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"BDSM Advocates Worry About 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Sex"

on Wednesday, 03 October 2012. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

ABC News

Robert Dunlap, a certified sex educator from California, gets three or four requests a day from couples expressing an interest in and even seeking coaching for the latest trend in kink -- BDSM, an overlapping acronym for bondage and discipline; dominance and submission; sadism and masochism.

"It's such an explosion," said Dunlap, co-founder of the online site, Sex Coach University. "It's happening now because of the book."

The book, E.L. James' trilogy "Fifty Shades of Grey," has sold 32 million copies since its e-publication earlier this year and spawned the new cultural phenomenon.

"It's absolutely been astounding how many students we get inquiries from on a daily basis," he said. Dunlap is also getting requests from sex educators to learn proper coaching in the practice.

Devotees say that even though the popularity of the book "normalizes" what used to be a fringe sexual practice, they worry that a piece of fiction gives BDSM a "bad" name.

"On the one hand if you are looking at it as a formulaic romance novel, it fits the formula perfectly," said Emily Prior a BDSM/Kink/Fetish teacher at Sex Coach University and director of the Los-Angeles-based Center for Positive Sexuality. "But if your audience is people who already are in a lifestyle or are being introduced to the lifestyle, it starts to give misinformation."

"It perpetuates the ongoing idea that people who do this are broken in some way," she said. "And this is not true."

Dunlap, who has chronicled the practice of BDSM, interviewing hundreds of fetishists for his 2001 film, "Beyond Vanilla," said that the practice demands strict rules of safety.

"When two people want to get involved, their negotiation is up front," he said. "They are going to have a safe word: 'When I say, it ends. Period.' Most use a stop sign. Green means 'go.' Yellow means 'caution' and 'red' ends it."

"Play is also negotiated," said Dunlap. "For example, if you are doing flogging or whipping, 'Tell me during the process if you want to be hurt. Is it too hard? Is it too soft?'"

The BDSM craze has hit Britain, as well, according to Susan Quilliam, a relationship psychologist and sex advice columnist who is writing an academic piece on the trilogy for the Journal of Family Planning as well as running an exploratory workshop for the British couples. ...

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