“BDSM’s Dirty Secret – The Real Risk of Kinky Sex”

Kink and Sadomasochism come with a load of risks. The list is long enough to make your eyes glaze over. But, I’m not here to trot out the usual suspects. Yes, they’re real and no, you shouldn’t ignore them, but there’s another set of dangers that often go unmentioned. They are intrinsic to kink and yet so potentially threatening to some that they do everything within their power, subconsciously, to avoid them.

That danger inherent in SM is….

(Cue horror movie soundtrack….)

Intimacy and human connection.

Yes, intimacy.

Because, at some level, SM demands participants to be true to their desires and hungers, vulnerabilities and savagery. Fully engaged kink insists on full presence without pretense and willingness to connect the raw humanity to another’s raw humanity. The elegant defenses and social rules of appropriate behavior are built up by civilization and maintained in culture to insulate ourselves from that dangerous primal state. SM, along with some sports, is one of the few remaining semi-sanctioned arenas where the raw emotions and connections are permitted and even celebrated. To engage in this behavior may lead to a flood of emotions, elation and even risk failure to achieve connection, with the added danger of feeling genuine loneliness. It takes guts, skill and personal risk to fly high with another person.

This is a mighty scary proposition to some people. …