Dr Brian PhD, a.k.a. “Dr. B”, a.k.a. “DrG”, with a Masters from the University of New Orleans and a PhD from Bowling Green State University in Psychology with a focus on Sexuality and Interpersonal Relations, has led many research projects, written papers, and presented at national conferences regarding his research on s-e-x. Hell, they even let him teach college a few times. He is not a therapist or counselor, but he is an opinionated smart-ass with regular access to a computer. He is also a fan of hip-hop, vodka martinis, and girls that wear skirts in the winter.
His advice is intended for entertainment purposes only and is probably not very good anyway. His interviews are even worse.
Q: At the start of our relationship, my girlfriend and I played around with the idea of having a threesome (with another girl), but we never actually ended up doing it. Now that we’re full on into the relationship, I’m afraid that there’s no real way to bring up the question again. Do you have any advice for couples and threesomes? Is it generally bad news bears or do you think it’s a healthy form of sexual experimentation?
A: I must admit that when I started reading your email and considering my response, I played around with a whole bunch of awesome directions I could take. My hands were salivating to bang out a column so clever that not only was it guaranteed to get you knee-deep in threesomes, but it would have resulted in enough widespread orgification to make Hands Across America jealous.
That was, until I got to the the end of your email. Are threesomes “Bad News Bears” you ask? Yes – for anyone that uses the phrase “Bad News Bears” in a letter to a sex advice columnist in hopes of convincing his long term girlfriend to suddenly allow him to bang another chick with, not only her consent, but also her participation. I’m pretty sure you missed the boat on this one, and unless you can purge terms like that from your vocabulary and figure out a way to bring it up again (what’s wrong with “Hey baby, remember that three-way we talked about a while ago? So wassup with that?”)
I will give you credit for bringing up the topic early on, the key to getting your fantasies fulfilled is to let them be known. However, it doesn’t seem like it was all that important as it was easy to push aside in favor of, I don’t know – doing laundry together? Sometimes our goals are so important, so urgent, that they drive our obsessions and help guide our decisions and dammit if we ain’t getting a threesome! Other times, they seem like things that might be more fun to talk about, but we somehow seem to never get around to it, like that second book I keep threatening to write. Never take your eye off the prize (or ball if you’re a little league outfielder for a ragtag team of misfits), depending on you and your girlfriend’s level of interest of course.
Oh, and yes. It can be a very healthy form of sexual experimentation. Now go get a few.
PS. Is my girlfriend reading this? Cuz baby, I totally got my eye on that one friend of yours…
History of the NCSF: Hard at Work to Defend Your Rights
The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) was formed in 1997 by a small group led by Susan Wright under the auspices of the New York SM Activists. The goal was to fight for sexual freedom and privacy rights for all adults who engage in safe, sane and consensual behavior.
The first five organizations who joined reflected our desire to be a nationwide organization: the National Leather Association—International, Gay Male S/M Activists, The Eulenspiegel Society, Black Rose and Society of Janus. Today, NCSF has over 50 Coalition Partners who elect the board that runs NCSF, and establish our goals at the annual Coalition Partner meeting. Coalition Partners are groups and businesses who serve BDSM, swing and polyamory practitioners and also support NCSF by holding an annual fundraiser. NCSF also has over 100 Supporting Members – groups and businesses that support NCSF.
Over the years, NCSF has formed alliances with other organizations that defend sexual freedom rights: Free Speech Coalition, the ACLU, American Association of Sex Educators Councilors and Therapists, Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and the Gay and Lesbian Activist Alliance, among others.
Early Successes for NCSF
The 1998 Violence & Discrimination survey revealed the extent of discrimination and persecution that exists against the SM-leather-fetish communities. NCSF found that 36% of SM practitioners have been victims of harassment and that 30% have been victims of discrimination. This discrimination resulted in 24% losing a job or a contract, 17% losing a promotion and 3% losing custody of a child. This survey helped NCSF gear our energies towards issues that matter most to our constituents.
NCSF also lent assistance to the local communities in San Diego and Baltimore, to help to stop the selective enforcement of zoning and public indecency laws against the SM-Leather-Fetish communities. Next, NCSF assisted the local communities in Attleboro MA and Washington DC as those cities faced the same selective enforcement that had been attempted in Baltimore and San Diego. NCSF continues to work with State Attorney Generals and local District Attorneys to help educate these authorities about SM, swing and polyamory practices to prevent dangerous precidents from being set against adult consensual sexuality.
NCSF and the Media
As an advocacy organization, one of NCSF's strategies has been to educate the media about issues facing the SM-Leather-Fetish, swing and polyamory communities. You can help by signing up for NCSF's media updates list
. This weekly email will alert you to stories about alternative sexual expression in the news, and will give you contact information so that you can respond to an editor to let them know if you liked or disliked an article and why. We also give you tips on how to write a letter. Even if your letter is not printed, these letters influence how editorial decisions are made in the future.
NCSF's Media Outreach Program has developed a package of materials that provide information about NCSF and the communities we represent. This program provides education and training to groups and individuals on how to effectively interact with the media.
One example of NCSF's advocacy efforts took place in the Attleboro MA coverage in July, 2000. In the first media reports regarding the Attleboro arrests, the incident was characterized as a "sex club" raid. Within 48 hours, a coordinated effort led by NCSF and the local community to educate the media resulted in a major change in the characterization of the arrests. The tone of the coverage went from defending the actions of the law enforcement officers to questioning their judgment and several reporters raised legitimate questions about possible civil rights violations.
From February to May 2002, five SM conventions were targeted by Concerned Women for America, American Family Association, and the American Decency Association. NCSF worked with each event to counter sensationalized attacks in the media as well as resisting action by local authorities who attempted to shut down some of these SM conferences. The attacks took place in the midwest against My Vicious Valentine and International Mr. Leather in Chicago, Bound by Desire in Michigan, Tribal Fire in Oklahoma, and Beat Me in St. Louis in Missouri.
NCSF's Incident Response Program: Helping you...
In 2006, over distinct inquiries were made between NCSF and individuals, groups, attorneys, prosecutors, and businesses who requested assistance. Each incident sometimes required only one or two phone calls, but many evolved into much larger projects.
14.5% were related to SM/leather/fetish group issues
13.5% were regarding child custody/divorce issues
13% were requests regarding SM/abuse/domestic violence issues
10.5% were regarding zoning issues
9% were classed as non-employment discrimination
8% were related to swing community issues
8% were regarding online obscenity issues
7% were regarding employment discrimination
6% were regarding criminal complaint issues
5.5% were in reference to child protective services’ complaints
5% were classed as “other”
Of the inquires, 73.5% were driven by SM/leather/fetish issues, 15% by swing, 7% by poly, 4.5% by other.
Early in 2000, NCSF launched its Education Outreach Program (EOP). This program is designed to educate law enforcement officials about our communities, and educate members of our community regarding the risks of selective enforcement and how to minimize the risk of becoming a target. NCSF has published a number of pieces of literature for this program and has assembled and trained a team of individuals from across the country to deliver the educational presentations developed by the NCSF-EOP. New presentations are always being developed by the EOP team.
We Need You!
In the past decade, alternative sexual expression has become much more visible to the general public. As we continue to move into the streets of mainstream America, we face an increasing number of attacks against our right to freedom of sexual expression. While the battles that NCSF has waged have been successful, our resources are depleted. NCSF will continue to defend against these attacks, but the success of that fight depends on your support. You can provide that support by becoming an individual member of NCSF, volunteering to join the NCSF staff, making a donation to NCSF, or encouraging your group to become a Coalition Partner of NCSF.
There are many ways to volunteer to help NCSF. You do not have to be "out" to help. Tell others about NCSF or distribute our literature. Initiate or help out at a fund-raiser with NCSF as a beneficiary. Check out the rest of this website and you'll find everything from Calls to Action to our Incident Response program. Every step you take helps us further the sexual freedom movement!