NCSF on Twitter   Subscribe to the NCSF RSS Feed   NCSF Blog

"Working With Your Partner to Spice Up a Sex Life"

on Saturday, 25 February 2012. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

The Ledger

On an online discussion group for therapists …

Therapist No. 1 wrote in: "The husband has developed an interest in BDSM practices and is insisting his wife participate with him. The wife is seriously turned off by the new games and doesn't want to play. Suggestions?"

Therapist No. 2 responded: "Well, no one should be expected to do things against their wishes, but what is BDSM?"

Therapist No. 3 responded: "BDSM = Bondage and Discipline, Sadomasochism."

Therapist No. 4 chimes in and suggests that kinky clients deserve "kink-aware" therapists who understand their needs and lifestyle. He offers a directory of kink-aware therapists. Vanilla therapists need to stick to vanilla clients, "vanilla" meaning tending to practice the more familiar expressions of sexual love and avoiding the "walk on the wild side."

Where we camp out on the continuum of kink is a matter of individual choice. It gets more challenging when partners have to blend their respective desires into one sex life. Negotiations become extremely difficult when one lover is "vanilla" to the point of being resistant to trying any new sexual activities.

The flip side is the challenge of a partner who has a persistent desire for a particular sex act that is unappealing, frightening or repugnant. Rigid insistence on having it your way can lead to major resentments. ...

Social Bookmarks

Comments (0)

Leave a comment

You are commenting as guest. Optional login below.

Cancel Submitting comment...

Latest Reader Comments

  • It took me a couple of days before I could process enough of this jaw-droppingly ahistorical mess of an article to post some reply here...

    Luke Adams

    05. March, 2015 |

  • I'm open to changing my mind, but it seems to me that Fetlife is not an appropriate place to bring criminal charges. Any open forum could...

    Silenus

    04. March, 2015 |

  • I'm going to take this writer at her word and approach this "from a critical standpoint": it's bad history, badly and glibly and...

    Patrick Mulcahey

    04. March, 2015 |

  • Any time someone starts their Leather or BDSM "history" with "started as a sub" my BS detector goes into overdrive. This person has...

    Kenneth Anthony

    04. March, 2015 |

  • Where's the rest of the article? It just ends worth "no longer qualifies..."

    Heather Vandegrift

    18. February, 2015 |

  • Your paragraph contrasting poly and swinging contains what I consider to be a fallacy that causes a lot of needless controversy....

    John Ullman

    10. February, 2015 |