Prior to starting my practice as a therapist, I was confronted with contradicting perspectives on the therapist’s disclosure of personal information to their clients. The prevailing thought behind this in the mental health field is that the therapeutic environment is not a place for therapists to disclose too much about themselves—therapy is about the client, not about the therapist, and disclosing personal information might distract clients from the therapeutic process for a variety of reasons. Having said that, recent research has shown potential benefits in certain types of disclosure, particularly when the therapist is a member of a sexual minority group, and the client in question might feel safer with a therapist who shares their marginalized identification(s).
I have to say, it was validating and such a relief to hear this perspective echo my own. The fact is, I was aligned with this approach to disclosure well before reading this research, having had the experience of searching for a therapist myself, and asking potential therapists to disclose their connection to and experience with BDSM. Not that I wanted to know personal details about the therapist’s sex life or partner status, but it was important to me to know that they had a working knowledge of my lifestyle, not only so they wouldn’t judge or pathologize my preferences, but so I wouldn’t waste time and money on educating them as I had with past therapists.
This is exactly why I’m out about the communities I work with and am a part of, and this is also exactly why I created ManhattanAlternative.com—a listing of providers in New York City who are openly affirmative to kink, poly, and LGBTQ communities and lifestyles. The last time I looked for a therapist for myself, I (successfully!) used NCSF’s KAP listing to help direct my search. I know I’m not the only one who finds NCSF’s work hugely inspiring, and I have to give a great amount of credit to NCSF for encouraging me to be out about my intersecting identifications, and motivating me to create a diverse network of affirming providers in the city where I live and practice.
I feel an obligation to the individuals I work with to be out about my identifications, not only because it might help them feel safer and more comfortable in talking to me, but because it sets the precedent that there is nothing wrong with feeling good about having an atypical identification and owning who you are. It is important to note that being out in this way is a privilege that not everyone has. Many people who are kinky, poly, or have a non-binary sexual orientation or gender identification (or intersections thereof) work and live in environments that could be dangerous if they weren’t closeted. Being out is definitely an individual decision, and depends on social context and individual readiness. I am of the mindset that the more of us who can be out the better, because it will slowly help those who can’t be by chipping away at pathologizing public perceptions and stigmatization.
My goals in creating Manhattan Alternative are to make it easier for people who have been wanting to reach out for support but have been reluctant to, or haven’t been able to find someone they feel comfortable talking to, and offer support to those with intersecting marginalized identities (e.g., kinky and poly; kinky and gender-nonconforming; poly and gender-nonconforming; kinky, poly, and queer; etc). Another goal is to encourage providers with practical knowledge of these communities to offer support by being out about their knowledge of and connection to these communities. Especially in the wake of the 50 Shades franchise, many providers are advertising that they are kink- or alt lifestyle-friendly, and while I don’t doubt many of them are affirming, they may not have the practical knowledge or experience that Manhattan Alternativeproviders emphasize.
My hope is to create a network of providers that is as inclusive and diverse as possible, which is why I’m putting a call out to therapists and health care professionals of varying races, ethnicities, abilities, gender expressions, and sexual orientations—particularly those with an intersection of identifications—to fill out the Manhattan Alternative Provider Application Form if they are interested in being listed as a kink/poly/trans/LGBQ-affirmative provider.
Dulcinea Pitagora, MA, LMSW
Manhattan Alternative Founder
Guest Blogs do not represent NCSF but are the opinion of the blogger. NCSF provides space for activists to post their opinions in order to get feedback from the kink and nonmonogamous communities on the work they are doing and the information they are providing to the mainstream. Please leave your comments below and go to the blogger’s website to join in the conversation!