By Laurie Segall
Miju Han lives in the Bay Area, works as a product manager and shares a charming apartment with her fiancé.
Here’s what makes her love story a bit different: She’s also in three other relationships. In addition to her fiancé, Han has been seeing a woman for two years (they recently said, “I love you”). She also dates two other men.
Han, 27, says she never quite colored inside the lines. She grew up in the South, was attracted to women and fascinated by programming. In 2010, she moved to the Bay Area and has since worked at several major tech companies. Han declined to name her current employer.
She met her fiancé when he was 21 and she was 23. They fell in love but weren’t ready to cut off other options.
“He hadn’t dated many other women in the past, and I wanted to explore too,” she explained.
Han says the term for her relationship status is polyamorous, meaning “many loves.” People who identify as polyamorous are often in multiple romantic relationships. The arrangements vary, but they have a lack of exclusivity in common.
Han and her fiancé practice a hierarchical style of polyamory. Her fiancé, who asked not to be named, is her primary partner, meaning all other relationships are secondary or more casual. They spend five to six nights a week together and plan on marrying in 2016 and having children at some point. Han’s fiancé is also dating three other women.
Han compares her experimentation with her relationship to the experimentation that happens in the Bay Area, a mecca for entrepreneurs who question the way things work.
“I think that in technology, people have higher appetites for risks,” she says. “Opening up your relationship is really risky, kind of in a similar way that starting a company is really risky.”
In fact, it’s just a part of a rich history of sexual exploration in the Bay Area that far precedes the tech boom.
“There’s still a lot of cultural taboo around open relationships and polyamory,” says Polly “Superstar” Whittaker, who a started a private sex club called Mission Control in 2001. “This is a town that accepts alternative structures.”
Chris Messina, an entrepreneur best known for coining Twitter’s use of the hashtag, lays it out in numbers. …