NY Times
Consent, the Dividing Line There is a bright line between pain caused by unwanted sexual or domestic violence and pain that can come during some kinds of consensual sexual activity among willing participants. “If it’s not consensual, then it’s not ‘rough sex.’ It’s abuse,” said Susan Wright, the founder of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, an advocacy organization for a diverse range of sexualities and sexual preferences. Consent should be given early and often, she said. Limits, risks and how to stop sexual activity should be discussed beforehand. And assumptions should never be made. “I know some people think it’s not sexy or spontaneous to actually talk about sex before you have it,” she said. “They’re absolutely wrong, because it’s the best foreplay in the world to talk about the things that turn you on and find out what things turn the other person on.” Even with consent, if sexual activity causes serious harm, it crosses the line to assault, she said.