NCSF provides all of our work free of charge to individuals, groups, and professions. NCSF relies solely on fundraising to deliver our resources to the Communities we support. To learn more about how to help NCSF with our work and how to donate visit our fundraising page.
Consent Word Game
Write the following words on 3×5 cards:
- Kink with verbal consent
- Kink with implied consent
- Kink with some consent
- Pressure to do kink
- Coerced to do kink
- Sexual aggression
- Sexual harassment
- Consent violation
- Sexual Assault
Pass out the cards and ask each person to try to define the words on the card.
When words are exchanged that explain what will be happening to the other person. “I’m going to touch you here, is that cool?” “Yes.”
When someone, through eye contact, pleasing sounds, or body language approves of being touched in a certain way or a certain place.
When someone says “you take the lead” to their partner. There needs to be a clear way for this play to end – for example, a phrase or a safe word that means “stop and check in with me.”
Using emotional manipulation to try to convince someone to do something that they do not want to do. Example: “Why are you so afraid? Just let me do it.”
Verbally forcing someone to do something. Examples: “If you want to be with me, you’ll do this.” “If you’re a real submissive, you’d do this.” “You agreed to trust me and do what I say.” Also verbal threats to out you or get you shunned from the community.
There are some types of aggression that may not be defined as criminal assault but are still serious violations of personal boundaries. For example, when someone uses aggression to nonconsensually tease someone by pushing, grabbing your arm, pinching or slapping.
A pattern of aggression.
This can range from unwanted touch from a stranger in a community space to a violation of a pre-negotiated limit or safeword. Consent violations can be caused by: accident, misunderstanding, lack of skills, alcohol, coercion, manipulation or force. The violation can be criminal if it includes one of the following:
Assault is legally defined as a threat to do harm and battery. Any unwanted, nonconsensual physical touch can be considered criminal, whether or not it physically harms a person. With BDSM, if you inflict serious physical injury, you can be arrested for assault even if the person consented.
Sexual Assault is defined differently in each state but it usually involves some sort of nonconsensual touch on the breasts or genitals.
Rape is defined differently in each state but usually involves some sort of penetration – by a penis, by fingers, or by an object against the person’s will. If the person is unable to give consent because they are too drunk, asleep or unconscious, it is rape.
- What is the difference between the things labeled “Safer” and “Risky”?
- What is the difference between the things on this chart that are labeled “Abusive” and those labeled “Criminal”?
- How do you think we can help create a world where there is less “abusive” behavior?
- How can we create a world where there is less criminal behavior?