NCSF on Twitter   Subscribe to the NCSF RSS Feed   NCSF Blog

"7 Tips For Safe And Happy BDSM Sex"

on Tuesday, 03 April 2012. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

he bondage community knows to be extra-careful about sexual activity to make sure nobody gets hurt. Their advice can be useful to anyone having sex, whether or not that's your thing.

Buzzfeed

BDSM has gained mainstream attention lately, thanks in part to "Fifty Shades of Grey," a book with an S&M relationship at its center. Maureen Dowd even devoted her latest column to the book and the criticism it's garnered from actual practitioners of BDSM (which stands for bondage and domination, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism). And this weekend, safe and consensual BDSM sex was a major topic at MomentumCon, a yearly convention on sexuality, feminism, and relationships. Shift talked to some of the presenters from that conference and other experts about what everyone can learn from bondage and the people who do it.

1. Learn to be okay with "no."

Kitty Stryker, a sex worker and performer who's an expert on bondage and kink, among other things, tells Shift that if someone says "no" to you in a sexual context, "it doesn't mean you're a bad person," or that "you're hideous." It just means they don't want to do what you want to do right now. For kinky and non-kinky people alike, says Stryker, learning to be okay with this and not take it personally is key.

2. Make it okay to say no.

This one goes hand in hand with the first tip. Stryker explains that if someone says no to something you want to do (whether it's kissing or dressing up like superheroes), you shouldn't say "aww, that's okay" in a way that sounds "really bummed." That sends the message that it is not, in fact, okay. Instead, she suggests something like "thank you for taking care of yourself." The point is not to make your partner feel bad for setting boundaries. Says Stryker, "I think we forget that if someone can't say no, their yes isn't really meaningful." ...

Social Bookmarks

Comments (0)

Leave a comment

You are commenting as guest. Optional login below.

Cancel Submitting comment...

Latest Reader Comments

  • There's a current case which is gaining steam info here: www.Decriminalizesexwork.com

    The latest brief can be read!

    EXCITING!!!!!

    TURN ON YOUR BRAIN

    21. January, 2016 |

  • My partner and I have been non-monogamous throughout our 21 year partnership. We are family, i.e. we love each other til death do us...

    William J Cataldi

    11. January, 2016 |

  • For the longest time, I thought the droid's name was DV-8.

    Robyn

    10. January, 2016 |

  • One of the best articles I've read so far, very interesting and informational.

    Jamie Dornan

    08. January, 2016 |

  • Goedkope Toms Shoes 2014 Outlet Stores Online uitverkoop | Toms Outlet | toms schoenen outlet

    Nieuwe collectie TOMS Shoes :...

    gwnegene

    08. January, 2016 |

  • As the foremost researcher on swinging for the last fifteen years, I couldn't agree with you more...however, the Media tends to ignore...

    edward fernandes,PhD

    07. January, 2016 |