For a while they seemed to co-exist in the same building. That is of course until people fully realized what was going on. An S&M dungeon where people could learn and act out sexual fantasies was housed in the same building as a children's dance studio.The S&M shop has since been kicked out.
The 50 Shades trilogy is entrenched in the top three spots on Amazon's Kindle chart, but a number of e-books with BDSM elements have also crept into the top 100. As of July 17, excluding the 50 Shades books, there were seven titles with BDSM themes in the top 100, which means that, including E.L. James's books, more than one out of 10 bestselling Kindle books fell into this category.
The seven non-50 Shades e-books included Sylvia Day's Bared to You, which was #8, and that book's upcoming sequel, Reflected in You (#65). Day's books are published by Penguin and are the only two that have print versions. The other five BDSM titles in the top 100 are e-book only and are $2.99 and under. The seven titles, all of which were published after Vintage rereleased the 50 Shades books in April 2012, are as follows:
Bared to You by Sylvia Day (#8)
Anything He Wants by Sara Fawkes (#25)
Training Tessa by Lyla Sinclair (#28)
By His Desire by Kate Grey (#62)
Anything He Wants 2 by Sara Fawkes (#63)
Reflected in You by Sylvia Day (#65)
Anything He Wants 3 by Sara Fawkes (#68)
On Amazon's print chart, the only similarly themed title (outside of Day's books) is Marisa Bennett's Fifty Shades of Pleasure: A Bedside Companion, landing at #66.
“Those of us who have different … notions of eroticism and sensuality are simply dismissed. The pejorative word [being] ‘vanilla,’ which is ironically, one of the most sensual aromas.” – Andrea Dworkin.
“I wish [BDSM folks] would stop referring to me as ‘vanilla.’ If you’re making the case that everyone should be free to do what they like without being judged, why call non-BDSM people a derogatory name that implies they’re all prudish bores?” – Anonymous, commenter on Bitch.
If we bemoan the oversexualization of culture, should we also be concerned about the kinkification of culture? As BDSM blogger Clarisse Thorn writes, “Being a sex-positive feminist, I worry that other women will read my work and it will increase their performance anxiety … that it will lead other women to feel like, ‘Gosh, is this something liberated sex-positive women do? Is this something I should be doing?” Thanks to a prescriptive media, the competition to be having the most out-there, kinky, freaky, dirty sex keeps escalating, with “Ultimate Perv” engraved on the winner’s medal. Fantastic if you’re antsy to compete, but what if you’re just not into all that stuff? What if you think you secretly might be … [whisper it, now!] … vanilla?
One of the reasons I didn’t dare join a fetish community website, or go to a play party, till years after I was first curious about BDSM, was a subconscious sense that I was probably “too vanilla.” I didn’t dress head-to-toe in latex or own any seven-inch heels, and I didn’t take my partner down to the local shops on a dog leash. I’ve since realized that the scene is open to anyone who feels their sexual tastes land outside the mainstream — there’s no test you have to pass. However, by labeling every non-kinky person as effectively the same, is the BDSM community just as judgmental as those who judge us?
The term “vanilla” does seem to be a byword for “sexually pedestrian,” and even the mainstream media has got in on the act. In the “Friends” episode “The One With Rachel’s Big Kiss,” Phoebe refuses to believe that Rachel kissed a girl during college, saying, “It just seems pretty wild, and you’re so vanilla” — an accusation Rachel receives with indignation, spluttering,“I am NOT vanilla! I’ve done lots of crazy things!” Being sexually unadventurous is now apparently the most grievous character flaw a person (especially a woman) can be accused of. In the British cult comedy “Peep Show,” when an unenthusiastic Jez reveals his fantasy of a threesome to his girlfriend and then worriedly asks, “Is that too much?” she laughs, “Are you kidding? That’s vanilla!” In this world saturated with faux-lesbian action and pressure to have butt sex, one sometimes longs for the days when showing a little ankle made you the strumpet from hell.
But laying the blame entirely at the feet of BDSM folks is overly simplistic. Although “vanilla” may have its origins within the community, plenty of non-kinksters have adapted it for their own use. “Vanilla” was a term intended to simply differentiate between sexual preferences, but it was not necessarily meant to put down or diminish the value of non-kinky lifestyles. Yes, there are kinksters who use it sneeringly, but I think most kinky folk have experienced enough disapproval to refrain from subjecting other sexual cultures to the same marginalization. I also think if “vanilla” has become a term of abuse, the blame more likely lies with those who profit from people’s insecurity that their sex life is not sufficiently exotic. Anyone who’s flipped through a women’s magazine demanding that you perform “10 Tricks to Drive Him Wild!” or a sex manual that just makes you feel inadequate and unsexy knows who those profiteers are. ...
A British man was charged with assault for his attempt to stop his girlfriend from reading the sexy bestseller.
While the erotic trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey has been credited with arousing the passions of millions of women around the world, for one British man, it only aroused his wrath.
When Emma McCormick, of Carlisle, UK, read aloud passages from her copy of Fifty Shades to her long-term boyfriend Raymond Hodgson, he wasn’t thrilled about hearing McCormick narrate the book’s racy scenes of bondage and seduction. Hodgson, 31, later told authorities that he thought the book was “pornographic” and “distasteful” and didn’t feel it was appropriate for McCormick to read it. He was so bothered, he drove to McCormick’s home the following day and, armed with a bottle of steak sauce, resumed the argument. The fight escalated until Hodgson pulled out the bottle and squirted it in McCormick’s face. He reportedly said he wanted to show her what ‘saucy’ really meant.
Ha ha, we see what you did there — but McCormick and the Carlisle authorities were not particularly amused. Hodgson has been charged with common assault; according to prosecutors, he not only attacked his girlfriend with the condiment but also slapped her in the face. Though he denies striking McCormick, Hodgson pleaded guilty to the premeditated saucing.
According to the Carlisle News & Star, the presiding judge stated that “Hodgson’s actions had clearly been intended to demean Miss McCormick.” Hodgson was ordered to pay her $150 in compensation and cover her $130 in legal fees, and given a 6pm curfew for a month and a half.
RCMP Cpl. Jim Brown of Coquitlam is facing investigation for inappropriate conduct after pornographic photos of him were posted to a website last Thursday. In the same week, Const. Karen Katz filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against the RCMP. That Brown and Katz's stories broke the same week seems to be an unfortunate coincidence at best, and an appalling trend at worst - for Katz's lawsuit is just the latest in a long series of sexual misconduct accusations against the force.
Yet, aside from the fact that both stories contain the words "RCMP" and "sex," how similar are they, really? A decade's worth of institutionalized sexual harassment is clearly not the same as two adults engaging in kinky sex acts.
Since last fall, the RCMP has been wracked by allegations of sexual harassment. The most prominent case has been that of B.C. Cpl. Catherine Galliford, who alleges that long-term sexual harassment at the hands of her colleagues resulted in chemical dependency, post-traumatic stress disorder and finally caused her to go on sick leave in 2007.
Galliford draws attention to the lack of functional mechanisms for reporting abuse within the RCMP, which results in an environment where there is no accountability for abusers, who are often senior officers. Police psychologist Mike Webster argues that this lack of accountability, in conjunction with the generally male-dominated structure of police organizations, creates a "culture of fear" where abuse is downplayed, ignored and dismissed if reported.
Take the case of Sgt. Don Ray, who was disciplined for sexually harassing subordinate officers in Alberta, but whose punishment was a demotion and a transfer to B.C. rather than being removed from a position of power. This is a culture that defends perpetrators rather than victims, even when the perpetrators are publicly acknowledged to be guilty.
So, at a moment when the RCMP is facing a PR nightmare on a massive scale (as well it should be), it's little wonder that Brown's involvement in a sexual-fetish site is garnering serious attention. But Brown hasn't done anything illegal. He was a member of an online community for people interested in bondage, domination, submission and sadomasochistic sex acts. The photos in question depict a man (who may or may not be Brown, according to the CBC) abducting and assaulting a woman, who is herself a fellow BDSM participant, as part of a fantasy scene. Not everyone's cup of tea, I know, but as long as the participants are consenting adults, sexual preferences are matters of taste, not morality, and certainly not legality.
Yet for some, these photos were reminiscent of the Robert Pickton murders, an impression that was compounded by the fact that Brown played a role, albeit a small one, in the botched Pickton investigation.
I have yet to be convinced that Brown's BDSM activity was a purposeful recreation of any aspect of the Pickton case, but when the RCMP as an institution has chronically failed to address systemic abuse within its own ranks, and when the Pickton investigation was a textbook case of marginalized women's voices being ignored to disastrous results, I can see why officials are worried about Brown.
Ironically, BDSM communities are often are bastions of safe, consensual sex. Despite sex fetishists' reputation in mainstream culture, if you're going to be tying each other up, conversations about consent, boundaries and gender dynamics are crucial. Webster gets it wrong when he argues that the images of Brown are "severely degrading to women," since he's ignoring the agency of the woman who chose to be a part of that fantasy.
When kink communities have problems, they're likely to be the same problems for which the RCMP is currently being investigated: lack of accountability, a culture of male entitlement, victim blaming and privileging abusers over survivors. Kink isn't the problem. ...
On Tuesday night, a caller told HLN's Dr. Drew that Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) strengthened the relationship with the man who has become her husband
“It forces us to communicate about what we want, not just in the bedroom, but in life,” she said.
Psychosexual and relationship therapist Simone Bienne continued, “That's certainly one thing that the BDSM community is very, very proud of -- how they are able to communicate and this is essential how it spills out -- the sexual relationship spills out into the emotional side of the relationship because you are able to manage conflict better because of strong communication.”
Booksellers recently reported that E.L. James’ erotic trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey accounted for up to 20 per cent of all the print novels sold in the U.S. this spring.
While the series has obviously titillated readers, sex experts and members of the alternative sexual community say the books draw a problematic and unfounded link between sadomasochism and mental illness.
“As a researcher in this area of sexuality, it doesn’t sit well with me,” says Caroline Pukall, director of the Sex Therapy Service in the Department of Psychology at Queen's University in Kingston, Ont.
The best-selling books focus on an enigmatic billionaire named Christian Grey, who becomes romantically involved with a sexually inexperienced young woman named Anastasia Steele and asks her to become his “submissive,” or sex slave.
The virginal Anastasia finds the world of handcuffs and leather whips both alarming and arousing. She soon learns, however, that Christian’s predilection for bondage and spanking is a consequence of being sexually abused as an adolescent.
While the books are fiction, this explanation plays into stereotypical attitudes toward the alternative sex lifestyle, says Tristan Taormino, a U.S.-based sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Kink.
“There is an assumption that the reason he’s kinky is because he is damaged, because he had a rough childhood,” she says.
“There’s this assumption that there’s this one-to-one correspondence, which in real life there’s isn’t.” ...
BDSM attracts all kinds of people
She says people who are into BDSM run the gamut from doctors to kindergarten teachers to organic farmers. The one generalization she will make is that most of them are in a higher income bracket, because kink events often “happen at really nice hotels, and there’s all this gear.”
Nonetheless, the stereotypes around BDSM remain strong. Last week, the RCMP announced it was investigating one of its own officers, Cpl. Jim Brown, after violent and pornographic photos of the officer on Fetlife.com, a social networking site for sexual fetishists, came to light in the media.
While acknowledging Cpl. Brown’s personal right to freedom, RCMP assistant commissioner Randy Beck said, “I am personally embarrassed and very disappointed that the RCMP would be, in any way, linked to photos of that nature.”
Caroline Pukall of Queen's University says the book’s attitude, as well as public reaction to Col. Brown’s extracurricular activities, reflects a widespread belief that BDSM relationships are inherently abusive.
“It’s because people confuse BDSM with sexual sadism,” says Pukall.
“We think of Paul Bernardo, we think of these criminals who violate other people and cause pain during sexual acts and a lot of suffering and death, in many cases. But these are two very, very, very different phenomena — they are not the same at all,” Pukall says. ...