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By Lucia Caltabiano
Quite often what I speak on is BDSM 101 or some sort of introductory course on the topic; one to dispel myths and stereotypes. Today however I’m going to focus on the practices of the subculture but more importantly the traditional values. Most people think whips and chains, and then wonder what it has to do with ‘traditional values’, but before it was about the shock and awe, and before it was about the whips and chains, it was simply a community. One of like minded individuals whose common lifestyle practices were considered at best pathological and at worst criminal. In particular I will focus on the Leather community since this was the step parent that essentially raised BDSM into what became in the 80’s and 90’s.
Many of the values which some now call the Old Guard kept the community safe, and shielded its participants from scorn. Quite often one had to be invited into the community and started as a sub; a practice meant to create empathy within a member that may one day become a Dom. That person was then trained for however long (months or years) and then could choose if they so desired to be Dom or sub. This system ensured that individual instruction was given, proper orientation as well, and that all members that a person could encounter were vetted participants. The community was one in which common practices led to common identity and in particular when the Leather and BDSM communities separated, the Leather (predominantly gay men and lesbians) were left to care for their own when the AIDS epidemic struck. Ostracized from their families in many cases, Leather men had only the community to rely upon either till they passed or were able to survive.
Through the 1980’s and 1990’s, the BDSM community separated from the Leather community. This led to the evolution of volunteer based education groups. The rate at which people came into the community was slow enough that the system worked. Volunteer based education led to the formation of groups called munches and as the groups grew bigger and bigger, at times they would cater to specific interests. At this stage we set up the infrastructure of the community which rested on the backs of these groups. It’s these groups that are being strained now by the influx of new people.
Now that BDSM has come to be something much different and is well within the public eye, we try to make the best of the situation and see it as an opportunity to find some degree of acceptance. The rise in accidents and ER admissions resulting from sex toy use or sadomasochism gone awry speaks for itself though. People are presented with the general concepts which provide entertainment value; novelty. There is little emphasis on the community though and even when people know that there is a community, there is often so much trepidation that they never venture out; never gain the education or training which the community provides.
In the past, the policy of not speaking or being public protected members and the community, but also contributed to shedding a negative light on it. With no one to step up, conjecture was the best that people had to go on and those that lacked mental faculties and/or were termed sadistic murderers came to be seen as the example, not the exception.
There are as many ways to do BDSM as there are people that do it, but I would argue that the deterioration of traditional values has led to disequilibrium within the community and subculture. I can now walk into the mall and buy my bondage tape in a Spencer’s or a pair of cheap handcuffs if I so wish. Next to this though is a grey silk tie and to anyone in the community, the use of silk is discourage because it lacks the texture to create friction and easily slips or tightens.
The 50 Shades craze can’t be undone, but now BDSM needs to find its new balance with the world. Or perhaps it’s the other way around. Whichever the case may be, all I can encourage is for people to approach things from a critical standpoint. Safety is what came from traditions propagated by the community, and now it is up to individuals to take their safety in their own hands. To determine if a pair of handcuffs is safe knowing they may have a nickel allergy. To determine if the rubber cuffs right next to them are worth trying knowing that there is no indication on the packaging of whether or not they contain latex. To determine what wax is suitable for play and what is not; here’s a hint: nothing but paraffin is ever recommended for beginners. As people venture into these new territories, they’ll be presented with more and more questions; both about themselves and what they’re doing. Critical thinking and seeking out education is the best step to take in lieu of traditional guidance.
Thank you