Kaleo
by
More than 19 states including Hawai‘i have legalized gay marriage in the past decade due to increased public awareness and changing social views on what constitutes a romantic relationship. While this is great news, Americans are still strongly opposed to the idea of romance between more than two people. Here are a few guidelines on experimenting with ethical non-monogamy, or polyamory.
NOT JUST WILD ORGIES
Polyamory comes from the Greek words for “many” and “love” and refers to maintaining loving, intimate relationships with more than one other person. While sex is generally a natural part of romance, polyamory is more than just hooking up with various people. Swingers contrast with polyamory, focusing on sexual encounters over close relationships.
Love isn’t scarce like natural resources and doesn’t diminish as people are added to a relationship. Each relationship is unique and can have many or few rules, depending on the people involved. For instance, “polyfidelity” refers to a closed group of three to four individuals who may cohabitate over an extended period of time. Another group of polyamorous people may have a “condom contract” with each other – specifying under what conditions a new person may be added to the barrier-free group, if at all. Regular testing for sexually transmitted diseases after new partners enter the relationship is important and free in the state of Hawai‘i. Condom or barrier use is also a good idea for new partners.
While there is nothing wrong with traditional monogamy, it’s historically been presented as the only option in life. In reality, there exists a diverse spectrum of relationship possibilities to explore beyond the typical single, dating and married option.
HONESTY AND JEALOUSY
The most important aspect of polyamorous relationships is honesty between partners. Jealousy can be a destructive force in all relationships, romantic or otherwise, stemming from fear of the unknown – fear that a lover may leave or that one is insufficient.
Open and frank discussion about topics like goals, desires and sexual boundaries can solve serious problems before they start by reassuring participants that their needs are being met and that everyone is comfortable.
Polyamory doesn’t permit the ability to “cheat” on a partner at any time, as cheating implies deceit or dishonesty. If anyone involved isn’t fully informed of and consenting to the existence of the other participants, then it’s not truly a polyamorous relationship.
POLYAMORY AND THE LAW
Last year, California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill into law, allowing children to have three or more parents or legal guardians to reflect changing family structures. This is progress, but the status of households with multiple adults is ambiguous in the other 49 states. Furthermore, children could potentially be separated from the persons they know as parents. …