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"5 Ways To Try Out Kinky Headspace for Beginners, Experts, and Everyone In Between"

on Saturday, 28 June 2014. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Autostraddle

by sugarbutch

So there’s this thing — in kinky culture, it tends to be called “headspace.” It’s when you are swimming in the whatever role you’re in, dominant or submissive, top or bottom. It could be “bottom space” or “dom space” or “little space” or “puppy space” or whatever kind of space you are seeking or playing within. It’s often what people aim for when we play, often that infinite-floaty space that seems boundless and fills our heads with the same thing as chocolate and wine.

Know what I mean? Yeah. I thought you did.

But how do you get it? You want more of it, don’t you? Maybe you want more of it specifically about dominance and submission? Well, I’ve got some ideas.

See, you’re dirty. You may not think I know this about you, but I do. You’re dirty in all the best, queerest ways. Don’t get me wrong — there is nothing bad or shameful about the heart-filled, lust-filled sexytimes play that you, in your deepest secret fantasies, desire. You do you, right?

But I know sometimes you want… more. You see her sexy, gorgeous thighs, that curve of her hips, the way she crosses her legs, and you get that growl, that heat coming up from down low. Sometimes, fucking isn’t enough. Sometimes, you want to give over every inch of you, be wrung out and emptied until you are giddy and glorious. Or, you want to take, to envelop, to grab handfuls of her and yank and pull and throw.

Yeah. Those are the headspace moments I want us to talk about.

What do you do when you need it that bad? How do you make it last, make it extraordinary? How do you make your own skin worthy of the magic that can happen when your body crashes together with hers?


1. Get consent, get permission, but then… make her wait.

Deny her the very thing she most wants. Call her on it: Oh, you want this? My mouth? More kisses? You like my hands on you? You want me to touch you more — there? Right there? Right fucking there? Aren’t you a dirty girl. Aren’t you a bad boi. Aren’t you the most sexy luscious gorgeous creature I have ever had the holy privilege of lusting after. Fuck. Make her wait until neither of you can handle it anymore. Pull the sling shot back until the cord is just going to break with the strain, any moment — and then: let it go.

2. Give permission, give consent, but then… make her wait.

Don’t give in right away. Push back, just a little. It’s a game. She fills you up with power and then you wiggle it all the way through your body. You don’t have to downright deny, but go slow, one delicious inch of your skin at a time. She wants you to turn over? Use your words and call her on it, “Oh, are you trying to turn me over? Trying to undo my bra now? You want to see more of my skin? Think I’m that kind of girl?” Read her reactions. If she backs off, give more permission. Give more consent. If she growls back at you, she wants to play this game, too. ...

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