Metro
by Miranda Kane
Let’s start in a very clear, very concise manner.
I’m going to assume you are two adults who want to try a bit of kink or BDSM, and you’re looking for a bit of helpful advice.
I’m going to make that caveat because I’m tired of seeing advice columns labelled ‘How do I tell my partner I want to try kinky sex?’
You just do – you open your mouth and ask.
I’m sorry if you don’t feel like you’re in an open and honest enough relationship and I feel bad for you son. But you got 99 problems and your kink ain’t one.
In recent years the S&M moniker has extended to BDSM – Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism. (The S stands for Sadism – the art of hurting Someone else. The M stands for Masocism – the art of hurting Myself.)
I’m going to take you by the hand, and give you a few hints, tips and tutorials to help you start exploring your kinky side. But first, some housekeeping –
The key phrase in BDSM is ‘safe, sane and consensual’
1. Is it safe?
Figure out a safe-word, or if you’re planning a gag, try a click of fingers or a tap on the bed.
A signal of some sort to know this is where you need to stop and have a cup of tea and a cuddle.
2. Be sane
Yes, I know you get braver after a few drinks.
I know it sounds sexy to do it all when you’re full of Dutch courage but it’s not safe, and I promise you it’s not half as enjoyable as when you get to look back on it and remember it all – that feeling of power, or submission – with full clarity.
3. Be consensual
Strike an agreement. Sit down, and discuss how far you’re willing to go. If you want to go right up to 11, but your partner wants to sail on a steady 3, then fine. Start in the shallow pool.
When they say the safeword, you stop.
This goes for both sides – I’m always wary of subs who ‘Top from the bottom’ – they can be tied up and crying out for me to start doing things to them I’m not comfortable with, so I have no qualms in stopping the session.
Don’t run before you can walk….