Huffington Post
by Warren Peace
You’ve all by now heard of 50 Shades Of Grey ad nauseam, the best-selling book by E. L. James and sadly lousy major motion picture. With over 100 million copies sold worldwide and translated into in 32 languages it has opened up the masses to the BDSM—bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism—world, albeit in a Danielle Steele-inspired romance novel setting. We only hope that Part 2 will be a better movie.
That being said, as a self-proclaimed Fetishist, I have educated myself for more than a decade and lived a D/s relationship for four years and am well versed in BDSM lifestyles, from 24/7 relationships to power-exchange relationships. By pseudo I mean we still had a “vanilla” life, too, so the D/s dynamic wasn’t around the clock.
Having read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy by EL James, it’s a great attempt to popularize a still difficult subject but, still, there are some things best learned from the real BDSM community.
BDSM is about so much more than sex and, if your curiosity is piqued, then educate yourself first. Discuss your fantasies with your partner, be open and set limits of what is acceptable in a scene, but challenge yourselves, too. That’s key. Straying a bit out of your comfort zone—together—will be thrilling. Learn the rules and etiquette and always be respectful of the other person’s limits. For those who get into extreme play, always use a “safe” word. The importance of that cannot be over emphasized. Let’s say your partner, who’s on the receiving end of a single-tail whipping (punishment?) session, has just reached their emotional or pain threshold on the last strike. One more crack and you can quickly ruin a great time. Now, if it’s a part of “real” punishment in a 24/7-type relationship, then the Dom, Master, Domme or Mistress should be experienced enough to know when to stop and not cause lasting harm. If not, then you need to stop and learn, too.
BDSM is similar to extreme sports in that we challenge our own ability to overcome pain, endurance and enjoy the chemical reactions our brain produces with the added benefit of sexual excitement. It can be both an aphrodisiac and something deeper psychologically and a combination of both. And let’s face it, the outfits are H-O-T. …