A case study in polyamorous relationships in the capital city
614 Columbus
BY COLIN HANNER
A couple sits at a high-top table near a bar at the Courtyard Marriott hotel on the west side of Columbus. I met Andy the previous day, and he introduces me to his wife, Megan. They’ve known each other 15 years, have been married for 10 years, and love their child. They’re laughing, talking, and ripping labels off seasonal beer bottles.
A family sits one table over, engrossed in their phones and tablets. They don’t say much, occasionally looking over their shoulders at people passing the lobby. There’s a heated pool nearby, and kids scurry through the main hall with goggles around their heads and floaters on their arms, their parents trailing behind.
Andy is a nurse in the military, and this past year he was deployed for a few months. Unlike many servicemen, he didn’t have to leave his wife and kid alone while he was away. Instead, he was able to rely on one of his buddies to keep watch over his family.
“I had a partner who was already there to look out for their interest in my absence, and that provides me with a great deal of comfort,” Andy says, sighing while expressing his gratitude. “It’s tough to go somewhere for four months of your life and leave behind your responsibilities.”
His stand-in caretaker’s name is Connor, and he sits next to Andy and Megan at the high-top, chiseling at the remnants of a beer label with his fingernails. He’s married to a woman named Rachel, and they are awaiting the birth of their second child.
Connor is also Megan’s boyfriend.
The family at the adjacent table glances over every now and then, picking up tidbits of our conversation and looking at one another with bug-eyed incredulity.
The three of them are polyamorous. Poly, as it’s commonly known, is the practice of being romantically involved in an open fashion with more than one person at the same time. Some may pose the question: isn’t this just swinging? Both poly and swinging are under the non-monogamous umbrella, however, swinging may only involve sharing partners sexually and nothing more, while poly often has the potential to become binding and long-lasting. But if someone participates in “poly for play,” which emphasizes sex, or identifies as “swolly,” both swinger and polyamorous, the lines become blurred. The distinction is ultimately up to the individual.
There are so many configurations within the lifestyle that some proponents label it “poly geometry.” For example, a man is married to his wife. He might have a partner, his wife may also have a partner, and their partners may have husbands and wives, as well as other partners. At every intersecting relationship, there are interchangeable possibilities.
Maybe the man has several partners. Maybe he has none. Maybe the woman has a partner who has several lovers, who in turn have wives and husbands. Maybe a man or a woman doesn’t have relationships, labels, or levels, but identifies as poly (poly anarchist). There are those who may place certain partners in a hierarchy and then divide emotional investment into corresponding relationships. Others don’t do any of those things; take what you know about relationships and throw it in a blender. It’s a lovers’ Rubik’s cube, the shifting parts interlocked yet ever-changing, except there’s no predefined perfect combination. And it’s not devoid of specific morality; for some people, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures is the Bible of non-traditional relationships. …