The Washington Post
By Jeff Leavell
Among those of us who are polyamorous — meaning that we carry on committed relationships with multiple people — there is a lot of talk about jealousy. It’s regarded as an emotion for the weak and unenlightened.
I must be seriously unenlightened then, because I am a jealous, territorial, alpha-kind of man. My husband, Alex, and I have been together for five years. Our boyfriend, Jon, has lived with us for the past two.
For the most part we are happy. Like any relationship, we have our ups and our downs. Some days we are madly in love, other days we’d rather be left alone to watch TV, pay the bills and go about the normalcy of life.
Our relationship allows us a lot of room to explore with other people, both sexually and emotionally. We try to be honest with one another — and we try our best not to hurt one another. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we don’t.
I still get that kind of heart-pounding and burning sensation all over my body whenever I picture either of my men with someone else. I want to stalk their lovers on Facebook. I want to follow Alex and Jon when they leave the house. Go through their phones. If I let myself, I can go a little crazy with jealousy.
Which is difficult, considering our lifestyle and the amount of times they are with other people.
The three of us met on a gay dating app, Scruff. Alex and I had a shared account, so we could talk together to other men we were interested in. When we met Jon, we intended it to be just another three-way. A one night stand. But we found a commonality in Jon: We found aspects of each of us in him, a way for both of us to connect.
Jon kept coming back. For pizza and movies, sleepovers, hikes. We took a trip to Vancouver together. The three of us had our first four-way. We said “I love you.” We introduced Jon to our family members and friends as our boyfriend.
Watching Alex fall in love with Jon was a kind of strange torture. It was also beautiful. Learning to balance the torture with the beauty was a struggle. …