Daily Xtra
by Niko Bell
In a series of three rulings over three years, a BC Supreme Court justice and two provincial court judges have decided a polyamorous man in Nanaimo is fit to be a father, even if he has more than one romantic partner.
This is the first Canadian family law case to centre around the legitimacy of polyamorous parents.
The lawyer for the children’s mother tried to use Canada’s law against polygamy to argue that polyamorous relationships are intrinsically harmful to women and children, and accused the father of inflicting emotional pain on his children.
All three judges disagreed.
On Feb 23, 2016, the father received a final ruling establishing that he can continue to share equal parenting time with the mother of his children.
The judge also found the father’s relationship style is irrelevant to his abilities as a parent, and that his other relationships are actually valuable to caring for his children.
One legal expert says the case could be an important guide for future legal treatment of polyamorous families in Canada; another says it reveals problematic flaws in how courts treat family cases.
Paul (whose name, along with those of his family, has been changed to protect his children) didn’t think he could tell his high school girlfriend Clara she had to stop dating women. That was how it started. Who was he, he reasoned, to tell her to ignore half of her sexuality? In 1991, she started dating Theresa, and the three moved in together.
None of them had ever heard of anything called “polyamory.” They lived quietly, hiding their relationship from their friends, family and coworkers. When Paul did tell a few friends, they jokingly asked him how he had “tricked” his girlfriends into it.
In 2001, Clara had her first child, and in 2003 Theresa became pregnant with hers. With Theresa’s baby on the way, Paul says he was forced to come out to his family in Edmonton. He sat down with his grandmother — a conservative Alberta redneck, he says — and told her the whole story. There was a long silence. “Well, as long as you keep ’em fucked and fed, you can keep ’em,” she replied, finally.
It was after Paul’s grandmother died that he met 21-year-old Sarah where they worked together in a warehouse. The beginning of their relationship was rocky — his life was falling apart that spring, Paul says. He didn’t tell Sarah about Clara, or Clara about Sarah. When Clara and Theresa found out, they moved out. By the fall, however, court documents show the rift had closed.
Clara, Sarah and Paul started a new relationship, with Theresa co-parenting from a distance. In 2010, the four decided to move back to Nanaimo as a family.
This time, though, on Sarah’s insistence, they were open about how they lived, Paul says. They met each other’s parents, and talked honestly to their friends about their relationship. Sarah, Clara and Paul settled down in a house owned by his sister-in-law, and Theresa lived nearby with a boyfriend. They met other polyamorous people, and first began to identify with the word. Sarah, Paul says, was a poly flagbearer.
“She was the one who really forced this issue of being open,” he says, “which was really great.”
Sarah wouId later tell a court that she was coerced into the relationship. In 2011, she gave birth to Paul’s first daughter, Angela. …