Shape
By Samantha Lefave
While it’s tough to tell exactly how many people participate in a polyamorous relationship (that is, one that involves having more than one partner), it seems to be on the rise—or, at least, getting its time in the spotlight. According to a national Avvo.com study from June 2015, about 4 percent of the U.S. population admits to being in an open relationship, which equates to about 12.8 million people. Yep, million. So if you find yourself feeling curious about polyamory, and how to have a healthy polyamorous relationship, know that you’re not alone—and read on to get the most important tips experts say everyone needs to know. (Related: 8 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex)
It’s Not a “One Way or the Highway” Situation
First of all, there are many different kinds of polyamorous relationships, so it’s important to know exactly what it is. “Polyamory is a state of open-heartedness and open-mindedness about having multiple simultaneous relationships,” says Anya Trahan, relationship coach and author of Opening Love: Intentional Relationships & the Evolution of Consciousness. “Intimacy might mean sex and romantic connection, or it could mean a deep emotional or spiritual connection.”
That open-mindedness is the key to a successful polyamorous relationship—and likely why so many people are now admitting to at least experimenting with it. “Many people across the globe are becoming wise to the [notion] that love is not bound by gender,” says Trahan. When that happens, “we begin to question other things that are considered ‘normal,’ like the idea that the only way to have a healthy, intimate relationship is between only two people.”
Which, if you stop to think about it, can make a lot of sense for someone. With approximately 38 percent of marriages ending in divorce from 2000 to 2014, according to the CDC, Trahan says a lot of people are broadening their horizons, so to speak. And Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D., relationship consultant and author of The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families, says it’s a way for people to have more of their emotional and physical needs satisfied. “You’re getting more needs met, and different needs met with different partners,” she says.
It’s Not Just About Sex
While it’s easy to jump to the conclusion that people in polyamorous relationships love to have as many varied sexual experiences as they can, both Sheff and Trahan say that usually isn’t the case. “Media tends to portray poly in a sensationalist way, unfortunately focusing narrowly on drama and sex,” says Trahan. “But the poly people I know are deeply spiritual people, people who are compassionate, conscientious leaders in their community.” Sheff agrees, noting that those practicing polyamory tend to crave more than sex in a relationship. Whereas people who tend to be a part of the swinging community, for example, are more focused on physical gratification, she says. …