by Seq, NCSF Board Member and Chair of the DEI Committee
Q. Please tell us a bit about yourself
That is an excellent question. I’m a trisexual woman.
I believe in: Honor, Integrity, Respect, Responsibility and accountability. I am a woman with extremely strong Spiritual beliefs. I am a retired Master Electrician. I am an academic, not. Okay, have 5 degrees. And school is NEVER out of session. And one never stops learning, and growing never stops! Everything is definitely not taught in the classroom. Life has something to teach each and every one of us I believe. I think life has taught me a great many things.
My Journey: A journey to go through that is Spiritual, human, passionate and full of Value and Worth. I walk this journey with pride.
Q. Please share some things about your history in alt-sex communities
You previously asked me about my personas. I was once a slave. That’s how I started in the Lifestyle. I became a slave, then a dominant, professional dominatrix after, and have and still own slaves of my own and submissives of my own and trained other’s slaves and submissives. So I know the perspective from both sides, that perspective is important, as far as I’m concerned. If You don’t think that you need to go through the bottom to get to the top, that’s fine for you. But it wasn’t fine for me. I needed to go through it and I don’t need a lot of things. And what an incredible lesson. To be able to learn from that angle. And the Master that I had was perfect in his imperfections. Oh my gosh. Any time that he made an error, or he struck a place inadvertently, or a whip wrapped the wrong way, He would stop and acknowledge it. Not necessarily with words. If we were at a party or something like that, he would stop and touch it and let me know that he hurt me in a way that wasn’t intentional. And I was safe. Yeah, that whole experience taught me the value of touch. And the value of silence.
I’ve been in the lifestyle now for over 35 years actually. There’s a lot I can’t remember.
Some of my experiences have not been pleasant. Because I am a Black Woman, it was presumed that I was supposed to be in the position of being submissive or being a slave.
The right Master strengthened my character and helped me with my fears. It was liberating. A healing journey. My Master, after 3 years, became my slave. I did not know that he wanted that. He said he wanted to be able not to make a decision anymore. I said, “wait a minute now, I’m not the little one. I’m the big one.” And so it began. That is my transition.
Later Mistress Raven taught me how to be a dominatrix. “You are in control. You have the power. Now what are you gonna do with it?” I felt like “Oh, I like that. Okay.” I then became aware of ȚPE (Total Power Exchange). And I also got some training from some people that don’t even know they’re my heroes, but they’re actually my heroes.
One woman was so demanding and so… Powerful. She never was abusive and she had a presence that I just cannot put into words. Learning from people like that, you learn that yes, you can be powerful, but you do not have to abuse that power. Yes, you can have that energy. People have said when I walk in the room, the air changes in the room. The energy changes in the room. What I say is “I come in and I bring all of me. The authentic me.” Then I hope that people know that they can stand on my shoulders. So that they can become all of who they are in an alternative lifestyle. My biggest thing is I love differently. They show their love for me in different ways. Like Different Loving, the book.
Yes! And I love Gloria too! Do you know that She’s helped me personally as well? That was my first kink book. Well, my Master was one into education and this is paramount: Before I could even see him, I had to make sure that I had that book read.
Here’s a woman, Gloria Brame, who had 10 years at a university, and had her doctorate, and opted to just Out herself. Which was a big deal back then. Back then that was phenomenal. So I guess I have to put her in that group of people that influenced me. I started reading the books. Because, I knew that I wanted to be a leather woman. I didn’t understand all the dynamics of that. So now you’re talking about not just being a powerful woman, not just being the head of a household, but actually becoming a Leather Woman.
Q. Please share some of your current projects or activities related to our community’s interests.
Right now my biggest project is to do something for the Carter Johnson Library every month. Those buildings don’t run on air. I think that that particular project is noteworthy because it deals with everything from masochism, sadism, sexuality. To find just old love notes and old love stories. I love books. That is the way we love. Not that conventional. There are new books there every time I go. I find the book and I go to sleep with it. I am amazed and mesmerized with Lucifer the Light Bearer, which is the newspaper that Mama Vi has in her collection that was written from about 1883 to 1903, I think. I have so much to thank the Library for because now there’s a section that’s strictly on human sexuality. There’s a Scholars Room for goodness sake. You can go there and just be in the books. And my father, Papa Nathan has an entire room dedicated to him. And yes, I was out to my mother and father.
Q. Please speak a bit about Safety, Risk and Personal Accountability
Ignorance does not give you an excuse for harming someone.
You can all be accountable whether or not it was intentional. I need to make sure that that is clear. Make sure that people know that this is clear:
Ignorance does not give you a free pass to hurt someone or to harm someone or to cut off a limb.
You didn’t know? No. You know now! Complacency is dangerous. I am going to be responsible for that which I’m responsible for. And I teach. From my mistakes, as well as from my successes.
Q. Let’s talk a bit about growth. As a survivor of horrific domestic violence and trauma, and then separately being active in the alt-sex communities, how did you find your own healing?
It was just horror after horror and therapy after therapy. Nothing was fixing it. Finally I had a therapist that I could just let go really, really deep into it, and say all of the stuff that I found out. Cause there’s some horror there too. There was more, much more that I didn’t know was there. But when you dig deep enough, things come to the surface.
That’s okay therapy helped me to understand I Was NOT responsible for any of that. That’s why I could now find pleasure with other people, (I could not for years find sexual pleasure with others) and not necessarily just sexual. Just being able to spend dinner and a nice session with somebody was for me just as satisfying as having the best sex in the world. Because it is all sacred for me. Sex, Sessions, Time all this(For Me) is spiritual too. All of it feeds into My Spirit (and hopefully the Spirit of the person or people with whom I am sharing the experience with).
Note: To find a Kink Aware Therapist for your consideration, NCSF offers the following resource: Kink Aware Professionals (KAP)
Other related resources:
Education Outreach Resources for Professionals
Consensual Non-monogamy for Mental Health Professionals brochure
What Professionals Need to Know about Consensual Non-monogamy
Bio: I am MS World Leather 2003 and winner of the Pantheon Of Leather Community Choice award 2004. Also the inaugural Winner of the coveted Vi Johnson Award, presented at Blackbeat, for excellence and teaching in the black community of S and M.
I am exactly who and what I say I am.
I believe in the Power Exchange and respect all limits. I am 63 years old and 5’10 with wonderful curves of the solid sexy kind. I teach BDSM safety all over the country. I have excellent references Check Smart, Quest, KUFFS, Ohio Leather Fest, Living in Leather, Leather Retreat just to name a few. I have been a part of a safety net for more years than I care to remember. I enjoy relationships and do not tolerate people who play games and are rude or crude. I am a vibrant, energetic, loving, Spiritual, romantic, diverse, Stunning Woman with the right blend of sadism and mystical charm.
Know that I have a TRULY POLYAMOROUS HOUSEHOLD! This means that I do have other slaves and submissives who live with me and serve me. My 24/7 slave/husband – he was my slave for 10 years before I even considered marriage – is getting older. He has been in service to me for over 20 years.