“I recommend that people who are balancing the needs of multiple different partners get really clear in their heads that they’re the one making the decisions and prioritizing between their connections, preferences, and perceived obligations. That might mean a more difficult conversation right now, but it’s worth it to avoid the pitfall of playing your partners against each other, which will certainly create tension and is likely to sour them on each other. Plus, even if your partner might not be happy about the canceled plans in the moment, the roles will be reversed soon enough, and they’ll appreciate that they can trust you not to scapegoat them.”
