Philly.com
by Dr. Timaree Schmit
When asked about the uptick in reporting on polyamory, Kari Collins of West Philly tells me that she is “ambivalent.”
It’s exciting to not have to explain what polyamory means over and over again, but the representations are really limited.
“A lot of times it still seems like ‘this couple is poly’ or ‘these three people are poly’ and it doesn’t go beyond that,” she says. “It’s as close to a monogamous family as we can get. It’s presented like this wild thing they do on Saturday nights. But there are so many forms that poly is taking.”
Kari (who is genderqueer and identifies alternately using “he” and “she”), for instance, currently only has one partner, but his partner currently has four other relationships, and several more people with whom they share an undefined friendship-romance. Those folks, in turn, have their own network of significant others.
The web forms a polyamorous community of metamours, and nearly all of them hang out together, often playing board games. “It’s like the #1 poly hobby… It’s an easy group activity.”
For Phil Weber of Bensalem and Mae Esposito of Fishtown, board games were a major activity at a recent poly network camping trip.
This group took up four cabins – a crew of about 14 metamours and friends, hiking, making meals, and playing games. A month prior, Phil had seven partners, but one moved away and two “stepped back” – a much healthier way to describe amicable separation than “broke up” or “dumped.”
He now has four partners scattered around the Philadelphia area, including Mae, with whom he’s been serious since Halloween.
“I don’t really do casual,” he says, mentioning that one of his most informal experiences was a “two-week stand.” He came to polyamory when he and his longest-term partner (with whom he’s been committed for six years) decided to open up their relationship.
For some, open relationships are something into which they stumble. For others, relationship anarchy is a conscious choice to reject a system that has proven to be untenable. And for many, polyamory is as intrinsic to their sexual orientation as their preference for men or women.
Mae explains she’d “never been great friends with monogamy.” Whether through her “fault or someone else’s” it always ended poorly, without equal agency and choice for both parties. She notes that past boyfriends might, for instance, be looking for the “next best thing” and ditch her after finding what they considered an upgrade. …