Self
By Carrie Borzillo
My boyfriend, John*, and I have been engaged in a weird power struggle lately. I often find myself getting frustrated that he’s not taking charge, but the real issue is that I’m so consistently taking the lead with everything that he doesn’t even get a chance to do so. I go overboard in correcting, controlling, and being short with him, but it has been nearly impossible to get ahold of myself.
If past years of therapy have served me well, then I can psychoanalyze this one myself: I am a quick-talking, loud Italian from the East Coast, and John is a chill, laid-back Californian. I’m simply wired faster, and because of that, I get impatient easily. Not that it makes it right.
In just 48 hours, for instance, I did the following:
Micromanaged John’s packing for an upcoming trip. (“Roll your clothes so they don’t wrinkle!”)
Nagged him about standing up straight. (“You’re going to look like a hunchback by age 60!”)
Wrestled the Champagne bottle out of his grip because he was opening it wrong. (“You need to keep your hand on the cork so it doesn’t fly off!”)
Yes, I’ve been too bossy lately. And, no, I’m not proud of it.
I needed a break from my own bossiness. And I found it…
That’s where our trip to Desire Riviera Maya Resort came in. Desire Riviera Maya Resort and its nearby sister hotel, Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort, are luxury, adults-only, couples-only, clothing-optional, destinations just outside of Cancun, Mexico. They’re popular with swingers, polyamorous couples, and people who like to get—as Anastasia Steele would say in Fifty Shades Darker—their “kinky fuckery” on.
Maybe playing the submissive role could teach me to surrender, to let go of control, to let John lead for once. Essentially, to be a little more like submissive Anastasia Steele and less like the dominating Christian Grey, even if just for a night. It’s a lot of work being in charge all the time.
John and I are not swingers. (Though there’s nothing wrong with swinging.) But Desire Resorts hand-picked me to test-drive their brand new “Desire Bondage Fantasy” night, a private bondage experience guided by two of the resort’s pole dancers—Amber* and Antonio*—and inspired by the Fifty Shades franchise.
The $500 fantasy night, which we were lucky enough to experience sans charge, is part of Desire Resorts’ world-famous Fantasy Menu, which also features erotic massage, pole dance lessons, sex on the beach, and more. It’s designed to teach you to “surrender to your partner” and “journey into a dark, erotic place.”
It’s hard to pass up a good sex-cation, so I opted to dive into the role of the submissive. Or, at least, to try to dive in.
As I prepped for the trip, my need for this evening became even more obvious.
Even though I’ve only seen the Fifty Shades films as a “hate-watcher,” laughing and mocking them aloud, I do dabble in some mild BDSM from time to time. A little spanking. Some handcuffing. A good flogging is nice. Feather tickling always gets me going. Unable to control myself, I barked out the following orders:
Rule No. 1 of bondage: There is no giggling. John’s a happy guy, and I love him for that, but he does tend to giggle when he should be serious, and bondage is serious business.
Rule No. 2 of bondage: No smiling! Happy-go-lucky John has a great smile, but it’s not right in this scenario. “Christian Grey doesn’t smile as he spanks. I need you to put your best fuck-face on, please,” I said.
Rule No. 3 of bondage: He would be in charge. He would be the dominant. He would be Christian Grey. I would be the submissive. I would be Anastasia Steele. If I tried to direct him, I needed him to stop me, spank me, or gag me.
Realizing I’d already broken Rule No. 3 by telling John what to do, I went into the experience quietly but firmly repeating to myself over and over in my head: Don’t micromanage. Don’t correct him. Be more like Ana. Enjoy taking the backseat for once. …