primary indoor sport of suburbia" -- definitely did not fall out of fashion after Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice crawled into bed together on the big screen in 1969.
In fact, you might say folks took that movie's tagline, "Consider the possibilities," to heart: The swinger movement in North America is four million strong, according to a 2005 segment of ABC TV's newsmagazine 20/20. And some say it's just now coming out of the closet.
"It's huge," says Kevin, a Winnipeg swinger and entrepreneur who's planning to open Ooh Zone, a private "adult-lifestyle nightclub" in the city next winter.
"I think there's a whole younger generation that's more sexually free-spirited. It's not the old wife-swapping days," says the 42-year-old construction industry executive, who asked that his surname not be published. Kevin and his wife, a local business owner, have been married 20 years and swinging for nearly three. ...
With libraries reporting waiting lists in the thousands and retailers reporting over 10 million copies sold in just a month and a half, the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey and its siblings 50 Shades Darker and 50 Shades Freed has not only dominated The Hunger Games trilogy but (mercy!) "ripped through the virginity" of America's familiarity with, and openess to, BDSM.
Much to the delight of its publisher, the trilogy by E.L. James is being banned in libraries across the nation, where "pornography," not "literature," is used to describe the tome. And the only thing nearly as popular as reading the book is writing about how terrible it is as a book. (True fact: The books started as fan fiction featuring characters from the Twilight series — now it's inspiring fan fiction.)
Capitalizing on the new craze for "mommy porn" is "leading fetish company" Stockroom.com, which reports a "a remarkable surge in inquiries." ...