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International News: "50 Shades is just a starting point for exploring BDSM"

on Friday, 29 June 2012. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Straight.com

With its kinky sex scenes involving whips and rope, E.?L. James’s 50 Shades trilogy has certainly grabbed people’s attention. Dubbed “mommy porn” by Ellen DeGeneres, the best-selling erotic novels about a young literature student’s relationship with an older, wildly successful, dominating businessman who likes to tie up submissive brunettes have made its author very rich quickly—despite her writing being critically panned.

So what is it about 50 Shades of Grey, 50 Shades Darker, and 50 Shades Freed that’s resonating with so many female readers worldwide? And if women want to incorporate BDSM into their own sex lives, what are healthy, safe ways to do so? Local sexperts weigh in on the fire that James seems to have started in millions of women’s minds, if not their bedrooms.

“The book gives permission to more people to talk about sex and BDSM,” says Vancouver-based registered psychologist and sex therapist Marelize Swart in a phone interview with the Georgia Straight. (The acronym BDSM is a combination of words: bondage/discipline, domination/submission, and sadism/masochism.) “The book is respectable, as it’s an international bestseller. This gives women permission to read it or to discuss the subject with friends without being labelled as perverts.”

The trilogy’s success shows just how untapped the female market has been when it comes to porn, notes Vancouver clinical counsellor and sex therapist Teesha Morgan.

“Mainstream pornography is generally made by and made for men,” Morgan tells the Straight. “Women are desire-seeking, sexually driven creatures as well.…Most women want some form of porn as well; they want their imagination fed so that they too—even for a few moments—can step outside the box of their normality, outside their humdrum, monotonous sexual routines. It just has to be packaged to them in the right way.”

In day-to-day conversations, people mistakenly apply the word sadist to any cruel person and masochist to anyone who is a “glutton for punishment”, Morgan explains.

“However, in the clinical world, these words are applied to individuals who are sexually fixated on inflicting or receiving pain or humiliation,” she notes. “Most people are not willing to participate in S?&?M activities with the intensity or duration that sadists and masochists often desire or to the degree or level that the characters in the book choose to take it to. But getting a glimpse or peek into the lifestyle through this book does appeal to the general population, which is far more voyeuristic in nature. The book feeds our society’s voyeurism.

“People can include sub/dom play in their everyday sexual life without crossing too far into S?&?M play.” Morgan adds. “Through the use of things such as light bondage, couples can experiment with this lifestyle without pushing too far past their comfort zone. Many people simply enjoy S?&?M activities as part of a varied sexual diet. This book is providing another source or outlet for those desires and activities.”

Morgan has two words for those who want to try boosting the kink content of their sexual relations: safe and consensual. ...

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