Does your media agency have resources for these special interest pieces?Contact the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom for interviews and information on kink and open relationships. NCSF is the national advocate for consensual adult sexual expression.
There has been a significant interest in BDSM sparked by the wildly successful Fifty Shades of Grey. Similar topics appeared in recent TV Shows from CSI to House to Desperate Housewives, and even animated shows such as American Dad.
Furthermore many people, married and otherwise, are discovering and practicing non-monogamy. From polyamory to swinging to open relationships, a notable percentage of the public are shifting their relationship parameters in an honest and ethical fashion. These people are taking cues from books like Opening Up and The Ethical Slut, along with TV Shows such as Showtime’sPolyamory: Married and Dating.
A compare and contrast: What the movie got right, what the movie got wrong and what you need to know about kink.
“Who, What & How”
The kink subculture: What its practitioners like to do, and the kind of people who are kinky.
“What is Consent?”
Consent is enthusiastic and informed agreement, without coercion or pressure, and is agreed upon while you’re of sound mind.
Open relationships aren’t just sexy storybook fantasies. Relationships with more than two people take honesty, effort and ethical agreements.
“Persecution of Kinksters”
Job discrimination and child custody challenges result in only one-in-three people being “out” about their involvement in kink.
“Kink is not a Diagnosis”
The American Psychiatric Association agrees that kink is a healthy form of sexual expression.
The NCSF is the national advocate and resource for consenting adults who engage in kink and non-monogamy. The NCSF is a coalition of educational and social groups across America, along with the businesses that serve them and individuals who are kinky. Since its formation in 1997, the NCSF and its programs have significantly changed the way the media, legal and psychiatric professions view kink and non-monogamy.
For now, a few teasers. Firstly Mr Dornan arrived direct from one Mr Eddie Redmayne's stag do (Eddie stars on our January issue collector's cover, get it here). We have never seen anyone so tired and still vertical. Yet even one-step-short-of-comatose he sent the temperature through the roof.
Secondly, he told us all about researching the part of Christian Grey. So how does a nice lad from Holywood, Co. Down, prepare to play THIS sexual sadist (as opposed to the sexual sadist serial killer he plays in The Fall)?
He visits a sex-dungeon of course. "I went there, they offered me a beer, and they did…whatever they were into. I saw a dominant with one of his two submissives," he says.
There was plenty of kink... and plenty laughter. "I was like: 'Come on guys I know I'm not paying for this but I am expecting a show.' It was an interesting evening. Then going back to my wife and newborn baby afterwards... I had a long shower before touching either of them." ...
Finally, a video game that may start to undo all the damage that "Grand Theft Auto" has done. (Maybe.) Hurt Me Plenty — an interactive, online game now available for free download — teaches you how to engage in BDSM practices safely. All you need is a trackpad.
The game begins with a consenting partner (whom developer Robert Yang describes as a "hairy beefcake") kneeling on all fours, ready for you to administer some light BDSM. Swiping your hand along your computer's trackpad, sort of as you would when spanking someone, garners a reaction from your partner ("Yes, Mistress!"). It's a pretty brief game, and you win when your partner is sufficiently aroused and you've maintained the intimacy of your sexual encounter.
If any boundaries are crossed (if you spank too hard or for too long, for example), your partner in the game shouts "STOP!" When that happens, it's safe to say you lose — and that you have a few more rounds to go before you understand how to be respectful in your little 3-D bedroom. Of course, the game doesn't address the complexities of negotiation with an IRL partner; the use of safe words, for example, or any two-way discussion of boundaries is notably absent. But, despite its playful name and relatively simple design, Hurt Me Plenty aims for a teachable moment. It reinforces the necessary rules of playing with submission, dominance, and pain with a sexual partner: that these practices should be carried out in an open, safe way, preferably with plenty of enthusiasm.
Most people in his upscale community knew Robert Bashara as a successful businessman, prolific charity fundraiser, Rotary Club president, church usher and married father of two who volunteered at his kids' volleyball and soccer games.
And that upstanding image might have remained intact – if his wife hadn't been killed. The spotlight of suspicion turned to Bashara, revealing what prosecutors say was a murder-for-hire scheme and what witnesses describe as a secret double life of meeting other women for bondage, discipline and sadomasochistic sexual encounters, some in a basement "sex dungeon," and snorting cocaine on a private golf course.
The two wildly contrasting sides of Bashara, 56, emerged during a two-month trial in a Detroit courthouse, where jurors this week are slated to begin deciding his fate. He's charged with first-degree murder and related charges after prosecutors say he hired his handyman to kill his wife of 26 years, Jane, 56. The marketing executive at an energy consulting company and mother of the couple's two children, now in their 20s, was found strangled and beaten on Jan. 25, 2012, in her Mercedes-Benz SUV in a Detroit alley.
Bashara wanted her out of the way, prosecutors allege, so he could "continue his BDSM (bondage dominance sadomasochism) lifestyle with his mistress, Rachel Gillett, and potentially other 'slaves,' as well as tap into Jane Bashara's retirement funds," according to the Macomb Daily.
Bashara has denied any involvement in his wife's death.
During the trial, jurors heard all about that fetish lifestyle in scenes that sounded like they could have come from Fifty Shades of Grey or another lurid tale from the kinky world of BDSM, where Bashara was known as "Big Bob."
One woman told of going with Bashara to a sex dungeon in the basement of a building he owned, where she was tied to a cross and flogged, according to the Detroit Free-Press.
Another described a sexual encounter with Bashara that included a "thrashing" so rough that "it left marks for three months" and a choking so severe that it caused her to lose consciousness, The Detroit News reports. ...
At the holiday Pop-in@Nordstrom shop, offerings include snowflake sweaters, penguin beanies, wool scarves and a selection of black leather harnesses — for humans, not reindeer.
The harnesses were designed by Zana Bayne, who has almost single-handedly elevated the harness from the boudoir and bondage and into fashion. She has made custom pieces for Beyoncé, Madonna, Lady Gaga and FKA Twigs, and her line is sold at high-end stores like Comme des Garçons (Rei Kawakubo owns two herself), Dover Street Market and Selfridges.
“I wear mine with a boring white oxford shirt,” said Olivia Kim, Nordstrom’s director of creative projects, who brought the line to the store, “but they also look great over dresses. It’s the perfect example of what an accessory does: accentuates clothing.”
Ms. Bayne has a similar harness philosophy. “It’s a layering piece to add to an outfit,” she said. “The physical aspect of having something cinch you in makes you hold yourself higher. But I always warn people that if you wear it out, people are going to pull on you. It brings something out not just in the wearer, but in those around her.”
Ms. Bayne also makes bags, bustiers and collars, as well as a men’s line, with prices ranging from $120 for the most basic harness to $2,300 for a leather sheath of linked hand-cut leather stars. (Gwen Stefani wears the sheath for a cover shoot for the March Cosmopolitan.)
The work is remarkable in its craftsmanship (lately she has been experimenting with laser-cutting), but what really makes it stand out is the thematic nuance and subcultural charge in each piece, which is a lot of depth for an accessory.
As with an abstract painting, what viewers see depends on their perspective. The wearer may see a flattering belt, while others see overt sexual allusions.
“I’ve never aimed to shock,” Ms. Bayne said. “My design comes from a naïve place, and I think, ‘Of course someone will wear this,’ and then it comes out ... I don’t want to say harder, but maybe not as innocent.” For her, it is never about subjugation.
“Wearing a collar can make you feel like the most powerful warrior in the world,” she said. ...
Dave Navarro can go from shredding to bedding in one fell swoop ... now that he's designed a two-in-one guitar strap slash sex toy.
The rocker tells TMZ he decided to combine his 2 favorite things -- music and sex -- and teamed up with a BDSM toy company ... and the result is something he calls, "The Strap."
Pretty simple concept ... the guitar strap comes off the guitar and can then be used to restrain yourself or a partner in a ton of different positions. Seriously ... just about anything your sick mind can come up with ... The Strap can handle it.
As Dave put it ... "It's the Swiss army knife of the bedroom" -- that is if you don't already have an actual Swiss army knife in play.
Navarro preaches safe S&M though, and revealed his safe word -- “Chappaquiddick.” ...
Continuing on its recent censorship-happy path, the U.K. government amended regulations this week to prohibit online porn from depicting a variety of erotic activities. Now-illicit acts range from the very specific (female ejaculation; "spanking, caning, and whipping beyond a gentle level") to the incredibly broad ("verbal abuse"). But basically, the U.K. has banned BDSM and certain forms of fetish porn—or at least, charging money for that sort of porn.
The new rules come as part of the 2014 Audiovisual Media Services Regulations, which amends the country's previous communications law to require all "Video on Demand" services to meet standards set by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC). From Vice UK:
... from now on, VoD porn – online porn you still pay for, essentially – must fall in line with what's available on DVD. That means that British pornography producers will no longer be able to offer content online that couldn't be bought in a sex shop.
Acts that are no longer acceptable include: spanking, caning and whipping beyond a gentle level; penetration by any object "associated with violence"; activities that can be classed as "life-endangering", such as strangulation and facesitting; fisting, if all knuckles are inserted; physical or verbal abuse, even if consensual; the portrayal of non-consensual sex; urination in various sexual contexts; and female ejaculation.
It's a strange, highly-subjective list of sexual behavior deemed too deviant for folks to be exposed to. (Who knew women orgasming were so scandalous?) "R18 is a strange thing," Jerry Barnett, founder of anti-censorship campaign Sex and Censorship, told Vice. "There appear to be no rational explanations for most of the R18 rules–they're simply a set of moral judgements designed by people who have struggled endlessly to stop the British people from watching pornography."
Adult filmmakers in the U.K. who show their videos on for-pay porn sites are now limited in what they can feature, and websites that charge for porn content are limited in what they can show. But of course there's plenty of (both free and for-sale) BDSM and fetish porn out there on the World Wide Web. U.K. lawmakers are essentially just further driving homegrown porn purveyors out of business. The industry is already strained by age-verification filters, mandated last year, which have driven up website operating costs while turning away customers.
Both regulations disproportionately affect smaller, independent porn producers and websites. As Vice's Frankie Mullin points out, the new censorship rules will have less effect on large porn producers and mainstream sites, "which tend to favour the strip, blowjob, fuck, cum-all-over-a-woman's-face formula, but the UK's smaller, independent producers," specifically fetish producers. These include people like Ms Tytania, who makes feminist-tinged dominatrix porn, and pretty much anybody else whose products deviate from normative sexual practices. The rules really are a crazy infringement on freedom of artistic expression, not solely a commercial setback for someone who runs subscription rough-sex sites (not that there's anything wrong with that). ...