By Seq, NCSF Board Member and DEI Committee Chair
Q: Please tell us a bit about yourself including any identities you hold
Well, let’s see. There are so many identities that I hold. I’ll touch on them a little bit, but I’ll go into much more detail when I get to the question regarding Shame and Intersectionality. For now, I’ll say that I lived the first 15 years of my life in the Deep South (the Mississippi Gulf Coast, to be exact), and was born the second oldest of eight kids. I don’t know how the state of MS ranked in education when I was in grade school, but today, it fluctuates between #45 and #50 in the United States. I taught myself to read at age two. I skipped kindergarten and began 1st grade in 1963, about three months before I turned six.
I say all of that to point out that I had no idea I was autistic. I just knew that I was different from everyone else, and was bullied accordingly; not only by classmates and some teachers, but by my own family. They (my parents and older sister) would get angry with me and lecture me because I–wait for it–“let myself” be bullied! The fact that I didn’t know how to protect and defend myself just enraged my family, especially my abusive father. I know, that made absolutely no sense, and still doesn’t. Everyone around me seemed to have an issue with anyone who didn’t fit into a box, or who they couldn’t seem to pin down.
My upcoming memoir (“A Different Drum: A Black, Autistic, Polyamorous, Mentally Ill, Former Fundamentalist Christian/Cult Member and Breast Cancer Survivor WHO JUST WANTS TO FIT IN”) goes into much more detail about the identities that I hold. Parts of my memoir made their way into anthologies and blog posts. I’ll provide more information a little bit later in this interview, regarding an anthology that includes an excerpt from my memoir that I think will help the reader understand me more, even if the reader is someone who already thought they understood me pretty well!
Q: Please share some things about your history in alt-sex communities
Believe it or not, my history in alt-sex communities was very similar to my history in fundamentalist Xtian communities! You see, we (me and my family) moved from the Deep South to Portland, OR in 1972. The reason why I say the alt-sex and the fundie xtian communities were similar is because I was typically the only Black person in churches, religious groups, in the workplace, etc. And when I left the church in 1980, I would still be the only Black person in attendance (or one of a few). I was still seen as “other.” If there was one other Black woman, for instance, at a conference or a kinky event, people would frequently get the two of us confused.
When I started presenting at conferences, they would usually be located on the East Coast. I’m still not sure why. I just know that being in a more diverse environment felt so much more comfortable, because I was no longer the only Black person, and it wasn’t left up to me to be the “representative” of the Black community.
But then, I’ve been to conferences (kink, poly, sex-positive) in Portland where once again, I’ve been the ONLY ONE. And it’s upsetting to know that in this day and age, diversity is the exception instead of the rule in the Pacific Northwest.
Q: Please share some of your current projects or activities related to our communities’ interests if there are any you care to share.
Sure. I’m one of the co-hosts of “More Amore: A Consensual Non-monogamy” VIRTUAL Discussion Group, through Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC), every second Sunday of the month, 2:30-5:30pm Pacific Time. I’m also a co-host for the Neurodivergent VIRTUAL Discussion Group, another CSPC event (Fourth Tuesday of the month, 7-9pm Pacific, and First Sunday of the month, 5-7pm Pacific).
I’ll also be a presenter at The Frolic! presenting the interactive workshops, “Transcending Shame” and “We Do Not Live Single-Issue Lives;” I’ll also present “Polyamory 101” as part of a Discussion Group. It takes place August 15-20 in Buckley, WA.
Q: What do you hope to witness in the future in LGBTQIA+ communities or in alt-sex communities in general? How can we better support one another?
I just hope that organizations, especially in the Pacific Northwest, will make more of an effort to include people of all races and colors, without making them feel “othered.” Even though the East Coast seems to do a better job, I’m not letting them off the hook. I think we in the LGBTQIA+/alt-sex communities can also support each other by having low-cost events that are easy to get to, for instance. There’s so much more I can say about that, but Kevin Patterson’s book, “Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities,” delves into this topic way better than I could.
Q: You teach classes about Shame and Intersectionality. Please tell us about that.
TRANSCENDING SHAME: In 2011, I took a class at the now-defunct Sharma Center in Seattle’s South Lake Union area. It was a sex-positive healing center that provided massage, hot tubs, and workshops. One night, someone presented a class on Sexual Shame. It was a good class. And I remembered two dominant thoughts that popped into my mind after the class was over: 1) That was a good class, even though I didn’t think it only applied to sexual shame. I thought it applied to just shame, PERIOD! And 2) Hmm, I could do this (teach a class like that)!
I knew that the abusive and overprotective household that I grew up in, the constant bullying I received, and the fundamentalist Christian church environment that shaped the formative years of my life, all contributed to my shame. In fact, part of the “Transcending Shame” class description says the following: “Do you experience guilt, shame, and feelings of inferiority around your kinks, sexuality/sexual expression, gender identity, and/or race? Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Do you see yourself as defective? This interactive workshop tackles the topic of personal shame and the damage that it causes when left unchecked.” The question, “Do you see yourself as defective” especially stood out to me, even though I’m the one who wrote the class description! I always saw myself as not good enough, which was a message I constantly received from family, church, classmates, teachers/professors, managers/bosses, and co-workers.
In December 2013, I was diagnosed with breast cancer; this reminded me just how short life is, and served as the catalyst that caused me to come out as sex-positive, bisexual, and polyamorous. This also helped to prepare me to teach my first workshop, “Transcending Shame.”
It wasn’t until 2016 when I learned that a brand new conference, called “Converge Con” in Vancouver, BC, was looking for presenters for their April 2017 conference. I jumped at the chance, by first filling out and submitting their presenter application. While they reviewed my application, I did a lot of research, even though I had plenty of material from my personal life that I could provide to the workshop. I also provided insights from the late John Bradshaw, a minister/public speaker who used to travel all over the U.S., maybe the world, presenting shame workshops. I attended a couple of his workshops in the 1980s when I lived in Portland, OR. There was something he said that I thought provided the best distinction between guilt and shame that I had ever heard, and I make sure to include it in my workshops: “‘GUILT’ says, ‘I made a mistake;’ ‘SHAME’ says, ‘I AM a mistake.'” Of course, I’ve updated the workshop over the years, and am using more contemporary examples and references that people of all ages can relate to. I’ve also added more Brené Brown quotes.
WE DO NOT LIVE SINGLE-ISSUE LIVES: In the Fall of 2020, someone told me about yet ANOTHER new conference (VIRTUAL, based in Berlin, Germany) that was looking for presenters. The name of the conference was: “LOVE IS POLYTICAL – Con for Ethical and Intersectional Polyamory.” Well, the word “Intersectional” really stood out to me, BIG TIME! After the 2013 breast cancer diagnosis caused me to come out as bisexual, sex-positive, and polyamorous, I had to start asking myself, “What else am I?”
While I was researching for the class, I sat down and made a list of my multiple identities, which I included on one of the slides (and I also included it for this article). I can’t say I included ALL of my multiple identities, because there wouldn’t have been enough room!
The name of the class, “We Do Not Live Single-Issue Lives,” comes from the popular Audre Lorde (a Black lesbian who was an author, speaker, and race and gender activist, who is deceased) quote: “There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle, because we do not live single-issue lives.”
The following comes from the class description:
“Created by Kimberlé Crenshaw, who is an American lawyer and civil rights advocate, “Intersectionality” is what happens when ‘…multiple forms of discrimination (such as racism, sexism, and classism) combine, overlap, or intersect, ESPECIALLY IN THE EXPERIENCES OF MARGINALIZED INDIVIDUALS OR GROUPS.'” And then, I added a description that I thought was really insightful: “A Black trans woman is probably the best example of a marginalized person possessing multiple forms of discrimination and oppression that intersect.” Then, I end with a SPOILER ALERT: “The number of your overlapping identities is probably way more than you think!”
Q: What would you like our communities to know about the meaning of Juneteenth?
One of the other photos I included for this article is a selfie I took two years ago, where I’m wearing a black t-shirt that has “JULY 4th” scratched out. It says underneath, in white block letters, “JUNETEENTH,” and underneath that, in red block letters, it says, “1865,” with a red underline. Underneath that, in yellow block letters, it says, “BECAUSE MY ANCESTORS WEREN’T FREE.” The words “IN 1776” are underneath, in green block letters. An upraised fist is directly underneath the word, “JUNETEENTH,” and is striped with yellow, green, and red. When I posted this photo to Facebook shortly after I took it two years ago, somebody said that my selfie was “FIERCE!”
I want our communities to know that Juneteenth marks our country’s second independence day, and that it marks the announcement that on June 19, 1865, more than 250,000 enslaved Black people in the state of Texas, were freed by executive decree. I’m also glad to say that I live in a state that observes Juneteenth (Washington State), and gives state workers a day off.
Question: Is there anything else you wish to share?
Thank you. I’d like to take this time to promote the recently published anthology, “TRUE STORIES: The Narrative Project, Volume V.” A segment from my upcoming memoir, “A Different Drum,” is included in this book, under the title, “Belonging.” I especially like the fact that this anthology is dedicated to “…all those whose voices have been silenced for too long.” The book can be purchased at Amazon or anywhere books are sold (https://tinyurl.com/3w2zjmpx).Â
Bio:
Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti
Pronounces name GLOH-ree-AH JAKS-sun-NEF-FUR-tee-tee (hear it)Â
notgloriajean@gmail.com
My pronouns are she/her/hers.
Gloria’s multiple identities include Black, Autistic, Bisexual, Elder, Polyamorous, and Breast Cancer Survivor; no wonder Intersectionality interests her! Plus, the 2013 cancer diagnosis reminded her how short life is, serving as the catalyst causing her to come out as sex-positive, bisexual, and polyamorous. It helped her stop caring what people think of her. Gloria is a keynote speaker (“What Do I Bring to a Relationship?”), workshop presenter/panelist (“Transcending Shame,” “We Do Not Live Single-Issue Lives,” and “Polyamory 101”), and frequent podcast guest. She is hard at work on her memoir: “A Different Drum: A Black, Autistic, Polyamorous, Mentally Ill, Former Fundamentalist Christian/Cult Member and Breast Cancer Survivor WHO JUST WANTS TO FIT IN.”