NCSF on Twitter   Subscribe to the NCSF RSS Feed   NCSF Blog

Articles tagged with: BDSM

"Old City's Kink Shoppe seeks to educate as much as stimulate"

on Thursday, 23 June 2016. Hits 68

Philly.com

by Timaree Schmidt

It wasn’t always Fred Hoverman’s intention to sell sex toys. Originally he was a mechanical engineer. A combination of boredom with his work and a desire to enhance people’s lives through pleasure prompted a career switch.

 

In 2012, Hoverman opened Kink Shoppe, the 2016 Reader’s Choice Shopping & Style winner for both Women’s Clothing and Giftware, at 126 Market Street. The high-end adult boutique aims to welcome customers for an experience that is comfortable and educational.

 

Some considered quaint, tourist-heavy Old City to be a surprising location for a store that sells vibrators and bondage gear. Hoverman was excited to set up in this neighborhood and says, “It encompasses everything I love about Philly in general: history, culture, great shops & restaurants.”

 

Previously the space served as a gallery and Kink Shoppe honors that legacy by maintaining an open floorplan and showcasing the work of local artists on the walls. There’s also the store’s contribution to First Fridays, where patrons are invited inside for wine samplings and product demonstrations.

 

Initially there was hesitation from some residents, concerned about the stigma associated with adult businesses, but Kink Shoppe’s community involvement, product quality and educational focus ultimately won them over.

 

Commitment to sexuality education drives Hoverman’s business practices. “Sex is seen as taboo, but we've created a safe space for people to explore and learn,” he says, “whether it be taking a class we offer or just coming to ask questions about the products and being able to get a knowledgeable response.”

 

This commitment to making customer visits an educational opportunity starts with the store’s hiring process.  “Our staff includes well-tenured members of the industry and individuals degreed in teaching and human sexuality,” says Hoverman. “Everyone goes through a training period when they learn about products, safety, and how to interact with customers. We also provide resources for our employees to increase their knowledge, including books and free access to our own classes.”

 

So they feel more receptive to learning, patrons are first giventhe space to comfortably warm to the store. Customers are greeted when they arrive, but given an opportunity to peruse the shelves without pressure. The employees make themselves available for questions, to provide information about the products, and make suggestions based on the person’s needs. Some customers want very little input while others want an experience that’s more akin to personal shopping. The mission is to make shopping an illuminating, stress-free experience that customers will want to repeat. ...

"Flesh on the hook: the act of body suspension"

on Friday, 10 June 2016. Hits 306

Reuters

On the rooftop of an empty building in Zagreb, Dino Helvida carefully pierces his client Kaitlin's torso, legs and face before putting hooks through her skin.

 

Shortly after, he suspends her from a metallic frame, her heavily tattooed body dangling horizontally in the air.

 

Helvida, 27, is a professional piercer and body suspension expert from Bosnia Herzegovina, who for the last six years has been hanging up the bodies of those brave enough to partake in what is an extreme form of body piercing, sometimes for hours.

 

The process is carefully done, and in this case Helvida works with his girlfriend Zorana. It involves first piercing the skin with needles, putting through metallic hooks, which are then attached to a thin rope to lift the suspendee off the ground.

 

"You can do one hook or you can do 100. You have different hooks for different positions and different hooks for different body parts," Helvida told Reuters.

 

"So everything is really calculated and it's safe."

 

It took Helvida around an hour to prepare Kaitlin, visiting Zagreb from the United States, for suspension. Devotees say the practice gives them a huge sense of well-being, and Kaitlin did not complain of discomfort once.

 

"It is painful. Piercing is painful, it's just like regular piercing," Helvida said. "Every time it's a new piercing and the wound heals really fast, it can heal in two weeks. I had hooks in my forehead and nobody can tell I had them." ...

"Bristol man convicted of raping three women in Fifty Shades of Grey-style relationships"

on Tuesday, 31 May 2016. Hits 453

Bristol Post

By ChrisAllen

A BRISTOL man has been convicted of raping a woman during a Fifty Shades of Grey-style relationship of bondage and domination.

 

Ryan Kennedy was convicted of the rape of two other women over an eight-year period.

 

The 28-year-old was cleared of three other charges - two of rape and one of attempted rape - but the jury at Gloucester Crown Court failed to reach verdicts on eight other sex charges against him.

 

The jury of 10 women and 2 men was discharged after three days of deliberation and the prosecution was given two weeks to decide whether to have a retrial on the unresolved charges.

 

Kennedy, of St Michael's Hill, had denied raping a total of five women.

 

He was alleged by the prosecution to be "controlling and manipulative man" who dominated the women and took over their lives.

 

During the trial the jury was told that a 28-year-old Bristol woman who had initially willingly entered into a Fifty Shades-style relationship involving bondage and whipping with Kennedy.

 

He had told her to use a system of "safe words" based on traffic lights - "green" for go, "amber" for caution and "red" for stop - to make sure he did not do anything without consent while she was tied up.

 

But the court heard that he changed the rules to stop her from being able to object to sexual acts and simply ignored other victims when they told him to stop.

 

The court was told Kennedy also tried to take over the women's financial affairs and social lives.

 

Ten of the charges against him were of rape, one of attempted rape, two of assault by penetration and one of causing a woman to engage in sexual activity without consent.

 

Kennedy was convicted of raping the Bristol woman.

 

He was found guilty of one charge of anally raping a 27-year-old woman from Middlesex but cleared on a second similar charge against her.

 

He was also convicted of raping a 24-year-old woman from Bath.

 

Kennedy was acquitted of raping another 24-year-old woman, from London, and of the attempted rape of a 24-year-old from Gloucestershire.

 

After discharging the jury from reaching verdicts on the eight outstanding charges, Judge Jamie Tabor QC remanded Kennedy in custody to await a decision from the Crown Prosecution Service on whether to seek a retrial.

 

Afterwards the CPS said in a statement: "The case involved victims who had all been in relationships with Ryan Kennedy, which very quickly became controlling and abusive. ...

"What Do We Mean When We Ask for Rough Sex?"

on Sunday, 29 May 2016. Hits 406

Exploring one of the most popular — and dangerous — trends of our generation.

Cosmopolitan

by Kelsey Lawrence

This May, a 20-year-old Texas man was charged with the 2014 death of his prom date, who didn't wake up the next morning after a night of allegedly "rough" sex. Though her death was exacerbated by the alcohol and hydrocodone in her system, Eddie Herrera choked Jacqueline Gomez while having sex, and, due to the drugs and "deep hemorrhaging" around her neck, she died in her sleep that night. Yet despite the inherent risks of engaging in increasingly physical sexual activity, our generation is clearly captivated by it.

 

In Pornhub's 2015 Year in Review, a comprehensive look at the search analytics of their users worldwide, one of the most interesting statistics went relatively unnoticed. Ranking just under "lesbian" and "solo male," women are searching categories like "hardcore," "rough sex," and "bondage" significantly more often than men. The "rough sex" category alone was viewed by women 106 percent more often than men last year. Under "top gaining searches" for both men and women, the term "hard rough" was searched 454 percent more often in 2015 than in 2014.

 

Our porn habits aren't necessarily indicative of what we want IRL, but if we're watching rougher porn, does that mean our generation, generally speaking, is having rougher sex? And, furthermore, what do we even mean when we say "rough sex"? Cosmopolitan.com spoke to six Millennials and a sex therapist to investigate whether twentysomethings are playing harder in bed — and, for the first generation to have access to porn since before we even knew what sex was, what that actually looks like. Okay, we're not knocking on apartment doors with a postcoital census poll, so we can't exactly prove whether Millennials are, in fact, getting rougher. But we can look at some common themes to examine where our boundaries tend to be and explore what seems to be the most dominant trend: a disturbing lack of education surrounding consent to these activities.

 

ARE WE GETTING KINKIER?

 

Dr. Gloria Brame, sex therapist and author of Different Loving Too: Real People, Real Lives, Real BDSM, doesn't necessarily believe people are kinkier than they've been in previous generations, because she believes those desires to be inherently genetic.

 

"We're all wired for different things," Dr. Brame tells Cosmopolitan.com. "Some people are always going to be more intrigued by intensity. People in BDSM communities will say it's the internet that's transformed BDSM ... I think that's because it allowed people who might previously have had a tiny fantasy to suddenly realize, 'Wow, does that mean I have the potential to be kinky?'"

 

In 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of females and 50 percent of males had experienced an erotic response to being bitten. Clearly, desires for rougher play have always existed in some incarnation. We're also undoubtedly influenced by what we see around us. A University of Arkansas study from 2010 showed that 88 percent of the scenes from 50 top-selling porn videos contained a variety of aggressive acts, from spanking to gagging.

 

Whether or not these desires are innate, it's undeniable that we've experienced a culture shift of rough sex and BDSM culture permeating mainstream media. As evidenced by the success of the (arguably misinformed) Fifty Shades of Grey and even the trendiness of bondage-inspired clothing, elements of BDSM have become increasingly commonplace. Rihanna's 2010 song "S&M" featured copious whips-and-chains references. Even a recent commercial for pistachios featured a dominatrix seemingly, um, making a pistachio submit to her command. So while humans have likely always had kinky desires, there's no question those desires are more widely accepted and embraced by pop culture today. ...

...Lack of Consent and Education

 

Of all the themes that arose while reporting this story, this was the most disturbing. Robin, 23, described a one-night stand who tried to choke her during sex without asking first. "It was not OK with me by any means," she says. "Would it have been OK with me if, instead, they were a long-term partner? Most likely." But BDSM activity, even when consensual, can still be prosecuted under state criminal laws, according to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. In March, a federal court in Virginia ruled that there is "no constitutional right" to engage in even consensual BDSM.

 

There's a lot of interesting, valuable discussion surrounding consent and BDSM scenes on FetLife forums and through talks sponsored by the NCSF. Much of that conversation, however, may not reach young people who are experimenting without really becoming part of that community. Eddie Herrera's 25-year sentence for choking his girlfriend is proof of what can happen when these acts go wrong (and it is all too easy for something to go wrong).

 

We also tend to think of consent in the steps leading up to sex. But even if you're already in bed with someone, asking for consent needs to continue, particularly when playing around with anything that could potentially hurt someone. Kristin, 24, has had experiences with an ex-boyfriend who didn't seek her consent before trying things like name-calling and anal sex. Several months into the relationship, he all of a sudden started calling her a "dirty slut" and attempting anal sex — all with no warning. "It was the most unchill situation I've had with a partner I was actually dating," she says. "I most definitely stopped him and asked what the heck was up. It shifted the entire dynamic of the relationship, unfortunately." ...

"American Master/Slave Story: Leather Titleholder Partners Speak About Family, Pride, PReP, and More."

on Thursday, 26 May 2016. Hits 409

Huffington Post

by Jed Ryan

Within the incredibly diverse LGBT community, the worldwide Leather/fetish/kink family is undoubtedly one of its most close-knit subcultures. Leathermen, Leatherwomen, and their allies have created a large and diverse — yet simultaneously intimate — network from Amsterdam to New York City. Throughout the year, there are an endless number of social events taking place, both large and small. Those events include the many annual Leather and fetish contests. Whether it is a bar title or a state, regional, or international title, the winner of the Contest is expected to dedicate a significant amount of time to community service and to take on a philanthropic cause that he or she is passionate about. Forty year-old Dan Ronneberg, a former Officer in the U.S. Air Force who lives in Arlington, Virginia, became the thirty-second Mr. DC Eagle in March 2015. Nine months later, he won the prestigious national title of American Leatherman 2015 during American Brotherhood Weekend (ABW) in Chicago. Ronneberg is an Aviation Safety Inspector for the Federal Aviation Administration. He serves as the National Chairperson for FAA GLOBE, the FAA’s LGBT Employee Association. Fifty-one year old psychiatrist and U.S. Army veteran Todd Leavitt is also a dual Titleholder. In January 2016, Leavitt was named Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather 2016. It was the highest honor in a Contest held during one of the country’s largest and most anticipated Leather/fetish/kink events: Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend in Washington, D.C. Leavitt, however, is not a newcomer to the Leather world. Almost 25 years earlier, he had won the Title of Mr. Leather Detroit in May 1991. Leavitt is taking his journey even further later this month: He is one of 59 men from all over the world competing for the envied Title of International Mr. Leather (IML) 38 in Chicago during Memorial Day Weekend.

 

Dan and Todd, both incredibly muscular, make an instant impression wherever they appear. In keeping with their responsibilities as Titleholders and role models, they make a lot of public appearances all over the States as well as in other countries. It’s clear that the two of them are devoted to each other, and that they share at least one common interest: bodybuilding! They are both handsome, intelligent, and outgoing. Their three-year relationship, however, is a bit more complex than a casual admirer on the street would perceive. Dan and Todd have a modern consensual Master/slave relationship. It’s an example of a “Dominant/submissive” relationship, the spectrum of which also includes “Daddy/boy” relationships among gay men. But here comes another twist in this happily renegade family portrait: Todd is legally married to Randy Gooch, who has been his life partner for 20 years. Dan is Master to both Todd and Todd’s husband Randy. The three men live together. (And, yes, they all sleep in the same bed, along with their two English bulldogs.)

 

Obviously, every power differential relationship is different. Some partners choose to enact their roles on variant levels when in public and in private, for example. Although I had known Dan for quite some time, I had not yet officially met his slave Todd. To show the significance of the dynamics of a Master/slave couple, I actually felt it appropriate to ask permission of the Master before freely speaking to his slave. As you may have gathered by now, it was fine!

 

It is impossible to accurately estimate how many Americans, regardless of sexual orientation, are in power differential and/or polyamorous relationships. Despite superficial pop culture interest in BDSM culture, the whole subject remains largely misunderstood and often disrespected in American consciousness. In the Leather community, however, these relationships are often open and supported. Still, the idea of both BDSM and polyamorous relationships may be considered at best unusual, and at worst controversial even among the LGBT community at large. But one thing is clear: This unique Leather family makes it work. More importantly, they make it work well. Dan and Todd took the time out of their incredibly busy travel schedule for an enlightening discussion about their relationship, HIV and PReP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) awareness, and the current state of the Leather community.

 

JR: Hello gentlemen. Thank you for speaking with me. So, Dan, let’s start with you. A lot of people, even in the LGBT community at large, may have a hard time understanding the dynamic between a Master or Daddy and his collared slave or boy. They may have a negative impression because they say that the relationship is not “equal”. How would you explain that to them?

Dan: They aren’t equal. It’s very clear that they are power differential relationships. One person is agreeing, consensually, to give up some of their power to make decisions or to do certain things. But it is an exchange. So, the other person is agreeing to take over those roles and to be responsible for that. And that really does mean being responsible to it. That means sexually as well. I am completely responsible for making sure that they (Todd and Randy) have a good time, and that they get off, and that they are happy. There are two of them and just one of me, so I have to make sure we do things that involve all three of us, and that nobody feels left out, and to figure what we are going to do next. I have to put some thought into how I play with them and what we do. I wouldn’t necessarily call it “catering”, but it is paying attention to certain needs and interests — which may be very different for Todd then they are for Randy and determining how can I do both of those at the same time. ...

“Flavor of the Week: Kiss My Ass!”

on Sunday, 17 July 2011. Hits 2282

New York Press

What better way to celebrate and enjoy a beautiful, sunny Father's Day than to trek over to the Folsom Street East festival? The 15th annual event was held this past Sunday in the urban valley of West 28th Street, between 10th and 11th avenues, under the watchful eye of the newly opened section of the High Line park. After all, hanging out during daylight with lots of sexy guys wearing nothing but skimpy scraps of leather, a healthy sprinkling of freaks, a little BDSM in the open air and some beer on tap was lots better than buying Daddy a tie and taking New Jersey transit out for a tedious day with dysfunctional family members. Instead, this celebration of sexual freedom offers what daddies really want: some rubber puppy paws, a plastic tail plug and a rubber dog hood for puppy play sessions.

Although you might think the event caters only to a fringe group, I bumped into a lot of my friends there. "I love leather, and I think this event is one of the sexiest of the year," photographer Rob Ordonez told me. He and his friend, fashion designer Geary Marcello, are regulars and were dressed in typical Folsom Street attire, with matching spiked dog collars, leather straps, face piercings and tattoos.

When I arrived around 3 p.m., the block was crammed with mostly men, a few women (some in leather) and drag queens. And one living blow-up doll: A person encased in a latex mask covering his entire face, who was also wearing black latex—with balloons for tits. I pushed my way through the crowd looking for the press table on the other side of the block and thought about getting a beer ticket for $5 because it was starting to get hot (in more ways than one).

As I expected from photos I'd seen from previous Folsoms, some men were semi-nude and consisted of all different body types, ages and colors. Some wore leather chaps with ample ass hanging out, some wore other bondagetype fashion (harnesses being the most common) and some were just wearing average, everyday clothing. What made the day fun was the sense of adventure and friendliness of the crowd.

The stage shows were emceed by porn star personalities Mike Dreyden (who later participated in the most unique pie-eating contest ever conceived) and Will Clark. Sassy drag queen Peppermint performed and—although there were some wellplaced taunts from the average-looking gawkers on the High Line—it was a feelgood day.

My friend, nightlife photographer Teague Clements, seemed to have a great time. "It was a veritable cornucopia of sexual freedom: leather daddies with their lovers, lesbian doms with their boi slaves, muscular bears walking hand-in-hand," he said. "And every now and then, people just... kissing. And yes, there were straight folks, too."

But of course, kink was the theme. …

"When my wife asked me to hit her"

on Wednesday, 13 July 2011. Hits 2033

Salon

I was scared when she first suggested it. But as we found out what we could handle, I saw how much trust we shared

I got up around seven on my wife's birthday and made her breakfast, as usual. I do all of the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, buy groceries and run all errands, even for those embarrassing feminine hygiene products. My wife never asked me to shoulder all household chores; I insisted. The arrangement suited both of us perfectly. I always wanted someone to take care of, just as she always wanted someone to take care of her.

While we eat breakfast, it's tradition that we watch "Law & Order: SVU" on Netflix. "Do you want to watch cop-who-rapes-his-wife or little-girl-in-a-coma?" I asked.

My wife chose "cop-who-rapes-his-wife," while I, the sentimental one, opted for "little-girl-in-a-coma." We broke this impasse the same way we make other minor decisions: With a wrestling match.

I know many couples enjoy a bedroom tussle, but when my wife and I grapple, we're out for blood. We bite, scratch, punch and twist each other's limbs into painful pretzels. I am proud to say I am married to a woman who can kick my ass. This is how we are in the bedroom, too, where it's a constant shifting of dominance, rough and wild, neither of us on top for long.

My wife won, finishing me off with a move that would be illegal even in a street fight. I let her get her licks in while she could. Later that day, we were headed to the dungeon. There, I would show her no mercy.

 

"Craig's list sex slave"

on Thursday, 17 February 2011. Hits 3153

NY Post

A Wisconsin woman looking to move to New York found herself living a nightmare after a man who lured her to Brooklyn through Craigslist with the promise of rent-free digs allegedly subjected her to more than a week of sexual torture.

The victim, 27, e-mailed John Hopkins, 45, about his Web ad, which said he had a room in his East Williamsburg apartment, police sources said.

After telling her she could stay for free if she cooked and cleaned, Hopkins paid for her plane ticket and picked her up at Kennedy Airport on Feb. 4, according to the sources.

As soon as they arrived at his place on Humboldt Street, Hopkins allegedly told the woman that she was to be his slave. He then allegedly blindfolded and gagged her, handcuffed her to a radiator, and began beating and raping her.

For the next eight days, Hopkins allegedly kept the woman chained in his apartment, but then allowed her to leave for a job she had landed at a Manhattan restaurant.

Bizarrely, the woman did not call 911 while she was away from her alleged tormentor. But last Saturday, she contacted her mother, who alerted the NYPD. When cops arrived, they found her shaking on Hopkins' bed. She was treated at Woodhull Hospital.

Hopkins was hit with charges including rape, assault and unlawful imprisonment.

Latest Reader Comments

  • It's not time for the marriage laws to recognize anything. It is time for us to get rid of all the marriage laws.

    John Ullman

    25. June, 2016 |

  • Dear Jennifer,

    I read your article on slavery contracts and was wondering if you could tell me if they can be enforced in any way at...

    melissa

    17. June, 2016 |

  • CONSENT! CONSENT! CONSENT!

    phdz

    09. June, 2016 |

  • How do I follow this blog? How do I keep updated? Good that you have this.

    James Graves

    21. May, 2016 |

  • I would gently say that this self appointed "sexologist" needs some significant councilling to help him deal with his damaging and...

    Robyn

    12. May, 2016 |

  • I am looking forward to being able to hear the recorded sessions from the Consent Summit. So grateful that you were able to do this for...

    Chris

    28. April, 2016 |