PHOENIX (KSAZ) - In the middle of a major spring snowstorm, the streets of Denver seem deserted, but it's a celebration of love, at the National Loving More Convention in the Denver suburbs. Here a wife may be dancing with her boyfriend, and her husband doesn't mind. That's the polyamorous way.
"It is loving more than one in a committed relationship, it's that simple," said Torin Caffrey.
Robyn Trask runs the nonprofit dedicated to promoting polyamory. She is married to Jesus but has had a year-long intimate relationship with Ben.
Photo Exploring polyamorous relationships
"I just came to terms with the fact I wasn't a monogamous person, if that meant I had to be alone then I would rather be alone than cheat or be dishonest," said Robyn Trask.
"For me it just comes naturally, I love seeing Robyn happy, so the thought of her going out and seeing her giddy it actually just warms my heart," said Jesus Garcia.
Robyn met Ben years ago at a conference, and the two have been close ever since.
"Over time anything is going to change, and when people see that there are options they didn't know they had, some of those people are going to be interested," said Ben.
People came from across the country to attend the conference; some say they've been "polys" as long as they can remember, others are just learning about it. Attendance at the event has grown every year, and the organizers say the younger generation tends to be much more accepting of the lifestyle.
"I always knew that our family was a little different from our friends, but I never really paid a lot of attention to it until about age 11 when I noticed some of my mom's friends weren't just friends," said Marina Trask.
Trask has nothing bad to say about her mom's lifestyle. She says she is polyamorous too.
"I feel like my mom being polyamorous made her more honest with me, she used the same honestly, she did with me, and she did with her partners, and any child would want to have that honest with their parents," said Trask.
Seminars at the convention were taught by longtime supporters of the lifestyle; one literally wrote the book on polyamory.
"Love doesn't equal ownership if I'd go to a party and people would say who do you belong to, and I would say didn't slavery go out a long time ago, I really believe love is about giving not about clinging," said Mim Chapman.
Make no mistake we live in a monogamous world; we've all heard about swingers, but polyamory, supporters say, is different. It's more about long term relationships than flings. But with those multiple relationships come a range of emotions, including jealousy.
"With a polyamorous relationship it is important that a person is ready to give time to each of the people they are involved with, give emotional space to each person they are involved with," said Frances. ...
Fargo, ND (WDAY/WDAZ TV) - Love can be felt and described in a number of ways and to many, its often defined as a relationship between two people but an age old practice is seeing a new movement in the Red River Valley that challenges the social norm.
The polyamorous community is now reaching out, showing that they are here, should be accepted and that it's more common than you may think.
Game night with family and friends can bring a lot of laughter and love but for many in this room, love has broader boundaries than many traditionally think.
“None of this, I have to have a secret life in my head,”
“Yes, I have played wingman for my husband. It's a thing.”
Kurt Mesford and his wife, who's asked to be called Ashton and have her identity hidden, share a view on love that's not the norm.
“At the moment, I don't think we have,” said Kurt.
“We don't have anyone shared,” said Ashton.
“That would be convenient.”
“Then they could just show up at the house and hang out with whoever's there.”
“I don't share your taste in women.”
“We're attracted to very different types, I guess.”
They're polyamorous, which means many loves.
Each currently has five relationships, a dynamic they're open with in their church where Ashton teaches Sunday school, with their family and friends and with their young daughter Haven.
“She doesn't know anything more about our love life than she would if we were monogamous,” said Ashton.
With the unique family dynamic, Haven has had to explain it to friends.
“I just say one person loves more than one person that's not in the family,” said Haven.
But she loves her parents as well as all of their partners, including one of Ashton's boyfriends, Andrew Tyson.
“If you're married and you're falling in love with a second person, your options are to either cheat or grit your teeth an bare it. Polyamory offers another option,” said Tyson.
As a once monogamous married man, Andrew has made polyamorous activism his passion with the recent creation of a group called PolyAware.
He estimates about 1,000 people in Fargo-Moorhead are polyamorous and he wants others who are interested to know there is a place to learn more and feel accepted.
“Monogamy is so present and engrained in our culture that people never really question it. It's rare that you find someone who questions and wakes up one day and says 'huh, I wonder if I really should be monogamous', because they don't realize they have other choices,” said Tyson. ...
Monogamy has been the standard for relationships, especially ones that are "true" and built upon "love." I grew up internalizing this, seeing this in all the relationships around me, and trying to believe this. As an adult though, I've struggled with the idea that I wouldn't ever be able to love other people because I'd only be allowed to love one person. On the inside, I felt I could love my primary partner while simultaneously having other relationships with people, regardless of whether they were intimate, long-term relationships, or just dating. Even though it wasn't the norm, practicing polyamory has worked for me. But when people judge my sexual identity and my relationships and tell me that love doesn't work that, all of those feelings about what was "right" and "wrong" come rushing back.
These days, after trial and error — and even more trial and error since every person is different — I've learned a lot about what non-monogamy looks like. Monogamy is definitely not for me, and I can also say non-monogamy isn't as glamorous and exciting as its made to look. Believe it or not, non-monogamy, at least in my experience, has been incredibly similar to monogamous relationships, just with multiple people involved. It's something that often confuses my friends. They like to make jokes with me about my "monogamous non-monogamy," and sometimes it's funny, but other times its just annoying. They assume that if I'm looking for relationships outside of my current relationship, it's because there must be a problem. What they don't understand is that, for me, the fact that I could be interested in pursuing relationships other than my primary one because my primary relationship is secure. I feel like they're so quick to label non-monogamy as "cheating" and they forget that cheating is something that stems from what's been broken, damaged, or neglected. Pursuing other people, while practicing ethical polyamory, under those circumstances, are not encouraged. If anything they are discouraged.
I once had a conversation with my mom about polyamory, without letting her know I participated in it. It happened right after my divorce, and while I was actively practicing non-monogamy with my partner, I wasn't ready to deal with what I assumed would be my mom's judgment on the topic, because, knowing her, she'd likely have plenty of it. As we were talking, she said:
Is this what people do when they can't love someone, and they just want something new because they're bored?
I remember laughing because I had that mindset once, and I explained to her that some people feel that their love for their primary partner(s) actually grows the more people they bring into their relationship. I reminded her that we can love people in so many different ways, and that loving looks different for everyone involved. She said she understood, and made a joke about how she wouldn't have enough time. Without realizing it, she said one of the most real things about non-monogamy I've ever heard. Building relationships, and then building other relationships does take time — and sometimes it's time you don't actually have, or want to give to other people. And it's always amusing when people assume that you have a bunch of boyfriends and girlfriends just like, hanging around. I can barely keep up with my one partner, how would I be able to keep up with five?! ...
Polyamory may sound sexy on Saturday night. But on Tuesday morning, you still have multiple relationships to maintain with multiple humans with multiple real-life feelings. Polyamorous relationships can be astonishingly fulfilling, exciting, and fun. But they're also incredibly challenging. There's no one-size-fits-all for figuring out whom -- and how -- to love.
After 10 years in various poly relationships, I've learned a lot of things; many of which would have made a big difference in how I approached this lifestyle if I'd known them when I was still a poly newbie.
There's no "right" way to be polyamorous
There are as many different configurations for polyamorous relationships as there are people on the planet. People who are new to polyamory often want to know what the rules are. They want to feel secure that they are doing it "right."
The truth? The only steadfast rules of poly are the same rules that apply to any relationship... no matter if you have two or five partners. Ethical polyamory includes transparent communication, authenticity of self, and an openness to others' wants and needs. Beyond that, polyamory is completely customizable according to your comfort and experience. The key is to share your needs and fears with your partners, and be honest about your intentions and behavior.
As long as you're being ethical, there's no wrong -- or right -- way to have a polyamorous relationship.
Google Calendars will save you
There's an inside joke that the only people who actually use Google Calendars are polyamorists. Splitting time between multiple partners can be a bit like keeping several plates spinning at once. Google Calendars can be shared with multiple people and help everyone communicate and stay on the same page.
If you're a poly couple, planning your dates away from your primary partner on the same night can help ward off lonely feelings or worrying about the partner left home. Just offering to share a calendar with a partner can help assure them you're genuine in your desire to maintain open communication and honesty -- which can go a long way in establishing trust in your polyamorous relationships.
Polyamory will not fix relationship issues
If you're having difficulty being ethical in your monogamous relationships, polyamory is not the solution to your romantic woes. Yes, it’s possible to cheat in a polyamorous relationship. This may sound obvious, but all of your partners have to be aware that they are dating someone polyamorous for the relationship to be polyamorous. Otherwise, you're cheating.
Likewise, adding a partner to the mix is not likely to "spice up" your relationship if someone isn't getting their needs met. People are not need-filling machines. It takes a lot of communication, self-reflection, and emotional maturity to maintain romantic and sexual relationships with multiple partners. ...
DirecTV's new series You, Me, Her is testing the limits of television with its push for threesomes and beyond.
Created by John Scott Shepherd, the show hopes to normalize polyamory and “unconventional relationships” in the culture.
Shepherd confirmed to The Contenders Emmys panel Sunday that the show aims to paint polyamory in a realistic way. The average person such as the viewer could find himself or herself in this atypical situation, he said.
Perhaps not surprisingly, You, Me, Her was inspired by an article in the raunchy Playboy magazine.
“I think people are going to be very surprised,” said Faia of her new role. “The show’s not about sex, it’s about connection and relationships."
Faia said she was aware of the nature of the show’s theme, but she hoped the audience could accept it.
“I think a lot of people have this expectation of what this show is going to be,” she said. “You see this guy, who’s married, who is possibly maybe having a threesome with these two women but I think it is so different from that. It’s totally told from a unique perspective. It’s about the average joe, this suburban couple that are really falling for this girl and she is falling for them.”
Faia said the show is not only funny but also relatable. She refrained from mentioning the commonness of polyamory in the United States, which is estimated to be around 4 percent of the population. ...
The singer said she is “unafraid” of any criticism of her lifestyle
By ALISTAIR FOSTER
Vaults singer Blythe Pepino says she is happy to talk about being polyamorous and does not consider it to be “a big deal”.
The 30-year-old, who fronts the London-based electronica group, is in relationships with a man, a woman and another couple and insists she is “unafraid” of any criticism of her lifestyle.
Vaults — whose other members are Ben Vella and Barney Freeman, both 35 — have clocked up almost 20 million YouTube views without releasing an album.
Ellie Goulding, Alt-J and Bastille are among their fans and they had a song on the soundtrack to 50 Shades Of Grey.
Pepino said: “I’m quite a free person when it comes to relationships. I’ve got more than one relationship and as far as I’m concerned, that’s fine. Because in my world I’ve been living like this for quite a long time, it’s not that big a deal. I’m big into open communicationand honesty between people and in relationships. I think a lot of people find that a crazy idea, but it’s not really if you just look into it. ...
Polyamory can come with many partners and many misconceptions. Newsy's Cody LaGrow asks a polyamorous unit what it's really all about.
By Cody LaGrow
Caroline is married to Josie. Caroline is also in a committed relationship with Adam. They share one house and two kids, and they all call the shots under the same roof. This is a polyamorous relationship.
Polyamory, the philosophy or state of being emotionally and sexually involved with more than one person at the same time, comes with many misconceptions. Caroline, Josie and Adam cleared up questions many may have about polyamory.
Newsy's Cody LaGrow: Do you think monogamy is unrealistic?
Caroline: "No. I hate the idea of polyamory and monogamy being pitted against each other. Obviously, one thing that makes polyamory different than monagamy is, in theory, you are having sex with multiple partners. But it's not just about sex. You are loving multiple partners. And that's really what polyamory is about. It's about love. And that expression of love usually leads to sex."
Cody: How often do you hear that you're having your cake and eating it, too?
Josie: "You hear it ... and that it's just different. I think a lot of people view us as these weirdos on the fringes of society, but to us, it feels weird to not have a choice. And just sort of default to monogamy because that's what everybody does."
Adam: "I found that monogamy, sort of, constrained my ideas about love. Like, I needed to find the one person for me. That is a huge thing to go about doing."
Caroline: "What do we in society call 'the one'? The one romantic person in your life, the one sexual person in your life, your best friend, the one person who is going to give you financial security, the one person who is going to give you family security, who you're going to have children with, who you're going to build all of these things with. And I think in a lot of societies and a lot cultures, we rely on more than one person to do that." ...
Ask Me About Polyamory is the first print collection of the webcomic Kimchi Cuddles by polyactivist Tikva Wolf that got an Indiegogo boost last year and considerable Patreon support, currently at $1255 a month. Publishing from Thorntree Press in September, it has had a strong critical response, especially from the group it concerns itself with.
Gentlepeople, if you only buy one book about polyamory, I encourage you to buy this one. Skip the long wordy explanations writers like myself delight in. You don’t need them. Proving that a picture is indeed worth a thousand words, Tikva has captured the essence of poly life in these delightful comics.- PolyamoryOnPurpose
Because it doesn’t solely concern itself with a mainstream audience, it’s much more nuanced and detailed about the concerns and tribulations of polyamorous relationships. Which means it ends up being far more informative. ...