NCSF on Twitter   Subscribe to the NCSF RSS Feed   NCSF Blog

"7 Tips For Safe And Happy BDSM Sex"

on Tuesday, 03 April 2012. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

he bondage community knows to be extra-careful about sexual activity to make sure nobody gets hurt. Their advice can be useful to anyone having sex, whether or not that's your thing.

Buzzfeed

BDSM has gained mainstream attention lately, thanks in part to "Fifty Shades of Grey," a book with an S&M relationship at its center. Maureen Dowd even devoted her latest column to the book and the criticism it's garnered from actual practitioners of BDSM (which stands for bondage and domination, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism). And this weekend, safe and consensual BDSM sex was a major topic at MomentumCon, a yearly convention on sexuality, feminism, and relationships. Shift talked to some of the presenters from that conference and other experts about what everyone can learn from bondage and the people who do it.

1. Learn to be okay with "no."

Kitty Stryker, a sex worker and performer who's an expert on bondage and kink, among other things, tells Shift that if someone says "no" to you in a sexual context, "it doesn't mean you're a bad person," or that "you're hideous." It just means they don't want to do what you want to do right now. For kinky and non-kinky people alike, says Stryker, learning to be okay with this and not take it personally is key.

2. Make it okay to say no.

This one goes hand in hand with the first tip. Stryker explains that if someone says no to something you want to do (whether it's kissing or dressing up like superheroes), you shouldn't say "aww, that's okay" in a way that sounds "really bummed." That sends the message that it is not, in fact, okay. Instead, she suggests something like "thank you for taking care of yourself." The point is not to make your partner feel bad for setting boundaries. Says Stryker, "I think we forget that if someone can't say no, their yes isn't really meaningful." ...

Social Bookmarks

Comments (0)

Leave a comment

You are commenting as guest. Optional login below.

Cancel Submitting comment...

Latest Reader Comments

  • I can say definitely yes it can still effect you. As a survivor of sexual abuse and molestation when I was 5 to 12 years of age, and now...

    Misty

    22. July, 2016 |

  • This has been I can see a long time in coming and I say welcome to it and to these wonderful people who took the step to give this honest...

    M. Wryter

    20. July, 2016 |

  • I was allegedly sexually molested when I was around 13 yrs old. I'm sure years later it still affects me as it is in my sub conscious...

    James Graves

    20. July, 2016 |

  • Well what Lady says does make perfect sense. In experiencing " subspace " both partners can have a shared emotion and being coupled...

    M. Wryter

    07. July, 2016 |

  • We need a tested slave contract that is NOT rejected as a defense from over zealous third party prosecution. I attempted to draft such a...

    Xtac

    28. June, 2016 |

  • It's not time for the marriage laws to recognize anything. It is time for us to get rid of all the marriage laws.

    John Ullman

    25. June, 2016 |