by Katie Mather
Polyamory is on the rise. One in five Americans are or have been in a non-monogamous relationship or a polyamorous one. Poly relationships can be structured a number of different ways, but the classic example is that of a committed couple who are allowed to date other people on the side.
Other polyamorous relationships can involve having three or more people all committed to each other, or having one or two (or three or four…) serious partners at a time individually, perhaps with one primary partner.
There’s a lot of misinformation about polyamory that exists today. As an openly poly person in a committed relationship, I frequently get approached by well-meaning acquaintances who have burning but presumptuous questions about how my relationship works. They can get repetitive, and they definitely get annoying.
Here are five questions poly people are sick of hearing.
1. Don’t you get jealous?
No, I’m not jealous. Most poly people in general take the stance that their partner loving or being with someone else does not diminish from their own relationships.
We understand that some people have the capacity to feel strongly about or be interested in multiple people without diminishing the way we feel about any individual in particular.
Communication is also crucial for a poly relationship. If something feels wrong, we are encouraged to honestly approach our partners and discuss it.
In many ways, polyamorous couples may be better equipped to deal with natural feelings of jealousy. Intentionally choosing polyamory can involve more conscious efforts to deal with jealous feelings than a monogamous relationship that fails to emphasize communication.
If my primary partner thinks I’m spending too much time with a new date, she’ll tell me she’s feeling neglected. If she starts talking to someone that really rubs me the wrong way, I’ll tell her about my misgivings. We know we want to prioritize each other, so talking about these feelings helps us forge a stronger relationship. …