Self
By Zahra Barnes
If you immediately think of Christian Grey’s 50 Shades of Grey Red Room when you hear the word “bondage,” there’s some good news: it doesn’t always have to be that intense! (But of course, it can be if you want it to.) Even if you find the idea of the B in BDSM (bondage, dominance and submission, sadomasochism) intriguing, you don’t have to dive in headfirst. Instead, sex experts recommend dipping a toe into the bondage pool before you really give it your all. Here, one shares some insight into how to start exploring the world of bondage.
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1. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Embarking upon a new sexual adventure makes talking about what’s going on more important than ever. “Let them know if you’re feeling uncomfortable, and ask how they’re doing periodically,” Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells SELF. It might also be a smart idea to come up with a safe word, which is a word or phrase either of you can say when you need a time out from the intensity.
2. Don’t get too caught up in copying what you see in the movies.
Or in pornography, or any other staged bondage depictions you may come across. “They may be beautiful, but they represent expert bondage scenes performed under supervision, and the models may have only held that pose for a few seconds,” says O’Reilly. Instead, take it slowly and don’t think you have to experience pain or intense anxiety for it to qualify as bondage.
3. Understand the difference between being tied up and tied down.
They may sound interchangeable, but they’re two distinct things. Being tied up means having a body part restricted, like having your wrists tied together, says O’Reilly. On the other hand, you’re tied down when you’re attached to something else, like a chair. Very good to know the difference when you and your partner are talking about your sex fantasies!
4. Only restrain one part at a time.
While keeping an open mind during sex can definitely be a good thing, trying too many things at once is an easy way to become overwhelmed. That’s why O’Reilly suggests experimenting by restraining only one part of your body at a time rather than going for the whole shebang. “You don’t need to be tied down spread-eagle to enjoy the erotic appeal of bondage,” says O’Reilly. …