Your Rights. Your Privacy. Your Freedom.

Media Update – August 19, 2004

   1. Savage Love 2.0

   2. Just Chokey Dokey

   1. Savage Love 2.0

   2. Just Chokey Dokey


Savage Love 2.0


by Dan Savage (opinion and advice)

special to

August 19, 2004


[Question by "Finally Squicked"]: I tend to agree with you more often than not. I find your advice tempered, honest and realistic. Nevertheless, your responses to the BDSM subculture confuse me. Although I am not easily squicked, I do believe human sexual behavior should have some limits, especially concerning play violence. In your response to Lil' Timmy's Top, I did not see any advice or footnote describing when these practices truly do become abusive, regardless of the so-called informed consent of the parties involved.


I am reminded of "Jim," a recently out 18-year-old co-worker, who was interested in exploring BDSM. One of my colleagues, "Doug," a 32-year-old "Master," offered to indoctrinate him. I believe that Jim imagined a fun and playful bondage encounter. Jim is a sweet kid who was obviously excited about having sex with Doug. Jim did not come into work the following morning. When he did return, I was stunned. Jim's once-pretty face had two black eyes, a broken nose, a lip busted in three places and severe bruising and cut marks all over his face, neck and arms. I could not see the rest of his body, but from the way he moved, I could tell that he was in pain elsewhere.


[Answer by Dan:] I'm not going to respond to you at great length, FS, as I'm sure all the good guys out there into BDSM are going to be sending in furious, impassioned e-mails about the difference between consensual BDSM and the kind of felonious assault you describe. (Send 'em in, guys, I'll publish 'em all.)


However, I will say this: The problem with simply saying "this is wrong!" about fetishes that push people's boundaries and buttons is that it doesn't make them go away. People can come to understand their fetishes and find healthy ways to act on them, but shrinks and therapists will tell you that it's almost impossible to eradicate them. And while your discomfort with BDSM is shared by many people, the fact is that some people experience joy by having a little erotic suffering inflicted on them by someone they love and/or trust. It may not make your dick hard, FS, but so what? Cunnilingus doesn't make my dick hard, to take one example; in fact, if someone forced me to perform it, I would be traumatized. But I'm not going to pack my straight brothers off for "professional counseling and psychological redaction" simply because they dig it.


[both Q&A cont.]


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Just Chokey Dokey


by Darah Gregorian

The New York Post

August 13, 2004


A man who died while strangling himself for sexual gratification didn't mean to take his life in his own hands, a federal appeals court ruled.


In a 2-1 decision, the Second Circuit Court of Appeals found David Critchlow's mother is entitled to death benefits because her son didn't mean to injure himself while engaging in autoerotic asphyxiation, The New York Law Journal reported yesterday.


The ruling is believed to be the first of its kind.


Critchlow, 32, died in 1999 after placing a noose around his neck to restrict the amount of oxygen flowing to his brain in order to enhance his sexual pleasure.


"He retired to his locked bedroom in his parents' empty house, disrobed completely and attached an intricate, homemade harness consisting of ropes, weights and counterweights leading to a noose around his neck," the judges' earlier decision found.


He'd had a number of "escape mechanisms" attached to the apparatus, but they apparently didn't work or weren't used when Critchlow became lightheaded




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